Disclaimer: You know it, I don't own it!
Chapter Three: Halloween
I check the windows. Locked, curtains drawn, with a nin-dog guarding each. Good. The door? Doubly locked, with a chakra seal, and Pakkun's guarding that. Very good. Phone? Switched off. Lights? Off. I sigh, convinced that I am safe for the evening.
Hey, I hear you over there, sniggering. I'm not paranoid. This isn't a daily routine for me. Tonight happens to be special.
Tonight happens to be Halloween.
I fall onto my couch, with my favorite book, The Principia Mathematica (just kidding, Icha, Icha Paradise of course) and turn on my gas fire.
Halloween. The most hated night of the year. There's something fundamentally wrong about the whole concept. I mean, you're celebrating evil spirits, encouraging kids to ask for and accept teeth-rotting candy from strangers, providing an excuse for horny hormonal teens and young adults to dress up as whorishly as they like, go to unchaperoned parties and get completely plastered…and oh, all the candy! It's a dentist's nightmare out there, I tell you.
I want no part in it.
There've been rumors of course. Hatake Kakashi doesn't like Halloween. Why? Ask the people of Konoha and you'll get some very interesting answers.
Heh. If only they knew.
I glance up when I hear some suspicious noises. Someone is scuffling around on the terrace. I curse. The fireplace! The gas fire gives out no smoke, so they're going to assume they can get in through the…
Chimney. Oh hell. I dive for the switch to turn off the fire, just as my unwanted guest lands on the fake firewood.
"Argh!" it screams, and shoots out into the hall. I wince in sympathy; the fire may have been turned off, but the wood would still have been plenty hot enough to hurt a bum. Wait a minute…I'd know that particular bum anywhere…
He turns. I gape. The boy's wearing this tight, short, school girl outfit. Like, anime school girl. With the itsy bitsy skirt and everything. My heart starts to beat a little faster.
"I lost a bet to Sasu-teme," he says simply, sprawling himself on my couch, "He said to break into your house and find out what you do. You know they think you do voodoo rituals in here on Halloween nights, eating candy by the bag by yourself?"
"Charming…and you're wearing that because…?"
"I lost a bet to Anko-sensei too. When she found out about teme's bet, she told me to wear this. She seemed to think it was funny," he frowned, "All the girls did."
"Oh," he says, pulling out a tiny pumpkin shaped box, "These are for you."
I sigh and open it, to fid chocolates. I look up at the blond. He shrugs. "I have to make you eat them."
"Okay…" I pop one into my mouth. It tastes good. Really, really good. I take another, and another, and soon the box is empty. I shake my head. The room is magnified, blurred, and crystal clear at the same time. I focus on Naruto, and I can't look away. My blood seems to be thickening in my veins, my temperature rising giddily, my heart thumping in my chest like an African drum.
"Naruto," I growl, "The hell?"
"An aphrodisiac," he coos, "I put it in myself. Happy Halloween."
I moan as he rubs his hands all over my chest. "Oh, kawaii kitsune, a very happy Halloween."
O.O weird. I had no idea this one was so bad…it reads like the intro to a hentai movie. –shakes head- ah well. My bad, my bad.