Regret

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Twilight characters sigh. They are all Stephenie Meyer's creation. What a great author I must say...

Regret

Chapter 1

I sat at the wooden table holding a cup of coffee between my hands. I was thinking about a decision I had made four years ago. I had been thinking about this decision and regretting it every day since then.

I remembered it clearly. It was the same place where Edward had told me he was leaving and never coming back. But this time it was different. I told him I chose Jacob. I told Edward, the person I loved and couldn't let go from, that I didn't love him anymore and that I chose Jacob.

I remember seeing his face; crumple, and then smooth over, but the pain still so clearly set in his beautiful, dazzling eyes. "It's okay Bella. I understand." He had said. "If you ever change your mind, I'll be in Denali. Just remember me by this." And for the last time, he crushed his cold lips to mine for a brief second, and then he was gone.

And now, holding the coffee cup, reliving that moment, I shut my eyes and let the tears fall down my pale cheeks and onto the table.

I quickly wiped them away and gazed at my left hand. There was the ring which was Jacob's mothers, sitting on my ring finger. I married Jacob two years ago, much to Charlie's delight. I regretted that decision too.

We were living in Billy's house, as we were too poor to buy one of our own. And it was Billy who Jacob had just been to see. In hospital.

The front door opened and Jacob's six foot seven frame slouched through door. He was only that tall because he was a werewolf. A werewolf I had married without particularly thinking about it.

Jacob's face turned towards me, his eyes dull.

"Oh no." I whispered getting up.

"Yep." Jacob croaked wrapping his arms around my waist. "He died a few hours ago. That heart attack was pretty harsh."

"When's the funeral?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know!" He exclaimed. "Dad's just died and all you're thinking about is a damn funeral?" he roughly pushed me away. I was used to it though. Ever since Billy had the heart attack he was on huge mood swings. I self-consciously grabbed my left arm where there was a faded hand-shaped bruise; Jacob had had another mood swing, grabbed my arm and flung me to the floor.

I watched Jacob storm into the kitchen and grab a bottle of Vodka. I sighed quietly to myself. Obviously, I had told Charlie all this but he just reassured me it was just Jacob filled with grief and worry.

"I'm going to bed." I called half-heartedly to Jacob who was swigging from the bottle. I doubt he heard me. I went into the bathroom first and looked into the mirror. I looked pale and tired; purple bruises underlined my eyes and my hair looked greasy and messy. I splashed my face with cold water then lay on the bed, not bothering to undress or pull the cover over me.

I drifted in and out of sleep for about three hours, each time waking up with tears on my face. The same thing happened every night. At the beginning of our marriage, where everything seemed happy, Jacob would sometimes wake me up and ask what was wrong. But after a couple of months, he began to ignore it.

The bedroom door suddenly opened and Jacob stumbled inside. "Gimme sex, Bella." He slurred.

"No, Jacob, I'm tired. Go to bed." I said nervously. Truth be told, I was scared of my own husband.

"Naw, I want sex…now!" He grinned drunkenly. The he threw himself on top of me, ripping off my clothes, at the same time his.

"Jacob!" I shrieked. "Please, don't do this to me…please…"

Jacob ignored me and began kissing down my neck, my chest, down to my stomach.

Soon, I was naked on the bed trying to keep my legs together. Jacob slipped of his pants and forced my legs open.

"Jacob…" I whispered. "No…please stop." If only he was here, I thought as the tears cascaded down my cheeks. He would stop Jacob. He would never do this to me. I tried to pretend this wasn't happening as Jacob moaned and grunted on top of me.

Soon, it was over. I lay shivering beside Jacob who was out cold. He was snoring loudly in my ear, and his breath reeked of alcohol.

I got up and crept into the bathroom where I jumped into the shower and let the hot water unwind my muscles. I scrubbed hard all over me, in a feeble attempt to try and wipe away the revolting kisses Jacob had planted all over my body. Trying to wipe away the fact that Jacob, my husband, had just raped me.

I sat down in the corner of the shower, hugging my knees and sobbing uncontrollably until the water went cold. I dried myself, got dressed and began to pack my clothes quietly into a suitcase. I was going up to Charlie's. I couldn't stay in this house any longer. I wouldn't stay there long though. He would know where to find me. I knew what I would do next. I was going to Alaska.