Hiya everyone! This is a songfic - don't click the BACK button!! You can very much ignore the lyrics and just read the story itself - it was inspired by the song and I love Bon Jovi (I'm sooo old!) so I included the lyrics (in bold). It's quite long for a one shot but I hope you enjoy it. Imagine David Thewlis and Gary Oldman when you read - that's what I did!
It begins as Remus and Sirius move into Grimmauld Place after GOF and it tells the story of their reconcilitation (at the same progression as the song). Hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.
WARNING - This is slash. Two men involved in a sexual situation - in a very sweet way and not as graphic as I usually like it. (Damn!)
Disclaimer - I am not JKR and do not own HP. I only borrow these characters to get them laid in a way I can tolerate (Tonks! Argh! Worst ship ever!)
It might be hard to be lovers
But it's harder to be friends
Baby, pull down the covers
It's time you let me in
Maybe light a couple candles
I'll just go ahead and lock the door
If you talk to me
Till we aren't strangers anymore
The door closed and they were alone, each looking anywhere but at the other, neither wanting to be the one to make eye contact. This was the first time the spectre of their past together had risen to further stretch the ever widening gulf between them. They'd been able to avoid it the last time they were alone - concentrating instead on reforming the Order and formulating plans to keep Harry safe but now…now there was no hiding behind tasks and missions and Harry. Now, they were alone but neither knew how to begin.
Neither was sure if they should try.
'This is fucking ridiculous,' Sirius finally muttered - he never could stand the silence. 'We've been friends for years…we should be able to spend an evening together without this…' He waved his hand, the gesture saying what he could not verbalise.
'Awkwardness?' finished Remus, his finger tracing the edges of a knot in the timber kitchen table. 'What did you expect, Sirius? That we could just pick up where we left off? Or go back in time and forget that we each believed the other a traitor? Forget all the things we said to each other? It's not that easy.'
He could feel Sirius' grey eyes burning into him but refused to meet them, refused to challenge his mind's insistence that he was over Sirius because deep in his gut, he knew that Sirius wasn't someone you just got over.
'Look at me, Remus,' the surprisingly soft voice demanded and his treacherous body obeyed, just as it always had.
Blue eyes clashed with the grey and Remus' hand stilled. There was something there - something he'd never seen in Sirius' eyes before. It was uncertainty, vulnerability.
'I know we can't just pick up where we left off,' Sirius said. 'I know we can't get back what we had but can we try to…I don't know…start again? As friends, if nothing else?'
He dragged his hand through his dark hair roughly, tousling it in a way that reminded Remus of hot nights and warm breath and sweat and sex and everything he had spent so long trying to forget.
'We used to talk,' he continued, eyes burning into Remus' very soul. 'There never used to be anything we couldn't talk through. Please, Remus. I can't stand the way we are now…like we never meant anything to each other, like we're strangers. Let's just…talk.'
Remus looked at him, his expression inscrutable then he nodded. 'Alright,' he whispered, going against every instinct that screamed at him to run. 'Let's talk.'
Lay your head on my pillow
I sit beside you on the bed
Don't you think it's time we say
Some things we haven't said
It ain't too late to get back to the place
Back to where we thought it was before
Why don't you look at me
Till we ain't strangers anymore
They talked at every opportunity for the next week, sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. Sometimes they spoke quietly; sometimes they argued, yelling at each other until one of them stormed off only to return apologetically later. The night the Weasleys came to stay, Sirius knocked on Remus' door, convincing the werewolf to let him so they could keep their recently reopened dialogue moving. They started to meet every night in each other's room - talking… never touching; the bed a white elephant they chose to ignore.
'You won't look at me,' Sirius complained two weeks after that awkward first night in the kitchen and Remus frowned, staring at the ceiling.
'I'm listening,' he hedged but Sirius wouldn't let it go that easily.
'I know but I miss you looking at me,' he mumbled, looking at his socks and realising he had a hole in one. 'The way you used to…'
He bit his lip and shook his head. 'Doesn't matter.'
'No,' said Remus, finally turning to face him. 'Tell me.'
Sirius' eyes shifted to the man reclining on his bed and he smiled reminiscently before looking away. 'The way you looked at me when I talked. It was like you thought what I was saying was important; like you really listened to every single word…Oh, I know the others listened but you…you heard me.'
He sighed and looked at Remus, who was watching him with that same look in his eyes; the look that made Sirius feel like he was the only person on earth. 'I miss you looking at me.'
Remus rolled over onto his side and smiled. 'I'm looking at you now.'
A slow smile crept across Sirius' face and his hand shifted slightly to brush up against Remus'. 'Yeah, you are.'
Sometimes its hard to love me
Sometimes its hard to love you too
I know its hard believing
That love can pull us through
It would be so easy
To live your life with one foot out the door
Just hold me baby
Till we aint strangers anymore
'For God's sake, Sirius, why do you have to push like that? You know what Dumbledore said…'
'I know damn well what he said,' Sirius snapped, pacing the floor. 'Harry deserves to know what he's going to be facing. He needs to know.'
'I agree with you but we must listen to Albus,' Remus insisted, getting up off his bed and standing in front of Sirius, stopping his frustrated strides. 'Padfoot, please. Just stop.'
Sirius looked up at the taller man in surprise. 'That's the first time you've called me Padfoot since the Shrieking Shack,' he said slowly and Remus' brow creased.
'Yeah, well, maybe my brain's still a bit frozen after sitting on that broom,' he muttered, his face flushing as he moved back to the bed. 'It was a bloody long trip from Harry's to here.'
He rubbed at his aching back and Sirius frowned. The full moon was approaching and Remus should never have gone on the flight to Harry's house in his weakened state.
Sirius sat down, feeling completely ineffectual. 'It should have been me to go tonight,' he said moodily, fighting to not touch Remus, to not run his hands over his aching back to soothe the pain like he used to. 'You need to be resting. I hate being so fucking useless.'
Remus grunted, his face strained and Sirius gave up the fight. 'Let me do it,' he murmured, pushing Remus' hand away and replacing it with his own. He felt Remus stiffen and sighed.
'You're in pain, Moony,' he said softly. 'Let me do something for you.'
After a moment of hesitation, Remus nodded, allowing Sirius to guide him down onto the bed. He rubbed the knotted muscles of the werewolf's back and shoulders, which gradually loosened under the still familiar touch. Remus' eyes closed and when Sirius finished, he hesitated for a few minutes, looking at the face of his former lover, the face he'd spent many nights admiring as the other man slept. He sighed, brushing the grey streaked hair off Remus' face carefully before standing.
'Don't go,' Remus whispered, eyes still closed. 'Stay.'
Sirius paused then sat back down on the edge of the bed. 'Remus…' he said, desperate to wrap himself around the other man but holding back.
'Please,' Remus said softly, opening his eyes a crack. 'Just…hold me. I want you to hold me.'
It's hard to find forgiveness
When we just run out of lies
Its hard to say you're sorry
When you can't tell wrong from right
It would be so easy to spend your whole damn life
Just keeping score
'He got off!' Sirius said, bursting into Remus' bedroom without knocking, catching Remus naked after his shower. 'Oh, sorry.'
He turned his back reluctantly, his own body stirring at the sight of that chest he used to press hot kisses against, the legs that used to wrap around him, the long cock that filled him completely - as if they'd been made for each other.
'I'm decent,' Remus said softly, his voice sounding a little strangled. 'Harry got off without any punishment for the underage magic then?'
Sirius turned to see Remus wasn't nearly as clothed as he'd assumed he'd be, wearing only a pair of trousers that hung low on his hips and didn't disguise the man's own physical response. 'Ah, yeah,' he said distractedly, eyes moving over Remus' chest, taking in all the new scars that he hadn't been there to soothe.
'Don't, Pads,' he mumbled and Sirius looked up. Remus was flushing and he quickly grabbed a shirt to pull on.
'I'm sorry,' Sirius whispered. 'I'm sorry I wasn't there.'
Remus looked confused, his hands pausing as they moved to do up the buttons. 'For the transformations,' Sirius clarified, walking over to stand in front of the other man. 'It was always harder on you when we weren't there…'
'It was hardly your fault you ended up in Azkaban,' Remus said in a low voice, pulling the sides of the shirt together.
His fingers moved to button the shirt but Sirius' got there first. 'No, but I still wish I'd been there for you,' he murmured, concentrating on the buttons so he wouldn't feel the heat emanating off the werewolf's body or see the quickening rise and fall of the other man's chest.
His hands were trembling and he took a long time to finish his task, both men silent until the last button was fastened. As Sirius went to drop his hands, Remus' fingers closed around his, holding them against the wall of his chest.
'I wish you'd been there too.'
Their eyes met, holding for what seemed like forever before Remus raised a shaking hand to brush a lock of hair away from Sirius' face. The animagus closed his eyes at the light touch, every nerve and cell in his body electrified with that simple stroke. When he pried his eyes open, he saw Remus blue orbs were dark with desire and summoned the courage for which Gryffidors were known.
The first brush of their mouths was tentative but there was nothing hesitant about the second as their lips crashed together. Teeth clashed, tongues tangled in the hungry, desperate kiss that had been coming for over thirteen years. Their breathing was harsh, ragged as they staggered, Remus' back hitting the wall behind them as their hands clutched at each other in an attempt to get closer, to crawl inside each other so they were no longer two but one.
A moan slipped from Remus' lips, Sirius echoing it when he felt the werewolf's hand grip his ass, pressing their groins together tight. Another, more feral groan escaped as their hard cocks rubbed up against each other through their pants, the tiniest friction enough to make pleasure begin to boil over inside them.
'Sirius,' Remus gasped breathlessly into the brunette's mouth, the man in turn repeating his ex lovers name over and over, raining small, fervent kisses all over his scarred face.
Then suddenly, he was pulling away, staggering across the room and, breathing fast, staring at the brown haired man.
'What…?' stuttered Remus, confused by Sirius' reaction.
'I don't want to ruin it,' Sirius said, trying to restrain himself. He clenched his fists tightly in his pockets, concentrating on getting oxygen into his lungs.
'I don't…understand,' Remus said, taking a step towards the other man. 'I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted me.'
'God!' Sirius groaned then he quickly moved to the distressed man. He grabbed his wrist and moved his hand between his legs, letting him grip his erection through his pants. 'Can you feel how much I want you, how much I need you? But I don't want to rush this. I want to go slow…like we did when we first started. I don't want to ruin this.'
He gently removed Remus' hand and stepped back, relieved to see understanding on the other man's face. 'Sirius Black wants to go slow,' Remus said softly. 'Is that an oxymoron?'
'Don't call me an oxymoron,' Sirius teased with a smile and a bubble of joy inflated inside him when Remus returned it.
'Slow, then,' Remus said and Sirius nodded, kissing him lightly.
So lets get down to it baby
There aint no need to lie
Tell me who you think you see
When you look into my eyes
Lets put our two hearts back together
And we'll leave the broken pieces on the floor
Make love with me baby
Till we aint strangers anymore
'They're all just downstairs, Pads,' Remus hissed as Sirius pushed him up against the wall in the hallway, every inch of his body flush against his..
'I haven't seen you in a month, Moony,' Sirius whispered back, his lips brushing over the werewolf's as he spoke. 'You're lucky I didn't throw you down on the kitchen table in front of them all.'
Remus chuckled at the thought then, unable to take the teasing tickle of the other man's lips anymore, he pressed his mouth to Sirius'.
Quick, nibbling kisses soon morphed into a deep, soul stirring kiss that made both men tremble. They heard Molly's voice calling up to them and Sirius groaned, breaking the lip lock and leaning his head against the taller man's chest.
'We are never going to get laid with her in the house,' he complained and Remus laughed, lowering his head to Sirius' and kissing him on the side of the face.
His hands pushed at the animagus' shoulders gently and Sirius sighed, brushing his hair off his face and adjusting his long coat to cover the still throbbing evidence of exactly how he'd been greeting Remus.
'Decent?' he asked and Remus grinned, eyeing him off.
'Never,' he teased then pushed himself off the wall. 'I'm going to shower.'
As he walked off, he heard Sirius' half scream of frustration and his smile broadened.
'How was Arthur really?' Sirius asked later that night, watching Remus change out of his robes as he lounged on the other man's bed.
'He'll be fine,' Remus confirmed, pulling his shirt off as he toed off his shoes. 'The snake bite won't close but it's only a matter of time. Harry's alright?'
'He still doesn't understand what's going on,' Sirius said, leaning back against the pillows, smiling.
He'd always loved watching Remus undress. The werewolf was so methodical, folding his garments one by one, putting his shoes perfectly straight at the foot of his bed…his ritual a complete contrast to Sirius' messy leave-'em-where-they-drop style of undressing. The only time he'd seen this routine interrupted was when they came home so hot for each other that the clothes ended up strewn from one end of their flat to the other - even finding socks on the top of the refrigerator once.
Their relationship had become more physical of late. They never shared a bed but often held each other as they talked, hands stroking tenderly whilst staying well clear of the areas that were screaming for attention. Over the last couple of months, they had kissed more than they had since the first weeks of their illicit teenaged love affair, but both were becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the wonderful but frustrating feeling of constant arousal.
'What are you smirking about?' Remus asked, glancing over at Sirius.
'Just wondering how we ever managed to get together,' he replied, his eyes wandering down to the werewolf's bare chest. 'You're so careful, precise and I'm…'
'…not?' suggested Remus with his own little smirk.
Sirius poked his tongue out at him then murmured, 'I used to love making you lose some of that rigid self control you hold onto so tightly.'
'You never did,' Remus disagreed and his words were like a challenge.
'Really?' Sirius said, pushing himself to his feet. 'I would like to bring to the attention of Mr Moony the night of the Potter's wedding.'
He advanced on the now pink faced werewolf, who couldn't hide his physical reaction to the memory of that night.
'Let me set the scene,' Sirius said softly, each step taking him closer to Remus. 'We left just after James and Lily did…we'd been drinking so we decided to catch a cab home instead of apparating.'
He was close enough to feel the heat coming off Remus' skin now and his own body responded strongly, both to the werewolf's arousal and the memory.
'We'd gotten one block without seeing a car let alone a cab when you decided you had to have me. You shoved me into that filthy alley…'
His voice dropped to a whisper, hot breath teasing the skin on the other man's neck as his body brushed against him.
'…and you yanked down my pants and fell to your knees amongst the dirt and garbage…'
'I remember,' Remus whispered hoarsely but Sirius was not to be discouraged.
'And when I'd finished, you turned me around and you fucked me into that wall…'
'Fuck,' Remus growled, grasping a handful of dark hair and jerking Sirius' head back before claiming his mouth roughly.
Sirius gasped then responded to the thrusting tongue, meeting it with his own soft muscle as clutched the other man's face. Their breathing was loud, noisy as they inhaled desperately through their noses, refusing to remove their mouths from each others' for something as inconsequential as oxygen. Remus moved his hands to the front of Sirius' shirt, tugging hard. Buttons went flying and he tore the material impatiently from the animagus' body.
Sirius groaned then, with superhuman effort, pulled away. 'Rem…' he began but the werewolf shook his head.
'If you tell me you want to go slow, Pads, I'm going to shove your head up your ass.'
Sirius chuckled, desire surging at the sight of the lust only he had ever been able to inspire in Remus' eyes, and his hands moved to the other man's belt.
'No need for that,' he assured him as trembling hands fumbled with the buckle. 'I can think of something else I'd much rather have up my ass.'
Remus growled, an almost feral expression on his face as he clutched the back of Sirius' neck and crashed their lips back together.
Despite their unsteady hands, the remaining clothes were shed fast, Remus kicking his pants off before Sirius dragged him onto the bed with him.
'Lock the fucking door,' he whispered coarsely, his words swallowed as Remus kissed him. His hand scrabbled for the long stick on the bedside table then, without releasing Sirius' lips, he cast a spell locking the door and a Silencing spell. Before he could put it back, Sirius grasped his wrist.
'Lube,' he gasped, forcing his hand down.
Remus mumbled the spell, the words falling from his lips with the ease that they did all those years before despite him not having used them for well over a decade.
The wand was thrown - he wasn't sure where - as his mouth moved quickly down Sirius' body, tongue quickly tasting his skin before stroking over the dark haired man's cock.
'God, it'll be over in a second if you do that,' he groaned, his own hand reaching for Remus' long, hard shaft. 'Make love to me, Remus. Please? Please?.'
There was a desperation in his voice that Remus had never heard before. Sirius Black had never begged for anything in his life, not even in jest, but as he looked into his eyes now, Remus could see the plea there. He moved his mouth back to Sirius' as he parted his legs, his cock pressing against the other man's entrance. 'I wanted this to be slower…'
'Next time can be slow,' Sirius said urgently. 'I need you inside me now. Please. Make me whole again.'
Blue eyes clashed with grey, and they each saw the damaged soul, the cracked heart, the burdens and pain they'd carried for too long… they were ready to fall away, to be repaired, to be healed. Remus pressed his lips to Sirius', then as they held each others' gaze, he flexed his hips and with one thrust, filled the man he had loved since he was thirteen years old. They held there for long moments, both gasping as they allowed the almost unbearable sensations wash over them.
They had come home.
Moving smoothly, and in perfect harmony, they drove each other towards completion, each thrust taking them deeper, each plunge healing another wound until Sirius cried out loudly, his white hot explosion gripping every muscle of his body and forcing Remus to crash headlong into his own release, the werewolf calling to his lover as he came forcefully inside him.
It felt like hours before Remus spoke, his soft voice stilling their hands as they roamed over each other's bodies.
'Even after everything that happened, after all the suspicion and blame and apparent betrayals…I could never stop. I tried but…I could never stop wanting you, needing you…loving you.'
Sirius lifted his head from the other man's shoulder and stared down at him. There was a difference now - they could see the men they used to be behind the coloured orbs.
'I can see you again,' Sirius said quietly, stroking a finger down the werewolf's cheek. 'I never stopped loving you either, Remus. I wasn't sure we'd ever be able to come back from where we were, that we'd ever be us again but…I see you now. I see us. We're not strangers anymore.'
Remus blinked rapidly then smiled. 'I don't know… you were always a little strange,' he teased and Sirius chuckled, pulling his laughing lover into his embrace.
We're not strangers anymore
We're not strangers
We're not strangers anymore
A/N: Hmm, what did you think? Nude pictures of that last scene to those who review. (Ok - so I lied but review anyway)