for the biggest

It was one of Gojou's more confusing dreams.

The good ones normally involved pretty girls, gambling, kicking the shit out of morons, or a combination of all three, like the one where the queens on the deck of cards all took their skirts off and said that they couldn't resist a man like him. The bad ones . . . were bad.

This one was just strange.

"Stand there," said Kanzeon Bosatsu, positioning him on a pedestal. He was wearing a strangely familiar-feeling black leather trenchcoat, and for some reason his hair was cut short. Hakkai was on another pedestal to his left, looking fucking weird yet oddly recognisable in a white lab coat and glasses and with unwashed long hair, with Sanzou further along in white silks and with his hair down round his hips, still looking as pissed as usual. To his right was another man with white hair and red eyes, who also had that familiar look to him. Or perhaps it was the dry look of disapproval he was giving Gojou. That sure felt familiar.

"Right," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, standing back. A subdued Gokuu sat at her feet, playing with a piece of fruit. "Now, here's how we play it, Gokuu. You give the golden peach to the fairest."

"This is biased," Gojou complained. "The monkey'll eat the peach."

"It's solid gold," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

"That won't stop him."

"Excuse me," Hakkai said, raising a hand. "I think I know this one. Should I offer him wisdom?"

"Hey!" Gojou complained. "Bribery's against the rules."

"No rules," Kanzeon said, smiling far too much. It was that damn infuriating immortal smile which said I know something you don't know, full-lipped (and full-hipped) and somehow private. "The whole point about unconditional choices is that they're unconditional."

Gojou looked at Sanzou (still scowling), then shrugged. "Fuck that. We all know what he's going to choose."

"Well, yes," Kanzeon agreed. "But you have to let these things happen to find out how they're going to happen. Wouldn't you say that makes a difference?"

Gojou shrugged again. "If I'd wanted to discuss theology, I'd have become a priest. Like him." He jerked his thumb at Sanzou.

"Fuck off and die," Sanzou recommended. "You think I'm enjoying this?"

"I think you look pretty damn good in that," Gojou said, letting his eyes wander up and down Sanzou. "Though if you want to know who I think's prettiest here --"

"Yes?" Kanzeon said.

"You. No question about it. A pair of breasts like that, now that's what I call divine."

"You really think so?" Kanzeon lifted her arms so that her breasts tugged upwards, dark nipples pouting through the thin silk.

"Sure," Gojou said. "Why don't you come up on this pedestal with me and show me some more, honey?"

"Gojou," Hakkai broke in, "I'm not sure this is really a good idea."

"Hey, if I can't kiss a bodhisattva, who can I kiss? Lots of tongue, baby, that's where it's at."

"I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours," Kanzeon said, slipping off her bodice. The nipples were just as good as they advertised themselves to be.

"Hell yeah," Gojou said. He tugged off his leather overcoat, and stood there bare-chested in leather trousers.

"Very pretty," Kanzeon said appreciatively. She let the remainder of her silks drift down to her ankles.

"I did tell you you'd regret it," Hakkai said in the sudden silence. "You see, bodhisattvas are normally portrayed in sacred art as being hermaphrodite because they combine both the female and the male, having achieved enlightenment. The bodhisattva Avalokitesvara appears in female form as the Chinese Kuan-yin or the Japanese Kanzeon, also in the form of the White Tara in Tibet, and sometimes . . ."

Hakkai's words receded into a mad distant clanging in Gojou's ears as he stared at the bodhisattva's cock.

"Your turn," Kanzeon said.

Gojou woke up clutching himself, and with an unspecified but serious feeling of inferiority. "Hakkai," he whispered in the other man's ear, "I'm not that small, am I?"

"What?" Hakkai muttered.

"I mean, you wouldn't fall in love with a bodhisattva if they had a bigger cock than I did?"

Hakkai rolled over and stared at Gojou with sleep-blurred eyes. "Gojou. Are you still drunk?"

"Probably," Gojou said, and went back to sleep again.