Bella's Deepest Desire

Bella's Deepest Desire

(This is what I would like to happen in Breaking Dawn) It's the big day. The day she thought she was so ready for. The time was now, and she thought she could survive the pain…But just how quiet can she be while the torture changes her?

Chapter 1: Desire

I was absolutely terrified…I mean beyond terrified. I was sure the transformation was not necessary at the moment to stop my heart. I was doing that on my own.

"Bella?"

I took in air. My head slowly cleared and my heart started to race again. "I'm fine," I lied.

"Bella, you really should calm down," Alice said, turning me from the window to look into her face, "I've seen the outcome; you'll do great."

"I wish you wouldn't look for that outcome Alice. I know it hurts you," I smiled weakly.

Again, my heart reacted, but this time it sped up. Edward walked into our bedroom with a gentle smile on his face. He was still the most gorgeous man I could have ever been able to luckily find…I really shouldn't say I have bad luck. Edward was sincerely a gift from some crazy dream wish granter.

"Hi." He smiled at Alice and me. Jasper came in after him. Both of their eyes were the gold liquid. The Cullen family had just gotten back from hunting. None of them were going to leave my side for a couple of days…

I tried to keep my mind off the horror to answer him. "Hello," I smiled. Edward walked over and took me into his cool arms, my heart beating even faster. I would miss this, the coolness to his touch, the feel of my heart about to burst through my chest.

I held him close, trying to make him apart of me. I didn't realize how hard my body was shaking until his hard body began to shake with it. I tried taking big, gulping breathes, but my lungs were no longer coroperating. This was it. This was the end of my human life and the beginning of eternity as a vampire, with Edward at my side. I was scared because of the pain that I knew was the inevitable. I was terrified because I was leaving Jacob and Charlie and Renee…Oddly, I was a little scared to be leaving Mike Newton as well…

I had said my goodbyes at the wedding. But I still didn't feel that was enough. My wedding was a bubble of mixed emotions. I was elated I agreed to Edward's proposal. I actually enjoyed the walking down the aisle and the dancing. And, I didn't trip once…Well, I did, but Edward caught me and made it look like he was dipping me…My superhero.

But the happiness that pushed away my fear was violently shoved aside when I said my goodbye to Jacob…He had come…I felt the tears in my eyes and turned my head to burry it into Edward's chest.

"Bella, you don't have to do this." Edward's velvet voice tried to sooth me.

"Yes I do. I so want this Edward…I'm sorry I am crying. That's not fair to you."

"Please, please, of all days, please don't worry about me." He put his cold, stone hands on my cheeks and lifted my face to look into his eyes.

There it was. There was the reason I was going to break Jacob's, Charlie's and Renee's heart. There was the reason I would suffer for three days. There was the reason I chose wrong, according to Rosalie. I was going to look into this magnificent face forever. I would never have to lose him again. Ever again.

My face brightened and I smiled a bright smile. I watched as Edward's face displayed his feelings. He first looked angry. But now he looked sad, depressed. I leaned on my toes and kissed his cold lips, making my stomach flutter and my heart hammer even more. When I went down again, he had a gentle smile, but his eyes still had the same ache.

"Edward, you should go get Carlisle. We should do this soon." I started at the sound of Jasper's voice.

"You go get him," Edward spat. His eyes never left mine. Why was I doing this to him? How could I let myself cause him so much pain?

"Really Edward, you should go now." What was Jasper trying to get at? Edward looked over at Jasper for a moment and I could tell he was listening to Jasper's thoughts. Jasper looked bored.

"What are you keeping from me Jasper? You hate that song." Edward asked, now slightly amused.

"Alice has made me listen to it a lot lately," he playfully glared at Alice. She smiled and leaned into him.

"Just go get Carlisle Edward. Nothing is going to happen to Bella," she laughed. Edward glowered at them both for a moment and then turned back to me.

"I really don't know what they are planning, but I really hate that song and they are making me listen…Which is quite rude." He quickly glared at the two smiling fools and then looked back at me. "I'll be right back love. I promise." He kissed my forehead and then went for the door. He shoved into Jasper's shoulder on the way out, making the whole room shatter with the sound of lighting. Alice and Jasper laughed together. I smiled but just stared at the door my prince charming had just disappeared behind.

If I was paying attention, which was asking a lot from me today, I would have seen Jasper come towards me. But I didn't know he moved until his arms were around me. I gasped. This was the closest Jasper had gotten to me. The last time he ever touched me, it was only on the shoulder.

"Everything is going to be okay Bella. Stop worrying about us and Edward. You're going to be fine." And then it washed over me. The calm. I was at complete piece. I wanted to shout for joy but I wanted to stay quite so I wouldn't shatter the quiet. Jasper was wonderful.

"You really should make this feeling in the room when Edward is around," I whispered.

He chuckled. "I've tried all damn day. But when I think it, he yells at me to stop. He doesn't want relief today Bella. He wants to be tortured. I'm letting him have his way…For now." The thought of my Edward being tortured was oddly not that important.

"Why don't you lie down on the bed Bella. Carlisle and Edward will be back soon. You should at least look a little ready." Jasper pulled me along as he said this.

Jasper released me for a moment so that Alice could hug me. But as soon as she stepped back, Jasper had his arms around me once more. The calm only left for a brief moment. I didn't want to lie down. I wanted to stay up. Jasper tried, but when I didn't give in easily, he gave up and just held me.

There was a silent click of the door as Alice left and Edward and Carlisle came in. Jasper moved swiftly and I was back into Edward's arms. The peace was still around me, shifting as if to the side and not as strong. But I held on to it as hard as I could. Edward's eyes didn't ache after seeing me so peaceful. He tensed beneath my tight grip.

"Stop it Jasper," he growled.

"I really don't want to. It's not for you anyway. It's for her."

"Leave if you don't like what she is feeling right now."

"No, you're the one who should leave. You're driving her crazy."

"I can still hear you," I whispered.

The calmness slowly left and my own feelings replaced it with sheer determination to remain calm on my own. I had to do this for Edward. And, as my mind was made up, I began to breathe. I began to fully grasp, that yes, I was loosing everything, but I was also gaining so much more. My family would help me through the heartache. Edward was forever mine. No one, not even myself could ever take him away from me. Ever threaten to again.

"I love you," I whispered into his chest.

"I love you too, Bella. More then you will ever know." With that declaration, his lips came down on mine, sealing them into one. My head was lost again and I gave in to the senses that were flooding through his lips. It was like deep, wonderful wounds had been carved into my heart and were thrashing to grab hold and be there forever. I opened my mouth without persuasion and he quickly dominated my invitation. His tongue swept inside mine, searching and tasting. I could never compare his taste to anything. It was the truest of the word perfect.

Slowly, all too suddenly, he pulled away. I gave him a questionable look before I remembered our audience. Then I blushed a deep crimson.

"I'm really going to miss that," Edward said as he untangled his hands from my hair.

"I'm not." My face grew hotter. Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward laughed. It was deep and masculine.

"Are you ready Bella?" Carlisle was walking towards me, a syringe in hand.

"Yes, but I don't want that," I said confidently, pointing at what Carlisle was now trying to hide. "No one else got it, why should I?"

"Bella," Edward started.

"Bella nothing. This is my choice. And I played by your rules already Edward, so be fair and give in." I smiled as big as I could manage, kissed him again, and then tried to dance to the bed. I failed. Before I hit the ground after tripping over my own feet, hopefully for the last time, Edward caught me.

"You're impossible Bella."

"Yet, you still love me. You're strange." My smile was still plastered on my face, but as I said this, I didn't have to try so hard. He exhaled quickly and then moved to place me on the bed. The three glorious men came to stand on the sides. Edward was on my left, Jasper and Carlisle on my right. I leaned closer to Edward and pulled him down so that his ear was near my mouth. "What's with the audience?" I barely whispered.

"Carlisle is here for me and I asked Jasper to be here for you. However, I don't want what he offers for me," he looked up and scowled at Jasper.

"Where is everybody else?"

"Downstairs. They will only come in to the room to check on me…Why they feel the need to do this, I don't know. They all start singing that blasted song whenever I try to read what they are thinking. But, Carlisle also feels it's a good idea."

"Oh. Okay." Edward straightened up.

"Another thing Bella," Carlisle spoke up, "Edward will…uh…bite you here…The first waves of pain are going to knock you out somewhat. But then, we are going to move you downstairs to change."

"Why?"

"Because it will be safer for you." Carlisle didn't elaborate, and I felt that he didn't want to.

Carlisle put the syringe down on the side table, as if to assure me it would not be used, and stepped closer to the bed. Jasper took a step back. I was extremely at peace, but I knew this had nothing to do with Jasper. Edward came closer, taking my hand into his cold hand. He squeezed my hand to make me turn back to him. Say something brave I thought to myself. Make him feel better. Give him peace. But nothing came. I smiled at his lovely face and watched as he lowered his head to mine.

"I love you Isabella Cullen. I will forever be yours. I will forever make you feel like nothing else matters, because it is the truth. I'm sorry this act I am about to perform Bella. It will doom me to take from the human world something so wonderful. I love you darling. Don't ever forget that. Not now, not soon, not ever." His voice was as soft as silk and I could smell him everywhere as he whispered things into my ear I was sure were making tears swell in my eyes. That was a lot to compete with. But I didn't want to compete. I just wanted it to be known.

"And I love you, Edward Mason Cullen. Forever and always. Please don't ask for forgiveness. You are granting me my fairy tale. You are fulfilling my greatest want….To be with you always…I love you."

Finally, as though I had been waiting for it for centuries, the pain left Edward's magnificent eyes. I closed mine, to forge the look on his face to my memory forever. I didn't open them as I felt Edward's lip touch my neck. He hesitated for the briefest of seconds and then I felt his lips part and his cold breathe sent shivers down my spine. I patiently waited. I felt his teeth. I felt his eyes. I felt him. Then, a sharp stab interrupted my thoughts. I gasped and gripped the hands that were in mine. He bit me hard, making sure it would take. I now clung to the hands as I felt the blood rush from the wound, making me dizzy, even though I was lying down. I could smell the blood, could taste the rust. I wanted to turn away, to be absent from the horrible smell. But, one hand was stroking my right arm softly, while the other held my left hand in a death grip. The different sensation drove to me distraction. Before I could ask who was holding my other hand, I felt Edward lift his head; exhaling deeply. And then the impossible pain came.

Please, Read and Review! This is my first fan fiction EVER! So, don't be too brutal…But be honest! Chapter Two soon… From Jasper's POV…