Disclaimer: I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's characters or anything related to Twilight.
So, I knew I absolutely needed to update, and the amount of time it has taken me has killed me! It isn't entirely my fault though, I just got internet back onto my computer, so…is it maybe too much to ask for ten reviews?
Too big of a Heart:
It's been almost two weeks since we released our news about our baby girl to the family, and now, we were prepared to take the next step. We were going to prepare the nursery.
"Bella, what are you talking about? Pink is a very suitable color for a little baby girl!" Edward and I had been arguing over the color theme possibilities.
"Edward," I retorted, "I thought you agreed that purple was our final choice!" I shoved the various shades of purple on little slips towards him. He took them out of my hands and rolled his eyes. I then rolled mine too, knowing what was coming up.
"Come on, love! Look at all these pinks, for all kinds! They aren't necessarily too girly!"
"Wait, Edward! Maybe we should paint her room army green because those aren't necessarily too boyish!" I threw up my hands and started searching the purples again.
"Bellla" He sang, I turned and scowled, he was smiling brilliantly. "I think we should come to a compromise."
"Like what Edward? What could we possibly come to agreement on?"
"What about a soft sea foam green?" I knew what this little devil was up to right when the words came out of his mouth. So, I thought I'd play a little game of my own.
"Actually, that sounds great. Let me go look." I saw through his façade, and as soon as I finished my sentence, his eyes flashed failure, then he put his poker face back on.
"Yeah, lets have a look see, huh?" We both walked along the aisle of greens, and I picked the ugliest light greens I could find, even a hideous lime green. For a nursery? Yeah right.
We both came together again, and showed each other the swabs.
"I think I like this actually," He showed me orange and I fought the urge to gag.
"Yeah, wow I love this!" Only a few more seconds…
"Really?" He asked, his mask fading,
"Oh yeah! It'd go perfect with some yellow curtains, " He scratched his head, and I pulled my final card.
"You know what would go even better with Yellow curtains?"
"What?" He smiled, and wrapped his arms around my waist. There was a huge bulge between us, and as of late, I loved it. I was finally over the, 'oh god I'm a blimp' phase, and finally embracing my belly.
"Forrest Green! You know, get her acquainted with all the mushy stuff herein Forks" And, there it went. Finally, I won something, for once.
"You know what, I think you were right in the beginning. Purple would look really nice, but a darker purple, with pink accents." And, instead when i thought I did finally beat him over, we reached that darn compromise. Because I actually like the idea. We got the paint cans of a violet purple and left to the mall.
But after paint shopping, it came the extremely hard part. Picking nursery furniture. So, following Alice's advice, we reached the estranged boutique that she raved about. Once we entered, I realized what I just got myself into. It was huge. It was almost a Walmart for infants. Edward took my hand and eyed me warily, thinking the exact thing I was. But, we made it through about an hour later, picking out dark brown wood dressers, a diaper station, and crib of course. We went with pink filigree-patterned curtains and shams, also a rocking chair with the same fabric pattern for the corner of the nursery. As for the lighting, we picked a crystal chandelier, Edward insisted, and a matching lamp for the table next to the rocking chair. Finally all tired out, we headed home after paying and ordering everything. I slept soundly that night than I had in a really long time.
I always wondered where Alice found everything she had for her baby. But then again, this was Alice. She was always a million steps ahead of everyone. A few weeks ago they had finished up their nursery. They both had stayed at our place so Alice wouldn't have to be around the paint fumes. And now, they will return the favor while we paint.
And during that week, Alice was continuously throwing take out menus and baby catalogues at me. Edward and Jasper were painting night and day, and building and assembling cribs and dressers. Occasionally, Alice would mention weddings, or I would come across some left over wedding books, or my notebooks full of our wedding plans, and I would get a little, well emotional. These hormones were going to be the death of me, and possibly of Edward too. I cant even count how many times I have gotten mad at him, but no more then a few minutes would my tantrums last because Edward knew how to handle me more then I did. But besides all that, we eventually made it back home, all tuckered out. It was easy, but stressful at the same time.
When I stepped inside I immediately wanted to check out the final product. The place Edward and I would spend the majority of our time in with our future child. Only two months left. I couldn't believe it.
Edward followed behind my over eager self, he was smiling as we walked. He took my hand and slowed me down, He kissed my forehead and stopped me in front of the door.
"Are you ready for this?" He said, his own excitement lighting his eyes.
"Of course I am, is that even a question?" I practically whispered. He took this quiet opportunity to kiss me, more passionate than we had kissed in a while. My heart surprisingly stayed at its normal pace, but my butterflies fluttered wildly. Would I ever get over this?
Edward pulled away first, as usual, and grabbed the doorknob. Edward opened the door slowly, and let it push itself over and wide open. I could hardly breathe it was so breathtaking.
I had my ideas of how it would look, and it looked exactly as I expected, but that didn't mean it was any less surprising. To see it in real life, to see it in front of me, able to touch everything. Knowing that this was meant for our daughter. Our first child. It was great, and perfectly perfect.
I ran my hand over the crib rails, smooth and also perfect. The fabrics of the blankets, the blankets my child would be using in those meezly two months. I immediately turned to Edward and threw my arms around him and tight as my body would allow. He hugged me back.
"This is amazing, thank you Edward. I love you to death, you know that?"
"I could imagine so, and I love you too, more than you can imagine." Again, we kissed.
We spent another good half hour or forty five minutes in there, make believing our future lives and getting ourselves all excited again.
While we played around in the nursery, our daughter kicked more than ever before. We knew then that she was just excited as we were, just as ready to be here with us and we were to be with her.
It was amazing how many clothes you can cultivate in just a few short weeks. Not from your own self purchasing them, but also from the help of family. I had more baby clothes then necessary, and more baby bows then I ever would be able to use, especially after we told them we were having a girl. At this point, I was extra glad about the dresser Edward and I chose, and all the extras be got for this purpose in mind at the time. We knew the ways of our family, and went ahead a couple steps.
"So Bells, what do you want to do now?" Edward asked, hanging up our jackets in the hall after having our usual visit to my dads. And what do you know, we had more gifts. Only this time, it was a couple stuffed animals, a lion, a light up seahorse, and a kangaroo. Leave it to Charlie to pick out such random items.
"Want to watch a movie?" It sounded really nice to me at this point. I wasn't quite ready for sleep, it was only seven after all.
"What, you don't want to eat?" He laughed, I smiled incredulously.
"Ha-ha. Your just lucky I am in a good enough mood to ignore that. " Edward walked up to me and kissed me, then rubbed my stomach.
"God, it seems like a lifetime until she will arrive."
"Tell me about it." I mumbled.
"it'll be worth the wait." He kissed me again for reassurance, even though I didn't need it. He then took my hand and led me to the living room. He helped me sit comfortably on the couch and went to the dvd rack.
"So, you do want to watch a movie, right?" He made sure. I was always changing my mind.
"Sure, which one?"
"um, how about, The Perfect Getaway? We haven't watched that yet." Emmett bought it for me. He said I needed something to calm my wedding rushes, you know, honeymoon turns horrific. As if a movie would ruin my fantasies of my wedding and honeymoon. It was ridiculous.
"No," I scowled, Edward laughed, he knew why I reacted in such a sour way.
"Into the Wild?"
"Not that one either."
"You are so picky. Let's see here…Aha! How about The Lion King?"
"Yes!." He put it, got up, and left the living room. He came back a few minutes later when the commercials were over with two lemonades and a bowl of popcorn on a tray, and a blanket.
"Here we go" He set the tray on the coffee table then sat down, draping the blanket over us. He handed me my drink, and laid the popcorn between us.
"I love nights like these" I said, and about a half an hour later, I fell asleep like I always did during movies.
"Bella, c'mon love, you got to get up, we got ultrasound today." I sat up, seven months as of today. I turned to Edward who had already showered and had a towel around his waist.
"Well, are you going to go shower or can I go ahead and shave?" He laughed.
"I'm going, I'm going." I wiggled over to the edge of the bed and stood up.
"What are we going to do afterwards?" I asked Edward. He made a face. It was the usual, every month to date, for both Alice and I, we would have both families go out to dinner. I thought it was ridiculous, but everyone else seemed to love it. And I bet you can easily assume who's idea it was. At first, Alice had come up with it for just me. But, I told her if I had to go along with it so did she. So, two times a month we'd all get together and go out to dinner.
"Awesome." I said, Edward stopped me on my way into the bathroom and gave me a quick kiss.
There's nothing more beautiful or awkward than ultrasounds. Getting to see your baby every short while is amazing and a blessing in its self. But, having some strange and different nurse every time is just weird. Awkward smiles and conversation, its just uncomfortable. But, I got over it soon enough and enjoyed the rest of the visit. Everything was in great condition, our baby was perfect and so was everything else that was important at this point. My health was excellent, and there were no worries as of now.
Well, until dinner time. An unusual motion sickness feeling came over me. I faked it off for a while, but eventually needed to walk, or get fresh air or something. Alice offered to come with me, but what'd that do? Two pregnant women? No. So, I eyed Rose and she offered to help me, knowing how Edward could get. I said I needed to use the rest room, and that was good enough.
Rose and I walked into the rest room, and I splashed cold water in my face. It didn't help. I paced back and forth in the bathroom while Rose watched me helplessly.
"Bella, are you okay? I kind of noticed you looked, queasy." She looked really worried now. Holding her cell phone in her hand.
"Shit, could Edward tell?" I panicked a little. I was almost having hot flashes now, and kind of feeling the need to vomit.
"I don't think so, you put on a good face when he looked, then when he looked away, you'd like let air out and I could see you make a pained face."
"No, no. I'm not in pain it's just really uncomfortable, like my body isn't handling this" I motioned to my body "right now, like it quit for a break or something. Oh god Rose, what if something's wrong?" I needed to calm myself, I splashed more water.
"Maybe we should take you to the hospital, just in case?" She offered, she made the mistake of letting panic fill her voice. I nodded, she took my arm and helped me out back to the table. Immediately, I felt Edward's eyes on me, I kept my eyes on the ground. Rose spoke for me and suddenly everything was a blur. Everything happened so fast, getting out to the car, Edward asking me a million and one questions, along with Carlisle. Back and forth, back and forth. I couldn't focus on them, so I focused on my breathing and closed my eyes. What else could I do? I was helpless, and felt overwhelmed. All these questions swimming around in my head. Was this another false alarm? Another, another fucking obstacle? I don't know how much more my body or mind could take. This was the ultimate torture.
When we made it to the hospital I was put in a rolling bed and taken to a testing area, so many questions, so many charts. So many doctors. I couldn't even comprehend. I was too worried and confused and just lost. Pain was starting to kick in by now, pings and needle pokes everywhere, clenching and unclenching my hands. I could hardly open my eyes. But when I could, it was made all the much worse. Edward was right there, every time I peaked. How many times would he last through these kinds of things? it's a constant battle for the both of us. When would it put strain on our relationship? He'd always have to worry like this. Not just for me, even after I have this baby, but what if our daughter suffers to? Some unseen condition that wont show up until later in her life or something. Every time I looked at him, it was like a sign that there would always be this thing between us. I'd always have to be looked after. Always. When would he be fed up? Could he ever give up on me? What'd happen if he did?
Then came the thoughts of how selfish I was for thinking this when my daughter was hurting now to, or at least the possibility that she was.
Then, I fell asleep. I could thank the nurses for that. And all the needles and tubes. All these things pricked into me, I could easily be swiss cheese right now. Was it just as selfish to be glad I was led on to the shortcut?
When I woke up, I had a breathing tube in my nose. I immediately pulled it out, knowing I could breathe on my own. I felt fine actually. All the dizziness, heat flashes or sudden coldness, those nasty cold sweats too, were all gone. I have an IV, but nothing else. And finally, there was the one thing I did need right now. Edward, asleep on the chair. He looked stressed, even in his sleep. I hated that I caused this. But, I wasn't about to wake him up, and let a half asleep, stressed out Edward help me make sense of all this. It was afterall, apparently three in the morning according to the clock on the wall. I was surprised, I could easily fall back asleep.
The second time around, it was ten in the morning and Edward was right there holding my hand. I tightened my grip on his hand and opened my eyes. I was surely glad I didn't wake him up, he looked good. Eased or relieved even. Maybe it was just a cover for something devastating. I laid my hand on my stomach and everything seemed fine.
"What's going on? What happened?" I said tiredly.
"Okay, want the whole thing?" He said, placing his other hand over mine.
"Yeah, I do." I laughed, not quite sure if it was humorous or not.
"Your body tricked you into thinking it was going into labor. It was juts a false alarm."
"Jesus." I breathed out. "Thank god. Is she okay though?"
"Perfect condition. It was only you suffering." He rubbed my hand reassuringly."
"Again, Jesus." I laughed, now glad to have that 'whole thing'.
"Yeah, Carlisle just wanted you to sleep the rest off. It can be a rather tiresome thing to do."
"Well good, I don't know how much longer I could've taken of that. It was unimaginable." I sighed, laying my head back on the pillow.
"I cant even begin to wonder." He laughed. "Scariest moment of life right there. I almost thought I was going to lose you both." He sighed now.
"Edward," I began. He gave me his concentrated look, waiting for me to continue. "…how can you keep doing this. Putting up with this, this constant line of complications. If I were you, I'd be ripping my hair out and running for the hills." I exasperated.
"Easy, I love you. And our baby. I am willing to deal with everything that comes my way, even if it means taking a bullet for you two. Sure, it isn't the easiest thing to always think I am losing you, but it's the chance I am willing to take. I knew what I was signing up for the day you went into that coma. And I was sure, a bit uneasy, but I know what I am doing. I love you more than I could have ever thought possible for me. I am not going to give up without a fight. You and our baby are the most important things to me, I wouldn't just leave when things got tough, I am not going anywhere Bella. You are stuck with me for life." He smiled, well more like completely lit up, but still rose one eyebrow at my doubt in his support of me.
"Well, I am just way to full of worry right now, its just nonsense. And you know what, knowing that I am going to be stuck with you the rest of my life is the most exciting thing I have ever heard. Well besides being pregnant of course. I just hope you completely understand that it's you who's going to be stuck with me!" I laughed, placing my hand on his cheek. We stared at each other for a moment before he got up and kissed me. It was a tad embarrassing knowing he could hear my heart beat accelerate over the machine though…