A/N: As there seemed to be a very enfusiastic responce to can u feel teh love tonight by request of my mate i have decided to do her fav song from chicago. i no your all thinking there isnt enough females in torchwood to do it well just wait and see we have 2 gay males and one well who knows with own i think it counts. We have backing dancers with no names. so please sit back and enjoy.

bold (person speeking)

Stage directions.

singing

talking.

Unknown narrator: Torchwood theature Proudly presents Captian Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Ionto Jones, Owen Harper and Tosh Santo and Matha Jones in the cell block tango.

Curtain opens to show the torchwood cells all members standing in a seperate cell. Gwen and tosh in the traditonal Chicago dress, the guys all in skin tight black tops and jeans.

Gwen throwing head back all so sexy: Pop!

Tosh in splits: Six!

Jack crouching: Squish!

Ionto: Uh Uh

Owen has a ciggy: Cicero Smoke puffs

Matha holding one leg up over her head: Lipschitz!

Gwen: Pop!

Tosh: Six!

Jack: Squish!

Ionto: Uh Uh

Owen: Cicero (smoke puffs)

Martha: Lipschitz!

All start to move rubbing against each other (expecially Jack and Ionto).

Gwen: Pop!

Tosh: Six!

Jack: Squish!

Ionto: Uh Uh

Owen: Cicero (smoke puffs)

Martha: Lipschitz!

Gwen: Pop!

Tosh: Six!

Jack: Squish!

Ionto: Uh Uh

Owen: Cicero (smoke puffs)

Martha: Lipschitz!

Gwen: Pop!

Tosh: Six!

Jack: Squish!

Ionto: Uh Uh

Owen: Cicero (smoke puffs)

Martha: Lipschitz!

All: He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

Owen pointing to roof and nearly sticking his finger up gwens nose

I betcha you would have done the same!

Gwen arms around owens neck:Pop!

Tosh:Six!

Jack rubbing his hands over Iontos chest:Squish!

Ionto:Uh Uh

Owen still smoking much to gwens anoyance:Cicero (smoke puffs)

Martha looking a little left out:Lipschitz!

Gwen steps out of cells as it opens with a series of beeps and over to a backing dancer basically using him as a pole to dance around

Gwen:

You know how people

have these little habits

That get you down. Like Rhys.

Rhys liked to chew gum.

No, not chew. POP.

So I came home this one day

And I am really irritated, and I'm

looking for a bit of sympathy

and there's Rhys layin'

on the couch, drinkin' a beer

and chewin'. No, not chewin'.

Poppin'. So, I said to him,

I said, "you pop that

gum one more time..."

and he did.

So I took the shotgun off the wall

and I fired two warning shots...

...into his head.

Torchwood team:

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have heard it

Owen once again ppoint to the roof and nearly sticking his finger up jacks nose who promptly threatened to fire him: I betcha you would

Have done the same!

Tosh steps forward wiggles around gwen who is still dancing to get to her own backing dancer

Tosh:

I met Adam Young from

Salt Lake city about two years ago

and he told me he was single

and we hit it off right away.

So, we started living together.

He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd

fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.

And then I found out,

Tosh pushes her guy to the ground and jumps over him in the splits landing just over his groin (at this poitn all the guys flinch)

Tosh continued:

"Single" he told me?

Single, my ass. Not only

was he married

...oh, no, he had six wives.

One of those Mormons, you know. So that

night, when he came home, I fixed him

his drink as usual.

You know, some guys just can't hold

their arsenic.

Gwen , Tosh, Martha and jack gwen and tosh dancing very saucily with the backing dancers and Martha and JAck making out in a cell:

Hah! He had it coming

He had it coming

He took a flower

In its prime

And then he used it

And he abused it

It was a murder

But not a crime!

Owen and Ionto seemly making out in a cell:

Pop, six, squish, uh-uh

Cicero, Lipschitz

Jack coming out and after rubibng himself over the girls much to there diapleasure goes to his own dancer being watched by a very jelous ionto: Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

carvin' up the chicken for dinner,

minding my own business,

and in storms my husband Wilbur,

in a jealous rage.

"You been screwin' the milkman,"

he says. He was crazy

and he kept screamin',

"you been screwin the milkman."

And then he ran into my knife.

He ran into my knife ten times.."

All: If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

Ionto ignoreing the sudeen silence and the gobsmaked faces of him team member that he can speek an other language, Dancing a simple waltz wiht his partner: Mit keresek, én itt? Azt mondják,

hogy a híres lakem lefogta a férjemet én meg

lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan

vagyok. Nem tudom miért mondja

Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Probáltam

a rendõrségen megmagyarázni de nem értették meg...

Everyone else: Yeah, but did you do it?

Ionto shakes head:UH UH, not guilty!

Gwen, Tosh, Ionto and Jack all do a slow waltz as Owen steps forward to two backing dancers.

Owen doing some major gymnastics

My sister, Veronica and

I had this double act

and my Grilfriend

traveled around with us.

Now, for the last number in

our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks

does stunts as he names them

one two three four,five...splits, spread eagles,

back flips,flip flops,

one right after the other.

Well, this one night we were in the hotel Cicero,

the three of us,

boozin' and

havin' a few laughs

when we run out of ice.

So I went out to get some.

I come back, open the door

and there's Veronica and

my gal doing number 17

the spread eagle.

Drops o the floor in a half crouch

Well, I was in such a state of shock,

I completely blacked out.I can't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later,

when I was washing the blood off my hands

I even knew they were dead.

all dancing in teh same dominat manner with there partners

Owen: They had it coming

They had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it

But if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

pushes hter partners away and start doing united dancing all do the same moves very forcefully

Owen: They had it coming

Everyone else: They had it coming

Owen: They had it coming

Everone else: They had it coming

Owen: They had it coming

Everone else: They took a flower

Owen: All along

Everone else: In its prime

Owen: I didn't do it

Everone else: And then they used it

Owen: But if I'd done it

Everone else: And they abused it

Owen: How could you tell me

Everone else: It was a murder

Owen: That I was wrong?

Everone else: But not a crime!

All get into a cycle with Martha in the middle (and jack still cant keep his hands to himself)

Martha dacing around a pole : I loved The Doctor

more than I can possibly say.

He was a real artistic guy...

sensitive... a painter.

But

He was always trying

to find himself.

He'd go out every night

looking for himself

and on the way

he found Rose

Sarah

Donna and Mickey.

I guess you can say we broke

up because of artistic differences.

He saw himself as alive

and I saw him dead. (even if he cant die)

ALL

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

all once again get very forcefull strutting around on the stage and stmaping there feet

Gwen, Jack and Tosh: They had it comin'

Owen and Martha, Ionto: They had it comin'

Gwen, Jack and Tosh: They had it comin'

Owen and Martha, Ionto: They had it comin'

Gwen, Jack and Tosh: They had it comin'

Owen and Martha, Ionto: They had it comin'

Gwen, Jack and Tosh: They had it comin'

Owen and Martha, Ionto: All along

'Cause if they used us

'Cause if they used us And they abused us

And they abused us

All now in the process Of forcefull dancing/ making out (ecepecilly jacka nd Ionto who seem to be missing a top): How could you tell us That we were wrong?

That we were wrong?

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had

Himself

To blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha

You would

Have done

The same!

Gwen: sticks up one finger You pop that gum one more time!

Tosh: Single my ass.

Jack holds up 9 fingers: Ten times!

Ionto Holding Jakc in death grip:Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.

Owen trying to do the splits without hurting his man hood and making his voice go higher: Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

Martha: Artistic differences.

Gwen: Pop!

Tosh: Six!

Jack: Squish!

Ionto: Uh Uh

Owen having enougher ciggy Cicero (smoke puffs)

Martha: Lipschitz!

All strike a sexy pose and hold it as curtain comes down.

Unknown narator: Thank you for watching give it up for Captian Jack

jack come out and bows

Gwen

gwen the reaeats the action staning next to jack and kissing him on the cheek

Owen and Tosh

they come on hand in hand and give a very dramatic bow

Ionto Jones

ionto come out bows very stiffly before beaming and kissing the life out of Jack

and finally for a one time only martha jones

comes out all proper and blows a kiss to the audience

thanks for watching.

all bow.

A/N: R And R now people remember if u havent got anything nice to say DONT SAY IT.