AN: All characters are property of the greatly talented Stephenie Meyer. I'm just holding on to a string for August 2!
I wanted Edward and I wanted him now. He refused to budge on our making love before the wedding, but I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. The only reason he hesitated was because he feared I would run from the wedding. I had reconciled to my fate weeks earlier, though, and was at last very much looking forward to becoming Mrs. Edward Cullen. I had, of course, told him this but he continued to doubt my sincerity. I had to change that.
"Bella, what are your thoughts tonight?" He reached over and took my hand, raising it to his lips to kiss my fingers. I shivered as his breath lit lightly on my forefinger before his kiss touched it.
We were in his car on our way to his house to spend the night. Alice had conveniently confided in Charlie that her family was leaving town for a camping trip and that she would be alone by the river. Charlie instantly insisted I spend the night with her. In reality, Alice and the rest of the Cullen's were hunting in northern California. But she knew Edward and I needed time together.
"Mmm, I'm just happy to be here with you. Alone with you," I emphasized the word 'alone'. For weeks, ever since the day in the meadow, I had been unable to stop imagining what being intimate with Edward would be like. I thought of him all day, every day. The way he had moved on me, with me, in the meadow was enough to make me almost hyperventilate in recollection.
Edward smiled his devastatingly beautiful crooked smile at me. "Me, too," he murmured in response. His eyes were burning fire and I knew he was as excited as me to have this night together. Seeing the light in his eyes, I remembered the husky tremor in his voice the first night I slept in his bed as he had pulled me atop him. I blushed furiously with the memory and the heat it caused to rush through me even now. I was grateful it was dark so Edward wouldn't notice the flush in my skin.
Even so, he chose that moment to lean over to me and inhale deeply. I grew embarrassed and paranoid. "What was that for, Edward?" I asked. My annoyance not quite staying unheard in my question.
He chuckled. "Don't be absurd, love, I always long for your scent." He sighed contentedly.
I let the subject drop and focused on his proximity. Even after all we had been through, I still couldn't believe this beautiful man was by my side. It was my turn to sigh.
We pulled up to the Cullen residence and Edward was opening my door before I was even able to unbuckle my seat belt. I still felt a bit of nervous energy when he moved this quickly. I felt it even more so tonight as he usually only moved that quickly when he was anxious to be elsewhere. He grabbed my bag from the backseat and pulled me from the car with his other hand. As I stood, Edward leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth before sliding his nose along my jaw to my ear. "Mmm, yes, freesia," he reaffirmed.
My body was naturally responding to him. Just that slight touch had sped up my breathing. I stumbled as I walked the path to the front door, but Edward caught me. My throat constricted as he had grabbed me by the waist to catch me, and in doing so, clutched me to his marble chest. This was the touch I had been craving.
We walked into the house. "I'll take your bag up to my room. Do you want dinner?" Edward gestured to the kitchen.
"No, thanks, I'll come up with you." His eyebrows raised a fraction, or so I thought, with my reply. He reached back for my hand and led the way to his room. As he walked through the door, I freed my hand and closed the door behind me. Edward turned and looked at me questioningly. Again, I blushed. At this, Edward smiled and set my bag down.
"Come sit on the bed with me, Bella, your bed," he said as he turned on music. He spun back to me and took my hands, walking me to the bed in the center of the room. I sat, clumsily, suddenly too aware of my body and its actions.
"What is it, love? You're so quiet tonight, so jumpy. Do you want to go home?" Edward looked down at me with concern.
"No, no, please no, Edward. I-I want to be here." I stuttered over the end of my response. Edward sat next to me on the bed and pulled me into his lap. He tucked my head under his chin and softly pressed me into him. "It's okay, Bella. Talk to me, love. Let me help."
I grabbed his hand which had been stroking my cheek and kissed the palm. I then turned in his lap to kiss him, shaping my mouth around his lips. I felt him freeze, but he didn't stop my kiss. I pressed my lips harder against his and then I felt him pulling me back. "Bella, you can't kiss your way out of this. Speak to me."
"I don't want to talk, Edward. I just want to be next to you. To kiss you, to feel you. Please," I now knew the power of the word 'please' and I planned to use it.
Edward sighed in what I thought was disappointment. I immediately felt I had pushed things too far, too fast, but then he reclined and wrapped his arms around my hips to pull me down on the bed next to him. He held me with my back flush against his chest and sighed again. "You are going to be the ruin of me."
I took his response as encouragement and tried to roll to face him. Edward held me tight. "Shhh…" he murmured as he nuzzled my ear. My heart began to flutter. Edward chuckled and kissed my earlobe before dropping in to inhale where my shoulder met my neck. We stayed like that for some time. I was secure, happy, but I couldn't relax.
Edward lazed his fingers down my left arm, leaving goose bumps in the wake. I shivered, and when I turned to him this time, he didn't protest. "Oh, Edward," I whispered as I stretched my neck up to kiss his lips. His lips met mine with urgency. I immediately stretched my arms up to encircle his neck and deepen the kiss. I was already breathless. I felt Edward gently pull my face back. "Breathe, love, we have all night." I took a deep, ragged breath and noticed that Edward's eyes looked lit from within. He was smoldering.
I couldn't make sense of what was happening. The walls seemed to be dropping, but then rising again immediately. I knew I had to push things.
"Edward. Please let me kiss you. Please let me be near you. Please don't stop me," I almost begged. I had known the power of 'please' before, but know I was using it for myself and only myself because I did need all those things.
He looked deeply into my eyes. My breathing was still uneasy and his stare wasn't helping. But he continued to gaze at me and then moved in, licking my jawbone as he moved to my mouth. He placed one hard kiss on my mouth before licking my top lip with his tongue. I gasped for air, surprised by this. My heart beat so fast I thought I may pass out. Edward whispered, "You aren't the only one with desires, you know." He leaned back in and slid his tongue between my lips. I knew the rules – only his tongue could dart into my mouth – but I longed to kiss him back. Instead, I shuddered and pressed the length of my body against his.
Edward very gently rolled me to my back and not so gently pressed his tongue deeper into my mouth. I latched on to suck it and felt his body tremble. He pulled back. "Oh, Bella." His voice was rough, deep – like rich velvet. He breathed deeply and shook his head as though to clear it.
Seeing an opportunity about to pass, I reached up to pull him back down to me. He remained steadfast so I clung to his shoulders and kissed the hollow of his neck. Edward inhaled sharply. I very lightly nipped the corners of his collarbones before licking each and lying back to the bed. I then reached to unbutton his shirt. Instead of stopping me, Edward leaned back on his knees and pulled me up into a kneeling position. I continued the descent down his shirt front and began to place kisses on his chest as the shirt opened. I had seen Edward's chest many times, but each time was still like a gift to me. His body was so stunningly perfect. So unbelievably sculpted. I brushed the shirt over his shoulders and down his arms and delighted in the moment I was given to caress him with my hands and mouth.
I looked up to see Edward's face, but his head was thrown back. His breathing was labored. I delighted in the fact that I was controlling his breathing – this creature who did not need breath. He raised his head then and looked at me. I hesitated and I did so, he pressed his hands to my back, crushing me into his body. As I was pulled into him, his sweet breath hit me like a wall and I felt dizzy with excitement. He forced my mouth open and began to kiss me with earnest. I grabbed the backs of his arms and dug in. I was hot, too hot, and needed something to cling to.
Again Edward forced me away from him, but this time he grabbed my waist and slid his hands around my back, under my sweater. His fingers lightly danced up my back and I was grateful for their coolness. I felt as though I was melting. He spread kisses up my neck to my ears and back down again.
"Edward," I breathed. "Let me…" I placed my hands at my shirt hem to pull it up and off. But Edward grabbed my wrists to stop me. "No, Bella. Let me. I've waited far too long for this to not fully enjoy it." His eyes were half-glazed and I felt I would pass out from his sheer beauty. His hands went back to my waist and lifted my sweater by the sides. He slid it very slowly up, catching his breath as more and more of me was revealed to him. As he pulled the sleeves over my hands, he tossed the sweater to the floor and placed his hands under my arms to guide them around his neck. He trailed the tips of his fingers back down my arms, my sides, before coming back halfway up my back and pressing my body into his. The coolness of his body against my flushed one excited me. My nipples stiffened. I felt Edward's body flex as though it had sensed my excitement. He exhaled, loudly, and leaned into my neck.
"Oh, Edward." I twisted my fingers into his hair and brought his face up to mine. I struggled to not kiss him as deeply as he kissed me. I was forgetting the rules and not caring one bit. He placed my bottom lip in his mouth and tugged. I shuddered. The wetness in my center was increasing by the second.
Edward leaned back from me, but kept his hands at my back. He looked at me – my face, before his eyes traveled down to take in my neck, my chest, my breasts, my abdomen. "Bella, my Bella, you are so beautiful." His hands unclasped my bra and he pulled it over my shoulders and off. As my breasts were exposed, Edward sighed a small whimpering sound.
I felt both shy and proud. Shy because we had never been this far before. Proud because I was with him and this was happening between us, finally.
Edward very slowly lowered me back to the bed. He straddled my hips and continued to gaze at me. His right hand came up and stroked down my sternum to my belly button before traveling back up my ribs. He mimicked with his left hand and then softly, slowly, lowered his mouth to kiss between my breasts. I drew in a single, ragged breath. He pressed the side of his face to my chest to listen and sighed. "Bella, do you know I can smell you?"
I struggled to comprehend why he would suddenly want to talk about freesia again. It couldn't hold my interest and my hands wove into his hair in an attempt to pull him up to kiss me. Edward didn't move. Instead, he brought his right hand over my breast and very lightly stroked the nipple. I arched my back against him and heard a quiet chuckle.
His hand dropped from my breast and traveled down my belly. I felt desire pooling in the pit of my stomach like a physical object.
Edward's hand ghosted along the top of my jeans. "This is where I can smell, Bella," as his fingers drew along the waistband. I wanted to feel embarrassed, but his words only served to further excite me. With the announcement of my smell, I grew wetter still, as though in response. Edward moved his hand back to my breast. He lifted his head and drew a cold breath to my other breast. Very faintly, he licked my nipple with his tongue while softly pinching the other between his fingers. I gasped.
"Edward, please. Please don't stop. I need more." My hands, finally realizing they were still, suddenly rushed to his pants. Edward pulled up to clasp my hands in one of his and extended my arms over my head. "Bella, love, this is for you now. I want you to enjoy."
"No, Edward, I… I..," I couldn't find the words to argue as Edward held my hands pinned as he dropped back to lick my nipples. I moaned and tried to rise up to meet him. Edward let go of my hands and slid up my body to press full-length against me. He stroked my cheek and kissed me again. This kiss was less urgent, but hotter still. I felt a compromise in it.
Edward rose up to straddle my hips once more. "Bella, open your eyes. I want you to watch this. I want you to see me and see what you do to me." I looked into his eyes. They were only rimmed in gold now. His eyes were complete desire and I felt my breath catch.
"Do you know I've smelled your arousal all evening and have been fighting against it? What were you thinking of in the car? I caught your scent and thought I'd go mad."
I squirmed beneath him. So aware of his want, his desire, more aware of my want, my desire, and needing them both to be satisfied.
Edward flashed his crooked smile. "Slow down, love. We're still doing this the way we planned, but we will have some release."
His hands came back to glide around my stomach. I reached for them, pressing the palm of one against my mouth where I furtively licked it. Again Edward pressed my hands back. He then moved his hands along my neckline to the sides of my breasts. My nipples stood out, aching for his touch. He leaned down and puffed a cold breath on one. I cried out. He didn't even need to touch me to have me weak with desire. Edward inhaled sharply. He gently licked the same nipple, slowly moving his tongue around it once, twice. I couldn't keep still. I began to press my hips upward into him.
"Edward, please. Let me do something for you," I whispered, unsure of my ability to speak.
"Do you not think this IS for me?" he asked. "I've wanted to see you like this for so long..." His voice was thick.
He fluttered his fingers down to my pants. He slid back a little and pressed his hand to my center, over my jeans. I whimpered. He held his hand still for a moment and then pressed in, feeling my dampness.
"Ohh my God, Edward," I moaned. I was slowly and deliciously being driven crazy.
"Look at me," Edward commanded.
I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with desire and love. His one hand was cupped to my mound and his other was poised at the button of my pants.
"Do you like this, Bella? Are you enjoying yourself, love?"
I wanted to argue my point that he deserved the same feelings, but all I could do was nod my head yes. I was biting my lip just to keep from whimpering. Something was building up inside me and I almost felt like I would cry.
"I'm so happy to see that, love," Edward whispered as his hand unbuttoned my jeans. He removed his other hand from the apex atop my thighs. I instantly missed him and growled my disapproval as his hand left me feeling empty. But then I realized his hands were on my hips and pressing my jeans and panties down and over my hips. A second later, they were off.. I was completely naked under Edward. I wanted the presence of mind to mull it over, but I wanted his touch more.
"Where were we?" Edward asked as his hand went back to my center and the other reached under me to cup my hip. "Bella…" he drew in a ragged breath, "you smell so good to me." His knees were between my knees and I saw him dip his head to inhale. His hand placed over my mound slid down to my true center. I was dripping, I could feel it. I had never been this far and I didn't know exactly what I wanted, other than something to take away the tension in my body.
His hand slid slowly up and down my folds. His other hand rhythmically massaged my hip. I was aching for him. Each time his fingers hit the top of my center, I shuddered. The coolness of his palm only serving to heighten my arousal.
"More, Edward, please. More." I half-whispered my plea.
Edward looked me in the eyes. He slid his hand from my hip and leaned down close to me, aligning the pressure of his body against me. As his lips met mine, I felt him dip a finger in me. I almost choked – it felt so good. Like light and sun and heat and water. I felt myself tighten around him. Edward leaned closer still and traced the outline of my mouth with his tongue. I was going mad, I knew it. I couldn't continue this.
"I think… I-I think I… uh," I couldn't form words.
"You think you should stop?" he asked as he slid another finger in to join the first. My mind went blank. No, no, no, no, no I feverishly shook my head back and forth.
His fingers crooked and pressed into me. His thumb traced up my center to my clitoris which he began to press, as well.
I thought I was screaming from the unbelievable beauty and pain of it all, but was only whimpering, moaning, trying to breathe.
He began to move his hand more earnestly. His thumb massaging my clit in time with his fingers. I turned onto my side and slid a leg up around Edward's hip. "I need more, I need more…" I murmured to him. In response, Edward slid his right knee between my legs and pressed it against his hand, against my center. I closed my eyes in ecstasy. Edward leaned in and kissed me, fervently, passionately.
He was as deep in me as his long fingers would allow. I was grinding on his leg as hard as I possibly could. I finally understood what it was that had been building inside me and I now knew how to release it. I felt a very faint, almost painful, pop deep inside. I ignored it and seconds later I felt waves and waves of release. I felt new, clean, alive. I felt I would laugh if only I could breathe properly.
I opened my eyes again to look at Edward, to thank him. He looked as excited as I had just been. He also looked almost pained. "Please, Edward, let me do the same for you," I whispered as I reached for him. He quickly shook his head no and pulled back just the smallest of inches. But his expression remained frozen.
I had recovered enough to notice that something was maybe not exactly right. What had happened?
"Edward…" I tried to speak, tried to ask.
"It's okay, it's okay," he said as he slowly moved away his knee and withdrew his fingers from me. He looked down and seemed to stay.
"Edward, look at me. Edward, what is it?" My eyes followed the direction he had moved and then I noticed – there was blood on his hand.
I jerked my head up, but Edward seemed mesmerized. I swallowed, hard.
"What happened, Edward? Are you okay? Am I okay?" I was starting to feel panicked.
He heard the fear in my voice and looked me. His eyes were struggling to focus. "Shhh, shhh, it's okay, it's okay. We're okay. I think, I think I moved pretty deep in you and I think…," he paused, seemingly unsure how to say what he had to say.
I thought I was knew what he was trying to say, but waited for him nonetheless.
"Well, I think we'll have an easier – less painful – time on our wedding night." My thoughts were correct. My hymen was broken during this one and only encounter. I knew this sometimes happened, but it seemed so improbable.
"Edward…", but he was back to staring at his hand. That's when I knew – the blood, MY blood, was on him. I should have felt fear, but I didn't. Instead, I felt triumph of some sort. And I had an idea how to satisfy him.
"Edward, taste it."
He showed no signs he had heard me, but I heard him inhale sharply.
"It's okay, Edward. Taste it, taste me. I trust you." And I did trust him. Completely.
I clutched his wrist and brought his hand up. I felt him faltering as I strained to lift his hand. Somehow, he let me continue until his hand rested just to the side of his face. I was struggling to not notice it, but knew I wanted to make this sacrifice for him.
His face inclined toward his hand and I heard him sniff. He licked his lips and his eyes looked black with want.
"Please, Edward, let me do this for you." But still he held his hand from his face.
I reached out to his hand again. Only this time I stroked it with my hand. There was still little reaction in Edward's stare. That would change quickly enough.
I pressed my palm into his once more and then raised my palm to his mouth, cupping his mouth and nose.
"Taste me, Edward." I said, more forcefully this time.
His eyes widened and I felt his breath on my palm, but he turned his head.
"Bella…" he croaked.
I was determined. He meant so much to me, he did so much to me and I would give him this. My virgin blood – if only for one time before I was changed – my blood would be his to savor.
I pulled my hand back and dropped it to my hip. I wasn't experienced with what I was about to do, but I planned to follow Edward's lead. I reached forward and slid my hand to my center. Not sure exactly how to start, I dipped my forefinger in. It stung, but that was okay.
I noticed Edward's posture had changed then and that he was watching me. His breathing was shallow, as was mine. I was scared of so many new things in one night, but I wasn't backing down now.
I slid my next finger in and moved the two around for a moment. My body began to loosen. After a moment, I raised my hand back up to Edward's mouth. This time, I traced his lips in my blood.
His nostrils flared.
"Taste me, Edward."
His tongue slipped out almost imperceptibly and licked his top lip. He groaned. I raised my hand again and he quickly brought my fingers into his mouth to suck them. I felt my stomach drop with desire.
I took his hand again and led it back down to my heat. I slid my hand behind his and cupped his to make its entrance back in me. My stomach caved in at the unexpected pleasure of it, the sting that accompanied it. I rolled onto my back.
"Please, Edward. It's for you." I worked his hand back and forth for a moment before again taking it back to his mouth.
"Oh, God, Bella…" He licked his palm, his fingers, before suckling mine.
"There's another way you can taste me, Edward. I want you to. I'm not scared," I was kind of scared. Not of him, but of the desire driving me to force this on him.
Edward looked into my eyes. His expression was smoldering. His breath coming in short exhalations. I scooted closer up to the headboard, keeping eye contact with him the whole time.
Again, I took his hand. Again, I raised it to his mouth. "Please, Edward."
So quickly I couldn't register it, Edward was between my legs. He pressed my thighs up by their backsides until my knees were bent and he was staring at me from above my mound. His mouth was open and his eyes were on fire. I pressed my hips down into the bed and slid my opening closer to him. In an instant, I felt his cold mouth encircling my clit. It felt so good after all the heat and the friction. I whimpered and squirmed closer to his face. Another moment and his icy tongue slid in me. I shuddered. I felt Edward moan into my center. The vibrations were another first. Then, Edward began to suck, harder and harder. His thumb came down to massage my clit and all I could do was repeat, "Edward, oh, oh, Edward, this is for you. This is yours." I felt the swelling in the pit of my stomach again and knew I would cave soon. Edward seemed to be working up to a final crescendo. I was involuntarily pressing against his face, his mouth. He never changed his placement, only increased the tempo. Just as I felt ready to melt, he raised his head and dropped in hand into me. His smile was beatific in its beauty. I shuddered as I came one final time. Edward rose to press against me. He pulled me back into his body to cradle me. We both worked to regulate our breathing, but our bodies felt as though they hummed.
"Oh, Edward, thank you. I don't have words. I-I…" I faltered at how to express my sheer love for him.
"Thank you, Bella. My love," Edward murmured against my hair. "I need to take care of you now, sleep, love." As he began to hum my lullaby.