A/n: Cracky Mpreg, only made excusable by the fact Fay's not quite human… and the fact I watched Kip Gets Knocked Up A Notch by Futurama… ehe. Also… I'm a little bit drunk. Drunk enough to type but not enough to spellcheck (hah my computer does that for me) and drunk enough to write but not care if it makes sense.
Fay looked more tousled than usual, and sat at the table half slumped before remembering he was supposed to make breakfast.
"Are you okay Fay-san?"
"Yes Syaoran-kun." The blond wizard mumbled, getting up with a groan and going to make food for the 'family'. Mokona was helping Sakura get dressed, and Kurogane was nowhere to be seen, leaving Syaoran (attempting to translate yesterday's newspaper) and Fay in the kitchen. "Did you sleep all right?"
"No… I had a weird dream." Syaoran raised one hand to his eye thoughtfully, but quickly dropped it as the Clow Princess entered the room. Though she was clad in pyjamas, her bright smile and cheery attitude signalled she was wide awake. "Good morning Sakura-hime."
"Morning Syaoran-kun, Fay-san." She chirped, unaware they'd just been discussing something serious.
"Where is Kuro-wan?" Fay queried, peering over her shoulder.
"Arguing with a man trying to deliver letters…" Sakura mumbled. "'There is nobody called 'big puppy' here, or anywhere on the planet'." She repeated, and the group could not hide the smiles that drew on their faces.
Kurogane (Mokona perched on his head) came in, threw today's paper on the table in front of Syaoran, and grumbled at the letter for 'big puppy', it was only a circular but it was bad that they'd been here long enough to get mail.
"You signed me up for some damn newsletter didn't you." He complained to the blond wizard who was glowering at the breakfast as though it had just bitten him.
"Did I?" He mumbled distractedly. "Possibly… I don't remember. Sorry Kuro-myuu." It was not usual for Fay to apologise for his reckless behaviour, but he was decidedly unpredictable at times… like now for instance. He didn't even seem to realise his sleeve was on fire. Panicking a little, Syaoran threw orange juice on it, which Fay blinked at.
"Moron." Muttered Kurogane, taking a seat.
"Sorry… I wasn't concentrating." Fay whispered, dabbing at his sleeve then pouring Syaoran a new glass of orange juice.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes Sakura-chan…" He assured her, batting his hand and dismissing her concern easily.
"Liar." Kurogane accused, but didn't bother meeting his eyes as he buttered the bread, he didn't have to look at Fay to know that he was smiling broadly.
"Ano… Fay-san… if there's something on your mind…" She said nervously, looking very worried.
"It's probably nothing." He promised, and began noisily serving the meals. Kurogane had noticed that whenever something bothered the magician… he covered it with noise. Whether he was running around like an idiot, yelling like an idiot or just generally clattering… silence seemed poison for the young man.
"Delivery!" Mokona chirped suddenly, opening its mouth and expelling a ball of white energy.
"Damnit don't do that at the table!" Kurogane growled.
"It's a letter." Sakura mused, she couldn't read the writing on the envelope. Fay peered over.
"Ahh… I was hoping this wouldn't come." He said with a sigh and a smile, he took the letter and pocketed it. "It's for me."
"Aren't you going to open it?" Mokona queried.
"No need… I already know what it says." The blond shook his head and sat down for breakfast, leaving the others curious about the mysterious letter. They didn't have to wait long however, because after breakfast Fay followed the others into the living room, absently eating a salami he'd stolen from the refridgerator. He sat with the letter, staring at it for a moment.
"Scared of it?" Kurogane grumbled, sitting down next to Syaoran and leafing through the translations in an attempt to find a lead on the feather. Fay shook his head.
"It's not the letter I'm scared of." He flipped it open elegantly, blue eyes raking over the text. "Hyuu… thought so. Interdimensional mail is so slow nowadays." He sighed.
"What does it say?" Sakura asked. Fay looked pensive for a moment, before peering over the letter at Sakura, innocently staring at him with her shivering green eyes.
"In about 6 months I'm going to be a father." He announced. Sakura squeaked, Syaoran dropped the papers, Kurogane blinked and Mokona gasped.
"To become a dad… you need to have had sex." Kurogane said eventually. "3 months ago we were in weirdosville, it didn't exist."
"Outo TECHNICALLY existed… in the Edonis kingdom… but we were in capsules." Syaoran mused before remembering their were bigger matters. "How exactly does one manage to…"
"I understand." Fay said thoughtfully. "If you don't want me to travel with you anymore, I'll only be a hindrance from now on." He grinned and cocked his head, closing his eyes in a very happy smile.
"The hell… don't say stupid stuff." Kurogane grumbled.
"Fay-san…" Syaoran whispered.
"Don't be ridiculous Fay-san… whereas it's not really… within my morals." Sakura started but Fay held up a hand.
"Thank you all very much for judging me to that extent," He said playfully. "But the letter's not from a girl I've uh… been with." He blinked.
"You don't make sense, y'know that?" Kurogane grumbled, picking up the papers that had been dropped and trying to sort through them.
"It's from the high court of Valeria. I guess the automatic-magic mailing system still works." He mused, knowing there was nobody there to send mail, that the ancient spell must still be working.
"Thought you were from Celes."
"Kuro-rin you're interrupting me." Scolded the blond wizard shaking his head in disapproval. "Anyway the letter says I'm pregnant." This time Kurogane dropped the papers, and Sakura fell from her seat.
"Fay-san…" Syaoran said tentatively. "You're a boy… you can't get pregnant."
"Thank you for that gem of wisdom." The magician laughed. "But you're forgetting… I'm a wizard." He tapped his nose. "The magic of the olden days is dying out… after all you don't see as many dragons and demons around nowadays."
"I disagree." Kurogane muttered bitterly causing Syaoran to flinch. He knew full well what that meant.
"So, it's been bred into the generations for those with powerful magic, male or female, to fall pregnant when they fall in love." Fay explained, folding up the letter and putting it back into his pocket.
"Wouldn't've thought you were capable." Kurogane grunted. "Y'know, of falling in love?"
"You know… if the letter hadn't confirmed it, I doubt I'd have believed it myself." He whispered weakly. It was somewhat of a shock.
"Wait… if you're the father… who's the mother?" Syaoran asked suddenly, looking at Sakura worriedly. Fay laughed sadly, and shook his head. He allowed his hand to fall to his shirt, there was no indication whatsoever that he was pregnant.
"The 'mother' is little more than a DNA donor, just because I love them doesn't mean they love me… and no it's not Sakura-chan." He added. Sakura smiled a little.
"The 'mother' can be male right?" She asked. Fay smiled sweetly, knowing he'd been caught out by the cute little princess.
"Am I that obvious?" With looks like his, his flirty attitude and general behaviour, Fay was quite obviously as straight as a rainbow, though he hadn't been aware it showed so much.
"Well I want you to stay with us!" Mokona said, hopping onto Fay's lap and cuddling his stomach enthusiastically, Fay stroked behind its ears gently.
"Me too." Agreed the princess, her head nodding like a comical dashboard ornament. Syaoran looked hesitant, weighing up the pros and cons of Fay being pregnant.
"We'll have to be very careful…" He warned.
"It'll be dangerous." Sakura whispered. "But I don't see why he's anymore of a liability than me… who can't really do much… and I wander off sometimes too." She blushed and hid her head in her hands, embarrassing herself further.
"He can stay." Kurogane shrugged, and gathered the papers again. "But he's not fighting."
"Anything you say daddio!" Mokona chirped. Fay immediately began to cough, and Kurogane realised, as the children fussed over him, that Fay was not having a coughing fit for real…
He was just making noise.
A/n: Yes'm. Haha it's early morning. Also, I don't care if you review with OMFG MEN CAN'T GET PREGNANT. Because rum is good, and babies are cute!!