Title: Breathe In Breathe Out
Author:
renisanz
Summary:
Ronon Dex misses being able to speak. One shot.
Category:
Comfort/Pre-ship
Rating:
PG
Wordcount:
1,400
Warning/Spoilers:
"The Seed"; a bit of angst
Disclaimer:
I don't own these character, and no copyright infringement is intended; not making any money.
Notes:
This story is set a few days after "The Seed." Ronon is still getting over his bruised larynx. I thought this would be more. . . passionate, but the muse said otherwise. Story title is from the song "Breathe In Breathe Out" by Mat Kearney.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

How did you apologize for almost killing someone, Jennifer wondered. She shook her head, thinking about how silly the question sounded. She was a doctor , as such, was not new to the concept of having someone's life literally in her hands. There had been cases where despite her best efforts, the person slipped away, unable to be revived or saved. It came with the territory, and it was something she had accepted.

Or so she thought.

She felt horrible that Ronon and John had nearly been killed while attempting to save her. Jennifer knew that it was through no fault of her own that she had become host to the organism; once the transformation began, she had been powerless to do anything to stop it. Then she had been abandoned (to die?) in the isolation chamber, all the lights had shut off, and she had never been so been so afraid—felt so alone. Eventually, the sinister Wraith being had succeed in suppressing her consciousness, effectively using her mind to do its will. The nightmare was that she had been aware of everything that it was doing, as it snaked it's way to a larger p down levels of the city to seek another power source.

She felt its anguish at being opposed by the 'Lanteans, but when the tendrils lashed out at Ronon (she didn't know how it managed to "see" him, but Jennifer knew it was him) she fought with everything she had, screaming in her mind, fighting to regain control. . . and after a few agonizing seconds, felt it stop, could feel Ronon's racing pulse. . .he was still alive. Barely.

Jennifer sighed heavily as she approached her destination. It was very late, so she wasn't surprised when she found the sparring room quiet and dim. Empty. Still, she walked inside.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ronon missed being able to speak.

He wasn't really in the mood to fight, but he couldn't shake the constant feeling of restlessness, like he should be doing something. Since Woolsey was making them abandon the search for Michael, there wasn't much place he could direct his anger and frustration over all that had happened over the past few months.

He thought about swinging by the infirmary to see what Jennifer was up to, but she was probably busy. He found himself entering the sparring room. A few rounds with the punching bag couldn't hurt.

A shadow moved in right corner of the window seat, and he turned, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness.

"Ronon? Hey." He watched as Jennifer sat up and swung her legs down to the floor. Had she been waiting for him?

He nodded.

"Oh, right." She remembered he couldn't speak. "How're you feeling?" She winced. "I mean. . .yeah."

In the low light he could still make out the flush rising in her face.

"I guess you want the room, right? So, I'm gonna go," She got up quickly and made to walk past him.

Ronon didn't want her to leave just yet.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jennifer looked up with confusion as Ronon stepped in her path. Instantly she was overwhelmed by the heat radiating from his large form. She dared to look up into his hazel eyes, and her mouth went dry at his penetrating gaze. She cursed the idea that he could see right through her, while she struggled to interpret what the man was thinking, a point only exacerbated by the fact that he couldn't actually speak right now. "Do you need something?"

Ronon shook his head, the rustle of his dreads audible in the eerie quiet of the room.

"Okay. . ." Jennifer regarded him. "You want me to stay here?"

A single nod.

"Why?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ronon was getting frustrated with her asking questions that he couldn't answer. He gave Jennifer a look that told her as much, and she reddened more.

"Right," she said, looking away and rubbing a hand down her arm. She was nervous.

He didn't really know why he wanted her to stay. Even if he could speak, he didn't have anything to say to her, nothing he could seem to put into words. He watched as a mix of hesitance and doubt crossed Jennifer's face and creased her brow. She sighed and the tipped her head up to him. "Uhm," she started. "Thanks for trying to help me. . .even though. . ." she nodded to his neck and brushed fingers across her own in sympathy, "you know."

He vividly remembered the moment when block spots had invaded his vision and minutes had seemed like hours as he strained to breathe against the squeeze of the tentacles around his neck. . . He had them—failed her. He raised his eyebrows, shook his head and smirked. It was no big deal.

"Yeah. No big deal. Right," Jennifer agreed.

Ronon smiled and grunted despite the ache in his throat. It was the closest thing to a laugh he could manage. He was happy when Jennifer smiled in return. Then her eyes glistened in the darkness, and a single tear trailed down her cheek.

She wiped it away hastily. "I'd better go," she whispered, and started to walk around him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jennifer wanted to be anywhere but in front of him, didn't want him to see her being so weak and vulnerable. She stepped into a human wall, and strong arms were around her pulling her closer, and she couldn't hold back the flood of emotion. She closed her eyes against the tears and turned her face into the surprisingly soft material of Ronon's shirt.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled, trying to choke back the sob. She let her arms wrap around his torso.

She felt Ronon rest his chin against the top of her head, and then he shook his head.

No apologies.

She nodded her understanding, and he hugged her tighter. He was so warm.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ronon didn't know how long he held her. He was prepared to hold her as long as she would let him. Finally, she released a heavy sigh and stepped back, but not out of his arms; it was just enough to look up to his face.

"Thanks for that," she said.

He held her eye and nodded. Then shrugged. No problem.

She dropped her arms from around his waist, and stepped away from him. They stood looking at each other for a moment. He could tell she didn't want to leave, either.

It was late, though, and he knew that she had an early shift.

"Well, I have an early shift," Jennifer said.

He smiled at her, amused.

"What?"

Ronon shook his head then nodded toward the door, indicating for her to go first.

"You're gonna walk me?" The surprise was evident in Jennifer's voice. She wasn't moving.

Ronon rolled his eyes and slung his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close as he pulled her along with him.

Stumbling at bit to match his long stride, Jennifer wrapped her right arm around his back while bracing her left hand against his abdomen. "Okay. . .I'm coming," she giggled. "You're so pushy," she teased, but she hugged him tighter.

He turned his face into her hair, breathing in the faint floral scent that was always there. She tilted her head up, and brushed his lips against her cool forehead, placing a kiss there.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jennifer felt her knees give way, and she stumbled to regain her balance. Ronon stopped and kept her upright. She dared to look into his concerned eyes. Real smooth, Jennifer, she thought, her face warming at her utter lack of grace. She hadn't expected the kiss. "I'm fine. I think the floor's uneven or. . .something," she mumbled, wishing the floor would open where she stood and swallow her whole. He had only kissed her forehead for goodness sake. She was just glad that no one else had been in the hallway to witness her clumsiness.

Ronon regarded her, a quizzical expression on his face. To her relief, he simply nodded and returned his arm to it's comfortable place around her shoulders, urging her to continue their trek to her quarters.

Jennifer sighed and leaned into his side.

They were both alive, and he was here. With her. Now.

They entered the transporter at the end of the hall. They both looked ahead as the doors closed. She felt him shift, his nose tickling the hair at the top of her head.

Jennifer closed her eyes and smiled.

-finis-

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: I am such a sap.

Feedback is much appreciated.