Anything but This

By: SilverLunarStar

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership to "Twilight" or its sequels. Everything belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. The story, however, is mine!

Author's Note/WARNING: I was rereading "Eclipse" during my Art History class at Cal State- L.A. and I realized something… What would have happened if Bella had actually died after she and Jacob got into that fight during 'Temper'? What would Jake's thoughts have been? What would Edward do? So, obviously, CHARACTER DEATH IS TO BE EXPECTED!!

Its sort of a dabble, in Jacob's POV, and I'm not sure about its stability so…

Well, I hope you enjoy it, either way! Please let me know what you think by clicking that pretty little purple button at the bottom that says 'Go.'

"'He's seventeen, Jacob. And I get closer to nineteen every day. Besides, what's the point in waiting? He's all I want. What else can I do?"

She'd meant that as a rhetorical question.

My words cracked like snaps of a whip. 'Anything. Anything else. You'd be better off dead. I'd rather you were.'" (Eclipse – Chapter Eight – Temper – Page 183)

Those words echo in my mind as clear as glass and they cut through my entire being as if I'm rolling on broken shards. I hadn't meant them, but I possess such a short temper, worse than those of my brothers, and I'd just blurted them out.

"'Maybe you'll get luck,' she said bleakly, lurching to her feet. 'Maybe I'll get hit by a truck on my way back.' She grabbed her motorcycle and pushed it out into the rain. I didn't move as she passed me. As soon as she was on the small, muddy path, she climbed on and kicked the bike to life. The rear tire spit a fountain of mud toward the garage, and…" splattered onto me.

Bella, in all recklessness, had left me, as she had the right to, on her motorcycle. And I did nothing to stop her!

When she retorted, I'd thought nothing of it. My conscious nagged me to go after her, to at least make sure she was okay, but I ignored it, still blowing off steam as I let the change take over me and ran the opposite direction she'd gone.

I didn't think to take her seriously. The only thought running through my mind was that I'd be loosing my best friend, the girl I love, to a fate worse than death. Maybe I had meant it, at the time; maybe I would have preferred her dead.

So when Edward appeared before me less than an hour later, that he purposely crossed the barrier that my ancestors had set with them, I knew there were very few circumstances that would make him go this far.

Looking into his golden eyes filled with such rage and pain, I knew there was only one reason why he was here.


Without having to read my mind, he knew it was my fault.

It was an automatic reflex that made me protect myself when he attacked. In a few minutes, the rest of my pack was upon him.

He'd planned this, made sure they'd find us right away, making it obvious he was here. He didn't even try to defend himself.

In the span of a few days, funeral arrangements had been made. Even though Charlie hadn't prohibited my presence, I could tell he blamed me just as much as Edward had.

He wouldn't look me in the eyes.

During the funeral, the smallest of them – Alice, came up to me. There was too much sorrow in her eyes to be filled with fury, but I could easily hear the scorn in her voice as she explained why she didn't have a vision of Bella's accident.

As Bella had told me, she couldn't see us, so when Bella's with us, she couldn't see her either. She didn't see us argue or Bella's decision to leave. The accident was also beyond her power because the truck driver had been drunk; hence, he hadn't been coherent enough to make choices.

She also informed me that they weren't able to save her by turning her because she died instantly, on impact. Edward had come within range to 'hear' the mournful cries of his family before he turned around, heading for me, for us. He knew it would work as soon as he thought it, because Alice's vision of them, the Cullens, burning his unmoving pieces, flooded his mind.

By the following week, the Cullens had purchased the spot next to her, Edward's ashes buried right by Bella's mangled body.

All everyone knows is that Edward had heard the news as soon as he got home and drove his car at 'death speed,' right off a cliff.

Only the Cullens, my family, and I know the truth: When my brothers had finished tearing his body apart, the pieces laid unmoving.

Sam made the choice of giving them to the Cullens once he saw what truly had happened from my mind. The rest of the pack agreed.

The pieces of what was once Edward Cullen lay motionless before them. They're eyes, full of resentment, is something I will always carry with me.

I thought she'd be better off dead, I'd truly believed it at the time. Better she be dead than a bloodsucking monster.

I was wrong.

Even as a Vampire, she could never be half the monster I am for having uttered those words.

We would have, could have, found some way around it. Once she became one of them and had learned to control her bloodlust, we could have at least kept in contact. I wouldn't have been the same, we'd be mortal enemies, but our friendship was stronger than that. I'm sure of that. Now.

But it's too late.

I can't let go of the guilt. No, not can't. Won't. I know Bella wouldn't want me doing this. She's incapable of holding a grudge. But that's just it, isn't it? The reason why I won't let go of this guilt is because she's not here and it's all my fault.

I travel the world, in search of redemption. Almost a century has passed. Ever since the Cullens left, everyone in the pack stopped transforming. I, however, cling to it, letting my long lifespan be a punishment.

Yes, it's true. I am not a big fan of Jacob Black. I think him to be too forceful and annoying. If he truly loved Bella, he'd let her go. As Edward points out in "Eclipse," he is not self-sacrificing.

Please review to let me know what you think!



NEXT POSTING: Next week, before "Breaking Dawn" is set to be released, I'm going to post a little song-fic in Edward's point of view.