Disclaimer: Twilight is not under my possession - well the book is but not the idea. This belongs to Stephenie Meyer (whom I bow to) and the only thing that belongs to me is the imagination of Bella slugging Vodka and Coke like there's no tomorrow.

I know some reader's of The Chase have been curious about my secret new plot idea. I thought it up on holiday after seeing a man on his stag-do in Cardiff. He was extremely drunk, wearing a French maid costume with a cowboy hat holding a green feather-duster and had a chain around his leg attached to his friend's leg. Needless to say he was drunk, and it got me thinking...What would happen to our favourite Twilight characters if they were under the influence of alcohol. What would the effects be? Pictures of Bella, Rosalie and Alice's outfits are located on my profile.

For anyone outside of the UK who doesn't know what either a hen or stag night is, well it's just another name for Bachelor and Bachelorette night. Thank you for pointing this out to me, and for beta reading this first chapter, Ruby-Wednesday.

Summary: When her friends get Bella drunk on Rosalie's hen night, it was bound to end badly - but not this badly. A revealing bunny costume, a fist-fight in a club and the barman. Did she really offer to sleep with him? Rated M for bad language, lemons and adult situations.

The Effects of Alcohol
Vodka and Coke
by InsatiableHanner

"Sit still Bella!"

I scowled at Alice, my brows furrowing as she yanked the brush through my hair. It caught another knot and the creases forming on my forehead only deepened.

"Stop pulling a face or you'll have to start saving for your botox." She had a point.

So I sat there silently, trying not to give into instinct and send her deathly glares. There was no way I could afford botox. With every prod, poke, knot and yank I found myself becoming more and more cranky. This was utterly ridiculous, I should be happy today. We were celebrating Rosalie's last night of freedom. Poor Emmett, he had no idea what he'd gotten himself into.

"Have a drink Bella, calm yourself down."

"You know I don't drink Alice," I replied. Although I tried extremely hard, my mouth still formed a pout as my brows knotted in a stern look that probably resembled that of a parent's. My self-control was so weak.

"Just one or two," she begged, those sparkling green eyes meeting mine. If anyone could knock down a wall it was Alice and those eyes. Emotions flickered through them so easily that when you saw she really wanted something your resistance became weak - like now.

And sure enough I heard myself utter the deadly words before I could stop my lips from moving. "Sure, what's the worst that could happen?" Oh boy, where to begin?


"I look like a slut," I commented, turning slightly to see the humiliating fluffy white tail replacing my rear. (Pictures on profile)

Alice rolled her eyes, placed a hand reassuringly on my shoulder. "Don't be silly Bella, you look cute."

"I look like a slut," I repeated. I turned myself around, choosing the best plan of action was to ignore my reflection. "You two look sexy but I look like a slut. Not fair."

Rosalie groaned long and loud. I felt slightly guilty - it was, after all, her night. I didn't want to ruin the evening with my bitching and moaning. I'd never forgive myself for it. "We specifically ordered the least slutty looking bunny costume!"

"Jeez, where did you shop?" I asked with a roll of my eyes. I reluctantly turned. Even if I ignored the reflection it still seemed to taunt me with the knowledge of what I looked like. "Sluts 'R' Us?"

"Actually yours was on a fancy dress website," Alice replied with a cheerful smile. "In the adult section."

"You mean the erotic dress-up section." I pouted at myself in the mirror, tossed my curly brown locks over my shoulder. God, the outfit even made me act like a slut. "How did I agree to this?" I wondered aloud.

"You've had a couple of drinks Bella. You know how bad you are under the influence," Rosalie informed me, nudging me away from the mirror so she could check her make up. "Few more drinks and you'll be shagging a guy in the toilets."

"I am not shagging a stranger in the toilets," I replied. Oh god, the scowl returned. I was so damn predictable. "And I'm not having anymore drinks. Look at me, I'm so drunk I agreed to wearing this." I waved a hand to draw their attention to the outrageously skimpy outfit. "This should be illegal."

"Any shorter and it would be." Alice chuckled at my reaction before adding, "Besides, you're not drunk Bella. Listen to yourself, you're speaking perfectly well. No slurring at all. You just have a crap amount of perseverance when I pressurise you."

I sighed knowing too well that she was absolutely right. Stupid pixie. "A good friend wouldn't force me into this."

"And a sensible girl wouldn't give in to peer pressure," she replied coolly, her eyes now focused on a small section of the mirror not taken up by Rosalie and her primping. "And seeing as everyone will be wearing a bunny costume it's peer pressure my good friend."

"Oh god," Rosalie announced as she finally stopped hogging the mirror. "I hope no one shows up in the same colours. That would be just dreadful!"

"We gave everyone a colour Rosalie, calm down," Alice soothed.

"But we got the best colours!" Rosalie began breathing heavily. Wow, she was worse than Alice sometimes. "Someone might purposely choose the same colour!"

"If they do we'll kick 'em outta the limo!"

"Wahey!" I cheered with a wide smile. "Anyway, no one would have the guts to piss you off like that Rose."

The look of worry on her face faded, her eyes met mine with gratefulness. "Of course, you're right Bella."


Thankfully we didn't need to fall back on Alice's threat of throwing someone out because everyone showed up in their designated colours. Everyone except for Lauren and Jessica.

"Everyone was supposed to be in different colours," I informed them as we climbed out of the extremely long, black limo. "Why did you two show up both in yellow?"

"Let's get the facts straight Bella," Lauren sneered as she smoothed down her outfit. "We want to get laid tonight. With myself and Jessica matching it sends an unconscious message to any guys that we'd be up for a threesome."

Oh my lord. They were joking, surely? "Jessica, what about Mike?"

She waved a hand. "As far as I'm concerned - for tonight only - he does not exist." She said those last three words slowly with a sly smile on her lips. I wanted to smack her, Mike - although annoying at the best of times - was a good guy. He didn't deserve this crap from Jessica, yet he seemed unable to realise she was a huge pile of shit, that he could do better. He was in some sort of bubble where he thought she was the best there was. How wrong he was.

As if reading my thoughts, Lauren stepped forward so her face was just inches away from my own. "Don't even think about telling him."

I wanted to smack her too. However my dreams were not met as Alice sensed my anger and quickly came to my aid to drag me away.

"Stupid cow," I muttered as I allowed her to yank me towards the club. "Stupid ungrateful shit head."

"Shit head?" Alice asked with a snicker. "You been drinking Bella?"

"Can I not say shit head when I want to?" Obviously not.

"Ignore them both," she told me as she flashed the bouncer a smile. Alice made a move to walk past him but he held out a hand.

"Sorry ma'am, back of the line."

I saw the sudden flash of surprise in Alice's eyes, quickly replaced with impatience. Uh-oh. "Excuse me?" Her voice was high.

"You'll have to line up like everyone else."

"We've paid extra to cut the line!" Impatience was replaced with anger. "The hen night?"

He raised a brow, signalled for another man to approach. He held a clipboard and with a quick flick through the papers he nodded. "Sorry about the mistake. Have you got your passes with you?"

Alice looked around, spotted Rosalie and called her over.

"You got the passes Rose?"

"Sure do," she replied with a laugh. I was amazed and bewildered when Rosalie slipped a hand down her top and pulled the passes from out of her bra. "There you go."

You had to laugh at the expression on his face. His eyes were darting from the passes to her chest and to her face before it repeated the cycle. It was typical Rosalie fashion to be pulling stunts like this.

Smiling innocently she said, "What? I didn't have a purse to match this outfit."

We couldn't contain our laughter as Rosalie stood on her toes, gave the bouncer a light kiss before sauntering into the loud and noisy club.

The music was blaring, the people were dancing and the drinks were pricey. Why on Earth peopled enjoyed this on a regular basis was beyond me. I currently had a whopping great big headache - made only worse by Alice's insistent pleas that I have another drink.

"No," I replied firmly. "I don't want to get drunk Alice."

She huffed, she puffed. She folded her arms over her chest and pouted but thankfully the club was dimly lit so I could ignore the begging in her eyes. "Please?"

"No. I'll just have a coke." I nodded in confirmation to the barman who'd had to stand there waiting for three minutes whilst Alice and I argued over the effects of alcohol. Not that I had much experience in that department. Apart from the odd glass of wine at Christmas I'd never drunk alcohol - and even then I only did it out of politeness when I was offered one to join in with a toast.

A mischevious look on Alice's face appeared, pulling me out of my trance. Cautiously I took my drink having only just noticed it was placed by my elbow and took a sip. The cool brown liquid washed down my throat and felt like pure heaven sliding down my hot passage. It tasted a bit off - flat. And diet. Oh god, did I look like I needed diet coke?

My eyes began to assess my weight in my sitting position. I was sat slouching - so really there was no surprise that the tiniest of bulges were formed on my stomach through the tight fabric. I immediately sat upright, relieved when the bulge smoothed out making me appear slimmer. My eyes moved down to my bare thighs. Shit, no wonder the barman thought I needed diet replacements. The way I'd been sitting caused my thighs to spread along the stool making them appear enormously out of proportion with the rest of my body. It looked as though I had two fat stubs for legs. I crossed them quickly, my eyes meeting Alice's as she gave me a curious look.

"Before you ask, no I am not drunk."


Oh shit. I was so drunk.

It was kind of like an out-of-body experience, watching myself from above as I stumbled around making a fool out of myself. I watched in horror as I began to dance with a stranger, allowing him to touch my ass as I grounded upon his groin. Oh god, was that an erection?

I wanted to shudder as his hands slipped dangerously under my skirt but the alcohol seemed to ignore my insistent, internal screaming for I tossed my hair back and shot him a flirtatious smile as my hands latched onto his wrists guiding him up to my-

"You bitch!"

Even in my drunken stupor I was shocked at Lauren's comment thrown my way. The guy holding me suddenly released my body, backed away.

"I saw him first!"

My brows raised, alcohol exaggerating my facial features so I probably had a stupid dumb-founded expression on my face. "What?"

"Him!" She jabbed a finger in the direction of the retreating man where he froze, his eyes anxiously casting back and forth between us. "I called dibs."

"You called dibs?" Was she serious? "And did you telepathically tell every woman in this room that or just Jessica?" I smiled innocently as her expression became shocked. "Because I honestly think it's unfair of you to assume I'd know when you called dibs without actually having told me." My words sounded mature in my head but they came out slightly slurred.

"You think you're so much better than the rest of," she shouted. I was glad to realise I wasn't the only one drunk. I'd barely understood that sentence. "Think you're so much prettier and smarter and more sexy. Well here's a wake up call for you honey, you're not!" The way she'd drawled out the word honey was as though uttering it caused pain to ricocheted through her body. She'd gritted her teeth as though baring said pain. And in my opinion...it looked painful.

"Newsflash: I don't give a fucking toss," I replied cattily. Woah, was that me? What happened to the Bella who avoided confrontations? What happened to the Bella afraid of standing up to the likes of Lauren? Oh, yeah. That's right, I was drunk. I giggled at my thoughts but no one seemed to notice.

I saw that quick hot flash of temper in Lauren's eyes just seconds before she charged. I momentarily took pleasure in the fact that a pissed-off Lauren wasn't a pretty sight before I felt her shove me backwards. I was honestly surprised when I - the Queen of clumsiness - didn't fly onto my butt but actually managed to put out a foot to adjust my balance. And I was drunk! And I was now as pissed-off as Lauren was.

Lauren didn't have time to react as my arm pulled back before I swung it forwards, connecting with her jaw. Ouch. Fuck, that hurt. I shook my fist as Lauren staggered backwards with the force of my blow.

The crowd of interested partiers gathered now, eyes on Lauren as she stood shocked to the core at my actions. I couldn't really blame her, I was pretty surprised myself. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back but during that time Lauren regained her composure and came flying at me. Again. She didn't push me this time but she sure as hell yanked my hair. Alice would be pissed off too, it had taken hours to style. I let out a loud yelp as she dragged me backwards clutching a fistful of my hair before giving me a violent jerk towards the floor.

The hard ground came up quickly making connection with my butt. This pain was worse than the punching, and I was pretty sure that in the morning I'd struggle bending to pee on the toilet. The pain was simply excruciating.

Lauren looked down at me in triumph - obviously thinking she had won the fight but me and the drunk Bella weren't finished yet. With one last hope of winning I swung my white-heeled feet around so Lauren's legs were knocked off balance, tripping and stumbling to the floor also.

Uneasily I got to my feet. Yeah, peeing would be impossible tomorrow. However the pain was soon forgotten as Lauren got to her feet - flashing me a raged look, before storming out of the club with a worried Jessica running after her. This so called for a victory dance. A roar of applause erupted from the crowd joining in with my victory, but then the people began to part allowing two suited men to walk through. Shit, bouncers.

One of them took my arm, dragging me away from the crowd. Helplessly I searched through the crowds for the rest of my hen night-goers. With a look of desperation I found Rosalie and Alice laughing at me. Oh, they were so going to get it once I was sober.


I was kicked out - and my loyal hen night-goers followed me out into the cold streets of London in search of the next place. However, this was easier said than done.

Most clubs had lines so long it wasn't even worth queuing for. It was approaching eleven, the prime time for the clubs and when we finally found one with a mildly shorter queue we still spent thirty minutes in the cold only to be told we were too drunk to enter.

Where were nine bunny-costumed girls supposed to go during a hen night if they were too drunk to be allowed in the clubs? I was beginning to regret my drunken decision to stoop to Lauren's levels - despite how powerful it made me feel. The only upside to it was having the satisfaction of seeing her enraged face, of not having to spend the rest of the night with her or Jessica. Man, I hoped Mike dumped her soon.

"I guess we'll have to go home," I said with a reluctant sigh as we headed back to the limo. "What a bummer."

Rosalie groaned, her eyes frantically scanning for a place for them to go in the streets but we knew it was impossible, a worthless hope and a waste of time searching. Why even bother when-

"I know!"

I was half climbing into the limo when she practically shouted this and immediately my head spun to hear out her idea.

"My brother," she supplied with. What was she on? How could going to her brother's place help this matter? Everyone else appeared confused at her suggestion too - well all for Rosalie.

"Yes!" She punched the air in victory - totally unladylike but who cared? "Oh Alice, I love you sometimes. Can you get us in?"

"What's going on?" I asked, my eyes flicking between the pair. "How on Earth will Alice's brother rectify this matter?"

Alice shook her head. "Did I never tell you what my brother does?"

"No," I replied, my brows raising.

"He owns this club," she answered. Her eyes scanned in her surroundings. "A few blocks from here I think."

"Your brother owns a club?" I was honestly surprised. "Which one?"

"Club Sixty-nine."

I snorted ungracefully. "You're kidding? Your brother is the dickwad who named a club after a sex position?"

Alice chuckled, shook her head as the girls approached. "No, my dad did. He owned it originally but then he passed it to Edward."

"Your dad owned a club?" I screwed up my nose. "I thought he was a doctor!"

"He is." Alice sighed. "I'll explain it all to you when we're sober."

I was pretty satisfied with this response - if I remembered too then I'd press her for details in the morning. Who'd have thought though? Get in there Dr. Cullen! A wolf whistle interrupted my thoughts. I looked up to find a stranger making thrusting motions towards me. Even drunk I still blushed. Did that not suck?

Alice giggled before alerting me why I'd received that obvious sexual advance. Apparently I'd totally forgotten I had one leg raised to climb into the limo and one leg lowered on to the ground. With this almost-illegal piece of clothing I was flashing to the world. Embarrassed, I quickly climbed into the limo to the catcalls of our group.


I'd heard a lot about Club Sixty-nine. It had been set with great expectations from the worshipping comments partiers made about it - and I had to say it met them all.

Unlike other clubs, the music blared loudly but allowed areas where you could escape the pounding beat. Peaceful retreats for clubbers - such as myself - who didn't enjoy so much, the feeling of music vibrating through your bones.

There were two huge, long bars running along a wall each. One was located close to the dance floor so that whilst ordering your drink you could quite easily be knocked down by a drunk dancer. The other was situated where I was, in the quieter section of the club where the music was a whisper but still had a view to watch the idiots who'd gone past their limit on alcohol.

I was here, away from the rest of the group, ordering a drink I most definitely shouldn't be ordering. I couldn't help it, the barman was so hot that I felt compelled to buy a drink and give him a healthy tip. Maybe he'd take the hint?

"Vodka and coke," I said, my eyes connecting with a pair of penetrating, emerald eyes. "Please," I added as an afterthought.

He nodded, skilfully moving away to fill my order. I smiled to myself as he turned his back to me, as I received a view of the most perfect rear in snug jeans designed specifically in mind of ogling women. I think I was in heaven.

He gave me my order, took my money - along with the huge tip - and gave me a polite thank you as he stuffed all the money I'd given him into the cash register. I was miffed he hadn't bothered taking the tip out of the money I'd given him. Maybe they had that stupid thing...what was it? Where everyone put their tips into a collection and it was then shared equally. But then why hadn't he put the money in a jar of some sort? Oh I really hoped Alice's brother allowed employees to get tips. Some right a-holes prevented this from their employees and kept the money themselves.

He moved away to take another order, stepping under the beam of a bar light. I watched in earnest as the beam bounced off his hair making the brown appear more...copper. Was that his natural hair colour? It was so...strange. I hadn't noticed it under the shadows, his hair appearing dark - like everyone else's. But now that unnatural bronzy-brown hair had me gawping. It was dishevelled - a look of pure, bed, sex hair. Oh man, was I drooling?

I distracted myself with the drink. It reminded me somewhat of the strange coke I'd drunken in the first club. It was more fizzy than the first but it had that same strange taste to it. Oh god. My eyes flashed back to that mischevious look on Alice's face. Had she...? No, surely not? Alice would never do that...would she? Suddenly I wasn't so sure, and it certainly would explain how I got from tipsy to drunk on nothing but coke.

Damn it, that pixie spiked my coke with vodka! God only help her if she awoke in the morning with my hands clamped around her neck. She was going to suffer the consequences of a hung over Bella, that I was sure.

This side of the club was relatively empty. The copper-haired barman was the only one taking orders currently, which was fine seeing as only five people had ordered a drink since I'd sat down on the stool.

I watched with dreamy eyes as he made his way back down the bar to me. He shot me a crooked smile that just about melted my insides. And off went the acrobatic butterflies.

"What's your name beautiful?" He had a deep London accent, but his voice had a velvet tone to it. It was a voice made to have women sigh.


"Suits," he replied, his smile turning into a widespread grin as his eyes ran over my body. The flush came naturally.

"Here on the hen night?"

"How do you know about the hen night?" I inquired, seeing as we had not originally planned to come here.

"Other than the costumes?" he teased. "You're with Alice aren't you?"

I nodded, briefly wondering how he knew who Alice was. My mind was too busy taking in the sight of a tight black t-shirt pulled over an obvious well-built form. It should be illegal to cover something so...so damn sexy. I could only fantasise about how he'd look naked. Unless...

"She's my-"

"I want to have sex with you," I interrupted. Shit, did I really say that out loud?

His brows raised. "That so? Without even knowing my name."

I shrugged lightly. He had a point there. "Well, what's your name stranger?"

"Edward. My name is Edward Cullen." How coincidental? He had the same surname as Alice. Small world huh? Then it dawned on me...


End Chapter

I'm thinking someone may just murder me for this cliffy. But hey, cut me some slack please? It's a first chapter. Got to keep you guys wanting for more or you won't put this story on your alerts. Go on, you know you want to. For me?

The more reviews I get, the faster my little digits type. I know, I'm part-evil. Just like Alice, so all is forgiven, right?