What I want the pact to be
"Emily listen to me. What ever your hiding you can tell me. I don't know why your doing this and its killing me inside. I can feel your pain and it hurts so much but I need to know that your going to be okay. I can't let you do this. I can't let you not live because I can't live with out you, I need you with me and there is no way I am going to keep on going with out you with me. Just tell me what could possibly be so horrible that you need to leave me. We can work through this." So many things were going on in his head and he just knew that he had to stop her.
"Chris, you don't understand. It's more than what we can do." Emily knew that she couldn't live anymore. Everything. She couldn't ruin Chris' life with this child and she couldn't bring a child into the world when she was such a bad person.
"Make me understand, what ever happened its nothing compared to how much I love you. Nothing is ever going to stop me from loving you. Just tell me please."
"Chris I …" She was crying now, she couldn't help it. The thought of what happened so long ago just made her feel like such a failure.
"Don't cry. Please. Tell me." Chris took her into his arms and started rocking her back and forth.
"You'll think I'm disgusting. I shouldn't have done it. I'm so dirty I can't stop it." Chris didn't understand what could possibly make her feel like this. Did he cheat on her? Of course it would hurt his feelings but he would get over it. He loved her.
"Shhuu your not. You're perfect."
"No I'M NOT. Everyone thinks I am but I'm not. I'm horrible." She had pushed herself off of him now.
"Em, what happened?"
"I … when we were 10 and we were at the McDonalds you dared me to go into the boys room." Chris was surprised at how long ago that was. He barely remembered it. It couldn't just be that, something that, even after 6 year. She hadn't gotten over. He pulled her back into his arms. She was crying more now.
"When I walked in that … That Creep was in there. He he … Touched me" Before she had even finished her sentence, when he heard "Creep" He new what had happened. He cringed in discust but not at her. That creep, how could he. She was ten. Chris felt tears coming to his eyes and he couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting Emily. He titened his grip around Emily and she was still crying. She seems to think its her fault. Why would she think that? It wasn't. That Creep, that damp Bastard had touched her and she wanted to kill herself now, because of that creep.
"It's … it's not your fault Em" She seemed to freeze. Of course it was her fault. She should have walked out, done something and she let him.
"But I should have done something" She said, more tears coming now.
"You couldn't have done anything. He was bigger than you. He's a Creep. He shouldn't have touched you. Your not Dirty he is. I love you and I am so sorry this happened to you"
"You don't care that he touched me?"
"Of course I care; I want to kill that ass hole. But it doesn't change how I feel about you, or that I want to be with you"
Emily felt relief. He understood. He wanted to stay. She wanted to tell him about the other thing that had happened. She wanted to tell him she was pregnant.
"There's, there's something else" She whispered "I … I'm pregnant"
At this, Chris froze, but only for a moment. He knew better than to make her feel bad about herself. What was he going to do though? They would get married; it was going to happen anyway.
"Ok" he said. He understood now. Why she wanted to be dead, because she couldn't bring herself to live with how unperfected she was.
"Emily, you can't die. We can work through this. You can talk to me or to a physiatrist about that ass hole and we'll get married and have the baby and I can still go to college and so can you. Our parents will help us out. It will all work out. I know he hurt you and I wish I could take away the pain, but this isn't the answer"
If it was possible, Em was crying even more now. She knew Chris was right and she had told him, he understood and he still loves her.
Chris wanted to blame himself, he felt like it was his fault. If he hadn't dared her none of this would have happened. They would be living out there lives normally. Thinking back he started to feel like he should have seen this. It all made sense now, why she wouldn't sleep with him, why her self portrait was so deformed. She felt like a failure. He swooped Emily into his arms and brought her back to the car.
"Em, do you want to tell your parents?"
"I … they couldn't do anything"
"They can get you help, to deal with it"
"I … Don't know"
"Ok, we can talk about it tomorrow"
She fell asleep on his shoulder and when they got home he carried her to her room and closed the door.
Michael came up and knocked on the door and Chris got up from her side and opened it.
"Umm … Chris I think you should go home son"
"I can't. She needs me to stay. Were not doing anything, but she …" He was interrupted by Emily: "Chris, were are you. I'm … Don't go" She was balling again
Michael heard the misery in his daughter's voice and he knew that only Chris could comfort her. So he nodded and closed the door again.
Chris lay down on the bed and pulled Emily up unto his chest, she was crying again and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to find that Creep and kick his ass but that wouldn't help anyone. He knew that he could go to the police and convince Em to testify. That's what he would do, and he would get her the help she needed and he would be there for her when she needed him. It was all he could do, be her shoulder to cry on.