Disclaimer: Not mine. All I get out of this is good mood.
Warnings: Mention of a sex toy.
The autumn nightfall was spectacular, especially in how the sun falling into the horizon made the red and golden and deliciously orange leaves shone like they were in fire and how fragile, white frost covered everything. The serene scenery was marred when three giant robots walked into an empty road. Stop me if you have heard this.
"This is not a good idea!" Scavenger shouted from the other side of the road, holding tightly onto a frightened moose struggling for its dear life. Thundercracker merely grinned with unholy glee.
"Sorry, Scavenger, you knew this and Skywarp were stupid when you agreed to do this." The problem with the moose was that Skywarp needed it alive so breaking its neck wouldn't do. Breaking its leg had only made it panic more.
"Then why aren't you here helping me with this?" came the high-pitched reply. Thundercracker's grin only widened; Scavenger might be eager to please, but this was obviously little much even for him. Skywarp flashed his landing lights impatiently, already in his jet form and his engine rumbling.
"Cos Cracker didn't let me bribe him so he's just a witness. Get it inside me soon," he answered, repressing chuckles. The black jet didn't think it would be relevant to mention that his wingmate would get his share of the special high grade he had used to buy the Constructicon's aid in his criminal endeavour. It was Scavenger's own fault for not checking, anyway.
This was how it began. He was caught two human weeks later in Pacific Grove, California.
Springer looked at the butterfly drone in his desk. It was a dumb thing, without even the simplest AI. It was also bright golden and blue in a way no real butterfly surely was, its wings trembling always when some sudden move caused air currents.
"Tell me again: what was Skywarp doing and why?" he asked, his voice incredulous. Sandstorm and Whirl didn't even attempt to rein their smirks and Judy, sitting on Sandstorm's shoulder, covered her mouth with her hand. Springer just knew they were going to enjoy giving this report a lot and enjoy the fact that he would have to explain this to the Prime even more.
Judy cleared her throat and took a deep breath.
"Apparently this originates in the energy raid the Decepti-cans did month ago, when they took Reg as a hostage, remember?" she begun and Springer let his gears grind in exasperation. He should have guessed this was somehow the humanity's fault.
"Well, Starscream made Skywarp play jailer to him and they started to converse, because Reg is Reg and Skywarp is Skywarp. One of the topics of the conversation was stupid human laws. You see, there are a lot of laws that, when they were originally decreed, made sense in that context. The societies have changed since then, but nobody has thought or bothered to nullify or change the laws and so some pretty ridiculous remain. Well, I think some must have been ridiculous from begin with." Springer looked at the innocuous-looking butterfly drone again.
"So there is a ridiculous human law he wanted to break?" he asked.
Skywarp had a reputation for being a prankster, and rough housing. He would break half forgotten laws just for the fun of it.
"But what have his criminal activities got do with this?" he wanted to know. It was some kind of morbid curiosity in addition to his duty.
"Skywarp thought that breaking those laws would be fun. And some of them really are ridiculous. Did you know that in Los Angeles it's illegal to curse on a mini-golf course, or that in Fresno no one may annoy a lizard in a city park?" Whirl asked, viewing this new information filed under random, dumb human laws. There were definitely possibilities.
"Skywarp's acts of deviancy began in Alaska two weeks ago when he broke the local law that states that it is considered an offence to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. In this case, Skywarp," Sandstorm explained smirking.
"We aren't sure about if the butterfly case counts as a crime, because that thing isn't technically a real butterfly. They would have been too small and fragile for him." Not that Sandstorm understood how a human would manage either.
"So what law Skywarp possibly broke when you caught him distracted?" Springer asked. The three unnaturally identical, especially since one was formed by a human mouth, smirks widened until he was half afraid their lower face joints would break.
"It is illegal to molest butterflies in Pacific Grove."
AN: This takes place in my Bordering Wreckage AU two years after the story ends. Because Skywarp just is stupid enough.
And now, a little explanation about interfacing versus sex.
Not all interfacing counts as sex, because if it did how would they ever get anything done? These are basically giant computers there! Petting a person's hair and petting their erogenous zones are two different things and my version of Transformers have several recreational programs that can be activated via interfacing and some of them have parallels with sex. The interfacing doesn't have to happen with another person: any computer capable of running the program would do. Hence, enter my butterfly sex toy. Skywarp was distracted indeed.