DEAtHNOtE

Disclaimer-- I have no rights or responsibility of DeathNote, as that privilege belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and the art by Takeshi Obata—and if I did, L  (as well as Argent, Jack Sparrow, the Phantom of the Opera, Hannibal Lector, Jareth the Goblin King, Harry Potter, A. X. L. Pendergast and Abel Nightroad) would be chained up in my basement dripped in chocolate with whipped-cream and I would be enjoying it very much. I guess it is a good thing that I do NOT own them.

One Shot Title—A Life Lesson of L

Story Synopsis—Lately, L has discovered a perfect method to get rid of Miss Misa Amane, at least for a few minutes

Rating—I think PG-13 ought to do it.

Author's Notes--Actually, this is my first official DeathNote fanfiction so please for the stake of argument, just read and review. I have been tempted to write one since I read the first volume of the series, and since then, I have been hooked. It is like Chinese food, after an hour of goring yourself on it, you're hungry again and want even more. Ironically, I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season one when this idea popped inside my perverted mind—how exactly would you get rid of Misa-Misa?

For those who had never read my works, if you happen to see this—"O"—it means there is a footnote at the end, which will explain things in a greater detail.

Ta,

Immortalis

Please READ and REVIEW…I would love you very much.

OOO

Things in the Kira-case had been progressing well…save but one thing—it was none other than a petite girl, who passionately adapted a "Goth-Lolita" look and had forget-me-not eyes, a round face complete with high smooth cheekbones, tempting pink lips, and of course, a bouncy mass of blond hair—a model and actress named, Miss Misa-Misa Amane. Ironically, any other "normal" man would be drooling at being in such close proximity with her; however, for one soul, it was not such a wondrous blessing.

That one soul was none other than HIM…

He was the most respected and perhaps, most infamous detective in the whole world. An argumentative young man with an insatiable hunger for sweets, disheveled raven-black hair, sickly pale skin and a case of permanent insomnia complete with dark bags that matched his obsidian-stone eyes. Not to forget the poor crouched posture that would no doubt earn him a hunchback in his later years, if he survived to see them.

This mysterious figure was known solely by the letter—"L."

Or Ryuzaki to some…

Simply, because giving his real name would be suicide.

"Yes that would be," the detective mused out-loud, but mainly to himself.

A voice mumbled thick with sleepiness, "Pardon, what did you say Ryuzaki?" It was Light Yagami, who had fallen asleep with a pile of vanilla folders on his lap, all written records of the Yotsuba company. Somehow, Light had managed to get through the K's nonstop, which was impressive. Stirring in the chair Light wiped his eyes. Drool had crusted at the corner of his mouth during his nap.

"Nothing," L said passively. Again, there was that look—that you-cannot-be-serious or you-are-lying expression. Truthfully L couldn't blame him, sometimes it was hard to tell if his reasoning was true or not. He repeated it again more firmly, "It was nothing."

Blinking himself awake Light said, "I fell asleep didn't I?"

"Yes you did."

"I am terrible sorry about that. I am up and awake," he mumbled pulling out the vanilla folders and looking through them again.

"Somehow I highly doubt that." Silver spoon in hand, L shoved him back into the comforts of the chair with a firm push, surprising strong for a man with his scrawny size. He was always stronger than he looked, which of course, he used for his advantage. No would suspect that he was proficient at the Brazilian martial art, capoiera. "I do admire your determination and dedication to the Kira-Case," he added, "but you are utterly worthless to me without proper rest."

Hardly impressed Light replied nonchalantly with a dull tone, "Funny, coming from the man who never sleeps. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"

"I have heard that before," L confessed with little joy. "Despite popular opinion, I do sleep. Just rarely."

"Finally, a glimpse into the private life of L," Light replied with mocked enthusiasm, but a smile did tugged playfully at his lips.

L shrugged his shoulders. "I am human, like everyone else."

"I have to ask something." Picking up the baby-blue blanket that accompanied him in his nap Light asked with a raised eyebrow, "What is this?"

Ryuzaki answered plainly as day, "Watari." Which of course was another way of saying, it-wasn't-me. "Please, rest yourself."

"Okay," the young Yagami said, "Wake me if you found something."

"Indeed."

Being able to watch several rather large TV screens at once was a particular skill of L's and one he delighted in practicing; and besides it was a perfect opportunity to spend some energy from his brain so the strawberry shortcake this morning would not linger and stay at his waistline. It was all about brain capacity and analytical ability. As a detective L found people's unconscious gestures and responses to certain stimuli were much more telling than words. True some faked it, however some things are just hardwired into the human psyche, such as looking to left when you are lying. He sat in his usual position with his knees to his chest, as his black eyes like two endless back-holes absorbed the images and devoured each minuscule detail.

Beside him Light Yagami stirred in his sleep and pulled against that chain that bound him to the detective himself—which of course, was a precaution since there was a 5 percent chance that Light was Kira. The silver links clinked musically. Next the young man mumbled incoherently things under his breath and then was lost in the heavy cascade of dreams.

Watching Light Yagami, the detective wonder if indeed he was Kira—and if he was, which L was most certain of, what would Kira dream? Most likely his death. Unlike his other cases, it was this one that made demise feel closer and closer with each passing day. Honestly, the Kira-Case may be last one to solve.

Besides, there was a back-up plan if he didn't…O

Shacking the last sugar cube, L sat back and smiled in satisfaction at his work. He mused exclusively to himself, Ah a perfect tower of sugary goodness. Of course, it was moments such as these when Misa Amane found him. Despite having the hunky Light Yagami as her boyfriend, Misa Amane was bored, and not just bored—but bored, BORED. And lately she had taken a liking to brothering Ryuzaki, and L just knew that she would be coming.

Sure enough came the mundane whining, "Light Yagami."

"Sometimes I hate it when I am right," L mumbled to himself.

"Misa-Misa wants a date," came the voice again, which loomed closer and closer.

Groaning in pain, Light Yagami squeezed his eyes shut and covered the blanket over his eyes and especially his ears.

L was peculiar, staying up into the late hours of the night working on the Kira case…and pretending to be asleep now, would not be convincing. The detective accused lightly, "Easy for you to pretend to be asleep."

"That's your problem," a voice said under the comforts of blanket.

A sugar-cube slowly made its disappearance past his lips. "Mmm, as I recall she is your girlfriend."

Light said as though he knew something that L did not, "True, but the focus of her anger is at not me."

"Me then? Why?"

He jingled the chain together and the meaning seemed only too clear.

L closed his eyes as if in physical pain just as Misa-Misa rounded the corner, with her face hot and red in fury. "I want a date. A movie…miniature golf…bowling, anything! You promised me, Light. Please."

Light, being wise did not answer.

She pitched up her face in a disapproving and disappointed scowl, making her look as though as fowl order crossed her nose. Tears bubbled near her eyes as she stamped her foot down like an impatient child whose parents told her no—"No" a thousands times. Pointing an accusing finger at L as if he was the source of all her sorrow, Misa-Misa demanded, "Light, why can't we just go on a date alone without him? It isn't fair!"

L looked over at the table at the array of sweets before him, gingerly picking up a chocolate truffle and popping it into his mouth. He mused quietly to himself, "Ah yes, when it ever is?"

"I heard that," she snapped. If L's eyes could catch things, then the same trait could be said for Miss Amane, and sometimes it seemed that she could hear thoughts. Of course, being psychic was ridiculous. Interesting maybe, but silly. Evidence supporting such a notion was lacking and naturally L, being a practical and evidence-based detective was dependent on evidence for such radical conclusions. Nevertheless it seemed to be an intriguing proposition—(if it existed)—for a girl who had more air than brains between her skull and whatever was there, was in the clouds more than half the time.

"It makes me curious Miss Amane," L replied evenly, "as what is your comparison for fairness."

"Fair," she squeaked like a mouse. "Fair!"

"Miss Amane. Stop with the total overacting drama."

"Fair would be allowing Misa-Misa and my boyfriend to have a date," she added forcefully, "without you."

The detective wagged his finger at her and chastised, "Not apart of the agreement."

"Misa-Misa didn't agree to anything."

"Well," L warned, "you can always go back into detainment, and Light Yagami as well."

"Pervert," Misa accused. Of course, another insult and one that she favored above all others. She always did so half-heartedly, without care or thought. Besides insulting him had become second nature; however, the downside was that Ryuzaki never fought back, never argued the point. Never a response and frankly, Misa-Misa never expected one. "Misa-Misa says you are a pervert."

He popped another cube into his gaping mouth and asked in between sucks, "Miss Amane, why do you feel compel to address yourself in the third person?"

Leaning against L, Misa gave her best disarming smile, which of course, Ryuzaki was too clever to fall. Misa giggled, a mischievous gleam dancing in her eyes. She quirked with an idiot smile, "Because I am Misa-Misa!"

L didn't know why he was expecting more than that response, but decided to move on. "Terribly sorry to disappoint you, Light Yagami doesn't necessarily feel up to the duty of having a date…unless you can rouse him from his slumber."

Misa poked him like child touching a strange object. She whispered, "Light, sweet love. Don't you want to go on a date with Misa-Misa? We can have fun, even with the pervert." No doubt, if it weren't for the damn handcuffs, she would have been the happiest girl alive.

The detective raised up in his hands in a gesture of peace. "I am not stopping you, Miss Amane. Like always, just pretend I am not here."

Rubbing Light's back lovingly she fired back, "Easier said than done. Misa-Misa cannot, especially with your creepy eyes." Again, L had also heard this—" Always, watching, watching, watching, in the creepiest, most perverted way as if it is your hobby. Ryuzaki is a pervert. Pervert."

Pervert…

"Look at him. Misa-Misa thinks he looks so peaceful when sleeping. So cute. Misa-Misa could hug him like a Teddy bear!"

Next to capoiera, L was also proficient at Chongg Ran O, which is a form of concentration that marries emptiness with heighten awareness. It was a delicate balance and fusion of intellectual study with sensation. Basically it enhances the mind—and a practice he found invaluable in his investigations. This was often the phase people found him when he was staring off into the distance and although his body appeared dead, his mind was running rampant—unfortunately its creator Ton Wei failed to add Miss Misa-Misa Amane in the equation. Pity, he thought.

Now she was staring at him lip quivering in a sneer. "Please, Miss Amane spare me that look. I should warn you that an expression such as that, only increases the chance for wrinkles."

"Really," she asked fearfully.

Contemplating his response, weighing each in turn, in that slow methodical way of his, L replied, "Yes, Miss Amane. Very much so." L leaped up into his chair and peered intently at her, black eyes peering into the very depths of her soul. He nibbled fiercely on his thumbnail and mused throaty, "Mmm…oh dear."

"Well," Misa Amane demanded hotly with her hands on her tiny waist. "What you looking at, Ryuzaki? I knew that you are a pervert. Just sick, sick."

"I didn't mean to alarm you." L chewed his lip and said slowly, "Your hair is…" he paused, looking for the right word but his face said everything.

Misa exclaimed with horror, "My God, there's something wrong with my hair, isn't there?"

"Um…" the detective mumbled nervously, "It's just that…"

The petite girl pouted and her eyes grew wide as saucers she said, "Excuse me," and quickly left the room.

Once he was gone L smiled like the devil himself and leaning comfortably in the chair, he swirled around a few times and popped a cherry in his mouth to the join the endless other things in his stomach. He pulled out a perfectly tied stem bow. Licking his lips Ryuzaki mused, "I have learned a valuable lesson…"

Light perked out and asked, "Really?"

"My calculations were correct. It worked like a charm."

OOO

THE END

Well, I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did. I am sure you know that in the DeathNote series, my favorite character is L Lawliet. Next, I am actually planning on writing a one-shot about how L comes back after being dead, called DeathNote: Fallen. Because I love L too much to have him perish at the manipulating hands of that selfless evil monster, Light Yagami.

Yes, I know the DeathNote says that once a person is dead, they cannot come back. BUT, I found something that could prove otherwise. My friend and soul sister, MADM05 purchased the DeathNote volume 13, which is an encyclopedia of the series. It explains everything. Answers a lot of questions.

Anyways, the last segment is the DeathNote sequel. To summarize…young 13 year old Taro Kagami happens to find a DeathNote, which of course Ryuk dropped. Thinking it is a daily, he writes down his day and more importantly the names of the bullies who teased him. They die. He meets Ryuk and totally flips out, well wouldn't you? Knowing what he could do with it Taro has similar ideas as Light Yagami, about changing the world. Ryuk says, "You're awfully young to be thinking about taking on all the evils of the world." Taro has horrible nightmare and Ryuk says, "Dreams like that are a natural part of the process," and yet, Taro wants to set the wrongs right—believing that no one has the power or the right to take the life of another.

Fair enough, right? So Ryuk produces the DeathEraser, which has the ability to reverse the effects of the DeathNote, "if you erase any name in the DeathNote with this, that person will come back to life—so long as he hasn't been cremated yet." Of course, Taro does it.

The squeal doesn't end there—short story short, Ryuk dropped his original DeathNote and there are more killings, which turn out to be from his best friend. Together they confess to police, using Taro death and coming back to life as evidence. Later the DeathNote is burned. Later Ryuk is with Taro and asks, "Smart thinking…so how the land of the death?" Judging by his face, it wasn't such a great place.

Anyways that the basis for my story. I figure Ryuk has a terrible knack for dropping things so what he left the DeathEraser behind? Besides I don't think Roger and the Whammy House would allow their most prized subject to die and be buried. Sort of goes with the creator saying that L was "slightly evil."

Thanks for reading…

Tell me if you would be interested in the story, Fallen or want more detail.

Author's Notes:

1. Besides, there was a back-up plan if he didn't…O—Of course, I am referring to Near and Mello, his Heirs. They are Plan B.

2. Chongg Ran O—A practice that A. X. L. Pendergast uses in Still life With Crow, which I love. Using it he is able to place himself in any place at any time. The first challenge of Chongg Ran was to visualize white and black simultaneously—but not as gray. Less than 1 percent can actually do that. And after that, it gets only harder. Apparently it is taught in only one place in the world, Tenzin Torgangka monastery which is one of most isolated places. I figured L would need a diversion, as he prodded the cases.