A/N: Written for a LiveJournal fanfic100 writing community challenge, using the prompt Not enough (Another brilliant example of my creativity with the fic titles. Not.).
Warnings: Yaoi, clonecest, and self-beta (might be odd sentences, missing or mixed-up words, and wrong comma placement).
Disclaimer: Square Enix still has not stopped to own all.
It was never enough. And how could it be otherwise if all they had were stolen moments?
Only when Loz slept or was away on an errand, or on the guard duty with his post positioned at a convenient distance, did they dare to indulge in their little secret.
Because Yazoo was... Yazoo. Kadaj knew no other way of explaining why he was so drawn to his older brother. Had he known words like mystical or enigmatic, he would have used them to describe Yazoo.
Likewise, Kadaj was – as Loz had succinctly put it – Kadaj, and even though they were all demigods, all of equal status, there had been no doubt that the youngest would have to be their leader. And so, when Kadaj had turned to Yazoo, he had had no thoughts of refusing him because the youngest brother was their leader, and all leaders needed support.
Still, there was Loz. As odd as it felt to leave him out of the things the two younger brothers shared, Kadaj had decided that Loz was different. That he did not share the same inner longing, that he was not fit for such a role, that he was not able to fully understand. Yazoo agreed, as always.
And so, they only had stolen moments.
Deep in the night they would move close together, halting and tensing every time they heard a noise. They would be eager to touch and kiss, and explore each other's body. Slowly, intimately; or hasty, needy – disregarding anything and everything only to freeze and hold their breaths when Loz made a louder snore or turned in his bed. They would wait patiently, almost anxiously and unmoving for him to wake up. When he did not wake and his even breathing told them that he was still asleep, they would hide their faces against each other's body and laugh without a sound. Then, calmed a little, they would continue with more care.
The places and landscapes changed, but the situation did not. A kiss here, a touch there and they had to quickly pull away because the third brother was always near. But it was all a part of the game, Yazoo decided: to steal as much time together as they could before... Before what, he could not tell. Reunion, maybe? Somehow, both he and Kadaj knew that everything would change once it came.
The nearing end was what Yazoo was thinking about while standing on a roof of a half-abandoned research centre. At dawn they had taken over the building with little resistance and now Loz was somewhere inside it, killing and maiming the remaining personnel. Most likely, Kadaj was with him, questioning the tortured and the dying, or else poring over documents in search of anything pertaining to Mother. Yazoo, as the one who usually made the least mess of things, was left to survey the surroundings in case someone approached the building or tried to escape from it. Loz was only good with visible targets. He had not the patience for surveillance when there were enough people to kill at hand.
Yazoo sensed Kadaj's approach long before he stepped on the roof, even with his back turned on the door. Lips pulled in a thin smile, he waited. Just as Kadaj reached for Souba, seeking to make a surprise attack on him, Yazoo spoke.
"Are you sure that Loz can take care of the captives on his own?"
Kadaj grinned in satisfaction, let go of Souba's handle, walked up to Yazoo and rested his forehead against his back. "He is good at killing."
"He likes it. The responsibility." Yazoo looked up at the heavy grey clouds overhead. One more stolen moment. Another opportunity. How much time would they have this time before they would have to pull away from each other and return on the road which they were foreordained to walk? Today, he noticed, the sky looked lower than other days.
"Of deciding who lives and who dies? Yes. I like it too." Kadaj whispered and lazily dragged his index finger down Yazoo's spine. "You like it too." They had time. Not much, but just enough to not have to rush. Slowly, he spread his fingers and moved his hand up and then down again, as if in silent wonder. He traced the seams and drew patterns on the leather before using his teeth to pull off one his glove, then the other. For a while, there was no other sound but the wind, the creaking of leather, and the falling of clothing articles. Gloves, belts, weapon holsters – anything that could get in the way later.
Yazoo turned to face his brother. Carefully, he studied his expression. Kadaj was calm, almost too calm, but beneath it he saw disappointment. Apparently, he had not found out anything new about Mother, only the same nonsense they had encountered all the time. Right now, Kadaj needed support, Yazoo noted to himself. He needed someone to be with him, closer than ever, to chase away the regret and anger.
Kadaj reached up – just a little – and took the zipper of Yazoo's coat between his teeth. With one hand, he held the fabric in place, preventing it from moving. Slowly, with little resistance, he pulled the zipper down. Lower and lower, his hand following and pressing the opening coat to Yazoo's body, Kadaj went down on his knees and bowed, making sure to have the coat open all the way down. Then he started working his way back up, rising from his kneeling position to kiss a path up his brother's stomach. He moved slowly, intently, until he reached Yazoo's neck where he left a swelling bruise. He was marking him, expressing his ownership, and yet – wanting to belong, wanting to know where he belonged.
Yazoo stood still, waiting and watching. Stoic, almost cold he appeared. Kadaj placed his hands on Yazoo's chest, slowly spread his fingers and moved them up, then down his brother's sides and behind his back, pressing his body close. He looked up and Yazoo reached out to touch his cheek. Lightly, he ghosted his knuckles over his skin before resting his palm against it and threading his fingers through his silvery hair. He leaned in, carefully placing his lips over the ones of his brother, capturing them in half a kiss and lightly pulling on his lower lip. Kadaj dug his fingers in Yazoo's back and the spell was broken.
They both moved simultaneously, feverishly. The kiss grew fierce, teeth knocked together painfully and one tongue tried to force back the other. Time was scarce. Time was always scarce for them. Yazoo reached for the zipper of Kadaj's coat which his brother was already working on, but his haste cheated him, slowing him down. Yazoo found his hands, pushed them away and pulled the zipper down. Kadaj's hands immediately found purchase in Yazoo's hair, just as his mouth moved down his brother's exposed chest. Slowly, just like Kadaj had done it, Yazoo moved his hands over his brother's chest, tweaking his nipples; down his sides; up his back, fingers spreading and being pulled back together until Kadaj moved closer to him and reached up to enlarge the mark he had left on his neck or create a new one. Kadaj's hand slid down Yazoo's body to the front of his pants, pressing to it, and he started making circular motions with it.
"It's your turn," Kadaj whispered against Yazoo's shoulder. He drew his tongue against one collarbone and placed a small kiss on the other.
"You need it more," Yazoo pointed out in return, his own hand reaching down to caress the front of Kadaj's pants, but Kadaj pushed it away and squeezed his wrist painfully.
"I can wait." His eyes glinted mischievously as he moved to nip at Yazoo's nipple and started kissing his way back down. "Until Loz goes to sleep." Kadaj undid his brother's pants, pulling the zipper down with his teeth. "And until Loz's guard duty." Looking up at Yazoo amusedly, he pulled down his pants along with the underwear. "And until my guard duty." He moved his hands up Yazoo's hips, caressing them lightly, and leaned closer to his body to continue the interrupted path of kisses. "And until your guard duty."
Yazoo grunted when Kadaj licked at his swollen cock. He raked his hands though Kadaj's hair and watched how he continued to place small kisses along its entire length. "If I don't fall asleep during my guard duty."
Kadaj chuckled low in his throat and awarded him with another lick. "If you do, I know a way to wake you up."
A slow smirk appeared on Yazoo's lips. He remembered well the previous times when he had been woken by his younger brother. No, he thought. He was not going to mind being woken up like that.
When Kadaj took him in his mouth, Yazoo pushed all thoughts aside and concentrated only on watching him work. They had so little time that it should not be wasted on thinking.
Otherwise, it would never be enough.