Ten Ways to See If You're A Perv
One man in the Hidden Leaf Village was checking himself out in the mirror. He was Jiraiya, of course.
" Ohhhh, yeah. I look totally awesome, " he thought to himself. " All the ladies love me. "
And that was how the old sage found an article in Time Magazine.
" Hmm. Ten Ways to See if You are a Perv, " Jiraiya muttered. " Hmm...maybe this magazine will finally prove that I am not a pervy sage. "
He started to read it as the article listed the top ten ways that general perverts have.
Number Ten - You've lived in your mother's basement until you were 35, (just because you were to lazy to get a f--king job).
Jiraiya sweatdropped. " Oh, wow. This brings me back. "
(Fifteen years ago...)
Jiraiya's mom walked into the basement. " Jiri ? Do you need anything ? I'm going to the store ? "
Thirty-five year old Jiraiya nodded. " Yeah. I need some nachoes. Oh, and also another package of underwear ? "
T.T " God, did you light your underwear on fire again ?! "
Jiraiya started blushing a fiery red. " Noooo..."
Number Nine - You have Madonna posters hung up all over your room.
Jiraiya looked at his eight Madonna posters glued over his bedside. " Eh. Eight isn't that many. "
Number Eight - You have a weird bond with your student.
The old man walked over to Naruto's room and knocked on it. " Yo, Naruto ! Wanna go bowling ?! " he shouted.
" Sure, Pervy Sage ! " Naruto hollered back.
" Okay, good ! Bring Sakura ! "
Naruto opened the door slightly and glared at Jiraiya. " You sick bastard, " he muttered before slamming the door.
Jiraiya was walking in the park as he continued reading the list.
Number Seven - You think all the ladies love you despite the fact that more than half of them want to kick you until you die.
" HEEEEEEY ! Kurenai ! Wanna go out with a Sannin ?! " Jiraiya inquired.
Kurenai scowled. " Pervert. "
Jiraiya shrugged as he tapped Sakura's shoulder. " Sakura, wanna go bowli- "
T.T " You stupid pervert, " Sakura muttered.
Number Six - You've went to a Posie A' Donnivin show nude on multiple times (even though she's a fat ugly bitch).
Jiraiya put a hand to his chin and stroked it. " That never happen-...no, wait. "
(Four Years Ago...)
" DAH ! This is the fifth time you've done this ! " Posie roared, glaring at Jiraiya.
" Yeah, I'm pretty wasted. "
" ...Do those underwear have Kermit the Frog on them ?! "
" ...Maaaaybe. "
O.o " Please leave. "
" Fine, bitch. I'll be on Oprah before you know it, and soon on Ellen's show ! "
Number Five through Two - You are a fan of fluffy bunnies.
Jiraiya huffed. " Yeah, right. I hate bunnies ! "
Naruto barged into the room. " Hey, I was trying to look for Sasuke, and I found this. "
He held up a white bunny by its ears. Jiraiya sweatdropped. " Uh, uh...that's not mine ! "
" And it has your face on its heinie as a tattoo because...? "
O.O " Fine, I admit it ! " Jiraiya cried, snatching the bunny away from Naruto and hugging it very tightly. " I LOOOOVE BUNNIES ! "
Naruto sweatdropped. " Okay...I'm gonna leave now..."
A few hours later, as Jiraiya was snuggled in his bed, he read the last thing on the list.
Number One - You are a fifty year old man named Jiraiya and you flirt with Tsunade whenever you have the chance.
Jiraiya stared at the magazine for a long while before finally tossing it in the paper shredder. He sighed as he got out a notebook. " Let's see...Ten Ways How to Get Back At Your Retarded Student...I'm gonna get big bucks off of this. "