Summary- Sephiroth never hated Aerith. Never wanted to kill her. But when she chose Cloud over him, he snapped. AU, implied SxZ, implied ZxC one-sided SxA, angry/reflective!Seph

Lily's Fall

I don't really know how it happened. I know why, of course, but how…? Why it happened, of course, as because she didn't love me. She told me she'd love me forever, but she lied. Instead, she went to Cloud, my Zack's chocobo. Zack was always my favorite in SOLDIER, always. He and Angeal were like brothers, and Angeal was my brother.

Oh, Aerith. My poor little flower girl! I didn't mean to send Masamune through her. It just kinda happened. I was so angry that she thought to choose Cloud that I…well, I pretty much blacked out. All I could think was that if I couldn't have her, no one would.

She was the last Cetra! The last of the line that spoke directly to the planet! I can't count how many times I went to see her in her church, sometimes to talk, mostly just to be with her. Her presence was soothing, and I needed all the soothing I could get.

The planet was in trouble. Had been for years, but Hojo's freaking experiments sent it hurtling closer to destruction. And Aerith, thanks to her bond with the planet itself, was in constant pain. I would do anything I could to avoid giving my lily pain.

It wasn't enough, obviously, because she left me. She went to Zack's little chocobo, his living legacy, for protection. From me! Me, Sephiroth, who would do anything for her! I couldn't believe it when I saw them together. Zack's little chocobo glared at me, daring me to question her decision.

I couldn't. She was my lily, my precious one, my sweetheart. I couldn't deny her anything, anything, much less her decision of protector. Even if it meant Zack's chocobo.

Understand, I was still grieving over my Zack's demise. ShinRa took more from me than I would let on when my Zack died. Zack was my lily's first love, and I envied him. I still envy him, because I'm not sure she ever loved me. If she did, she never showed it, never let it manifest like it did with Zack.

Now, none of us can have her. Masamune made sure of that. Most will assume that I, in fact, killed her, but I could never do that. My lily, though never mine. She never truly belonged to me, I think. First she was Zack's, and I would never begrudge him her love, though I wanted it for myself. Then Zack's chocobo, his living legacy, Cloud. She chose him herself because he wasn't me.

He wasn't me.

How could she do this to me? I would have put myself in front of Masamune if it were possible, to spare her life. Even if it meant losing her to Zack's chocobo, as much as I hate to say it. Silly little Chocobo…

Zack always put so much store by his chocobo. Kept telling him that he'd make a great SOLDIER, which was high praise coming from a SOLDIER 1st class. Zack used to talk to me, well, me and Angeal. Angeal and I shared the same deformity- a wing. It brought us together, as friends, or maybe more than friends. I haven't figured it out yet. Angeal could always talk to me, and never looked down on me for having been experimented on. He was experimented on, too, so that might explain it.

But it became too much for Angeal, our angel. He dreamed of becoming human, just…human. No special effects, no oddities.

No wings.

He convinced my Zack to kill him, how, I'm not sure. But he passed on the Buster Sword before he passed on, passed it on to Zack. Zack would talk to me after that, long conversations about Angeal and the Buster Sword. I think he wanted guidance, because he had looked up to Angeal as a mentor.

Kinda the way his blonde chocobo did. Cloud adored Zack, thought he could do no wrong. Not that he was far off, Zack had a better conscious than I ever did. And Zack passed on the Buster Sword to Cloud after he was shot so many times. So there must have been something on Zack's end too.

I wasn't that far away, you know, when Zack went down. I didn't know it, but I was only a quarter mile away. Certainly I could hear Cloud's scream. That scream. It was what I would label a scream of Ultimate Suffering. I might have done the same thing when Angeal passed into the Lifestream, and I know it happened after I realized what Masamune had done.

By all that's holy, why? WHY? Have I not lost my brother, my best friend, and my dignity? Did I have to lose her too? Someone thought so, because I did. I lost her, and then I had nothing. It wasn't even worth it to save the planet anymore, I'd rather destroy it. Then, I wouldn't have to look at it every day, and be reminded of what I lost.

I've been going in circles up to now, but I'm right back where I started. Back to her.

I guess I'll never know if she loved me or not. Maybe I will, because I have a feeling that Zack's chocobo wants to kill me. I don't blame him. I want me dead too. I don't ever want to remember the feeling I had as Masamune slid through her flesh, entering in the back, and going straight through. It was sickening! I knew, as Masamune slid through her, that she would never come back.

I would never see her soft smile, or hear her gentle voice. I would never feel her soothing touch as she approached me from behind. Never feel that timid touch on my arm.

Alright, I'm a freaking General, right? I shouldn't be so affected by her. I shouldn't even have the time of day to notice her.

But I did. And that, that has made all the difference.

Authoress's Corner: No, I don't know where this came from. Well, actually, I do, but it's complicated. Hope you've enjoyed!