A/N: so thank ya'll for enjoying what I've written. I'll put up Lady of the Ring for ya'll as well, since I don't think I've got it up on Deviantart like I do on .
The sailor sues that I name belong to their respective owners. There's no way I could come up with them. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi cause she's awesome like that and all else is cool.
And if the girl who has Sailor Anubis bitches, it's her fault that she's that dumb to not realize just how sueish her character is anyway. Not like the canon characters themselves aren't sues, but at least it's what Naoko, the creator, wanted of them. This is aside the fact that she has no right to complain because the internet police aren't going to come to her rescue on something that would be considered copyright infringement if she were making money off of what she did to be able to make the legitimate complaint that it would require to oust my happy ass from the world wide internetz.
For a moment, all was bright white and then they were standing inside a small home with the air conditioner running. A small, gray, kitten ran past their feet as a larger, tabby spotted cat ran after it between their legs and into the front room. The computer was running with a Japanese styled drawing of Vlad the Impaler swinging a sword on the desktop. Adjacent to this room was another one with a big flat screen TV and lots of books on a bookshelf that was situated on top of a long dresser. The bed was located to the far side from the door and was messily kept with a pink patched printed comforter on top of it. A laptop was sitting on top of a red wooden briefcase and was resting on the bed as though the user had just left it there to do something.
The scouts looked around and looked to Luna and Artemis, having remembered that they were a part of their cast listing. Luna smoked a cigarette as she sat off to the side. "I really hate these pittance positions people give us, don't you, Arty?"
"Yeah, especially since we have to spend most of the time as stupid cats. Remember when we tried to get a little fun off to the side of the set when no one was paying us any attention? Sex as a cat is freakin' hard," said Artemis as he yawned.
"Luna! Artemis!" cried Minako and Usagi at once. Luna and Artemis dropped the act and went back into their respective roles, hoping up onto the bed.
"Oh, what is this place? What has happened!" said Luna.
"It looks like we've gone right into a girl's room!" said Artemis.
The rest of the group simply stared at them wondering if they should take the pair seriously anymore since they were being so unhelpful. Luna harrumphed and hopped off the bed to find the kitten and the cat while Artemis followed after her.
A woman peeked around the corner, her long, dark blonde hair pulled into a pair of braided pigtails and her bangs streaked with some sort of pink-purple color. She pushed her glasses up her nose and grinned. "Ah! I see ya'll came!" she said nervously. She wore a pair of flared jeans, a blue T-shirt and red Chinese shoes as she walked in slowly. She dropped the plastic sword she had in her hands and put it up beside the flat screen TV next to her CD rack.
"You're not surprised that we just appeared in your home in what seems to be the middle of the day?" asked Mamoru as he raised an eyebrow.
"No, cause Anubis is going to come over here if she hasn't already. Think I managed to thwart the stupid little sue for the time being by telling her that the writer was two blocks away. She believed me, or so it seems. For the moment, I need to either get into ya'll's world or have ya'll shove her back into your world. If she stays here she's going to wreak lots of havoc on not only my neighbors, but my grandparents and cats and I really would like to avoid that as much as I can," said the writer, smiling sheepishly.
"So how are we talking or even moving if you're the writer of this crackfic?" asked Ami.
Just then, a pair of men in black appeared from no where and slapped everyone with the great Fish of Illusion before hopping off onto a tiny getaway U.F.O. and disappeared back into the hyperspace hub.
"Why did you let the Sailor Sues appear?!" shouted Mamoru. "They could've killed us!"
"If they had, I would've just had ya'll come back to life again," said the writer, smiling.
"Have you no morals?! What kind of answer is that?!" cried Makoto.
"No crying!" shouted Nephrite.
"Shut up or you don't get anything later!"
"The kind of answer you'd expect from someone who's writing your dialogue this very moment!" said the writer with a gleam in her eye.
"How are you writing us if we're right here talking?" asked Ami.
Once more the Men in Black appeared from no where and slapped everyone with the Fish of Illusion and hopped away. Now everyone was properly forgetting the fact that they were in the same area as the writer and smelling particularly fishy.
"I taste fish," said Rei as she made a face.
"Forget this, we need to stop those Sailor Sues and Sailor Anubis, with the space in her name, or else all of Tokyo will be destroyed," said Makoto.
"Why is it always Tokyo? Tokyo is just one city in Japan and Japan isn't the center of the world," said Ami.
"No time to think about unnecessary things, Ami!" said Rei.
A rumble in the ground alerted them to the danger ahead. Hundreds of thousands of howls could be heard, causing the scouts, generals and the princess and prince to cover their ears. The writer snorted and gave a howl before everything stopped. "She can't stand people to mock her, so mock her with gusto," said the writer. "Go forth and take her away from this place. I'll take care of the rest."
A white pair of wings covered the characters and Sailor Anubis broke her way through the white feathers with her fencing foil in hand, screaming at the top of her lungs as she descended on the group. Kunzite pulled his own sword out and tossed the Soldier of Insanity away like a ragdoll with one swipe before the wings receded and they were back in the middle of Tokyo with the impotent phallic symbol of the bent Tokyo Tower in front of them.
Anubis pulled herself up quickly and smirked. "CLOCKWORK ORANGE!" she shouted and from the violet eye came a beam that burned right into Usagi's head. She screamed in agony as she covered her head with her hands. Mamoru shouted and was immediately dressed in his princely garb and ran at her with his sword ready. Anubis giggled as she pulled her foil up and batted Mamoru's blade around like a play thing.
The Sailor Sue horde came to life once more. All around them, like a huge mob of angry zombies, the horde closed in on them, croaking out from dry throats "Biiiishoooneeeeennnn…"
The Generals gathered their courage and ran at the Sailor Sues head first, this time to get a little of their own back from the insane fangirl squad. Meanwhile, the scouts were batted around as though they were nothing by the evil Sailor Anubis. One was locked up by a black goo that Anubis lovingly called "Embalming" while another was locked up inside her own mind and drooling.
It was as though their powers meant nothing to this beast.
And they didn't.
That was because the creator of Anubis had seen to it that she was the most powerful sailor sue in the universe and could not be defeated by any means. She had even gone to her Super form to enjoy the torment and torture. Chainmail adorned her sailor uniform and her steel gauntlets covered her arms; her tiara had widened so much that it covered her entire forehead from harm.
"You see, I'm just that awesome," said Sailoranubis, without the space, as she walked over to the Embalming Sailor Jupiter as she choked to death on the black goo slowly. "You just can't win against me, because I'm just far too powerful for you twits to even fight. I will eventually be the only Sailor Sue alive in this entire fandom and nothing you lot does will stop me." She giggled and kicked Sailor Mercury in the stomach with her foot. It was funny to watch the shy little scout take the hits so she did it over and over again until Sailor Mercury was bleeding from her mouth.
Usagi cried out from the agony in her mind to see her fellow scouts, her friends, hurt and dying. Mamoru was not far from her, but he was on the ground, blood filtering from a wound from his stomach.
"Why?!" cried Usagi. The baby inside her belly squirmed for comfort as she grew increasingly upset. This was no long a crackfic! This was now a drama and that was not supposed to happen!
"Shut up! I don't want to hear it from you, you whiny little woman!" shouted Sailoranubis.
"Why don't you shut up," said a familiar voice. Sailor Nibiru was standing with her fan, normal sized for the moment, and glaring at Anubis. "What does that bratty little brain of yours think this fandom is good for? No one gives a shit about what a dime a dozen emo-sue wants to say on the internet!"
She whipped the fan out and it became two, the second flying over her head and she caught it with her other hand. She snapped them both open and took a stance with the fans ready to fight.
"What, you're going to fight a super power like me, cheerleader?" snorted Sailoranubis. "You just don't know who you're tangling with, sweety."
"Oh, I do. I've dealt with worse in other worlds and dealt with worse in real life. After all, I am the self proclaimed extension of the writer in this world," said Nibiru, grinning. "If I were to be a real scout one day, then that would be cool, but for now I've got only one mission and it's to defeat the likes of you and these Sailor Sues."
"This isn't some Disney film of Pinocchio or something, you stupid little woman!" said Sailoranubis.
"No, it's the imagination of a Sailor Moon fan that's had enough of the Sailor Sues running amok through the fandom!" said Nibiru and spun on her heels, whipping the fans around. A great blast of wind like a brick wall smacked right into Sailor Anubis, with the space in her name, and sent her flying.
Sailor Anubis got to her feet and closed her eyes. She crossed herself and kissed her knuckles, a bight white light flashing to life around her. Nibiru snorted and combined her fans to become one giant, five foot fan and waited as the light came toward her. She grinned and pointed off to left field before taking a swing. "OH! HOME RUN!" she cried and ran off around Sailor Anubis as Sailor Anubis stopped and stared in shock at Sailor Nibiru looking like she was playing baseball.
"You're mocking me again!" she shouted. She snarled and pulled her hands to her, a ball of black goo forming in her hands and spinning, then she gave a shout and sent the ball flying at Sailor Nibiru as she slid in to "home plate". Nibiru was hit by the black goo and shot off her feet onto the ground as the sticky, noxious liquid started spreading over her.
"Now who's mocking who?" said Anubis as she strutted over with her hands on her hips. "You're not going to win. I win. Every time. Because I'm the best. You should see my fan following! I've got people who love me, where as you don't. You don't because you are not the best."
Nibiru looked up at Anubis, panting heavily from trying to struggle free of the black goo. Anubis leaned down and took hold of her hair and pulled her upward. "See, I win," she said and then cackled maniacally as she dropped Nibiru and turned on her heel toward the devastation in front of her. "It's glorious! It's glorious devastation everywhere!" she laughed.
Nibiru snorted and grinned, winking at Anubis. "You forget what world you're trying to take over. This is Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon has a trump card. A very powerful and unbreakable trump card."
Anubis looked at Nibiru and then realization dawned on her pale face. "The Silver Crystal!"
Usagi's heart glowed as the Silver Crystal appeared in front of her and glowed brilliantly. Her only hope to save not just her friends and her husband, but her baby and their future now was to summon the crystal to vanquish this vile evil thing before her. She held her hands out and let the crystal float in front of it, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'll not let you do this! I'll not let you do this everyone I love!" she cried out.
A bright white light flashed out from everywhere. Anubis watched it as it appeared and held up a hand to cover her face from the power of it, but she could not. The healing light of the crystal seemed to penetrate into her. "Damn," she muttered.
A cracking sound resounded throughout the area. Anubis shattered into a million pieces and scattered to the wind as everything else was drowned out by the light of the crystal. The personal dramatic orchestra tossed their sheets of music into the air and left, since their reason for being there was over with.
"I can't take this constant drama," said the lead violinist.
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said a tuba player.
"Let's get out of here," said the new conductor.
"Yeah, let's have fish," said the violinist.
"Nah, I hate fish. Ever since being smacked by one just a few pages back," said the conductor. "Let's get some sandwiches at the local Subway."
"Are you trying to lose weight?" asked the tuba player.
"Hell no, I just like toasted subs made the way I like them!" said the conductor.
When the light died down, the sailor sues had disappeared, the scouts had gone back to themselves, Mamoru was sitting up and rubbing his stomach where he had been skewered, the generals were walking over dressed in normal clothes and blinking like they were confused as to what had occurred. Usagi smiled and fainted into Mamoru's arms as she held her belly. "Everything is going to be all right," she said.
"Yeah, everything is all right now, Usagi," said Mamoru.
And Nibiru? She stood smiling at the scouts and waved to them. "Have fun with the guys, ladies! I thought ya'll might enjoy being with them once more, since you weren't able to be with them in the past. Such a shame, really. I kinda liked the idea of you lot being together."
Then, she winked at them and struck a pose. "But don't think this is the last of me! I'll be back when I'm needed!" With that, she disappeared as though she had never been there in the first place.
Makoto and Nephrite took hold of each other's hands, Minako pointedly ignored Kunzite, though she was blushing severely, Ami tried to seem like she didn't notice that Zoicite was grinning at her and making himself look as pretty and charming as possible while Jadeite clung to Rei's leg and wouldn't let go. "No! I'm staying with you!" she shouted. "Oh, you've got nice panties!"
"SHUT UP! LET GO OF ME, YOU PERVERT!" shouted Rei.
And so that was the end of the crackfic. However, you never know when the crackfic might return to the Sailor Moon fandom. After all, the writer did enjoy writing this one.