A/N: Hello all. This chapter was rolled out pretty slowly for my tastes, especially with my self imposed deadlines. But I'll chock it up to being lazy and move on. I also have sent this chapter to a few betas, I'll only probably use one of them but they seem like swell fellas so we'll see.
Psudocode Samurai: I described the signature, it's at the end of Komugi's intro chapter. It's the Uzumaki flame swirl with the Kanji for 'Uzumaki, Mitarashi, Naruto, and Kitsune' framing it.
Starfire99: Sorry to say, that's a majority of the better writers you just knocked outta the park. But I'll apologize for the fuck you, that was a bit heavy handed, the rest still stands.
Juopunumies: Damn...your...name! But yes...my bad. Hence the new beta
MobMentality: No, Sakura's chakra control is near perfect because she doesn't have to focus her chakra to her muscles, it's already there. However her skill with ninjutsu is lacking because while she can hit you like a truck on crack, making a mess of bunshin tires her due to her small reserves. And no, Komugi is based off my friend, who has far less peircings.
Reishin Amara: I know...a few sites you should browse. With a powerful virus filter of course.
Ultimagu: Well...it is about crazy people. But in all seriousness I'll work on that, thank you.
Michael The-Zorch Haney: You and Juopunumies tie for most aggravating name to re-type. But I doubt I'll pass innortal with this, you should read Entwined Tails.
Brother Bludgeon: The Third allowed Anko to take care of Naruto because he suspected the orphanage of neglecting him and was surprised that Anko went out of her way to protect and keep Naruto when she was about to run off. Thier plan includes having Ibiki, Inoishi, and Daisuke give Naruto routine check ups yearly to see how his mental stability it. Anko 'strikes out' when Ibiki believes she has broken Naruto and his reaction will be nothing compared to how the other members of their squadron will react.
Visigoth: Yes. Yes he is. And he likes bird watching.
Darksyde: Yeesh. Calm down dude. Do you really think Sakura, with the bare minimum, of Taijutsu skill could really not be stopped by Kakashi? He didn't do anything because he noticed Naruto had already performed a mud clone and replaced himself. And you definently missed a good deal of Sakura's reasoning: She wanted to kill naruto because while in her rage she saw him as something wholly unnatural, sub text...sub text...
Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, if you can believe it, rarely all agreed on the same thing. While their opinions may have been similar it was always skewed to the direction of each young person's oddness. Naruto always sided with the smarter (or bustier) female in the room. Sasuke never really cared either way and was usually quick to remind people he didn't want to be involved. Sakura, despite her stubborn nature, was actually quite timid and wishy washy when it came time to make up an actual final decision.
But today, of all days, the cadet team members of Team 7 all agreed that being tied to logs sucked.
The current master of sucking (i.e. the man who tied them to the logs in the first place) was currently sitting on a rather large log felled by Naruto's explosive tags while reading his trademark book. "You three can glare at me all you want, but that won't change the outcome," Kakashi explained as he flipped another page in his book. "I said get a bell before the alarm, or no ninja for you three. No one had a bell before the alarm, during the alarm, or after the alarm." He closed his book between his hands, "And so no ninja missions will be completed by you three failures any time soon."
Three equally large veins appeared in three equally pissed faces.
"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Naruto roared. "Give us another chance! I'll get one of those bells in no time!"
"I can get one too Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura was quick to throw in.
"Sakura dear," Naruto asked drawing her attention, "Would that be when hell freezes over or WHEN YOU AREN'T TRYING TO KILL ME!" Naruto screamed.
"SHUT UP! YOU DESERVE WORSE YOU LITTLE FREAK!" Sakura yelled back.
"FREAK! SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BUG BITES!"
Sakura screeched like a cat when her bust came into play, "MAYBE I WOULD IF YOU CAME UP HIGHER THAN MY CHIN, MIDGET!"
Naruto made a yipping snarl in response to the hit to his stature. When you made fun of Naruto's height the gloves were off.
"LIMIT BREAK BITCH!"
"BLONDE COCK RING!"
"TRANSGENDER WANNA BE!"
"ANOREXIA'S POSTER CHILD!"
The tirade continued for a good few minutes before their throats gave out, much to the relief of Kakashi. He had ONCE read The Fifty Worst Things to Say to a Drunk Mist Kunoichi On Her Period, And the Subsequent Search for My Penis and none of those insults had made him even blush. The things that degenerated from Naruto and Sakura not only were especially peculiar but also quite raunchy. He watched, somewhat dumbfounded as the two tried to kick each other despite both having legs too short to reach after they found words were now unable to be used.
Sasuke merely hung his head mumbling about misplaced traps and explosive happy cats. "If Naruto stays out of our way Sasuke-kun and I can definitely get those bells Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said returning her attention to her teacher, who was amazed she was able to still speak.
"Out of your way?" Naruto asked wriggling fiercely. "Maybe someone should inform Haruno-san how MURDER can get in everyone's way. Oh wait I'm sorry it doesn't get in everyone's way…JUST THE GUY WHOSE HEAD WAS GONNA GET CRUSHED! HOW ABOUT YOU THINK OF THAT INSTEAD OF TEAMING UP WITH SASUKE-KUN!" He bellowed, mocking her tone.
Sakura winced as if struck hard and stopped fidgeting.
"There's an idea…" Kakashi sighed as he set his book down.
"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked, raising his head, as he highly doubted Kakashi was going to crush Naruto's head, no matter how much merit Sasuke put into the idea.
The copy ninja stood and cracked his neck. He put his hand to the sore muscles and began to message them, looking at them with a deadpan gleam he asked simply, "Why are ninja deployed in four-man teams?"
Silence pervaded over the three cadets as slowly, slowly, they began to realize what the answer meant. Naruto hissed and slumped down, the only thing keeping his ass from the dirt pack was the ropes. "So they can complete the objective…by working as a team…"
Sakura and Sasuke looked from him to Kakashi, who was now once more sitting and reading, "Correct."
"But how can we work together if to get the bells when one is going to fail?" Sasuke threw back.
Naruto moved a single blue eye to regard the Uchiha, "Don't you get it? That was the point. Working as a team would mean one of us would have to take one for the team. The 'survival' test was a ruse to make us ignore the core part of the test. If we had bothered to look into it we would have realized that he didn't tell us how we would be tested to be good ninja. All three of us already excel in one aspect or another." Naruto ticked off his fingers, "An Uchiha who has a high range of physical skills. The girl with the highest mental scores and a superb I.Q. And finally a guy with a wide range of ninjutsu.
"To put it simply: If we had taken our heads out of our asses…we would've realized together we're a match for a Jounin who can't fight us with his full strength." "I already knew that dammit…if not for a certain pinky haired fan girl…"
Kakashi smiled, hidden by the book, "Correct Naruto. So do you three understand?" They nodded, "Good. Now since I made these Bento myself, and Sandaime-sama will kill me if I fail my fifty-third team in a row I'm going to give you a second chance." He took out the bento and drew a kunai. Freeing them he took the stack and balanced it on his hand. "Don't speak to or help each other. Everyone gets a bento, except Sakura."
"What!" The girl asked, aghast. Her stomach protested strongly.
"You tried to kill Naruto. I actually should take that headband off of you now and take you to the Hokage. But I think there's more going here than you two will admit," The words of their teacher sparked a heated and silent argument in the two, which Sasuke took note of. "Despite that and the fact you three were as sharp as those logs before I told you what you needed to do I'm giving you only one more chance," He emphasized it by holding up a finger before handing Sasuke and Naruto their lunches. "Now don't talk to each other or help each other. I'll see how well you work as a team on the fly. If you don't impress me, you fail."
With the final order Kakashi turned on his heal and walked off, orange book and all.
The three cadets stood and watched him leave, Naruto rubbing his ribs, Sasuke holding the box and looking at it disdainfully, Sakura favoring her good leg and holding one arm tight to her body to hide the fact it was limp. Absently her stomach grumbled.
"I'm hungry," she thought suppressing a hiccup.
Anko moved silently through the darker parts of the T.a.I headquarters. Her chocolate brown eyes meeting every subordinate or co-worker just above her usual 'It's a good day to go to work' smirk. A few waved, these were younger less experienced members of the guardsmen squadron, but most just kept to their work ignoring the crazy jounin. When Ibiki once saw a few of his 'personally selected, skilled warriors of justice' were not standing straight and staring ahead like statues he had introduced a few of them Gai and told his friend they lacked proper youth.
Ibiki, being very good at his job, had never been more satisfied than when he learned of that particular torture. Remembering the event, she couldn't help but chuckle to herself as she made her way to the first victim of the day.
She had been issued orders to make him talk at all costs. But she wasn't allowed to kill him. Giggling almost giddily she drew out the key in her order envelope. As she tried to put it in she found it was the wrong one. Frowning she moved to the second and eventually third keys, none of them opened the cell's door.
"The hell?" she asked, annoyed.
A voice, deep and strained, made her scream in surprise, "You're not the primary on this one Anko."
She whirled, ready to deal her deadly snaky wrath upon any man fool enough to try and sneak up on her, when she saw it was the second in command of their squadron. Tosshin Gakae. The extremely tall jounin was wriggling his pinky in one ear. He pulled it out and shook off a bit of wax.
"Thanks. My ears were a little clogged," his deadpan voice matched perfectly with the eagle ANBU mask he wore. Just beyond its edges she could see the signs of the horrible burns that left him blind and disfigured.
Born with preternaturally good hearing Gakae had, in a vain attempt to aid his fellow man, tried to stop Itachi during his rampage. The young ANBU captain had casually blasted him in the face with a super heated jutsu, the burns caused by the attack still give off heat. Gakae often tells of how the young man calmly apologized, as if he had bumped into Gakae while walking, before slashing him across the eyes and paralyzed him with a terrifying genjutsu before walking off to finish his work.
This lone individual had always, in very simple words, creeped Anko out for several reasons.
One, Gakae was unnaturally quiet. When he moved the wind seemed to move through him causing even the beat of his heart to fade into nothing more than a ghost sound, overshadowed by the white noise of existence.
Two, he was abnormally tall for someone from Konoha at nearly six and half feet tall, more than a foot taller than Anko. The purple haired Jounin did not like people taller than her, due to the fact he had always towered over her before his defection.
Three, being a member of ANBU since he was ten Gakae had no sense of humor. When he did say something funny it was deadpan, cold, and almost always masking a threat to the person he was talking to. Anko, who liked a bit of levity in the work place, came to learn when Gakae was laughing at something you said it wasn't because what you said was funny, it was because what you said filled him with a barely contained homicidal rage and he was picturing your face as he murdered you.
And finally: Tosshin Gakae could murder her, quite effectively, with a simple flick of his wrist if he so chose. Anko witnessed such a feat when a prisoner claimed Gakae's mother was a good friend of his. The effect of Gakae's blow to the man's head Anko can only liken to a melon being hit by a train that was thrown by God after being super heated and covered in explosive tags.
And then set on fire.
Despite this, Anko had her reputation to consider, "And why not? Why are both of us even working on the same guy? Is he some super bad ass?" keeping her catty 'I'm too good to be talking to you' tone.
Gakae shrugged and drew the key from his own envelope, "I do not know. What I do know is that as long as I am in charge of this one you shall obey without question. Understand Anko?" he asked raising a finger to his mask's beak as if he was shushing a child.
"Yeah, yeah sure let's get to work…" she huffed.
He stopped her after he raised a hand, "Anko, actually before we go in I have something important I need to say."
Anko growled deep in her throat and jabbed a finger into her superior's chest, "HEY! If this is some more bullshit about how I raise and live with Naruto I don't want to hear it pigeon face!" she hissed, "I've taken more than my fair share of knocks by raising that kid and he's turned out better than most. I've also had to deal with you four freaky mother fuckers hounding me every step of the way. I'm sorry I can't be perfect like fuckin' Haruno Sakaki and make my kid into some anorexic twig, but I did keep Naruto from turning into some loud mouth idiot!
"He may be a bit pervy but look at his role models! If Ibiki has a lifetime subscription to Ninja Man's Monthly for the articles then I have a two foot snake hidden in my cunt that doubles as a strap on! Nevermind the Icha Icha Otaku king, Kakashi!"
She had turned from him, throwing her hands in the air. She now whirled and once again began to poke his sternum, "So let me say this once and once only! I care about Naruto more than anyone else in this fuckin village! And he cares about me! So if I'm doing something bad ask him and if he says I am I'll be the first one to start packing his bags and find him a better home! But until he says I'm a shitty mother my home is his home!"
If Gakae had the ability, he would have blinked, "Those are all fine points…but I was going to inform you the chakra clips you use to keep your nipples covered have deactivated. Please rectify that before we begin I do not need the subject being distracted from my work on him."
Anko looked down and saw, indeed, her nipples were on full display. The pale pink nubs sticking out of her mesh shirt seemed to mock her. "Dammit girls," Anko lamented with a sigh. Turning from Gakae, suddenly modest, Anko corrected the failure in her clothing.
The old ninja smiled knowingly behind his mask and opened the door. Two other ANBU were flanking the inside, just beside the door's edge, their eyes trained on the prisoner, who was drugged. Anko felt something squirm around her guts happily, even after being embarrassed in front of Gakae. She didn't like how sadistic she could be sometimes, but then again she also strongly believed when someone takes all of your power away the only way to get it back is to enforce your superiority on others.
And he had taken quite a bit from her.
Anko didn't notice when the seal began to warp and wiggle in time with her movements.
Slipping into the darkened room Gakae checked the man. Anko studied her prey slowly, walking around his unconscious form. He was solidly built, with several cheaply done tattoos on his body and neck. His headband, one she had never seen before, sat on a table next to Gakae's preferred methods of interrogation. Several syringes full of god knows what. Next to them were a few items Anko herself preferred. In particular the 'Doldrums Catcher' was her favorite.
Before I bore you all with the extremely long winded history of this terrible device let me simplify its function and design so the process may be expedited. It was a pair of scissors specially designed to make some go from being a vibrant and active member of their sexual community into someone who needs stitches to close holes they weren't born with. It also featured a special basin (hence: catcher) to make sure no unwanted fluids are spilled onto the floor or the torturer's work area.
Gakae motioned for Anko to stay out of the man's line of sight before he raised the man's head with one finger. Raising his free hand he began to slap the man awake.
Sputtering and cursing at the stinging blows the ninja grunted his greetings to the new comers, "Fuck…more leaf…"
"Yes," Gakae replied. "This can be simple and painless. Or it can be complicated and ear splitting. Tell me why you and your team were in the restricted trade lanes of our village."
The man eyed the other two ANBU. Anko slithered just out of his peripheral range silently, keeping her chakra repressed. "We were camping. Got a little vacation time saved up and decided to go abroad."
"Vacation time, that is interesting…" Gakae nodded, "Then where is your passport for the Land of Fire?"
"Obviously I lost it when my bags were stolen in Shibuya. You know that city," he answered shrugging.
"Hmm. Yes. Now answer me this and we may let you go…" Gakae leaned in and made sure the man's eyes were locked with the dead glass beads of his mask, "How stupid do you believe me to be?"
The sudden and dangerous change in tone made him gulp, "Hey…listen…we weren't trying to do anything. Just stopping before we headed back from a mission!"
Gakae held out his left hand. The appendage had also been burned terrible by Itachi's attack, and when he had been slashed Itachi had claimed Gakae's middle and ring fingers giving it an eerie shape as he had replaced the missing digits with kunai blades. "Proof. If you do not mind."
"You're asking me to prove I did some shinobi shit in another country? I don't think you're stupid, but that was a dumb question," he retorted.
Anko smirked and held back a chuckle. While the goon had a point she could tell he was pissing Gakae off by the way his swept back grey hair started ticking at their roots. Every member of the T.a.I squadron had mastered what Anko has dubbed 'Tick Transfer' which moves noticeable indicators of stress to other parts of the body by sheer force of will. Anko used muscle spasms in her thighs. Ibiki made the left most muscle under his right ear jump every fourteen and five/thirds seconds. Moto's back would get goose bumps, while Hifumi's nipples would harden. Finally Komugi, who had yet to decide on a final place for her tell, made her navel piercing slide in and out of its hole.
But beyond that: Gakae was pissed. And that meant only one thing.
The lanky jounin rose to his full height. He put one hand to his mask and tapped the porcelain beak with his replacement 'fingers.' After a few moments of personal contemplation he snatched a syringe from the table. The needle was especially thin, so thin in fact when he tested to see if the path was clear the liquid appeared to come a few centimeters from the tip.
"This is a special poison. Made from an indigenous snake to this village. It will cause momentary paralysis and nerve sensitivity. The paralysis lasts only a few seconds. It is defensive in nature after all. The nerve sensitivity, however, will last. Afterward, while it is in effect, I will jab a needle into one pressure point a minute until you tell me what I want to know."
Anko grinned even more, he was really pissed.
Despite the turn of events the man started to laugh. He was actually not only laughing but shaking and stomping his feet, rocking his chair back and forth as if Gakae was some hack comedian.
"OH MY GOD! He was right. I never thought he would be right down to the smallest detail! It's like he wrote a book with you guys as the fuckin' characters…" Gakae frowned so deeply, Anko could see the lines form from under his mask. "To think he would send us on an expedition to test your perimeter…" he let out a soft guffaw, "And warned us about being caught. But even made sure to give us anti-toxin shots and mental preparation! Everything was planned for…except her," he said throwing his head to Anko.
The four torturers exchanged a silent moment of confusion. How had he known? Anko was like a shadow of a fly when she was watching another interrogator work.
The man whipped his head around to look directly into Anko's eyes. That was when she noticed the mark just above his eyebrow, hidden by his bangs when she first entered. Three small shapes in a circle.
"Orochimaru-sama didn't mention you at all."
Gakae had only enough time to think 'Oh shibbit...' before Mitarashi Anko unleashed holy hell in his interrogation room.
Morino Ibiki was a fairly rational man. After all he dealt with some of the most ruthless and violent people alive who spent their days and lives devoted to causing pain and terror wherever they went. Such were these people that even he was somewhat disturbed by their antics at times. But you can't really choose who you're related to and even when he got away from his family he had to command a group of torturers. A blind man who could sneak up on silence with a technique that exploded atoms. Every Goth Lolicon's dream girl and her stronger raunchier big sister (personality). Himself. And two women, covered in tattoos, piercings, and sexual deviations that would make any day time talk show proud to feature.
Putting a hand to his face to hide his smile he mused: 'Under age human sacrifices to demons and the Sadistic alternative women who love them…' This current train of thought came and went as he read the report which was the accumulation of Komugi's notes.
The tattooed ninja herself was sitting, her face cupped in one hand, while her commander read her materialized thoughts.
"This is a serious set of accusations Komugi," he finally said resting the scroll on his desk, "Is it any more than conjecture and whatever you gleaned from around the proverbial water cooler?"
She frowned, "Ibiki-taichou, I am offended you believe I would allow non documented facts into my registry. This is all based on observation." She tapped the scroll for emphasis.
"Then allow me to enter my own observation, Naruto has never, in his time with Anko, expressed anything remotely similar to the actions of a child being sexually abused by his guardian," Ibiki pressed his gloved hands together. "Inoichi, Daisuke, and the Hokage himself have been with me when I have done my yearly checkups on Naruto's mental state. Not a one of them sees anything inside the boy beyond his normal preteen affection for a woman he routinely sees half naked. Which, I may add, could also describe you."
Komugi blinked, a blush spreading across her face as she realized the implications of what he had just said, "Sir. I may also make the point that Naruto and Anko are not normal in any sense of the word."
He relented that fact. "Point taken. But your main point has yet to be proven to me."
Komugi blinked once more, "I am concerned for Naruto if he stays with Anko. In the past few weeks her sexual drive has seemed to increase tenfold. Normally Mitarashi Anko engages in a span of one to three sexual encounters a week. These are almost always done when Naruto is engaged with friends or was at the academy, and when she was off duty.
"But, in these last documented weeks she has not only increased the number of encounters to one on average a day but has been doing them even on days she has to report for duty or Naruto is in her care. The unusual hours and the raw amount of sex should be worrisome on their own," she finished.
Ibiki blinked. The wounds on his head were itching. They only did that when he didn't like how something was looking. "Have any of these been with under age boys or girls?"
"Congratulations, you've proven your best friend is a slut. But a slut who satisfies her libido within the boundaries of the law." He stood and walked toward a large map of the continent. Putting his hand on the Country of Rice he motioned for Komugi to join him. "What do you know about the Land of Rice?"
Komugi thought for a moment, clicking her tongue studs together, "Small country, no ninja village, minimal resources. Closest ally to Leaf, gives food to beleaguered civilians during wartime, good standing with other Hidden Villages due to lack of biased charity among commoners."
He nodded at each tick off of her mental list, "Correct, however now." He drew his hand away, grabbed a permanent marker and put a large X over the kanji for Rice. He then put the Kanji for 'Sound.' Komugi raised an eyebrow. "The country changed its name last year. The merchants have even spoken of a new ninja village forming. We've sent a few teams to scout around and have found that to be the case. Otogakure no Sato."
Komugi snorted and momentarily reverted to her normal attitude, "That's a stupid name. How do you hide buildings in sound?" she asked.
Ibiki smiled in response to her reaction, but continued, "No matter what they call themselves or their village it still stands this is a wholly unknown ninja power rising very quickly. A good deal of intelligence coming to us from Kumo and Kiri state that Otogakure has a steadily growing population with no central village."
Komugi frowned, "This doesn't make sense. A hidden hub for missions? Some sort of mobile network to keep information flowing freely? The possibilities are staggering for anything more than a force of fifty bodies or so. Their leader must either be a genius or insane. So why are they encroaching on our territory? Are they getting uppity?"
Ibiki shrugged, "Perhaps." He returned to his chair and asked Komugi to do the same. "I bring this up Komugi because Anko has problems, yes, but so do all of us. I can't compete in Ninja Man's Monthly's annual 'Most Bishounen Hair' contest. Anko has a seal that encroaches into her mind and warps her desires and thoughts toward darker ends." He intertwined his fingers in front of his face, "I know you're concern for Naruto is a powerful drive to make sure that there is action taken, however until I have proof that Anko isn't in complete control of herself than I cannot act."
Komugi nodded, accepting his answer, "Yes sir."
As Komugi was about to get up and leave Ibiki's office door was thrown open. "What is the meaning of this?" The scarred commander ordered, slamming his hands on his desk and standing.
The cadet's face flew back and forth until he focused on the two senior members of the squadron. He gave a swift salute and stood at attention, "Ibiki-taichou! Anko-sempai has gone crazy! She's ripping a prisoner apart with her bare hands!"
The head of the division blinked, an incredulous look on his face, "Well," Ibiki snorted, "Goddammit."
Uzumaki-Mitarashi Naruto was, for the most part, a calm minded kid. There were obvious times when he was slow, mostly because no one bothered to teach him to pay attention until Anko first introduced him to her deadly heel drop. So, with him being a calm minded kid and all, he was slowly trying to sort out his feelings on the current situation.
"Okay…let's go down the list. First: my sensei is an ASS and a porn otaku. Whichever is worse I'll figure out later. Then there's Sasuke the criminal mastermind who now suddenly has found a pulse…" Naruto glanced over at the Uchiha heir as he slowly ate. His eyes were moving about in their sockets, most likely replaying the day's events with their sensei. "Oh…yes. Let's not forget that ONCE AGAIN I've had to deal with Sakura trying to kill me. I swear to Inari this shit is getting old."
While in this situation…The Kyuubi began…it would be prudent to claim the female to establish dominance. She would cease these foolish displays of power if she viewed your will as law. I do not approve of it. You may not mate with her kit, she would not produce strong babies.
Naruto made a growling sound that drew the attention of the other two cadets, "Like you have a say in the matter fox."
Mou…he could almost hear the pout forming on her lips…Naruto-kun is being mean. I only want you to find a good mate. Young boys these days are so disrespectful to their elders. If only…a sniffing sound echoed between his ears…If only you understood how hard it is to see you masturbate with such a creature as her as your current subject…like a failed painter you dejectedly stroke your tool to a withering muse…
Naruto's eye twitched, more so from the fact in the heat of teenage hormones he completely forgot he had someone else in his head. "You're pushing it Fox. I'll seal you off if I have to."
An image of Kyuubi with her hands on her hips her cheeks puffed in frustration flashed before his eyes. Fine. But more importantly, and I say that with a good deal of trepidation at the ordering, you need to heal the female. Her body is in worse condition than you think. I can smell the decay and fatigue from here.
"You're right," he whispered out loud.
Standing Naruto pricked his thumb on one of his sharp teeth and made the necessary hand signs. Good boy…Watch out though…Kyuubi grinned flashing her crocodile like smile…she's in heat…
Despite the sudden urge to slam his head into the log post behind him Naruto completed the technique fully with no mistakes. As he clapped his hand to the ground his chakra spiked abnormally before a massive cloud of smoke enveloped him, his bento, and the log. Fading slowly the smoke revealed to have been the arrival of a rather tall and skinny two tailed fox with massive round wire framed glasses. To the amazement of Sakura, and horror of Sasuke, the fox was a bright pink.
It cracked its neck loudly and looked down at Naruto as the creature was well over two heads taller than him when sitting on its haunches, "Naruto-sama. It is good to see you again." It reached behind it and drew forth from seemingly nowhere a doctor's bag. Putting on a special stethoscope for foxes it put the listener to Naruto's belly.
"Everything seems fine with the seal…"
Naruto smacked his hand away causing the great animal to whimper, "I didn't call you here for me Mouto, I called you here for her!" he said throwing a finger at Sakura.
The fox's spectacles, which Sakura saw had lenses thicker than her arm, seemed to focus on the young Haruno, as if they were its eyes. It adjusted its glasses with the tip of one tail and trotted over, Naruto carrying the bag with it. Sakura noticed the fox had a Konoha headband wrapped around its longer tail. He scrutinized her for a few minutes before rising up and tapping one long hind paw on the ground.
"Haruno bloodline…direct descendant. Fifth…no fourth generation. Removed from the original house by two out-clan marriages to civilians and one out-clan marriage to shinobi. Quite a pedigree you have girl…" he said after a few moments.
Sakura, who had studied her family's recent history, furrowed her brow. He had just described the last three generations of her family by looking at her, "How did you know that?"
"Haruno Tsukene, the matriarch of your clan, had a distinct pair of eyes. All direct female descendants bear them. Larger than average sclera and a supple twist in the iris' lens which makes the pupils appear to widen, similar to when a pupil dilates, whenever the family member focuses on any object within five feet. Children of Haruno ninja also have a defined athletic form from the onset of puberty, which the percentage of appearance in children slowly degrades with each new non-ninja generation. Civilian children usually have pronounced foreheads and high intellectual skills.
"Big forehead?" Mouto said poking Sakura's brow, "Your Haruno parent is a ninja who had a civilian background. Now... Take off your clothes."
"WHAT!" Sakura screamed. She instantly went to cover as much of herself with her arms as possible. She glared at both Naruto and Sasuke as if she was daring them to agree.
Mouto snapped his digits, "Listen girl. I have little time. I only came because Naruto-sama called me. You are a kunoichi are you not? Your body is a weapon. To be ashamed of your weapon is to fear to use it. I swear on my honor as a fox I will not let either of them touch you. I do only need you to remove your top most layers."
"Why?" Sakura asked, her resistance to the fox waning.
"Your left shoulder and right hip joints are all but dislocated. The tendons have been damaged almost to uselessness and there is a chance of muscle ruptures throughout your torso. I can only make sure after seeing you for myself."
Blushing furiously Sakura shook her head and bit her lower lip. She watched as the fox clapped his front paws together and formed a screen around them hanging from just over his head, "Better?"
"Yes," she hiccuped as she began to remove the dress/shirt combination she wore. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed she had wraps around her chest. At her age she should not have developed that fully yet. As the garment was removed Mouto immediately frowned deeply, his black lined lips twisted in a grimace. Sakura also removed her sandals and the tight shorts she wore to stand in front of him.
He reached down with one paw and tested her body. She grew even redder as a claw appeared from one round digit and snagged the ends of her bindings, "Forgive me, but this is crucial to my final diagnosis." When she nodded he unhooked the wrap and twisted it off of her. A snarl escaped the fox's throat as he looked at Sakura's body.
Where there should have been the barest hint of definition for a girl her seize there was instead bone and hide. Sakura's breasts had begun to develop, in fact it from what Mouto could tell she was, supposed to anyway, be fairly well off in the bust department by now, but instead of having shape or definition they were just there, somewhat deflated looking. There were deep, deep bruises along her body from where her skin had contracted from the increased muscle mass too quickly and the damage to her limbs was far easier to see now that she was nude.
If the fox had been able to make a fist he would have punched the ground, instead he motioned for her to wait and slipped out to talk to Naruto.
"Well? Is she better?" the blonde asked as Mouto drew him away from the curtain.
Mouto shook his head, "She hasn't eaten a full day's supply of nutrition in at least two months." Naruto gaped at him, "Her body has degenerated to a terrible condition. The only reason she can stand is because of her family's power. I'm only going to be able to fix some of the damage, hopefully I can stop the current level of decay from worsening."
Naruto frowned as deeply as the summon, "Is there anything I can do?"
Mouto shook his head again, "No. The only thing you could do is give her a chakra infusion of her majesty's power. But…" he let the suggestion hang in the air. "I shall do my best for her Naruto-sama, but even that will be for nothing if she does not change her habits immediately. The combination of poor nutrition and certain high levels of stress have stunted her in more than a few ways. I shall leave securing the changes to you."
Naruto clenched his fists in his pockets as the smug smiling face of Haruno Sakaki flashed through his mind, "Gotcha. Better get to work Mouto…" "Oooh…I'm gonna make that woman scream. I really don't care what happens to Sakura…but if my Sakura-chan goes out because of her…"
He nodded and lopped back into the curtain where Sakura was sitting on the ground holding herself. She looked back at him, "I know how ugly I am…but did you have to tell him?"
Mouto's face became impassive, "I may have you as a patient Haruno, but my loyalty is to Naruto-sama, if this was not his wish I would merely shake my head in sadness and vanish back to my home." Once more cracking his neck he leered at her backside, which she did not notice, "It would be best to imagine my healing as coming from Naruto-sama himself."
Sakura shuddered visibly as she heard the fox take out several tools from his bag, "Of all the things you could have said…that is probably the worst."
He ignored the round-about insult to his master and prepared to heal her, "I will begin by giving you a super nutrient pill. It will replenish what your body has digested from itself. Then I will heal your joints, then the tendons and muscles and finally the bruises. You will be able to move and fight, but if you take off your limiter again before the healing is complete your body will give out." He handed her a large jawbreaker sized red ball.
"I understand," she said as she bit into it. The pill had the texture of dried cake and had the faintest taste of cherry. Not trusting the young female, Mouto watched as she ate and swallowed the whole thing, her body almost glowing with the infusion of nutrition.
"Hold still Haruno, my paws will feel cold at the start," he said as his tails flew into a series of complicated maneuvers. When they stilled his front paws gave off a bright green glow. He placed the pads against her and slowly moved them over the damaged areas of her body. "I do not know what drove you to this Haruno, but know this: Naruto-sama does not want to see you die. Whatever is driving your heart toward hatred for him I beg you pause on that path. In time…even you may see why Naruto-sama wanted to help you. In time…you may realize the extent of what he feels for you."
Sakura bit her lower lip as she trembled. She was thankful for the cold soothing energy from the fox, he would assume her jitters were from that. "Why does he…" she thought, an image of Naruto giving her a concerned look out of the corner of his eye, " care more than she does…?" As she nodded to Mouto's earlier question, she did her best to stay quiet, she didn't want the fox to see her crying.
Tosshin Gakae, as a veteran of ANBU and numerous multiple life and death ninja battles, was mostly unshakable. There were, however, exactly three things that turned him from the quiet and resolute ANBU commander in training to a hysterical sardonic and potentially homicidal maniac.
The first is chaos. While he had been in the Third Great Shinobi war he had seen numerous instants when the breakdown of order leads to numerous terrible and unneeded deaths. Plus during chaos people tended to scream, which hurt his ears.
The second is dirty interrogation tools. For some reason this man who has been a bachelor all his life and lives in an apartment that is, for lack of a better term, a dump, cannot stand to see anything less than expertly cleaned, maintained, sanitized, and polished torture devices. To see even a hint of left over oiling grease or blood from a previous victim drives him mad. Also there's the chance of infection, what is the point in torturing a man half to death when dies of something stupid like an infection?
Finally there is the lack of protocol. When a rule is put into place, especially in an environment such as a torture chamber, it is most likely for a reason. When someone breaks such a rule valuable information, and subsequently lives, could be lost. Also considering his age and rank he normally could tell anyone in a room what to do and they would have to do it if protocol was in effect.
Mitarashi Anko had, in the last few moments, placed all three of these conditions before Gakae.
CHAOS: She had attacked a prisoner like a leaping lioness, summoning power from her curse seal to turn into a violently powerful kunoichi bent on this man's evisceration, which she was doing in the correct scrotum to sternum manner he had taught her five years ago. At least she was being thorough in her unsanctioned murder.
And good lord if that damn Sound nin had a set of lungs.
FILTH: By ripping open said prisoner's chest cavity and ripping random bits out she was littering him, the other ANBU guards, and everything else in the room in what could be described as 'meat hash.' In a ninja village people know that blood stains like an angry motherfucker. But what they wouldn't known is that most organs, which are soaked in blood, also stain. They leave grease, blood, and juices in such abundance that even a fraction of a human body's miniature facilities can take days if not weeks of cleaning. Oh, speaking of which…she just got pancreas on my scalpels. That will take forever to scrub off.
Of all the organs to get on your scalpels; pancreas and prostate were the absolute worst.
PROTOCOL: She did not even have the decency to ask his permission when she began to slaughter his prisoner. Quite unprofessional.
To sum it all up: if the man capable of sparring with the sannin was not before, Tosshin Gakae was now peeved.
A spark flew from the man to Anko. She saw him as a rundown failed ninja; she saw a certain smiling face offering him a hand in friendship and understanding. She saw terrible training, horrific experiments, and in the end a lean white hand being placed against his forehead. Pain ripped into her flesh like knives, arcing through her body like lightning.
The seal roared. It was screaming. Living breathing hating fucking mewling panting hunting killing loving.
IT WAS ALIVE! And so was SHE!
Something in her shot to the surface like a missile fired directly up. A deep, deep part of Anko that she hid from everyone, even herself. Her mind barely had time to register the image of a small boy looking at her with glowing eyes.
Because you two are the only ones like me…
For two years her curse had plagued her stronger than ever. It had tried its damndest to turn her down the one road she kept to her back. Naruto was always there sitting off to the side smiling, his cunning blue eyes playing with her emotions. The seal knew how much Anko loved the boy who gave her a reason to stay in this village. It knew how close Anko toed that line with that beautiful boy that seemed to radiate an aura few men would ever achieve. It knew Naruto would never say no. Because just as much as Anko loved Naruto, Naruto loved Anko.
And it would use that love.
But its plans failed. Time and time and time again. Anko's love for Naruto, no matter its origin, paled in comparison to her urge to protect him. Anko was not the last of the Mitarashi clan for no reason, too many of their women died in child birth. Anko's own mother living only long enough to name her daughter and stroke her face before dying. This knowledge, and Anko's own suspicions about the powerful effects of the seal, had made her believe children were forever out of her reach. It is these situations that a woman finds either her maternal instincts stunted or drastically overpowering. Many of the most accomplished kunoichi turned down that path known as 'failure' because of the cry of a single child.
On that softly cooling summer night so long ago, it seemed, Anko had experienced such a failure. Her desire to protect this boy, this terribly tempting and powerfully wonderful boy, washed over her own pain. Her reasons for leaving seemed fickle and childish. How could she, an adult, run from a fraction of what this child stood against? The simple answer was: she could, and would, not.
And the seal finally had a way to tap into that. Trying to use Anko's powerful sexual desire was one thing. Rumor and mistrust would do that more effectively than if Anko actually started offering herself in public. But to use the one thing she loved most to turn her into a blind rampant killer?
Now that was what corruption was all about.
Was it her inherent sadism that drove her?
Was it some odd loyalty or jealousy toward her old master? Of hearing someone else call him –sama?
Was it the fact this fool thought the curse seal was a gift?
No. It was because she felt it. This man, this hunk of meat and bone was a tool. A tool for some twisted plot of the man she had loved like a father. That plot was aimed, in some way, toward Konoha. And if there was even a fraction of a chance that plot would encompass Naruto she would fight the nine tails itself to protect him. She had already tangled with the beast twice in her life time.
This thing that dared threaten her Naruto was nothing.
It was so easy to even rip the offending bastard's curse seal off that Anko felt like she was opening a present. Her ears became muffled like they were filled with cotton as he screamed. To her amazement the seal had burned through the flesh to mark even the skull beneath. Intrigued Anko pushed her fingers against the bone.
Yep. Felt like velvet.
Oh well, he made his bed. Time to die in it.
She grabbed his shirt and then ripped it off. Her free hand jammed hard into his chest, her fingers becoming hard as steel before puncturing his throat cavity. Slashing her hand downward she broke his breast plate by making a very sloppy, but very effective, version of the medic ninja's chakra scalpel. A second, third, and fourth scream rocked the small room as she broke through each layer of his ribcage's connecting structure.
Anko forced herself to her work and let her instincts, unknowingly overpowered by the seal to take over. Despite having half of-wait…three fifths-of his organs strewn about the room the man was still alive. Anko even made sure to take the most painful ones out first so he would know how thoroughly he had screwed the pooch.
When her raking digging fingers found only bone and hide to claw at she moved to his limbs. Putting her foot to the man's shoulder she tore his arm free of the bonds he was in and began to twist and pull at the limb like a dog playing tug of war with a raw hide. A gurgling wet sound accompanied the man's death throes as finally Anko twisted the appendage off and sent it flying behind her.
The hand smacked Gakae's face and pulled his mask off revealing his horribly disfigured face. After passing over his head it hit one of the two stunned guards knocking him over.
Anko, completely ignoring the other three ninja, roared as she came. The orgasm made her toes curl as she opened her moth and howled. Sitting in the lap of the dead man, his still steaming guts surrounding her, Anko panted hard. The seal had spread almost to her right side, covering her exposed flesh in its dark creeping flames.
"Whoo!" she cooed happily, leaning on the corpse like a lover. "I think I need a cigarette!"
"Oh really?" a hand, with two kunai for fingers, fell hard onto her shoulder. Anko resisted the urge to scream. "Well as you know Anko-chan smoking is not permitted inside the building. LET ME SHOW YOU TO THE DESIGNATED AREA!" with strength that could send Gai running for cover Gakae hoisted Anko up and threw her from the room one handed. She hit the ground rolling to land sitting up across the hall.
Gakae's steel reinforced sandal collided with the wall next to her head cracking the stone. He punched her hard in the nose, cracking her face. "Are you sufficiently calmed now Anko?" he asked.
Her response was wet and hard to understand but Gakae took it as a yes. He motioned to have her bound. Several ANBU helped her to her feet and began to bind her arms behind her back. Before they took her away: "Wait," Gakae ordered. He slashed his wrist with his kunai and let the blood flow onto his palms. After clapping his hands together to spread the blood he threw his hands into a flurry of hand seals.
FUINJUTSU: FUJA HOIN SHISHOURUI! (Art of Sealing: Evil Sealing Method: Master Class)
With a swift clap Anko's curse seal was suddenly marked by the binding. She screamed loudly as the painful suppression of the curse's evil took hold. Normally the blood needed would be at least one pint with several hours of preparation. Gakae, after being sent on a retrieval mission that eventually had him fighting five demon possessed ninja farmer hookers at once, decided to have the Fourth and his wife give him a crash course in sealing.
Thankfully he was also a super genius when it came to the Evil sealing method; the only drawback was his version is about four times as painful to have applied.
"That's what you get," Gakae said matter of factly as he turned back toward his interrogation room. With a heavy sigh he began to check off the list of cleaning supplies he would need.
"What's going on here?" Ibiki called as he made his way toward the group of ninja. Gakae saluted him, a somewhat frightening thing to see without the man's mask. After Ibiki saluted him back he rummaged into his vest and revealed a second mask. Quickly attaching it he returned to attention. "At ease. Inform me Gakae, what happened?"
"Mitarashi Anko was my back up, staying in proper form to be unknown to the prisoner, suppressed chakra and well placed movements, however the target was unperturbed by our normal methods and revealed that he had been given preparation in case he was captured by us. After he mentioned who prepared him for capture Anko lost it, activated her curse seal and made sure to totally murder our prisoner, sir."
"Who prepared him?" Ibiki asked rubbing his chin.
Gakae waited until Anko had been led away to a more secure cell before he answered, "Orochimaru."
Ibiki who had made his way toward the scene of the incident froze in mid step. Once more demonstrating his mastery of the back pedal movement technique he faced Gakae. "Please tell me this is opposite day and when you say the name of the worst traitor to our village you mean a fluffy bunny. Preferably pink and adorable with a carrot."
The aged ANBU shook his head slowly, "No sir. No bunnies. No carrots."
"Damn…" Ibiki sighed. He scratched the itch from one of his screw wounds and went back to the room. As he gazed in he stopped at the threshold. "Oh…wow," Ibiki said as he stood at the door. For a scant second the head of the division was glad he didn't wear sandals as he saw the layer of blood on the floor. "I was going to say maybe the fuja hoin was a bit extreme, considering your version is quite painful…but good lord is that pancreas on your scalpels?"
Gakae seemed to deflate, "Yes…"
"It's already congealed that will take forever to get out!"
Gakae made a 'there you are' gesture, "You see the source of my aggravation. I'm quite surprised I did not introduce her to pain and suffering of a nature not heard of by human ears."
Ibiki was now very glad Gakae was on their side.
"Ibiki-taichou!" Komugi called as she made her way towards the pair. "I contacted the Hokage as you ordered, sir. He is on his way!"
"Excellent," Ibiki turned away from the door way.
Intrigued by the scent of blood Komugi looked inside, "HOLY SHIT! GAKAE! YOUR ROOM IS FUCKED!"
"I noticed," he drawled.
Komugi gaped at the tool table, "Wow! Is that pancreas on your scalpels? That will take forever to get out!"
Mouto finished his work and dispelled the curtain protected Sakura from view with a clap of his paws. The pinked haired cadet blushed deeply as she stood in the fox's shadow. Sasuke and Naruto, who had been waiting next to each other, gaped. While Sakura did not appear any different the poise and physical presence was similar to when she first removed her choker, although on a much smaller scale.
Naruto immediately felt a little bad taste enter his mouth, "Feh. She's just playing at being Sakura-chan…however…" He and Sasuke both noticed that the young Haruno had improved in a certain area, "Damn…she's almost on par with Ino. Almost. I must remember to investigate, self preservation be damned."
I wish you'd investigate my chest kit…
"NOT THE TIME FOX!"
"This is as good as I can do with what I have. She will be much safer for combat now. Just in case take three of these every other day," explained the summoned creature as he handed Sakura a small bottle of pills. "Your appetite will grow stronger every day you fail to eat. If you stop for more than a few days your muscles will give out and your heart will seize. You'll release everything in your bladder and colon and drench yourself in the last vestiges of waste a malnourished human has. Then you'll die."
"Thanks Mouto…love your imagery," Naruto grunted. The animal bowed to him before disappearing in a large cloud of smoke. As soon as he was gone Naruto faced Sakura, "Truce?" She glared him down, her stare causing an effect in him he was hoping would not show. "Damnable attraction to strong willed women. I swear this is all Anko's fault. She's knocked something loose in my head, with all of those brutal heel drops, for being turned on by a girl who would rather see me with my guts out than let me into her guts."
Sakura held out her hand to him, "Truce. But I swear Naruto if you keep looking at my breasts I'll throw you into the river so hard you'll make a new well on the other side of the world."
He took it and grinned, "Noted, sweetie."
"So," Sasuke interjected as he handed Sakura the remaining half of his meal, "I don't need it," he explained. Tears welled in her eyes as she accepted the bento like it was something precious, and to the newly ravenous Haruno, it was. The three cadets crouched down as Sakura raged into the food, "What's the plan?"
Naruto ticked off the openings he saw in Kakashi's defenses, with a few add-ons from Sasuke, and set up a plan that would require the remaining ninja traps set by Sasuke's cats. "Word of warning…they have a habit of over powering their explosives," Sasuke added.
"Duly noted Sasuke-chan," Naruto said eyeing a scorch mark on the back of his shirt, and remembering how powerful the blast that had sent him into the river had been. "Now I'll charge him straight on with about five shadow clones and ten mud clones. Sasuke and Sakura you come from the sides, use whatever jutsu you have to aim for his book, he'll lose an arm before he lets that get scorched. It's his signed copy."
Sakura, who was currently stuffing her face, "How do you know so much about him?"
Naruto made sure he was leaning in close, "Because I trained with him when I was younger."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "How'd you get him to do that?"
The grin the spread across the blonde's face made Sakura choke a bit, "He has a mesh fetish."
"What does that have to do…Oooh," The two other members of team 7 began until they remembered the Mitarashi that wasn't blonde. Or had shame.
"What about his ninja dogs?"
"Oh yeah!" Naruto said snapping his fingers, "We have to hide and change our scents every few moments to keep him off our trails."
"His mastery of one thousand jutsu?"
"To be honest," Naruto replied, "Kakashi's jutsu collection doesn't matter, most of it is one hit kill stuff that he can't use on us at even a third his normal potency."
"What about his dashing good looks and amazing tactical skill?"
"Anko has seen Kakashi's 'O' face and tells me it's nothing special so we just…have…to…"
Naruto suddenly realized Sakura and Sasuke were pointing behind him. Turned his head slowly he gazed over his shoulder to a lazy black beady eye, locked intently on his own.
"Yo. I believe I said you couldn't feed Sakura. Or talk to each other."
Kakashi's killing intent sent all three cadets tumbling backward, their hands raised in various taijutsu stances. Sasuke grabbed hold of his fallen sword, Sakura charged chakra into her fists and Naruto dipped his hands into his pockets to draw out smoke bombs.
"You have directly defied me. I am a jounin. There are over twenty organizations on this continent that have a flee on sight order for anyone less than my level of power. And you defied me like I was a normal teacher at the academy. Are you ready for your punishment?" Kakashi asked, his visible eye slashing into their hearts.
"BRING IT KAKA-SENSEI!" Naruto roared drawing two of his special heavy kunai.
"By my order the three of you will-" He held out his hand splaying his fingers as if to fire a blast of energy in some overly dramatized anime before fireworks were fired off behind him. Two ninja dogs appeared with a banner that said "CONGRATULATIONS ON NOT BEING STUPID!" Two more were waving fans with kanji saying: Victory over Stupidity. A final ninja dog appeared on Kakashi's head and made the peace sign. "Report for duty at the Hokage's tower tomorrow for your first mission!"
Sasuke sheathed his sword, his face a mask of disbelief. "What? We pass?"
Kakashi smiled under his mask and gave his team a thumbs up, "You disobeyed my direct orders, but in doing so you made a member of your team battle ready and helped her recover from a far more dangerous condition. You also were ready to trust Naruto with a battle plan, accepting the fact he knew me and my tactics. Those who break the rules are scum, but those who leave behind their comrades are worse than scum."
Sakura sighed and happily put another scoop of rice in her mouth. "However," Kakashi said putting a hand on her and Sasuke's shoulders, from behind, causing both to jump. "If you try to pull any more stunts like the three of you have in the last week-"
Naruto: Defiled sacred monument, stole 40+ pairs of panties from the ANBU corps locker rooms.
Sasuke: Attempted to steal sacred item to the village, indecent exposure.
Sakura: Tried to cripple/mortally wound a teammate, used a transformation to purchase a copy of 'Big and Tall Shinobi underwear catalogue.'
"-I'll kill you!" he said a hint of sweetness at the end of his sentence.
Standing still as statutes each genin gulped and replied, "Yes Kakashi-shishou…"
Grinning deeply Kakashi motioned for his students to follow. They fell in step behind him as he pulled his tell-tale orange book from one of his many pouches. Chuckling softly to himself Kakashi turned page after page.
Sasuke swung his sword onto his shoulder and fell behind Kakashi. A bird call made him take notice of a green tipped hawk, a rare raptor of Konoha, he studied the way it swooped up, circled, and then dived into the trees before appearing with a small rabbit in its clutches. He ticked off the other few birds he saw, making note of the hawks especially.
Naruto fished out his doodle pad and continued trying to get Komugi's tattoo right. Every time he drew it the thing wouldn't come out right. When he decided to go for a cuter image he found his hand moving in an almost agreeable way.
Sakura, finishing the last of Sasuke's bento felt a small belch rise in her throat hiding it as best she could she relished the feeling of a good meal. Her walking gate almost took on a skip as she counted down the things she could brag to Ino about.
A melancholy guardian, a tepid avenger, a cunning hunter, and a mending helper walked away from that field with a slightly truer sense of peace with each other.
If only…if only they had not been marked for tragedy this happy scene would continue indefinitely.
A/N: Why am I so goddam sappy? Oh well. Hope you all liked Gakae. He's completely original with no basis. However, fans of my first story will reocgnize the name of Uzumaki Arumi's teammate/crush/doctor from Typhoon in the Clouds. Also next chapter ends the day-by-day stuff and the story will pick up the pace.
And before any of you bitch: Gakae is almost fifty years old. He trained with the Fourth and Naruto's Momma to learn seals and had an innate skill with the Evil Sealing Method. So yes. He can do it in five seconds with a handful of blood.
Because MountainWind has spoken.
-MountainWind blowing away~...
OMAKE: Why No One Lets Gakae Babysit Part 1
Komugi: Sorry Anko-sempai. I have this cute new piercing I wanna get done and I won't able to walk for two days after getting it.
Moto: I would love to watch Naruto for you Anko-sempai but I have to see the doctors in the Land of Medicine about Hifumi.
Ibiki: Anko what part of my home has ever given the impression of being 'children friendly?' Was it my ceremonial self locking iron maiden? The food my sister tries to poison me with? My collection of nervous system affecting poisons? Maybe my dog Snuffles? Who is also five feet tall and eats small pigs…
Anko: Dammit…who else can I ask?
Kakashi: HAH! No. Unless…(NOT FOR CHILDREN!)
Naruto: What did he mean by 'Kage Bunshin for both doors?'
Anko (with a now sore hand from beatings): Nevermind him. He's a moron…with amazing ideas.
Gai: Why Anko-san I believe you need a baby sitter because of your big mission? I WOULD SURELY LIKE TO SHOW NARUTO-KUN HOW YOUTH-Where are you going! I just finished putting together my reinforced Bowflex!
Anko: Dammit! Who's left?
Naruto (not affected because of super sense of smell but yelling equally loud): WOW! You scared Anko-chan!
Anko: Why would I let you watch him?
Gakae: Do you have any other option?
Gakae (on the way to Gakae's apartment): So Naruto what do you do for fun?
Naruto (fox face thinking pose-no jutsu): Practice my ninja stuff Anko-chan and Scarface taught me.
Gakae (suddenly remembering as an elder male he must take a mentoring role in this youth's life): Want to learn how I snuck up on Anko?
Naruto: YEAH! THAT WAS SO COOL!
Gakae: Alright. I can also show you how to take something from someone's pocket so they don't know it's missing.
Naruto (with trademark fox grin): Would that work on anything they have hidden in their clothes? Or even their underwear?
Gakae (has not been told of Anko's fear for Naruto's 'perverted urges with panties'): I do not see why not.
And so…Konohagakure no Sato is changed forever.
Several years later…ANBU Facility
OH GOD! HE'S STRUCK AGAIN! ALL OF MY SPARE PANTIES ARE GONE!
Damn you Uzumaki-Mitarashi Naruto! Damn yo~u!