Chapter Nine: Seras's Ghosts.

AN: Sorry about posting this so late; but it's a rather long chapter, at least, compared to the other chapters in this fic. So, it took me longer to type up and proofread and... Well anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Please review. Thanks. :)

"Now would one of you please do something to get me out of this?!"

Alucard just looked at Seras. She asked, "What?"

"They're your ghosts."

Why do people keep saying that? They're not my ghosts! "Master, I can only see the ghosts. I don't have any control over them."

It was then that Seras heard a familiar voice above her head. "Well, that's not entirely accurate."

Seras looked up to see Helena float down through the ceiling. "What do you mean?"

Helena continued to descend until she was at eye level with Seras. Helena hovered in place as she answered, "As a nexus, you act as a bridge between dimensions. That is why the ghosts can suddenly interact with things in the living world."

Seras cut in. "I know. You've already told me this."

Helena looked a little put out by Seras's interruption. "Yes, I told you what you were. But your boyfriend interrupted us before I was able to tell you what you can do. As a nexus, you are the bridge that links the ghosts to this dimension, but you don't have to let them cross. You can block the bridge."

Now it was Seras's turn to look put out. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Helena sighed and spoke in an almost... motherly tone. "I was going to, but you wanted to spend some alone time with your boyfriend."

Yeah, and I'd still like to. Stupid interruptions. Wait a minute! "If I block the traffic, what will happen to Pip?"

At this question, Alucard's face took on a confused expression. "Police Girl, would you please stay focused on the task at hand?"

"I am, Master."

"Really, what does blocking traffic and Pip have to do with your ghosts?"

"It's an analogy. Helena's trying to explain how I can get rid of the clown dancing with Integra."

Alucard was very frustrated. His gun had been stolen. He'd been reprimanded and punished for chasing a ghoul monkey around the mansion. Integra hadn't believed him that the monkey was a ghoul. He'd been woken up twice by his Master screaming for him. His face had been horribly disfigured by his fledgling's makeup. He'd been shot repeatedly by his own gun; and, worst of all, some other dead guy was dancing with his master. Alucard was not having a very good day. No, not at all. And he still didn't understand what was going on with his fledgling. "Who is Helena?!"

Integra was twirled and dipped again. She looked over at her servant. "Alucard?"

"Yes, Master?"

"Leave Seras alone, and let her figure out how to handle the ghosts. I'm getting tired of dancing."

"Uh, yes Master." Alucard turned back to his fledgling. He had an angry look in his eyes, but was quiet.

Helena continued, "Well, that depends on how you block the traffic. The easiest thing to do is to contain your nexus connections and block everything."

"I can't do that. I just got Pip back. I can't lose him again!" Poor Seras was nearly in tears.

Helena just smiled encouragingly. "No, I didn't think you'd go for that option. Fortunately, there is another. If you can maintain tactile contact with one of the ghosts, you can block only that specific ghost's spirit energy. It's kind of like putting a guard at one end of the bridge and telling him to not let a specific person by."

"And you can teach me how to do this?" Seras asked hopefully.

"Yes, but unfortunately you're going to have to catch the ghost you want to block."

"Great, and just how am I suppose to catch a ghost?"

"Well, there's an old sang. 'Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire'."

"So, you'll hold him down?"

Helena laughed lightly. "Oh, my dear, no. I'll teach you how to block the ghost, but I'm not about to go chasing some clown around a mansion. You'll have to find someone else for that."

Great, it can never be easy. Can it? "Fine. You wait here. I'll be back in a minute." And with that Seras took off, through the mansion, yelling for the various ghosts that she thought might help her. "Piiiiip! Jaaaack! Caaaaspeeeer!" God help me. I'll even take "Jaaaaaan!"

One, by one the ghosts responded to their nexus's summons, all except for poor Pip who was still lying unconscious in Seras's cell.

Jan and Casper were the first two to answer Seras's call. They both walked out of Integra's office, cigars in there mouths. Seras saw this and grabbed the cigar out of Casper's mouth. She threw it to the floor and ground it out with her heel. Then she turned on Jan. "What do you think you're doing?! You can't let a kid smoke a cigar!"

Jan held out his index finger as if to say 'wait a minute.' The cigar in his mouth exploded. Jan's head flew up into the air and landed upside down on his neck. "Oh, man! I love these things! They've got a real kick to them!"

Seras pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Jan was hopeless. Seras saw Jan reach up and right his head, then she grabbed him and Casper by their wrists. "Come on. I need your help with something."

On her way back to the ballroom, Seras spotted Jack and enlisted his aid as well. The four reached the ballroom, and Seras looked over at the ghost who was still dancing with Integra. Although he had moved on, from the slow dance to a tango.

Integra looked even more put out then when Seras had left.

Seras shouted, "Alright, clown, that's enough!"

The ghost looked over at Seras, as if finally acknowledging the presence of other people in the room. The ghost released Integra. "Not clown." He walked over to Seras. "Joker. I'm the Joker." The Joker extended his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

In one of the stupidest moves of her life, Seras actually reached out to shake the ghost's hand. She always did try to be polite. "I'm Ser..." Seras's words were cut short as 1200 watts of electricity surged through her body. The smell of burning flesh filled the air as Seras's body fell to the floor.

Joker pulled his hand back and laughed manically. "No one blocks the Joker." Jan, also, broke into a fit of laughter. Then Joker stopped laughing, and his jaw dropped as Seras started to get back up. Apparently you couldn't kill a vampire by electrocuting them.

Jack and Casper helped the young fledgling to her feet, and Helena turned to the Joker. "Exactly what where you hoping to accomplish anyway? If you'd killed her, you'd of disappeared same as if she blocked you."

Joker scratched his head for a moment. "Really? You don't say. Well, in that case" Joker lifted one leg high, like some loony tunes character about to sprint off. "I guess I'll run." He did just that.

By now Seras had recovered from her shock. She ordered her ghosts, "After him!" Surprisingly, even Jan obeyed.

The four took off after the Joker as he resumed his maniacal laughter and intermittently injected lines from The Ginger Bread Man. "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the ginger bread man."

Joker ran around a corner and into a long hallway. The others followed only to see Joker reach into his pocket and pull out a bag of marbles. The Joker continued to run as he dumped said marbles on the floor. A slight slant caused them to roll towards his pursuers.

At first, no one payed much attention to the marbles. As ghost's, Jan, Jack and Casper simply floated over them, while Seras's vampire reflexes kept her from falling. But then, the marbles started to explode; and suddenly, things changed. Seras and her ghosts ran back the way they'd come, just barely keeping ahead of the exploding children's toys.

Seras, Jack, Casper and Jan managed to escape the inferno that had once been one of Integra's hallways, only to bump into the Hellsing heir after emerging from the hallway. Integra saw the destruction and asked, "What the Hell happened to my hallway!"

Seras started to answer, "Well, you see, Joker had these marbles, and heeeee!..."

Seras's explanation was cut short as Jack picked her up and started to run away from the fuming Hellsing heir. "Tell her later, Love. We've got a ghost to catch. Remember?"

Jan and Casper followed. The former stopped for a moment and groped Integra, who responded with a shocked gasp. Integra turned and tried to slap whomever had dared to grope her, but Jan simply ducked under the blow. He then caught up to the others. Seras, who Jack had put back down and was once again using her own two feet, turned to Jan. "You better stop doing that. Master will kill you if he finds out you've been touching Sir Integra."

Jan just laughed. "Let him try. I'm already a ghost. Nothing he can do to me. No blood left for him to feed off of."

Joker had a good lead on his pursuers. As he ran by a room, he noticed one of the geese's boom boxes lying on the floor inside. Joker firmly planted both feet. He slid on for a short distance, causing the rug to bunch up in front of him. Then the Clown Prince of Crime came to a stop. He back tracked and entered the room. He quickly pulled a cassette out from one of his pockets, picked up the boom box, inserted said cassette, set the boom box down next to the mansion's intercom and turned both on. As the Joker resumed his mad dash, the song "Party Man" could be heard blaring in every room of the mansion.

Seras and her ghosts were still trying to find the Joker when they heard the music come over the mansion's intercom system. All hail - the new king in town. Young and old, gather 'round (yeah). Black and white, red and green (funky). The funkiest man U've ever seen.

Seras put her hands over her ears. "Yuck, what is that?"

Tell U what his name is. Partyman, partyman. Rock a party like nobody can. Rules and regulations - no place in his nation. Partyman, partyman.

Jan's foot started tapping. "I kind of like it."

Party people - say it now: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Somebody holler if U wanna party.

Seras looked at him. "You would."

Get it up, oh yeah. Partyman, partyman. Get it up, get it up.

"Oh, I don't know, love. It does have a nice beat." Jack started dancing.

I rock the party, I rock the house. I rock the whole world, north, east and south. In the west - 17 horns blowin.

Seras grabbed both Jack and Jan by their ears. "Come on. You two are just wasting time." Admits their protests, Seras dragged the two back into the center of the mansion.

Partyman, partyman. (Lose me now boy). Get it up. All hail the new king in town.

"Ow. What the Fuck? What the Fuck! Let go of my ear."

"Okay. Okay. I'm coming. "

Seras let go of the two's ears. Jan asked, "But just how are we suppose to find this guy anyway? The fucking mansion's huge and thanks to our fucking little detour, he could be anywhere."

While Seras stopped and thought about Jan's question, something caught Jack's eye and he wandered a short distance away from the group.

Ain't nothin' but a muffin. We gotta lotta butter 2 go. (Y'say aye, an' I like ya 'way, but don't come now). And if it break when it bend. U better not put it in – uh.

Casper turned to Seras and innocently asked, "Seras, what does fucking mean?"

Seras glared at Jan, who stammered while trying to come up with an excuse for his language. Jack caught everyone's attention with a sharp whistle. The other two ghosts and one nexus turned to the dead pirate captain. Jack used his thumb to point down the hallway that lead to the mansion's west wing. "I think our joker went this way."

"And just why the fu..." Jan was cut off as Seras elbowed him in the gut.

Seras asked, "What makes you think that?"

Giddy up. (Ride 'em boy). Partyman, partyman. Partyman. Partyman, partyman.

Jack twirled his mustache. "Well, love, it's not conclusive or anything." Jack pointed to one of the paintings hanging in the direction he had indicated. "But I doubt this Abraham Hellsing had green eyebrows and a purple beard."

The group headed off in the direction of the disfigured painting.

Young and old, gather 'round.

It took the group another ten minutes of searching, but Casper finally caught sight of the Joker, who'd been trying to tiptoe around the group.

The Joker new it when the young boy spotted him. He turned to the lad, waved his hands in a 'no' pattern then put a finger to his lips.

Casper cocked his head to the side and stared at the strange clown's antics for a moment, then he called out. "I've found him! He's over there!" Casper pointed at the Joker.

The Joker hissed at the boy, "Miserable little bugger." then took off again. However, this time Seras and her ghost were right behind him, and The Joker had run out of marbles. He fled to the west wing's hall of bedrooms. The Joker then began leading the group in and out of the different rooms, going in through the door of one room, walking through the wall that separated it from the next and then exiting through that room's doorway.

Seras, who was unable to pass through solid objects without leaving big holes behind her, just stood in the hallway and watched the chase. Over and over again, the ghosts would enter one room and exit another. Seras began to wonder if the strange game of cat and mouse would ever end, then she heard a metallic clank next to her. Seras looked over to see a seven foot tall green figure standing next to her.

Seras eeeped and jumped back. The thing, whatever it was, smiled and extended it's hand. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Seras eyed the strange creature. It was covered from head to toe in some sort of mid-evil armor. However, it wasn't behaving in a threatening manor and seemed rather friendly. Seras began to extend her hand then remembered what had happened to her last time. Seras pulled her hand back. "Um, forgive me. But the last time I shook someone's hand he tried to electrocute me."

The creature pulled back his hand, he still seemed to be in a jolly mood. "Oh, well I guess that's okay. Who are you? You're not a fellow ghost. I can tell that much. But you can see and hear me."

"Ah, yeah. Long story. Short version is, 'I'm a nexus so I can interact with ghosts.' Name's Seras Victoria."

The creature pointed to itself and proudly stated. "Well, I'm the Gray Prince, Grand Champion of the Arena. Or, at least, I was for many years. What's going on over there." The self appointed Gray Prince motioned towards the chase that was still going on and showed no sign of letting up anytime soon.

"Oh, yeah." In the wake of meeting the rather unusual creature in front of her, Seras had nearly forgotten about the Joker. "Well you see there's this very bad ghost, and the other ghosts are trying to capture him so I can send him away."

"The bad ghost the one with the painted face?"

Seras nodded. The Gray Prince turned to face the ghosts who were still zigzagging from room to room. "Don't worry. I'll get him." And with that the Gray Prince took off. He made a flying tackle and intercepted the Joker in between rooms.

Seras was rather surprised but glad. She walked over to where the Joker was attempting to escape the huge, green Grand Champion. The Joker was not having much luck. No, not at all.

Helena hovered up behind Seras. "'Oh good, you finally caught him. Now put your hand on his heart."

Seras did as instructed and was rewarded with a blast of acid from the flower on the Joker's cote. Seras pulled her hand back in pain, but it healed quickly. She pressed her hand to the knave's heart again, but this time she made sure to slip her hand inside of the cote.

"Good, now close your eyes and feel his unique energy signature."

It took a moment, but then Seras replied, "I can feel it! He's... he's crazy! Not stupid, but... but completely insane!"

"Yes, yes. By making contact with the spirit energy you can see glimpses of the other's thoughts and feel some of their emotions. But that's not important right now. Now that you've identified his unique energy signature, just push against it with your mind and feelings. Block his flow and he'll..." Helena stopped talking as, with a final shriek, the Joker vanished away. "Very good. Very good. You caught on fast, young fledgling. You can use this technique to block any ghost as long as you are the only nexus around. If there are others, you will all have to block the spirit. As long as one bridge remains open. The traffic will flow across it. But you've learned enough for one night." Helena smiled coyly. "You're prince charming is still in your chamber. I'm afraid that your Master knocked him unconscious earlier."

Seras seemed shocked. "You mean, when he was defending me? Is... is Pip okay?!"

"Calm yourself, child. He's already a ghost. Not much more worse can happen to him now. But if you still want your 'alone time', you should go to him quickly. Ghosts vanish with the rising sun, and it should be up in about an hour."

Seras started to run off but stopped and turned back. Helena reassured her. "Don't worry. I'll talk to the others. They won't interrupt you. And for all your boss and master know, you're still chasing after the Joker."

Seras pulled the vampire ghost into another undignified bear hug and commented, "Thanks. You're the best." before heading to her room.

Seras bent down and cupped Pip's head. She planted a light kiss on his lips, and the ghost stirred beneath the sensation.

Pip's vision cleared, and his eyes fluttered open. "Ahhh, I must be in heaven. For I've been kissed by an angel."

Seras rolled her eyes at the corny comment, but smiled none the less. "Not heaven. Just my room."

"Same thing, Mignonette, same thing." Seras helped pull Pip to his feet and lead him over to her coffin. "Are you all right? Alucard didn't..."

"I'm fine. Alucard knows about the ghosts. They all do now. And we've finally got our alone time." Seras grinned coyly.

Pip sat down on the open coffin. "No more interruptions?"

Seras sat beside him. "No, my love. Just you and me until sunrise."

Pip laid down on the mattress. "What happens at sunrise?"

Seras laid down next to him. "Oh, I thought you knew. Ghosts disappear during the day." Pip seemed disappointed. Seras wrapped her arms around him. "But we've got about an hour."

Pip smiled. "Not nearly enough time." He sighed. "But I suppose we'll make do, and I'll come haunt you again tomorrow night and the next night and the one after that and..."

Seras put her finger on Pip's lips. "I get the idea, and you better. I wouldn't want to get lonely."

Pip grinned widely. "No chance of that, Mignonette." He began to kiss his lover's neck.

Seras giggled, and the coffin lid closed above them.

(Well, what did you think? Please let me know. Thanks. I'm marking this story as complete because the everyone now knows about the ghost and Seras has found a way to block unwanted ones. The main plot of this story is complete. However, I still have a couple of ideas for random things happening in the life Hellsing's new nexus. They don't have any overarching plot, just day to day stuff. I might type some of them up and add them onto the end of this story. Or I might not, it all depends on how much free time I have and how involved I am in other fics. I guess what I'm saying is if you have those on story alert, you mine as well leave it.

PS. The Song Partyman is from the 1989 Batman film. It was kind of the Joker's theme song in that movie. He played it while he and his goons were trashing a museum and disfiguring a bunch of paintings.

To anonymous: Thanks for the review. Yeah, they all believe her now. The Joker been taken care of, but Alucard and Integra still might have a few problems with Jan. LoL. Although, he's lucky to, at least, attempt to behave himself now that he knows Seras can banish him. Yes, Casper is definitely friendly and sane, though he is a bit naive. chuckles not too many people do catch breaks in my humor fics, but, usually, everything works out in the end.

To Twinkers4: Thanks for the review. Well, I'm glad that this Joker reminded you of Jack's. Yes, it is a shame Heath died, especially the way he died. In Jesus name may God rest the poor man's soul.

To all of my readers and reviewers: Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


In a dark cave, on another continent: A one armed man stared down at the ground. "I can't believe it. He beat me again. Again!" His one remaining arm shot out and struck a large stalagmite.

Then the man heard a disembodied voice coo. "I told you that would happen. Solid is good. Too good for you."

The man turned away from the voice. It continued, "But together, and with help from my allies... Well the Snake would fall quickly."

The man looked back over his shoulder, and the voice began to take form. An arm reached out and stroked the man's head. "That's it. Lower those walls. Let me through."

The man relaxed his head against the stroking. He'd sealed his father's gift away for too long. He been told it was dangerous, too dangerous. But what did he care? Surely, he could handle it. After all, his father had, hadn't he? The voice promised the man allies, and allies he needed.

"Yes, that's it." The voice materialized into a tattooed face, and crackled, "Millennium lives again." Then other forms joined it. They rose up through the ground like the dead spirits they were and gathered around the one armed man and the tattooed woman. The cave erupted in a chorus of maniacal laughter.

(To be continued in Hellsing: Geist Krieg. That is, if I ever get around to writing it. LoL.)