Hakkai shifted in his sleeping bag, Jeep curled up next to him

Midnight Musings

Author – cornerofmadness

Disclaimer – not mine. All rights belong to Kazuya Minekura et al, no profit made, just a little fun

Rating – PG-13 for graphic images

Prompt- sanity/insanity

Pairing – remembrance of Hakkai and his sister, one sided lusty thoughts, Hakkai/Sanzo

Timeline – no spoilers, just a night out on the road

Author's Note – written for Mjules for her birthday (okay so it didn't come out as Hakkai/Sanzo as I wanted…okay so your gift is creepy) and for Saiyukitime's sanity/insanity prompt. I kept getting interrupted but no more than 30 minutes since the insipid thing on Cartoon network is still on. There's a movie shout out in this. Gold star to the one who finds it. Currently unbetaed so have at it if you spot mistakes.

XXX

Hakkai shifted in his sleeping bag, Jeep curled up next to him. He couldn't sleep. This was far from unusual. Hakkai knew sometimes his little band of friends thought he was the sanest of them. He had heard Gojyo make that claim at least once. Hakkai never knew how.

They all knew what he had done. How could they ever attribute sanity to him? Maybe they thought if they chanted it enough, it would become true. If they could peek inside his head when he slept, Hakkai knew sanity would never enter their minds. His dreams dripped blood. Centipedes crept out of the dark corner of his mind, consuming his sister's dead body, swelling her belly until it popped in some unholy mockery of birth. Enucleated eyes gazed like serene emeralds ripping through the darkness in his soul.

Sometimes Hakkai suspected they knew his familiar smile was the thin dividing line between his control and his madness. It would be easy to blame the youkai for making him insane, for becoming one himself but deep down Hakkai wondered if he was just born that way. What kind of man did the things he had done with his own sister?

No, if they wanted sanity, they were better off looking to Goku. The boy wasn't as foolish as they thought, well not all the time. Goku came closer to the Buddhist ideal Sanzo was supposed to embody. The boy let go of his past, where Hakkai wallowed in his. Goku lived in the now, his heart and head in the moment. That was sanity. Five hundred years in a cave and the biggest hint of insanity in Goku was he was afraid of snow and he had even gotten over that. Then again, he could be wrong. Goku's sanity might be nothing more than a golden diadem, ready to crack.

Sighing, Hakkai twisted around, trying to get comfortable. He could see Sanzo sleeping, dappled in tree-filtered moonlight. The occasional thoughts of lust he had for the monk did nothing more than convince him he truly was insane. All four of them sane inside insanity, just a breath away from becoming exceedingly dangerous. Hakkai gave Jeep's chin a scratch then tried to get back to sleep.