Summary: James Potter toxins filled my bloody mind and I want them out. Out! But of course they won't get out so I had to resort to meditation and mashed potatoes, which, by the way, don't help at all.
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Jo does. Huzzah.
Whoever Said Meditation Was Soothing Was Wrong
a Siriusly Klutzy story.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm releasing my mind from every toxin that relates to James Potter."
I heard he walk away. Obviously Alice didn't know a meditating person when she saw one. It was obvious. Me meditating, I mean. I was sitting on one of the tables in the corner of the Common Room with my arms out to the sides, thumbs to pointer fingers, and eyes closed. Obviously I was giving off the look of meditation.
I was meditating because I desperately needed to rid my mind of James Potter. He has fully taken it over and, frankly, I wanted my mind back. I'd been at it for half an hour and had not cleared my mind one bit. In fact, I believe that I thought more about James Potter in those thirty minutes that is neither a) healthy nor b) probable. I thought a lot about James Potter. The fact that everything I've thought about him over days or even weeks was squeezed into one eeny half hour made my head want to explode.
"That's the Head Girl, right?" someone with a squeaky voice asked. They must have been walking past the table. "You're the Head Girl, right?" it asked. I opened one eye and peered down at the little- what I then learned- boy.
"Yes," I answered. I closed my eye again and straightened my back more.
"What are you doing?"
"When I was your age, I asked a lot of questions, too," was my answer.
"Meaning that unless you want to end up like this, bugger off."
I heard him scamper away, his little friends behind him, and then went back to my meditating.
I sat like that for five more minutes and then my back started to hurt, which led me to fidgeting, which completely threw off the entire meditating process. I sighed and slouched, mentally cursing my mother for not training me with better posture as a child.
Now I was a slouching meditater. And my mind was still filled with James Potter love toxins.
Wait, I didn't mention that, did I? Whoops. Well, you see, it's not literal toxins that filled my stupid mind. Or even bad ones. They're love toxins. Equally dangerous. Equally mind consuming. Just not harmful. Dangerous, just not harmful. Make sense? No? Welcome to my mind.
Grumbling, I got opened my eyes and got off of the table. The Common Room was more or less empty with only a few students who were walking out the portrait hole. I assumed that it was dinner time.
Marlene was the first person I saw at dinner. She said that Alice had gone to sit with Frank and abandoned her. I told her to try meditation.
"So," I said casually as I piled mashed potatoes onto my plate. I loved mashed potatoes. They made the fact that my mind was rotting with James Potter toxins better. "Know any potions that release toxins from a body?"
Marlene nearly choked on her pumpkin juice. "What?! How on earth did that happen? What kind of toxins? It wasn't the food, was it?" She pushed her plate away, completely disregarding the fact that she's eaten this food for over six years and nothing has happened yet, and I took another bite of the delicious potato that was mashed.
"Boy toxins," I said with a nod.
"More specifically," I continued, "James Potter toxins. He's infected me and I must get rid of it."
"What the hell are you on, Lily?" Marlene asked. She pulled her plate back towards her.
"It's ridiculous!" I exclaimed, ignoring her question. "He's all I can think about and-" this is where I realized that I was talking much more loudly than I should have been- "and I don't like it."
"Fancying someone isn't a bad thing," Marlene said nodding. "Is that why you were- what'd you call it? Meditating?- meditating in the Common Room earlier?"
"No," I answered in a huff, stuffing more potatoes in my mouth to avoid conversation.
Obviously Marlene did not get the hint.
"Because I think it's adorable that you finally fancy him. It really is. When are you going to tell him?"
I almost choked on my mashed potatoes! Which, by the way, is very difficult to do.
I grumbled and picked up my plate. She was looking at the situation in a completely wrong way. This wasn't a good thing. It was horrible! James Potter poisoned me and I intended to get rid of it as soon as I could.
"I'm going to go meditate in the hall way," I said as I stood. Then, back straight (something that meditation greatly helped, even if while meditating it was annoying and painful) I walked out of the Great Hall and into the Entrance Hall in order to meditate and eat my mashed potatoes in peace.
I sat on the bottom stair with the belief that every one in their right mind was in dinner and that no one would see me meditating, much less bother me while I was. And that appeared to be true for the first ten minutes, two where I meditated alternating with 15 seconds of mashed potato time.
"What is she? A pretzel? Oi, Prongs, do you think that makes her good in-"
I sighed and cracked one eye opened to see none other than- go figure- Sirius Black. Behind him, Remus, Peter, and- oh sweet Merlin- James were coming closer.
"I think she's meditating," James offered, interrupting Sirius from continuing his obviously going-to-be-rude comment.
"Who meditates?" Sirius scoffed.
"Obviously Lily. Probably from you two stressing her out all the time," Remus answered. I could hear the smirk in his voice. Remus always was my favorite. Well, up until now, as my meditation isn't working and my stomach is doing somersaults because James is right there. He was definitely the most tolerable. Not to mention he always had a supply of chocolate on him. Yeah, Remus definitely pulled out ahead. Some days...
"Why do you think she's meditating? Is her eye open? Should it be open? Is that normal? Can she hear us?" Peter kept questioning. He obviously knew nothing of the art of meditation.
I saw, with my one open eye, Sirius roll his own. "No, Peter. When a person meditates, they instantaneously become deaf," he replied sarcastically.
"Actually, when a person meditates it's as if they're detaching themselves from the physical world. So theoretically, Lily can't hear us." I couldn't help but smirk at Remus's random knowledge of the meditating world. "But seeing as her eye is open and she's smirking, I think it's safe to say that she can hear us just fine."
I grinned wider and opened both eyes, forgetting about my mashed potato plate. Which became quite close with my knee just then, best mates even, as my knee smashed into it with such a force that it sprayed mashed potatoes on all of us.
"Oh sweet Merlin," I said, scrambling on the ground trying to stop the plate from clattering about, along with getting mashed potatoes off of my sleeves, and grumbling about meditation.
"Meditation isn't working so well for you, is it, Evans?" James asked as I stood.
"Not really," I mumbled. I held the plate up against me (potato side out, thank Merlin). And that's when I started babbling. Really, like full out word vomit. And I thought kneeling down onto the plate was bad.
"But really," I started at full speed, "it's all your fault. I don't actually have to be good at meditating. But I wish I were. Because frankly, Potter, you've been occupying my mind quite a lot lately and I just wanted to clear it. But have you ever tried meditation? All you can do is think! And that's all I did. Think. Think, think, think, think, think! And about you! Obviously this whole meditation thing wasn't helping. It was just making it worse. And now my stomach is going crazy and flipping around and there's mashed potatoes on my knee and seeping through my sleeves, so if you don't mind, I'm going to go back up to the Common Room to clean up and hide under my covers, hopefully never coming out again. Good day."
Good day? Good day? For the love of Merlin. Out of all the last things I could say, I said 'Good day.' Who does that? Great last words to the boy you fancy, Lily. Brilliant. He'll never hear you say anything away because you're going to hid in your bed for the rest of your life and you say good day. Oi.
I'd already spun around and started off to the Common Room as quickly as I could without, you know, looking like a loon.
I winced. Why did James call my name? Why was it necessary? It's completely derailing my plan of hiding in my bed for the rest of my life.
Was I still holding the mashed potato plate? Yup. Fantastic.
Sirius grinned and started talking. "Did you just say 'Good day'?"
I flushed. A lot. I looked like the bleeding Gryffindor flag.
"Shove off, Sirius. Did you just say- in quite a bit of words, actually- that you fancied me?" James was grinning. "And did you say it... covered in mashed potatoes?"
"Erm... maybe," I answered, not making eye contact.
"Well," he said as I looked up. He was taking a step towards me. "This certainly isn't how I imagined this to go but-" And he leaned down. And he kissed me.
And the mashed potato plate pressed right into his (rock hard, I'm assuming) stomach.
I squealed, and then started babbling again about how sorry I was for getting his shirt covered in potatoes and then I looked down at my feet and saw that his knee had mashed potatoes on it as well because of my knee. And when I went to apologize for that, I looked up and saw that the mashed potatoes on my sleeves transferred to his sleeves as well.
"Of for the love of Merlin," I said, getting ready to sit down on the stairs with hope that maybe they'd be hungry and swallow me whole. I mean, I'd had mashed potatoes all over me, I would have tasted excellent!
"It's okay, Lily," James said, not allowing me to sit. "I like the mashed potatoes. Think of it as a new fashion statement."
He grinned and I felt a bit better and only a little bit guilty about getting his pants all potato-y.
"Besides, I'll save them for later."
I smiled and thought about how cute of a statement that was. But that didn't last for long because Peter had to open his big mouth.
"Do you eat your pants often, James?" he asked with a smirk and receiving a hair-mess-up from Sirius who was grinning along with Remus.
A/n: Kay, so I thought of this the other day and then started it and had to keep stopping. Babysitting is so time consuming. It's driving me nuts. But I hope you like it. I wanted to try meditation after this. Heh.
Also, have you guys seen The Dark Knight yet? I'm not even a big batman fan and I thought it was awesome! So yeah, you should watch it.
Much love and meditation skills (wouldn't it be great if you really got what I gave? How many babes would you all have now? Plus a plethora of random objects? Hah.)