Since Bella and Edward left, nothing's been the same. The whole family has drifted farther than they ever have before. I no longer let myself have visions. They're painful now. I block them out and sit in our house waiting for something to happen. Jasper's self-control has worsened. No matter how hard it was for him having her around, it was just unbearable for us now that she's gone. I'd like to blame my brother for this. If he hadn't made us all leave, she wouldn't have befriended the werewolf and they would all still be alive today. But I just can't.
Jasper beats himself up, of course. He's decided that if he hadn't attacked her on her birthday, that Edward wouldn't have left and so on. Some of us are nomads now. Esme and Carlisle still settle and he works for a while. Jasper and I haven't stayed for more than a week anywhere in the last eight years. We stay long enough to let the thoughts return to us and we move again to cloud our thoughts from the pain. Rosalie and Emmett travel more than we do, but to places everyone goes for vacations and well known places. We stay on the outskirts of society. We barely to that due to Jasper's state. He hunts daily now.
None of us have returned to Forks. We're more than sure that the wolves will have died out by now, but I just know that we'd see them everywhere. The baseball field. Their meadow. The school. Her house. Our house. God, it's just too painful. Everything is too painful. We fight over petty things and cry into each other's shoulders afterward. I never shop. Hell, I never leave the house. Without my Bella Barbie, nothing is fun.
And as I sit here dreading what will become of us in the forever left for us to live, I think of how it would be if they were alive. Bella would be changed. The family would be more together than ever before. They would be married and Jasper would no longer have as much trouble. I could play with Bella and Rosalie and we could be happy.
Staring out the window, I collapse to the ground in sorrow. Jasper is at my side, attempting to calm me in doing so. But it doesn't work anymore. Pain is all around him. He somehow- even with the lack of need for breath- gets winded in doing anything and I know it's because of me. If I could suck it up and be happy again, we might be able to survive. After all, she was just a human.
No. No!my mind hisses. She was so much more. She was everything. They were everything.
But not anymore.