Jealousy is a most peculiar emotion. It can be interpreted into so many different ways and mean entirely different meanings. It is seen, in the eyes of most people as an emotion to be avoided, as it can be the cause of so many disasters that threaten our day to day lives, but to me it is a very valuable key to my inner affection.
You may think that is a very depraved and woeful way to feel, but I can tell you
–From my personal experience- that it's far from the truth. I'm not denying that it does have its moments when jealousy is not a good thing, but it definitely has its moments when it is.
There are characteristics of jealousy that are good and that are bad, it depends entirely on how you see it. Many say that it is a wicked emotion that tears live apart and burns worlds away, a little extreme you say? Well it's true, it does have that power and effect on some people, and when it's used in that way, then it is a waste and an inconvenience. When approached like that it can be harmful and cruel, harmful to your soul, and cruel to those around you, that you love and respect. It can push those very people away that you choose to hold, tearing apart friendships and families.
We cannot deny that at one stage in our lives, we all have felt that unavoidable emotion inside of us. We cannot stop it from breaking through into our feelings, just as we cannot stop the rain falling from the sky. However it can be a valuable asset to understanding –and realising- the true love, respect and admiration you feel towards something…or somebody that you lost all hope in long ago.
Jealousy has helped me realise that those very emotions I had once lost toward my father, I still have. How you say? Well all my childhood my father was never there for me, he was always at war, the times I needed him most, well so did the galaxy. I often felt he cared more for the republic than his own family. But that all changed.
Now, I watch him playing happily with his two children to his new wife Revan, the three of them rolling around merrily, their faces full of happiness, joy and delight and I cannot help that very emotion.
I smile to myself in satisfaction, knowing in my heart that by watching this very scene before my eyes and feeling the way that I do, just shows how much I still do love, respect and admire my father. Watching what I had craved for my entire life being lavished onto these two children can be upsetting I must admit. But I have been given a second chance in life to make things right again, to have the relationship with my father that should have been.
It's a very strange way to feel I know, but to me it's what reminds me of the love I still have for him an contain no doubts about it whatsoever. So you see, this powerful emotion can be used for good, and for what it's brought me…
…well, I couldn't be more jealous.
Well I guess you figured who it was by now huh!! But anyways if you didn't it's Dustil. Thanks for reading!!