Random conversations on Bad Wolf Bay
Summary: There were lots of things left unsaid at the end of „Journey's End". But since I don't know them for sure, too, I've come up with several ideas. This is 10.5/Rose (again).
Disclaimer: All official Doctor Who stuff belongs to BBC etc. - I only borrow it for this story.
Notice: A second dialogue between the part-human Doctor and Rose, but I think I actually wrote this one first. Since all chapters are supposes sort of little one-shots, this scene isn't meant to have anything to do with the first (or any following) chapters, even if it might work.
Chapter 3 - Déja-Vu
The Tardis and the last of the full-blooded Time Lords of the other universe were long gone. As far as anybody knew, Gallifrey and its people didn't exist on this side of the Void, where zeppelins crowed the sky over London.
Jackie had decided that she had enough of the sea-side and had settled in a near hotel. It was the same lodging they had used years ago. Back then, they had found this beach by following her daughters dreams, which had guided them to the one thin spot between the universes.
Rose, however, didn't want to stay inside right now. It reminded her too much of how lost and desperate she had felt the last time she had been here.
Thus, the young woman now sat on the beach and stared out over the sea, her heels digging into the soft sand.
If only her head would stop spinning, so she could sort out her thoughts and find out what to do next. The last time she had felt this confused had been long before Bad Wolf Bay.
When the Doctor sat down next to her, Rose wondered how long he had been near her.
In fact, the man in the blue suit had never left her side, even when she had let go of his hand. Where else should he go anyway?
Sure, this world was brand new to him, and although he didn't have the Tardis anymore, he would find ways to explore it, if he wanted to. But right now he wanted to do nothing but get used to his current situation. The Doctor was sure his other self was in the same mood, especially since that one must have taken care of Donna by now. And because he couldn't retreat into his ship, he sought comfort in the constant rushing of the sea and by just being near her.
"This feels like a multiple Deja-Vu" muttered Rose.
"You tried to make me stay with my family, so you could be sad and alone."
"But you returned to me against all odds."
"And you regenerated shortly after I finally was back with you."
"Into this form. Twice, sort of."
"I couldn't believe it was you. But in the end you were much like your old self, just with great hair and brown eyes ..."
Rose had to smile weakly when she remembered the first days after his tenth life had begun.
"I still look the same. You were afraid I would regenerate for real when the Dalek shot me. I was, too. But look, it's the same face." The Doctor sounded somewhat unsure, but there was a pleading tone in his voice, too.
"But you have changed nevertheless. Last time your personality changed, too. I was afraid how this new regeneration would make things different between us. And now ... this ..."
"Yeah, I think I did change a bit inside. Donna didn't give me only some physical aspects of a human."
Not for the first time since his consciousness had awoken in this body, the Doctor tried to listen into himself – tried to figure out what and who exactly he was now.
"So you did regenerate after all."
"Oh come on, you can't blame me for that." Exasperated, the man in the blue suit pulled a face and complained in a rather high pitched voice: "Would you rather have me got killed by that Dalek? Do you think I like to regenerate? I can't help it, just like you can't stop breathing."
"How does it feel?" Rose continued, apparently ignorant of his outburst. Her gaze was still fixed on the ocean.
"Regenerating?" The Doctor glanced her sideways with raised eyebrows, wondering why she wanted to talk about that right now. "Usually it hurts, although it mostly hurts because you are mortally wounded or dying of something else at that moment. For a time you don't know yourself, because you change inside and outside. Most people around you alter their attitude towards you, if they recognize you at all." Explaining it like this calmed him somehow. All of that was now in his past.
"No, how does it feel to be part-human?"
"Oh. Well, I don't know yet. I guess that's still part of not knowing me myself. It might take me longer to get used to all the changes, inside and outside, this time. Because my body is mostly human now, although my brain still is mostly Time Lord."
"Just one heart."
"And just one life."
"You will grow old and can get ill and hurt."
"Yeah, I definitely can feel the aging process of this body is much faster than that of a Gallifreyan. I don't know yet how resistant I still am against illness and how fast I might heal."
"So you can't continue to be yourself."
This statement caught the Doctor off-guard. Rose had said it in the same calm and rather distant tone she had used through the whole conversation. Now he looked at her directly for the first time since the Tardis had vanished.
"Because you were always headed for adventure and danger, and didn't care much what happened to you."
"But I always cared what happened to you."
"Yeah, and sometimes you cared so much that you sent me away."
"Ah, so we are back at the beginning. I send you away, and you keep coming back to me."
"And you keep changing, just when I find you again."
"So, will you try to return to me again?" He regretted his words immediately. The last thing he wanted was to encourage her to go after the other version of himself.
"You tricked me."
"Rose?" The Time Lord wondered if he had lost some of his superior intelligence after all, because he just didn't know what she was talking about. If only she would look at him ...
"I found you, and you changed - but not quite. You sent me away - but you stayed with me, in a way."
"So, I guess it would be your turn to send me away now." The Doctor got the uncomfortable feeling that they somehow had switched places. He didn't like to be at someones mercy, but there didn't seem to be much choice about it lately.
"Would you come back to me against all odds?" Rose wasn't sure why she asked him this. Sending him away was the last thing she would ever do.
"I guess I would try. I don't know if I can keep my distance from you like I used to as a full-blooded Time Lord. Back then I had all sorts of reasons and excuses to do so. Now most of them don't apply anymore. Instead I just want to be with you. But I would never press you."
"I hate regenerations."
"I'm sorry ...", it sounded partly like an excuse for something that wasn't his fault and partly like he once more didn't know what she wanted to say or hear from him.
Finally the blond woman turned and faced him. "But I'm glad that you won't have to regenerate anymore."
The Doctor was only dimly aware that she had taken his hands. He was too caught up by her gaze.
"You are still you, but just like the last time you are different, too. I won't try to get back to your other self, because that would mean to abandon you.
I told you that I would stay with you forever, and that didn't change even when I realized we couldn't really have that.
This you needs someone to look after you more than the other one. I'd like that we make sure that the forever we can finally have now will last as long as possible."
"You used to be only speechless when something really awful was happening."
Her smile slowly got mirrored by him.
"Well, I think this new me gets speechless when something really wonderful is happening."