A/N: This is my hommage to Ben ans Lisa Braeden. I just loved 3.02 The Kids Are Alright. Well and there was also this dream that Ben really could have been Dean's son. So after watching the episode for the 20th time (or something like that xD) I had to write about it. It's a standalone. And a confused Dean. I love it, when Dean gets in trouble with his feelings.
A/N: This time I had no beta reader but it's the same like the german version so I could call LamiaJade my beta-reader. I created this one because I know that the english audience is so much bigger than the german one. And I myself... it's some kind of possession that I translate my stories sooner or later.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything of this story, although it was creativity, but let's be honest: Who didn't have this scene in mind after seeing the episode? I don't get paid - and I still think I should get Have fun reading. Reviews are higly appreciated.
A Beautiful Lie
A few weeks I tortured myself, but the burden grew too heavy. I couldn't stand any longer that I was dishonest. So I called and invited him. Granted, I missed him and I couldn't wait to see him again. Impatiently I counted the minutes between our call and the moment he arrived. The only thing that could distract me was my son. But it wasn't a real distraction, after all he took the main part in this story.
Around 4pm the doorbell rang. Ben was already at home from school and reached the door faster than I could, although I waited for this ringing the whole day long.
"Dean!" Ben yelled und jumped into the arms of the older Winchester. Dean laughed happily. "Hey, Buddy. How ya doin'?" Ben didn't respond to that question. He was too busy squeezing his hero. I reached the door and looked at Dean. His smile disappeared, I couldn't point his expression exactly. He let Ben down and hailed me. Frankly I wanted to react just like Ben, flinging my arms around Dean's neck, but at the thought of all the thing's I had in my mind, I stopped myself doing it.
"Dean, come in." I said as relaxed as I could, although the lump in my throat grew immediately so I lost my voice. He took a step forward while Ben closed the door behind him as fast as possible, leaning against it, as if he didn't want Dean to go away. He will go anyways. My thoughts made me sad and I had a hard time to shake them off.
"Make yourself...at home. You know where everything is." Dean nodded. It seemed to me that he didn't know what to say. Ben, who was still around us, pushed us into the living room. Dean snuffled.
"Yeah, I percolated it a minute ago." I ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't put myself at ease. To give up on it I bailed behind the kitchenette to take two huge cups. The coffee brew slowly, dripping into the can like an hourglass. I heard the time ticking. It actually ticked inside myself like I was a bomb. Only too well that Ben recieved Dean completely so I didn't need to take care of my visitor. Both sat on the sofa discussing about some old music Dean knew by heart certainly, but Ben was also on the way catching up on Dean. When the coffee was brewn I filled both cups and put one of them on the coffee table. Fierce I stood still, holding the other cup in my hands, staring at Dean and thinking about sending Ben out awhile to play outside the house. But I was still afraid about the memories of the Changelings laying over Cicero. Noone let his kids play outside alone and by the way, maybe it was better keeping Ben anywhere around.
Dean looked me in the eye for a few seconds, understanding that I didn't call him to drink a cup of coffee with him. He grabbed Ben softy on his shoulders, looking in his eyes.
"Ben, listen. How about that: You go upstairs, grab some awesome music and I come to you in a minute, alright?" Ben's eyes were sparkling with joy.
"Promised?" - "I promise!" He nodded and ran up the stairs into his room. I sat down on the sofa next to Dean but still keeping some distance. Silently I remained like this, but Dean did also. He didn't break the silence. Instead of that it was Ben who made Dean smirk. He had the music on full blast and sang along. Of course it was Led Zepelin, but I knew the song. It was 'Kashmir'.
"Ben has a good taste in music." Dean said smirking. Like father like son I thought, but I just nodded. I clutched the cup of coffee while Dean took a huge gulp out of his own. Then he put the cup back on the table. I kept my eye on every little movement Dean did. He seemed to notice it because he raised his eyes, smiled at me and broke the silence then.
"So, to what do I owe this honor?" What honor?!
"Well…I wanted to see you." Dean felt that there was certainly more, but I couldn't go like a bull at a gate. Dean nodded and dropped the gaze again. That wasn't the same Dean I thought I'd know. He seemed to be so…reserved and withdrawn.
"How is Ben?" I could tell that he was trying to keep the conversation alive, but it was my own fault that we couldn't.
"Good. He's good. He rode the Changeling-thing out." I swallowed. "And now you're his hero …" Dean laughed. Apparently he didn't seem to feel like a hero. He just did his job – and saved the life of his old fling's son. What was so great about that? If you'd know how worth it is…
"Me and hero…If Ben would know what I did my whole life, he-" I looked at Dean. "I'm no good soul." I shook my head. Don't say something like that.
"That doesn't matter for him. It only counts that you saved his life – and mine either. Who knows what this changeling would have-" Dean stopped me.
"Shht. Forget about the Changelings. They're far away and they're not coming back. I give you my word!" His words were so sweet, so honest. I could have lost myself in his voice. To get back to normal, to avoid his gaze I looked at the coffee table, putting my cup down on it.
"It's nice that you're here." I said in a damped volume, still not turned to Dean. From the corner of my eye I saw that he nodded. "We…missed you." I lost my voice, was breathing pretty fast, the flurry was still there.
"I missed you, too." Dean admitted. Knee-jerk I turned around to look into his green, truthful eyes. He blushed. I couldn't tell why, but I believed in every single word Dean said. Although he seemed to act different today.
"But that's not why you called me, is it? I mean not just to tell me that you missed me or to drink some coffee together, right?" Dean wanted to get an answer, but I couln't give him more than a shake of my head. I was fearing his reaction whatever I wanted to tell him now. He looked at me insistently. I averted my gaze and stared to the stairway which led to Ben's room and I knew that I couldn't hide it any longer. I stood up, opened a drawer of the cupboard standing in the living room, grabbed a letter and give it to Dean. He gave me a questioning look, bur I just nodded. I wanted him to read it. Dean opened the envelope and pulled out a pretty hackneyed letter, full of bends and dog-ears. I read it a thousand times back then. And since Dean appeared I hadn't put the letter back often. The only thing I wanted to do is hiding it from Ben. He could read already and I didn't want to bedevil him.
The music still clang out of Ben's room and that actually calmed me down, 'cause I knew that Ben was upstairs and wasn't able to catch anything of our conversation. I sat on the sofa again und bowed my head. I prepared myself for Dean screaming at me or something near it, if only bacause I lied to him.
Dean was silent. He fold letter together, put it back into the envelope and put it on the coffee table. Then he grabbed for his cup and downed the coffee at once. I watched himfrom the corner of my eye, head still bowed, trying to point his behavior. He stood up, paced around, stopped at the white showcase where there were lots of photos from Ben inside and surveyed them. I raised my head, looked at Dean. Still I couldn't assess how would react. When Dean faced me my breath caught for a moment.
"He knows it?" Of course he meant Ben. I shook my head adelomorphic. How would I've been able to tell him, if I could tell it barely to Dean?
Dean sank into the white couch across from me and ran a hand through his short hair.
Obviously there were more questions.
"Why didn't you tell me? Didn't I ask you twice that day?" His slightly aggressive tone made me sad although I knew that he was right.
"I…I was afraid. I knew you wouldn't stay! And you won't either, now that you know! Dean I know you… How can I tell Ben that you're his father, that it's got a reason that you both are so similar when I know that you'll go anyways? I don't want Ben to lose his father!" To my surprise Dean just nodded. Apaarently he knew that it would have been like that… und that it probably would be like that now.
"What now?" Dean asked.
"I don't know…" I whispered. The desperation was just too audible. He won't stay.
"Lisa, you know that I can't stay. This here…it's everything I ever wanted, but never had. A family, a home. Instead of that I'm having a car, a brother, loads of fake-ID's, a goddamned job… I don't want to do that to you, Lisa. Ben deserves better. YOU deserve better than a man who's hands are covered in blood of countless 'people' – and who's going to push up the daisies himself.
"You…what?" Dean nodded.
"Yes, my time runs out. I have only a few months left, maybe nine months."
"Why?" I couldn't believe what I just heared. Dean must be joking with me.
"I gave up my life for the life of my brother. A deal with the devil. Yeah, I think I can say so…" Dean smirked, but I didn't believe that he could think about his coming death so easily.
"Is there no way out?" Dean shook his head as a response.
"no. When I try to break the deal, Sam's going to die in no time. I can't let this happen! He's everything I have!" Dean swallowed and thought about his last sentence once again. No, Dean. You have more than Sammy. You have Ben and me. I sensed the tears running down my cheeks until they reached my chin. That couldn't be possible. I decided to tell Dean that Ben was his…and he told me that he was going to die within a year?
"Then…you go one way or the other." I established sadly. Dean nodded again.
"Ja, When not by myself, the hellhounds are going to take me down the pit."
"I rather don't ask who they are."
"It's better that way, Lisa. Don'tet it trouble you, okay? I can't change my destiny anymore." Dean put on a strongman act. He acted like he wasn't scared at all, though he ripped of his mask already.
"I don't know…" he admitted. "Lisa?"
"You know that I'm proud of your…our son, don't you?" I nodded with tears in my eyes. Why are you doing this to me?
"Are you going to tell him?" That was the hardest of all the questions. Nicely arranged that Dean kept it until the end. Was I able to tell my son, that this man, his hero, was his father? Maybe I could do that, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that his dad would die soon.
Only now I noticed that the music was turned off and it sank in that Ben must have heard the most important part of our conversation. I raised my eyes to the stairway and saw my baby standing there with tears in his eyes. He ran up the stairs and closed the door loudly.
"Damnit!", I murmured at the same time Dean did. I burst out crying even harder. My perfect world broke down into a bunch of pieces and there was noone to hold them together. Or were there?
I found myself in Dean's arms. I had been so naive to fall in love with him eight years ago. If I wouldn't have there wouldn't be such a huge problem. On the other hand I wouldn't give my son away for nothing! I loved my baby so much! I cried uncontrolled into Dean's shoulder, felt so miserable. Dean's soft voice talked at me.
"Shht, everything's going to be fine, you hear me? No matter if with or without me, okay? Think about…our son, will you? He needs his mommy."
"And his daddy?" I sobbed still lying in Dean's arms. He kept silent and cradled me. What did I do to him? Why did I tell him?
Dean kissed my forehead and stood up . I knew what he wanted to do. He stopped at the landing and looked at me. Then he went up the stairs and opened the door to Ben's room.