Interface 7 – ending. Oh my god this chapter took over my LIFE!! Enjoy!
My eyes burn, I awake to a face full of blinding light. Is this what people see when they die? I wonder and try to cover my eyelids as they glow a dazzling red. Nothing happens. I still feel the soft sheets beneath my skin as if I'd never moved. Have I moved? I can't see to tell. A suffocating blanket is wrapped obsessively around my chest, making me sweat uncomfortably, or is my sweat cold? I shiver and the shock vibrates my whole body. Scary. I feel silky fabric brush against the backs of my legs and realize I haven't moved them yet either, tentatively I attempt to raise my head – just to check they're still there.
Again, nothing. The pillow sucks my head in deeper, the softness ballooning around my ears until I feel I'm trapped. I strain again, desperate to be free of the cloying embrace of the bedclothes, I strain until I'm gasping for air and a distant feeling of nausea threatens to disable me. Am I tied down? Is that what's hindering my movement? Fearful questions hang in the air without answers, my chest constricts and a strange spasm rocks my torso. My teeth bite down and blood fills my mouth, oh god oh god, I recognise this. In my delirium my mind jumps back, trying to comprehend my situation. Gradually everything comes flooding back, like the tide of blood flowing out of my mouth, through my teeth and over my chin. Where's my hand to wipe that away? I finally open my eyes and stare down at the spotless white sheet to my left, my arm lays peacefully beside me . . . odd. I catch a glimpse of a white cotton shirt clothing me, and my own pale skin before another shock tenses all my muscles and my head is whipped back.
"Arrggh" I moan, feeling a familiar urge creeping up on me, its sinful tendrils wrapping seductively around my brain. Shame causes a pink glow to rise on my cheeks and I flex the fingers on my right hand, relief growing deep inside when I realize where that hand has lain. The flesh under my palm grows hot, and the spasms cease to shake me. I'm getting what I need.
My breath quickens, much as it did before when I was trying to get up. I imagine I'm bucking into my hand, but my back never leaves the sheets. I hear someone enter my room, and momentarily the bright light is blocked off, I feel the cute blush on my cheeks deepen to raw red embarrassment. They're watching me, judging me. I'm not doing this for pleasure; I'm doing it because I must. They don't know that, they don't know what I'm being put through.
"Haahh" I whine as I feel myself growing harder, creeping closer to the edge. My eyes flash open and I catch a glimpse of the intruder in my space, watching my most intimate moments. It's not Kakuzu.
"Hidan." The blonde nods, removing a lollipop from his mouth long enough to smile at me and wink. What's wrong with him? Can't he see I'm suffering? My legs and arms are broken down, I can't get up and hit him, and the thought rankles. I stare it him, trying to fill my glare with as much hate and resentment I can, but all I manage is a pathetic, unfocussed gaze. That lollipop he's holding . . . sucking, it's one of those rainbow ones, the ones with 5 different colours stacked up on each other.
"D-Dei" I cry, "B-bring me something . . . that shape . . . n-now!" I'm crazy now, pumping myself like I'm losing it. Still, it's not enough. Deidara is leaving, but soon he returns, smugly carrying something behind his back.
"Here" he offers it, plonking it into my left hand which lies immobile on the bed. He knows I can't lift it, and stands by while I strain and struggle. My whole body grows hotter and I huff and puff, simply trying to move.
"A little help!?" I mumble gruffly, and moan softly as he takes my hand and guides it around to where I need it most. I don't care who this belongs to, I don't even care what it is, but soon it's filling me gloriously and I'm screaming my release. Deidara is clutching my hand, helping me satisfy myself since I'm unable to complete the act alone these days. In and out, in and out our hands race, until I feel myself exploding under the covers. My mind goes utterly blank with the climax and waves of heat rush over me. It feels good, oh so good. I'm panting for air, feeling calmer now . . .
Quiet groans escape with every slowing breath, and my weak muscles twitch and jump as I relax. I'm stuck lying on my side, that is, until Deidara has finished whatever it is he's doing. Something is removed from me and I feel the emptiness swallow up my heat like a void, gentle hands roll my body back, change the covers and wipe the sweat from my brow. I feel like an invalid, vulnerable like a baby, and I hate it.
I crack my eyes open and watch him laying a bag down by my beside, its made of paper, with string handles. The type of bag you get from expensive shops, I hear some things rolling round on the inside and stare quizzically from in between the pillows.
"A gift," Deidara mumbles, "Kakuzu bought you . . . some things, in case you un, need something. . . and he's not here" The long pauses in his words alert me to the fact that he, too is ashamed of me. I bite my lip and hold my breath, willing myself not to cry. Kakuzu has spent a lot of money on me, to make sure I'll be ok, but even he has a life to get on with. He can't wait on me hand and foot, can't waste his life hanging around waiting for me to become who I used to be.
Deidara looks away, he can't meet my eyes, can't bear to see my languishing form, drowned under heaps of soft linen and dependant on everyone else. He stays long enough to see that I'm ok, then leaves with his cloak billowing out behind him. I used to think he was an annoyance, but I believe I owe my life to him, maybe my sanity too.
I lay still in the semi darkness, no one's turned the light back on. Maybe they expect me to sleep. There's still something missing, still something I crave in the dark places of my mind. Something Kakuzu always used to give me to calm me down, something to stop me hurting. The warmth leaves my body faster than I expected, and as I'm concentrating on managing with this new craving, chills sweep my skin. I've coped with my aching muscles, satisfied my needs . . . and yet . . .
I zone out, daydream, listen to the faint sounds of life going on around me, life that no longer includes me. Gradually the temperature drops and by nightfall it's much colder, much darker. I'm shivering in earnest now, despite being wrapped up tighter than a newborn. My body trembles and as soon as my eyes are open a wave of nausea threatens to ruin the blankets all over again. I choke it back and stare up at the ceiling. The longing for Kakuzu and what he could bring has not faded, if anything its grown stronger. I itch for it again, whisper to myself in the silence.
"Better now?" a voice comes from the gloom at the foot of my bed. It's his voice.
"Kakuzu?" I question, just to make sure, "Kakuzu, let me have it . . . I know you have it. Where is it?" My teeth are chattering and my muscles are seizing up, removing any scrap of dignity I had left.
"Straight to the point," he chuckles, yet without a trace of humour. His dark eyes assess my body critically, from my thin limbs and pale skin to my ribs that show on my chest. His face shows no expression, except a mild regret. "They said I did this to you" he managed after a minute, and even from my prone position on the sickbed I could tell the words went deep. For a second I ponder his words, then chills rock me again and I grimace, I can't wait any longer, and I'm sick of his games already.
"K – Kakuzu . . . I beg you, please!" I whimper, giving in to my yearning.
"They said . . . you've become . . . an addict" he says slowly as realization dawns on the both of us. I want to cry in despair, but I am afraid if I open my mouth I will be sick. How long has it been since last time? At least a day, maybe more. Either is too long for me now. Kakuzu approaches my bedside and I see to my relief that in his hand he carries a syringe, full to the top. He see's my eyes on it and reads my thoughts in the same instant,
"This isn't all for now." He whispers seriously, "you're not supposed to have any at all."
"Oh god, Kakuzu hurry" I cry, not listening to a word he says. I try to lift my arm up and out of the covers, get it done quicker, but his cold fist locks around it, lifting it up and out and laying it over the bedclothes, palm up. Next he reaches for my right arm, and folds the fingers of my right hand around the syringe, and then his own hand curls around mine. Slowly he moves us until the tiny sharp point hovers over my vein, my hand begins to shake and I'm glad he's there to support me.
"Ready?" he asks. I only grunt in reply.
Gently he slips the needle inside, deeper and deeper into my arm. I feel him push down and I grit my teeth against the painful pressure as the poison enters my bloodstream. Through narrowed eyes I watch the plastic slowly empty, watch my own thumb pressing down as his does. At halfway he stops and removes his hand, leaving my shaking clammy fingertips slipping on the needle protruding from my arm.
"That's it" he concludes, "you can drop your arm now"
"Damnit no!" I gasp, and put all my strength into one final push. My thumb slams down and my left arm jerks as I force the remaining liquid into it's veins.
"Shit" Kakuzu curses, snatching the empty needle from my sweaty fingers and throwing it to the ground. I sigh, truly satisfied now and my eyelids droop. My mouth hangs open and I stare once again at the ceiling. Before the darkness takes me, I have time for two last words,
"Help me" I hiss
When I awoke it was to a room devoid of people. The chill still caressed my bones, but I felt warmer, safer than I had in days. My eyes flickered open, tentatively for fear I should feel sick again, but the nausea was gone. My head was propped up on a mountain of cushions and from here I could look down on my own body. The shock almost made me pass out again. The morning light shone off a multitude of flexible plastic tubes lying across my body. I followed the casings back and back, and was horrified to discover they went into my stomach. I could see my pale skin through the strange alien tubes, and the redness where they disappeared inside. Would it hurt if I wriggled? Would I feel them inside?
"Wha-" I murmured softly, and realized even my voice was barely audible. I tried to shift, tried to move my arms to pull the wretched things free, but I was stuck as if in immovable mud. I could feel my legs, they ached, the same with my arms. My mouth was dry and I could see the skin around the wires was red and sore. I looked to my left and saw a drip bag attached to me there as well, my eyes followed the thin wire up and swept over the clear plastic bag hanging there, feeding god only knew what into my body. I felt afraid, unsure who had organized this, who had strung me up like one of Sasori's puppets. The bedclothes were clean pristine white, whiter than an angel and smelling of disinfectant. I must still be in the hospital. A lone window behind me let the light in, but there was nothing of interest to see. I wanted to get up, get out of here but my body wouldn't obey me. To call for help would make me appear weak, it would strip away my dignity, so I remained silent.
As I watched, another trickle of unnameable liquid dribbled down the pipes and into my involuntary body. I couldn't stop it, what if it hurt me? I lay, dazed and confused in my bed, waiting for someone somewhere to help me. Memories of the night before came creeping back, as if they were as ashamed of me as I was of them. I remembered Deidara, his smug kindness, my deep humiliation, and my unavoidable craving. I prayed then that someone could help me make it out, recover, move on.
Weeks later . . .
"Come on!" he commanded, striding into my room and rousing me from half hearted slumber. My eyes were stuck together and the blankets around me were hot and stifling. There was little else for me to do, other than sleep for hours while the steady drip drip of food and nutrients entered my blood. I'd heard Zetsu speaking in the dark hours before the dawn, when they'd felt sure I was asleep or passed out from the drugs, that the way to begin healing me was to strengthen and nourish me like some kind of child. Only after that would my head begin to heal itself. I'm fine, I kept saying. My skin is just thin, that's why my bones show, I'm not weak I'm just resting that's why I can't sit up on my own. My thoughts turned bitter and I turned my steely gaze back onto Kakuzu who was leaning on the bottom of the bed I hadn't left for a fortnight.
"Time you got up" he jibed, poking my foot through the blanket. I glowered back at him through narrowed eyes. No matter how many times he watched me pant and struggle simply trying to roll over or reach for a drink, he still found it funny to rip it out of me every time he paid a visit.
"Go away, Kakuzu" I murmured, laying my head back on the pillow now my neck was beginning to ache. At least I'd made some progress, I could form coherent sentences, depending on which time of the day you wanted one. The evenings were always bad, the mornings little better. Those were the times when Kakuzu stood by me when I needed him most, and for that I could not repay him.
Right now, though, I wished he'd go away.
"It's time for a walk" he stated, stamping over and pulling my duvet away, revealing my thin form, barely existing under a mountain of soft white bedclothes. I hated it when people saw my body, hated the faces they pulled. Sure I was sore, possibly bruised, the drugs I needed made the veins on my arms stick out like a motorway of criss crossed purple and red lines. Helpless as I was, I could only sulk as he put his strong hands under my arms and lifted me up and out of the bed. The cold hit me like a wall and I began to shiver.
"Urgh! Put me back in bed!" I complained, though deep down I was glad of a change of scene, I watched with amusement as he pulled free the plastic tubes that fed in and out of my stomach. The ones that had been bringing me food and taking away waste without me having to do anything. When they were nothing but forgotten holes in my skin, and the pipes themselves were lying besides us on the bed, Kakuzu put one of my arms round his shoulders and gripped my waist.
"We're going" he announced. I stared at him incredulously.
"What?" I muttered
"Come on move your legs!" he demanded and began to grow impatient. He took a step forwards and my feet dragged uselessly behind. I struggled weakly and my muscles trembled, but that's about as far as it got. My arm began to drop from his shoulder but he grabbed it and forced it back into place, his nails biting into my hips as he fought to keep me from falling. He was holding my full weight and I knew it. Slowly we shuffled into the corridor and the fresh cold air blew my hair out of my face which was now hot from effort.
"Are we going outside?" I asked, hopeful, but his reply was disappointing,
"No, not until you're stronger" he said it with a smile on his lips and it warmed me inside to know that he was as eager to help me as I was to recover. I put more work into moving my fragile legs, the process was painfully slow and each step was little more then a few inches. I hung limply from Kakuzu, relying on him completely. After only a few metres of desperate shuffling I was dizzy and out of breath, I was having trouble focussing and felt on the verge of unconsciousness. I was anxious to return to the hospital, the safety, bed . . .but Kakuzu had other plans.
"I'm going to leave you now, you can do a few steps on your own" he announced, as enthusiastic and dumb as those green-clad ninja in Konoha. I didn't even see the point in trying to deter him from this madness, he'd see soon enough that I had nothing left to give. Sure enough, as soon as he dropped me and moved back, I was on my way to the floor, collapsing to my knees then falling face first into a puddle of icy water with not a thing to stop me. The chilly liquid soaked into my clothes, got into my eyes and nose and the slime on the bottom smeared my face. Painfully I rolled over and glared up at the ceiling. My view was momentarily blocked with his concerned face, fussing over me like a puppy, before I was lifted to my feet.
"Try again-" he began to spout another round of utter crap, but this time I cut him off
"Get me a chair!" I cried, "Just buy me a fucking chair!" my words were bitter and twisted, words of hopelessness fermented in my mind from days left alone with nothing but the drugs to speak to me. Tears may have been rolling down my cheeks, as hot as my rage, but I ignored them- there had been too many recently. I leaned into Kakuzu's arms and he must have carried me back, because the next thing I knew I was lying on layers of soft blankets, he was removing my wet clothes as I no longer had the strength. I regretted my earlier outburst. In my heart I didn't want to give up and resign myself to a life sitting in a wheelchair. I wanted to walk and run again, I longed to regain my dignity, engage in a battle, be together with Kakuzu properly again. And from that look he gave me sometimes, when he thought I wasn't looking or when he thought I was asleep after yet another round of satisfying lovemaking, that look suggested he wanted it too.
"G-goodnight" I whispered as he rolled me under the covers and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. He took such good care of me these days, I owed him my life and more, and no one believed he was anything more than a selfish miser. It was difficult, living with the changes inflicted upon me and yet he never gave in, never gave up, even when I would have done myself.
He waited until I was almost asleep, and then reached for the needle he knew I'd been craving for the past half hour or so. My dependency on those tiny syringes was horrifying. I couldn't make it through a day without it, I couldn't sleep without it, I shook and cried if Kakuzu was even an hour late with it. It was astounding, the way he read my mind without fault every time. He slipped the point through my skin with ease – the hypodermic contained 30cc of liquid, and in one quick push it was all sent flowing into me. I felt the fire searing up my arm, blistering through my chest and racing in my veins, and then, like a million glittering pieces of glass it hit my brain.
"Oh. . . . yeaah" I sighed blissfully, remaining awake for only a few seconds. I saw a bright flash of light, felt the satisfaction melting through me and then I felt him leave. The warmth by my side slowly disappeared and I fell into a shadowy half-sleep.
"You have no idea how weak you are . . ." he whispered to me. Weak not just in body, but in will power, mental integrity, self-control . . . thankfully I was too far gone to hear his words.
It wasn't until the tiny hours of the morning that someone returned. Distantly, through the haze of sleep I heard someone enter the hospital room. I heard their shoes squeaking on the tiles – a lighter step than Kakuzu's. I guessed it to be Sasori or perhaps Deidara, but unable to raise my head I remained in the dark. I lay still, not that I had any choice, and waited for the intruder to reveal himself. Not a word was spoken, not a syllable was uttered but I could feel their presence, near the bed, close enough to touch. I slowly turned my head on the pillow, staring up into the mystery person's face, and was alarmed to see two glowing red eyes glaring back at me. Itachi. I hadn't seen him since the confrontation a fortnight ago, and hadn't been looking forward to making his acquaintance again. Why was he here now?
"Wrong time of day for a visit . . ." I snapped, wanting to go back to sleep and recover my strength for tomorrow, when undoubtedly I'd try to walk again. He ignored my comment, and continued to stand still as a statue and observe me. Was that a flicker of a smile I spied flitting across his porcelain face? Unease grew inside me. I was alone, it was dark and late, Itachi was untrustworthy. . .
"I came to . . . apologise" he began, but I could tell the words meant nothing. I steeled myself for the horror I expected, and sure enough I felt his cold, yet womanly hands snaking under the bed and hooking my waist. Easily he pulled me out into the cold and threw me over his shoulder. My heart beat double time, what the fuck is going on?! I expected him to beat me, hurt me, maybe rape me but this was somehow worse. He was removing me from the safety I'd known for the last two weeks and I couldn't even scream for help. My limbs were limp and useless, the drugs had seen to that. Even if he put me down I couldn't run away, sadness crept up on me, momentarily disguised as fear.
He carried me roughly into the stone corridor, down winding passages I didn't even know existed. Where was he taking me? If our destination was so secret it had to wait until the night to take me, then why didn't he blindfold me? Stop me from leading the others back here. I only had to wait a few more minutes to find out. Suddenly he stopped, stood still in an unremarkable section of passageway. I heard the echoing sounds of dripping water, felt the chill of a breeze running through the tunnels, and then I landed hard on the floor. The ground was damp and freezing, moss grew in patches on the floor – telling me people didn't come this way often. I put two and two together, and slowly realized Itachi's plan.
"End of the line, scum" he spat, "find your way out of this one!" a small giggle escaped his lips and I realized then that his situation was even direr than mine. He'd finally snapped. Any pity that I momentarily held, however, evaporated when the Uchiha snarled a few last words and stalked off into the gloom still chuckling.
"Itachi!" I called, "W-wait . . . m-my hands!" I cried for him to have at least a little mercy. Both my pale palms were hanging in the cold water, far away from where I knew I'd need them later. If he could just move them for me . . .? I hung on hoping he'd turn around, but in a few seconds he was gone. The terror of my situation finally sank in. I was cold, vulnerable and already feeling that habitual longing creeping up on me again. Kakuzu was nowhere to be seen, neither was anyone or anything that could ease my pain. I twitched, and tried to slow my breathing but it was no use. I was slumped up against the wall, my legs sticking out across the tunnel and my hands dropping by my sides. If I could lift them it would make this so much more bearable. Time and time again I tried, until the craving overcame me, and I became a crying shaking wreck, dancing on the edge of sanity.
Far above, Kakuzu was sick with worry. The night bleached into morning, full of light and noise, but my bed was empty. He'd run into the hospital time and time again to see if miraculously I'd returned, but without luck. Everyone except Itachi was searching the base, even Zetsu was reluctantly scouring the grassy moorland for any trace of me. My hospital bed showed no signs of a struggle, though how could it? I wasn't strong enough to put up a fight anyway. The evidence meant nothing.
"I think I'm going to be sick!" I groan in horror, "It's all your fault . . .-" I mean to curse Itachi's name, but my voice is cracking up. I'm left nursing my burning hate for the crooked Uchiha and cursing every second he spent waltzing around in the light while I suffered down here in the pits.
The fruitless search blended into a dismal afternoon. Rain set in at about 2pm, I heard it rattling through the caves soon after, yet it didn't bring help down with it. I remained alone and in pain. Sometimes voices echoed down to me, or maybe it was just hallucinations, ghosts formed from my blinding need and aching head. I was way past my limit now, my body was convulsing in shock. I needed my dose, but had no means of getting it, by evening I'd been sick again and again, and slumped dejectedly onto the damp floor. My legs ached, my groin ached worse . . . oh a hundred times worse.
Isn't anyone going to find me?
Am I actually going to die?
Oh god. I'm laying on my side, fallen to my left in an icy puddle, my legs bent and spread. I wished I could close them, it might help ease the strain. My head is spinning now from lying on the hard stone, my fingers are cold and wet. If I could just shift them . . .
I try over and over again, but to no avail, I ignore the shame, building hot in the pit of my stomach. I can only imagine the looks people would give me if they knew what I was trying to do. They could look all they wanted, but they'd never understand. My breaths grow shallow as spasms begin to rock my body where I lay, I don't know it yet, but I'm going into shock. My eyesight wavers and fades, are my eyes closed or am I blinded? My body flushes hot and cold, but the ache stays the same constantly gnawing away at me until I could scream in frustration and agony. The inside of my elbow itches, my body is desperate for another shot, I long for that relief but feel guilty for wanting it. I know it's not my fault, but I don't blame Kakuzu either, it's no one's fault . . . really. I'm not thinking clearly, I realize. My thoughts wander in circles, anything to escape the burning pains shooting around my body – it's my muscles complaining, my addiction returning, my needs making themselves known. A faint moan tickles my throat as I breathe out, I'm teetering on the brink.
"K'k'zu" I call, slurring my words and barely making a sound. How much time has passed? Hours or days?
A door clangs open in the distance, and I hope against hope that someone is finally checking down here in the old passageways. I'm hoping they're about to stumble over my ragged form, take me away, keep me safe. I never want to come down here again; I never want to see Itachi again. All I want is to lay safe in Kakuzu's arms. Forever.
The water drips from the ceiling, splashing near me in my puddle. Each drip kissing goodbye to another hour of my life. But, in the distance . . .Do I hear footsteps?
"K-" I whisper, I'm trying hard to breathe but there's no air in my lungs. I hope someone has finally come. The footsteps don't slow. I begin to grow worried. I have no torch to shine to let them know I'm here, and no voice to call out. In a second they're going to-
"Argg!" the mystery voice curses as he trips over my outstretched legs. I wince with pain, but any feeling is good now, anything to distract me from the aching, throbbing, burning. My body is practically numb, and I'm only just conscious, Kakuzu can see this by the way my head lolls on the ground and my eyes spin.
"H-Hidan!" he exclaims in surprise, "how did you get d-"
"Urrghh" I moan, cutting him off mid sentence. I feel so ill, so sick, but I need him to understand. He needs to understand if he's to protect me from the monster Itachi has become. I take a deep breath, choke, and try to start from the beginning.
"I-Itachi said if I wanted to move I w-would . . . but I c-cant!" The words slip out of my mouth making no sense at all, I hope Kakuzu gets the gist of it because I don't have the strength to repeat myself.
A moment passes, then I feel his hand snaking in between my legs. For a long moment he cups my groin, feeling my heat, my stiff readiness. The relief is overwhelming, just to have a touch. I bite my lip to stop from wailing and blood runs over my cheek, I need to hold this inside . . .but its so difficult.
He squeezes me slightly and I can't help but groan gruffly. He has to know what I'm feeling right now. It's been almost a day and I'm dying. I clench my teeth and shut my eyes but its no use, I want him and my legs are shaking for it.
"God Kakuzu, please!" I huff as my breaths become faster and faster. Another wave of sweet sickness rolls over me and I whine, my fists clench so tight blood runs down my palms as well. I barely notice him rip a hole in my pants- I'm gasping for it and there's no time to un dress- and then I feel him touching me, touching me there.
"Ahh!" I growl, I've waited so long for this! Slowly he pushes a finger inside, the digit is cold and I shiver and wriggle. He waits until I'm used to the intrusion before moving to add a second finger,
"No!" I gasp, itching to skip the damned foreplay and get down to business. I don't care if it hurts, I don't care if I rip and bleed, I just need him inside now!
He reads the pleading in my eyes and leans in closer, slowly and carefully pushing himself into my heat. His hands are gripping my hips for leverage seeing as I can't cling to him myself. I lay immobilized on the floor, as he thrusts back and forth, hitting me like a ton of lead every time. My vision blurs and my body shakes, but finally my mind is clear of the intoxicating fog that's been hanging round me.
"G –god damnit Kakuzu!" I scream in pain and pleasure as he speeds up our rhythm. I can't add my own moves to our passion, or even take the lead because of my illness. I feel weak and my head is spinning from the exertion already, but all I have to do is lay here and he'll do the work. It makes me feel guilty and strips away my manhood. I hear him breathing heavily, he's close to the edge but I'm no where near,
"More!" I moan, and hope he gets my meaning. I open my watering eyes and gaze into his. Subconsciously I writhe as I see understanding there, and throw back my head as gently he inserts another finger into me, alongside his own throbbing length.
"Mph . . . Ah god yes!!" I grunt and whine, my teeth are clenched and every muscle is tensed. It feels so good, so full, so stretched. Kakuzu is judging me I can tell, but he at least has some mercy left in him, slowly he begins rubbing me in the special spot. My skin flares up in feverish heat and I bite my tongue to stop from howling in pleasure. It feels like I'm suffocating, my breaths are so shallow and stars are spinning in front of my eyes. A few more moments and I'm spent, spilling my seed in the desolate tunnel and achieving peace at last. My breaths are laboured and my chest heaves, but I feel better than I have in days, even the nagging craving for my needles has subsided for now.
"Come on" said Kakuzu, slipping an arm behind my head and one under my knees and lifting me into a bridal position. Carefully he stepped over the puddle I'd been repeatedly sick in, making a mental note never to forget my injections in future. His arms felt warm around me, but I couldn't stop shivering, I put that down to the needles as well.
"Where . . . Where are we going?" I ask him quietly as I see light around a bend in the tunnel. Kakuzu has walked quite far, and I have no idea where we are. I had no idea that any of these tunnels existed, and I'm nervous of coming out in case Itachi sees me again, I'm afraid to be alone for the same reason. We get closer and closer to the light, which I see is shining from underneath a door; it's the door near the hospital. The almost welcoming scent of disinfectant reaches my nose and lulls me back into security. It isn't long before I'm back under the sheets, a dose in my arm and my lover lying by my side. I see him staring at my skin in the half light cast by the monitors and 24 hour bulbs. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and the area on the inside of my elbow is swollen. Underneath the reddish scattering of dots my skin has an odd blue tinge – the sign of the intravenous drugs. I don't admit it, but shame cascades heavily over my silvery head.
I snuggle into his chest, unable to shake the feeling of vulnerability that's haunted me since we got back. I don't want to sleep, and waste the precious rare moments we have together, when he's here and I'm lucid. We can have a conversation, talk about the future, his dreams, my progress. I'm convinced its moments like these that are allowing me to heal, despite Zetsu's constant warning that the needles are stopping that from ever happening. I feel slightly stronger than I did before, and maybe that's due to being cared for, in a warm hospital, surrounded again by friends.
From Kakuzu's P.O.V, on his return from a solo mission 7 months later.
The rain has soaked my cloak through; I can feel the sodden material slapping my legs as I stride through the door and back into base. I can only imagine the hours of ranting and whining I'd have had to tolerate if Hidan was with me, but yet again I was sent out on a mission alone. It's been so long now, but he's come so far. I reflect back on the past months, the laughter and the tears.
I remember the first night I took him swimming in the underground lake. That fresh cold water and the almost empty caves. The end of the day was our time, when everyone else was sleeping and the desolate moor had long since swallowed up the sun. I took him down to the glistening rocks, the dark cave smelling of damp and mould and together we slid into the ebony waters. I remember his gasp the first time, as the icy water swirled round his shoulders waking us both up in an instant. The weightlessness of the water supported him, made it easier for him to begin to move. I held him up, rescued him from going under, encouraged him to carry on even when the darkness of the cave reached inside his head.
Slowly, his muscles built up and his confidence grew. Pride swelled inside me every night when I pulled him from the lake, noticing with every passing day he was needing less and less help. Yet still, he had not returned to my bedroom. I ached for the day I could share my bed with him once more.
We've been through so much together, and it's strengthened us as a team. As the months marched forwards, I came to my senses, realizing though we're blessed with eternity every day is special. I forgave Itachi in the end, held nothing against him, I was prepared to turn over a new leaf and start again. But the events of last winter stripped away my new found hope, Itachi sadly passed away. Pein tried to hush it all up, but after Tobi left, I don't think Itachi could take the guilt anymore. It was such a terrible shame, he and Deidara were just getting to know each other. They may call me heartless, but even I could see the loss our blonde friend suffered. Poor Dei, he deserved someone special in his life.
I'm shaken from my gloomy thoughts and back to the present, when two beaming angels appear in front of me. Metaphorically of course. Those two could never be flattered with the title of angels, their mischievous grins give it all away. Standing before me, twinkle in his eye once more, is Hidan. His right arm is hung around Deidara's shoulders, to anyone else it looks just like a friendly gesture, but I know he's still relying on his taller friend to stand. His left arm hangs down by his side, and before I know what I'm doing I'm checking it over for the telltale red pinpoints. But it's clear. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I remember how he struggled to give up the drugs. Even after everything else was sorted, he was still utterly dependant on them. We tried everything, and much as I hated to do it, I had to sit back and watch him suffer. The drugs were weakening him, and if he got weak again everything would come flooding back. Our only solution was to deprive him of them, and through that decision we almost lost him. Thank god he pulled through.
And there he is, swaying slightly but keeping upright, smiling like he's won the lottery and letting the light rain from outside the door settle in his hair.
I half expected to come home and find him halfway through a self induced climax, like I had many times before. I couldn't blame him; it was what his tormented body was commanding him to do, but after he regained the use of his arms, he pretty much never stopped. My gifts to him probably encouraged him, looking back I've been a bad influence the entire time. I realize he's staring at me, but as I re-focus and stare right back, his eyelids flutter adorably and a red blush creeps over his cheeks.
"What-" I begin, but he stumbles backwards into a wall and slides to the floor, legs spreading slowly. He rolls onto his side, clutching himself tightly through his pants. Alarm swells inside me, until I look across and see Deidara smiling smugly.
"Aghh . . . Dei stop it . . . you said –hahh – you said you would- ugh- wouldn't" he gasps, breaths quickening and chest heaving. The sound goes straight to my groin, much as I hate to admit that. Deidara simply smiles and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small purple plastic switch. I recognise it at once. I was the one that bought it, and guiltily realize where the other part must be right now. I always thought remote control sex toys were tacky and cheap, but now I see the benefits . . . pity Hidan left the switch laying around . . .
"Shit! Yes!" he pants, his nails are digging into the earth floor and his head is thrown back. His pants are fairly tight and from this angle nothing is left to the imagination,
"Dei, could you give us a minute?" I speak softly, exchanging a wad of 20's for that tiny switch. I don't even watch him leave, I'm too busy cranking up the settings on the remote
"OH MY GOD!" Hidan screams from across the hall, his back arches painfully and his legs quake. His teeth are clenched and he's shaking. It isn't long before a dark patch suddenly appears between his legs and he sags to the floor.
"Excellent" I announce, hoisting him to his feet and shooing him ahead of me. He stumbles and trips, knees giving way every other step, but eventually I'm at our door, bringing him back to bed for the first time in forever. The room is dark, but there's enough light to see the tasteful decoration, the mahogany desk and the double bed enticing us further in. He flops down onto it, rolling over onto his back and submitting to me again. But I've waited too long for this, tonight is going to be different.
I crawl up onto the bed, between his spread legs, and seductively remove his shirt, then his shoes, and lastly his pants. I ponder letting him undress me, but decide against it, he'll need all his strength for later. I carefully watch his expression as I pull my t shirt off over my head. His eyes reflect, love, desire, passion and then animal hunger. I wonder if he's thinking the same as me?
I lean down, laying my body on top of his and letting him feel my weight. He sighs softly; he's missed this more than I thought. I hear him breathing heavily, inhaling my scent and while he's distracted I search lower, aiming to remove that little device before we get too caught up.
Clumsily, my fingers fumble around, trying to push past his tight entrance. He whines and huffs, thinking I'm preparing him for our usual pastime. I kiss him roughly to try and distract him, but his body is heating up at an alarming rate, he's enjoying this more than I thought he would. His legs spread slowly and I feel something hard pushing up against me. Calm down! I think to myself as mercifully my wandering fingers catch the smooth plastic device and pull it free. Hidan moans deeply, and pushes down, trying to take it back inside, but I'm having none of it. I fling it across the room, not caring if I break it, after all he hardly needs it these days. Then my hands freely roam his body. It feels amazing not to have to worry anymore, the constant concerns over his heath have vanished. I no longer fear ripping out tubes as my hands caress his stomach, I don't think twice as I lay my heavier body over his, he's so much stronger now – there's no risk of snapping ribs or breaking arms. I feel my kisses get rougher, my touches get harder and he presses up into my chest, begging for more. I'd love to carry this on, even for another minute, but it's time to let him know...
"Hidan . . ." I murmur, close to his ear. My breath tickles his cheek and the hot air swirls around the shell of his ear, making him pant heavily. He tries to buck up into me but I hold his hips down firmly. He's straining at me, eyes squeezed shut, but I'm not paying attention. My heart is hammering so hard against my ribs that I'm amazed that he can't feel it, I'm nervous and exited, and the concoction of emotions is making me light headed. Gradually, before I realize what I'm doing I'm sliding off him, rolling onto my back on the other side of the bed. My strong arms lift his feather light body on top of me, and tenderly his thighs grip my waist. Oh god! My mind is working in overdrive and the adrenaline is almost making me ill. I read the question in his eyes, and do nothing to reply, just smirk. Heat is passing between our naked bodies, my larger muscles rippling in the half light, only highlighting the fact that he has barely any. He doesn't seem to care,
"Kakuzu . . ?" he sighs, the words more of a question for permission tumbling from his ruby red lips, swollen slightly from my rough kisses. I nod imperceptibly, then clench my teeth on a groan as he begins to push against me. He's been waiting for this I can tell, all those nights alone and sick in the hospital with this as his only thought. He grinds harder against me, and I'm finding it more and more difficult to breathe . . . if I open my mouth to suck in a breath I'm going to-
"Arhhhh Hidan . . ." I groan. The gruff rumble escapes my lips before I can stop it. He takes the sound as a sign to continue, and as he moves again the friction builds between us, one of his hands drops from my shoulder and explores lower. He's getting into the swing of it, simply doing to me what I always used to do to him, he's a quick learner and I barely have to prompt him at all – not like I thought I would. Has he done this before? I throw my head back in pain when he decides it's time for the main event and penetrates me with one cold finger. The digit moves around in me easier than I thought it would, but still I draw no pleasure from it. How could he have found this so enjoyable? I wonder distractedly as he adds another finger, slightly too soon for my liking. The pain throbs through my body, seeming to seep right down to my bones, my body is trying to push him out I know. If I was in his place I'd be demanding my uke to relax, but to he brutally honest I'm not doing this out of a desire to submit. I gain absolutely no fun from allowing others the upper hand, I don't like being controlled, all I crave is gratification. And I'm nearly there.
"Hidan . . .just . . ." I begin, but find that my breaths are coming short. I close my eyes and open them again, but my head is still spinning with lust. I long to feel him inside, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I want to be one with him, and say as much. A sly smile graces his face, but doubts lurk in his eyes. We lock gazes for a long moment, imagining we can read each others minds. Our worries are the same anyhow. My fears are confirmed as his legs begin to shake, and he collapses suddenly from his knees to his backside.
"Not again" I complain, selfishly, as he tries to right himself.
"No." He gasps, "I want to do this. Let me finish" he waves a hand and I lay back down. His weakness is tedious, and I hope it won't happen again at a crucial moment. Suddenly an idea strikes me, and I roll from my back onto my stomach, then crawl to all fours.
"Lean over me" I encourage him, and tentatively he lays his body over my back. It's slightly different to how I planned but I have no time to worry. In a flash, he's pushing against me again, his nails dig into my shoulders and his dead weight and prominent ribcage dig into my spine. He pushes again, and this time I feel him come closer to penetrating me, my excitement builds until I feel it's bursting through me. I can't keep up my silence much longer, my arms are shaking, he's rubbing me right outside my entrance and tears of pleasure hang in the corners of my eyes. Until suddenly, without warning he's sheathed himself inside,
"Shit Hidan!" I wail, then gasp, shocked at my own outburst. He's going crazy behind me, not bothering with any kind of pace or rhythm, just doing what he's ached to do for so long. His piston slams in and out of me, the pain is incredible and I feel like a monster for doing this to him so often. A few more thrusts and his energy begins to wane before either of us has reached a satisfying climax. I guess it was a little too soon for him, and again I feel bad for pushing him.
"Sorry k'k'zu" he slurs and slides off my back, coming to rest on the tangles sheets. I stay on my knees for a long moment, in too much pain to consider moving. How did he take this day after day, sometimes more than twice in one night? With an agonizing groan I sag onto my chest and close my eyes, his arms wrap around me safely and I realize with a jolt that our roles have been reversed.
"It's ok" I comfort him, "we've got forever to get it right"
And we really do have forever, our forever in each others arms.
Fuck yeah 13 pages! My biggest chapter yet, and hopefully my best! Hope you all liked, please review I want to know what you thought – seriously even if its bad.
And . . . . If any of you want to see the illustration go to princesssarah on Deviant art and look up a picture called Interface. Beware though, its been mature rated!