Disclaimer: I do not own Flame of Recca, nor do I own the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Only the obvious insanity is mine. I take no responsibility for Fuuko's cooking skills (or rather, lack of). Suing me would be quite useless since I am more or less broke and all flames received will be used to toast my marshmallows.

Mikagami and the Three Apes

by terminal_insanity

     

Once upon a time, in a deep, dark forest, there lived three primates; a stupid gorilla, a tomboyish monkey, and a fiery-tempered, gung-ho sea monkey (yes, I know that sea-monkeys are NOT apes, but just humour me, okay?). Together they lived in a small little cottage.

One day, the monkey, Fuuko, made some porridge. The other two apes weren't very willing to taste the goop, but agreed to (with the help of the monkey's fuujin) provided they take a nice walk through the forest. So, they left.

            At about the same time, a sweet, and very beautiful boy called Mikagami set off to visit his equally sweet sister, Mifuyu, who also lived in the forest. However, as the map Mifuyu had given him was really old, poor little Mikagami got lost.

He wandered through the wilderness, trying not to get lost even further, and eventually stumbled across a small little cottage. Inside, he saw several bowls of steaming porridge. Although with the knowledge that breaking and entering was a felony, Mikagami was so hungry that he just had to get at the porridge.

He sliced the door open with his ensui and gobbled down all three bowls of goop. Feeling tired all of a sudden, he looked around for a bed. He found three in the next room and fell asleep instantaneously on one of the beds.

When the three apes returned from their walk, they found the door of their cottage sliced open. Inside, they found all their porridge gone (much to the delight of the gorilla and the sea-monkey).

"Who ate up all the porridge?!" Fuuko screeched. "You two didn't even get to try it!"

"Lucky us…" the sea-monkey muttered.

Suddenly, they heard a groan coming from the bedroom.

"Kami-sama… I think I'm gonna die…" moaned an agonized voice. "What the hell was in that crap?!"

Fuuko peered into the room and found a bluish-haired boy on her bed, clutching his stomach in pain.

"GET THE HELL OUTTA MY BED!!!" she screeched in outrage. "WHAT THE CRAP DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"I've been poisoned…" poor little Mikagami groaned.

"Oi, Domon! We've gotta help this guy! Even if he did break into our house, nobody deserves to eat Fuuko's porridge!"

He received a nod from the gorilla and proceeded to drag Mikagami from the enraged Fuuko, who was currently in the process of beating up the aforementioned bishounen.

"Hey, I'm not done with him yet! Come back here! Oi! OI! BAKAS!" Fuuko screamed, glaring at them. If looks could kill, Mikagami would have been no more but a puddle of water on the floor (albeit a very good looking puddle).

"Visiting Mifuyu just isn't worth it…" he groaned. Slowly, he stood up and walked towards the doorway. As he exited through the hole he had sliced into the door, he called back, "And you , baka zaru, should go take cooking lessons from her." With that, he sauntered out the cottage and proceeded to find his way back home.

As for the three monkeys, Domon and Recca's respite from food poisoning did not last long, as Fuuko continued to cook for them. And so they…did not live happily ever after.

THE END