A/N: I wrote this a while ago, but something about it didn't and still doesn't seem completely right about it. I'm not really sure what it is, but something felt like it could be slightly better. But, after some encouragement from the wonderful Katie (thanks again if you're reading:) I decided to try and let that irksome feeling go and just post this.
This story was the result of wondering what was going on with Robin while she was absent from Barney's room and what led her to re-enter with, what I believed to be Hostess mini donuts, in her hand.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The Almost Breakdown
Robin grips the porcelain sink. She tries to control her breathing, slow deep breaths. Tries to keep her emotions at bay. Tries not cry as she feels so immensely compelled to.
Later, when she thinks back to this almost complete breakdown she'll tell herself that it happened because she had to dredge up old memories of her beloved Sir Scratchawan. She'll believe the lie more later than she does at this moment, it's easier to deal with from a distance.
She lifts her head up, stares at her reflection in the mirror and thinks that she shouldn't recognize this distraught person in front of her as well as she does.
This is wrong. All, all wrong. She shouldn't be reacting like this about Barney. It'd be more reasonable if she reacted this way about Ted. Sure they broke up a year ago, but it was only about a year and a half ago that she was telling him she was in love with him. She didn't love him anymore, not the way she had. But still, wasn't it more reasonable that she be on the verge of tears over his near death than for a man who was just a friend who she happened to sleep with once when she was very vulnerable?
She takes a deep breath, gains control of herself, and leaves the bathroom quickly heading for the nearest vending machine.
Powdered donuts are messy, so are chocolate, and that left plain. She opens the package, tosses one donut in the nearest garbage, and takes a sizable bite out of the second donut. She needs it to look like she had been eating-not nearly falling to pieces in the bathroom. The necessity of such a plan will nag at her later when she's alone and it's dark and quiet and wine and scotch don't ensure denial as much as she hopes.
His cry of pain echoes again in her head.
She's forced to stop. Stop from re-entering his room. Stop chewing the massive amount of tasteless donut in her mouth. Stop pretending that when Ted said Barney was in the ICU it wasn't one of the most terrifying moments of her life and that for a second she desperately hoped all of her cynicism was wrong-miracles did exist, if only he would be okay.
She hears laughter inside his room and it's easy to forget all frightening truths for now.
She starts chewing again, puts a smile on her face, and tries to understand why Marshal and Lily are talking about boobs, scotch, money, and suits in combined forms.
Everything's fine. Everyone is fine. She's fine. For now. She knows she'll only be able to convince herself for so long that what she feels for him is what she should feel for a friend and somewhat drunken one night stand.
He's looking at her with this soft, genuine smile. She feels her heart start to race as it has so many times before because of him that she's lost count-mainly because she denies each time.
She's smiling at him too. She doesn't notice it now. But she knows, because of the fact that she was so nearly balling in the bathroom, she'll admit it all eventually.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this very short scene. Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you thought.