Harper's new medication has some interesting side effects. Trace/Harper...Humor.

Disclaimer: I do not own Andromeda or its characters, I only write about them.

Is That a Gauss Gun In Your Pocket?

By: Verbannen

"There you are," Trance said glancing up at Harper. "You were suppose to be here an hour ago," she tried to sound scolding, but the smirk on her face ruined any chance of a lecture on how important these checkups were.

"I was just...um..." Harper tried to come up with something quickly. He didn't want to tell her that he had been trying to avoid this check up.

Trance eyed him suspiciously, "just what?" She stopped what she was doing to hear what Harper thought was more important than making sure the Lukoprine Variant was still working.

"Um...aligning the magnetic accelerator." Harper had his head hung low, and he stumbled over his words. He couldn't tell her that the drug that he needed to save his life was having some "interesting" side effects.

"And what's that?" She asked while reading his heart rate and body temperature.

"What's what?" Harper looked at the purple one nervously. The engineer could feel his heart begin to beat wildly as Trance came in closer for some more readings.

"Is something wrong, Harper?" Trance was worried, but she could detect nothing wrong other than his readings were a little off. That, in itself, didn't seem too much to worry about, but the way Harper was acting made her concern grow. "You'd tell me if something was wrong...wouldn't you?" Trance sat herself down next to Harper on the table.

Harper felt a flicker of Trance's tail on his back, and he felt the excitement flow through his blood. He knew if he sat there any longer, he wouldn't be able to control himself. He jumped down off the table and scurried around to the other side.

"Harper! What are you doing?" His quick movements were the final clue that there was something besides Harper's "normal" problems going on.

"I...well...Oh man," Harper shook his head in frustration. "I don't want to talk about it," he finally said.

Trance was too worried to let Harper off that easily. "You can tell me," she thought about her words, "or you can tell someone else," she threatened, "but I'm not going to let you leave here until you tell someone what's going on. If you're worried about the Larvae..."

"No...it's not that." Harper still stood behind the table to keep his distance from Trance. His thoughts drifted off about the exotic, sparkly, purple...he had to force himself to focus... it was difficult. "Lets' say there're some side effects to the drug."

"Side effects? Why didn't you mention this before?" Trance was troubled, but she was also mad that Harper was hiding from her something that could be very important. "Get back on the table. I want to do some more tests."

"Trance..." Harper whined. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Harper, this isn't a joke. I'm worried. Now, get on the table."

Like a scared child, Harper slowly crept to the other side of the table.

Trance let out a squeal of amusement. Her hand flew to her mouth to try and hold back some of the laughter. She removed her hand, and tried to look Harper in the face. "Is that a Gauss Gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" She hoped the joke would ease some of Harper's anxiety.

"Man, Trance..." Harper's face turned a deep shade of red.

"Sorry." She barely managed to get out the worlds between her giggles. "Sorry," she apologized again, "but that's the side effect?" she asked with a slight gesture.

Harper hung his head in humiliation. "Your not going to tell anyone... are you."

Trance held her lips together tightly to keep any more laughter from escaping and shook her head.

Finally, Harper snapped at Trance. "It's not that funny."

After managing to control of herself, Trance spoke. "I just thought, well..." she giggled again, "that you had a serious problem."

"This is serious!" I can't even brush my teeth without getting turned on." Harper was pouting, looking for some sympathy.

Trance felt another bought of hysterical laughter coming on, and she had to hold her breath.

Harper threw his hands up in frustration. "Can't you do something?"

"I'll look into it," she said after regaining her composure, but the smirk was still on her face, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get rid of it. "Why don't you brush your teeth while you wait," she said with a snicker.

"Man...Trance!" Harper turned and stomped out of the room in frustration and embarrassment.

Trance fell to the floor and let herself laugh until she was in tears. She would work on Harper's problem later...maybe.