A/N - My one-shot randomness strikes again! I don't know where this idea came from, but I couldn't get it out of my head. Just a short Spuffy (well, hinted at Spuffy, anyway) stand-alone. Please read and review!
P.S. This is set early Season 5 way before the awkwardness (BuffyBot, anyone?) that followed Spike's admission of love. And the T-rating is for some naughty language!
DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned Spike, but alas, I own nothing. So please, don't sue this poor, Spikeless girl. That really wouldn't be very nice.
"Oi Slayer," Spike protested as a fuming Buffy dragged him none-too-gently into the alleyway behind the Bronze, "go easy on the leather, pet."
"Go easy on the leather? Go easy on the leather! I'll go easy on the leather, you idiot." She muttered furiously. "All I wanted to do was to go out and have a little non-slaying fun with my friends, but instead I have to deal with you and your complete lack of self-control. What exactly were you thinking in there, Spike? Picking a fight with a human! Have you forgotten about the government issue chip buried in your thick skull?"
Heaving a resigned sigh, the bleached vamp reached for his cigarettes and narrowed his azure gaze on the petite woman standing expectantly in front of him. "Of course I remember the leash your cardboard cutout boyfriend and his G.I. Joe mates gave me. How could I bloody well forget it? I just figured that hitting this particular wanker would be worth the migraine. And you know what? It really, really was. Besides, it's not like I was going to kill him or anything. I only wanted to rough him up a bit, teach him to keep his gob shut."
"But why? What did he say that justified you shutting his gobby knocking him unconscious?" Buffy huffed. She crossed her arms tightly over he chest and tapped a stylish boot on the pavement as she waited for an explanation.
"Slayer," Spike started hesitantely, "did you get a look at the bloke I decked?"
"Yeah, I did. I, unfortunately, know him. He goes to school with me. Names Parker Abraaa..." Her voice trailed away as she suddenly remembered that he already knew who Parker Abrams was. Flashes of Spike taunting her about the disastrous encounter with Parked while they fought on the sun drenched grounds of campus danced through her mind before she settled confused hazel eyes on the former Big Bad.
"You see, luv," he drawled, taking a small step towards her, "that git - Parker or Peyton or whatever the hell his poncy name is - was talking about you. Now, I know that you and I have never really gotten along. That's just part and parcel of the whole "we-bloody-fucking-hate-each-other" thing we've got going on. And I'll be the first to admit that I've made saying bad, mean things to and about you one of my favorite hobbies. It's a right pleasure to take you down a few pegs. But for some reason, hearing that prat so idly demean you set me off. I don't even know why! I just know that if I were to get another chance, I'd clock him again without hesitation.
"Oh." Buffy said softly, starring intently at the cracked pavement below her feet to avoid looking at Spike. She was having more than a little trouble processing everything he'd said. After all, he'd punched Parker knowing it would trigger the chip just because the wannabe Don Juan of Sunnydale, California had badmouthed her. In a weird way, Spike had been defending her honor. "Wh-What did he say about me? How ba-bad was it?"
"It doesn't really matter, Slayer."
"Yes it does!" She said vehemently. "I wanna know what that jerk had to say about his time with naive little Buffy. Tell me..."
Spike studied her for a long moment but eventually ceded to her demands. "The idiot was 'bout half shitfaced, nattering on about what a ladies' man he is when he spotted you dancin' with the soldier boy. He started bragging about how quickly you'd fallen for his 'I'm so sensitive and misunderstood' act. He made is seem like all he'd had to do was make like a kicked puppy and you'd fallen naked onto the nearest flat surface."
Buffy's tiny but powerful clenched so hard that little crecent cuts formed where her nails dug into the soft skin of her palm and when she next spoke it was through clenched teeth. "Normally I'd consider staking you for attacking a human, Spike. But this one time I'll let it slide. I mean, you were sort of defending me, right?"
"Oi, you take that back, Goldilocks! I was not defending you..."
"But," Buffy interrupted, "didn't you hit him because he was dissing me?" At Spike's begrudging nod she continued. "Then that means you were defending me. But why were you defending me? You said yourself, we 'bloody fucking' hate each other."
"I can't explain it!" He said, his voice dripping with frustration. "It's like...it's like you're mine. You're my Slayer and if anyone's going to be messin' with you, it's going to be me. I earned the right to be your villain 'cause I've fought you time and again and neither of us has bit the big one. When Mr. College Casanova opened his trap about you, it was like he was encroaching on my territory. Am I making any sense?"
Buffy wanted to deny that what Spike was saying made any sort of sense, but she couldn't. She felt the same possessive way about the perpetual pain-in-her-ass that was Spike as he did about her. He was her's. And although she often had thoughts of reducing him to nothing more than dust pan fodder, she knew that she would be royally pissed if anyone else tried to make with the Spike stakeage. "Yeah actually, you make perfect sense."
"I do?" He questioned, sounding genuinely surprised.
"Yeah. I felt the same way when I found out about your chip." She giggled slightly at the gobsmacked look on his pale face. "I always thought that if anyone was going to bring down the infamous William the Bloody it would be me. An-And that if any vamp ever managed to finish me off...it would be you. You were my equal. We fought, but we couldn't kill each other because we were too evenly matched. Our fights were always so intense, so brutal, so...fun. And then suddenly a group of dweebs in lab coats who think they can do my job better than I can go an decommission you. It's just not fair."
Spike snorted, lighting another cigarette. "Imagine being on my end of the sitch, luv. One day I'm at the top of the food chain and the next I'm beggin' my mortal enemy for help."
"That's another thing that really bugged me!" Buffy exclaimed loudly.
"What? Me asking you for help?"
"No. Well, yes. But not for the reason you'd think it would. The fact that you came to me for help wasn't the problem, the fact that you had to come to me for help was disconcerting. I've known you for quite awhile now, Spike, and I've never seen you weak before and it bothered me."
At some point during their heart-to-unbeating-heart, the pair had migrated towards each other. They were so close that Buffy could see the mischief lite in Spike's eyes before he uttered, "Aww, Slayer. I didn't know you cared."
"I don't!" She denied hastily. "I didn't...I meant...It just bothered me, is all."
"I get it, Buffy. I'd feel the same way if you were suddenly an ordinary girl who couldn't open a jam jar by herself let alone kick my sorry ass from here to next Sunday."
"Really?" She asked disbelievingly, not paying attention to the fact that they were still drifting ever closer. "I think every other man in my life - with the exception of Giles - is threatened by my strength. You're the only one who's ever appreciated it."
They leaned towards each other so that Spike's lips were only a breath away from Buffy's when he said, "Yeah well, I'm not exactly a man, am I?"
Buffy brought her hand up and placed it gently on the soft black cotton covering Spike's chest. They starred at each other for an indeterminable amount of time before he took the initiative and leaned forward. Just as his lips were about to brush across the Slayer's, the back door of the Bronze burst open and expelled Riley with several giggling Scoobies in two. Spike and Buffy jumped guiltily apart, studiously avoiding each other's gaze. Thankfully the Scoobs seemed oblivious to the pair's previous close proximity.
"Buffster!" Xander called while throwing a disgruntled glance in Spike's direction. "What are you still doing out here with Evil Dead? Why isn't he DustBuster food yet?"
"The guy he punched deserved it." She said simply, still sure to look anyway but at her vampire.
"But..." Riley started to protest.
"No, no 'buts'. No one's staking Spikey tonight, got it?"
"Whatever you say, Buffy." Riley replied, grabbing for her hand. "Let's go back inside."
"Actually," she said, holding her hand just out of reach, "I'm gonna go patrol. You guys go ahead without me."
"Or we could go with you, Buff." Willow offered from her position next to Tara. "I'm up for a cemetery party."
"No really, that's okay Wils. Spike's going to come with me."
"He is?" Both Xander and Riley cried at the same time that Spike exhaled a confused, "I am?"
"Yeah, he is." Buffy glanced at the vamp in question. "It's his punishment for picking bar fights with humans."
"Yeah, it's my punishment." He muttered though a sudden smile.
"Buffy, are you sure you don't want..." Riley tried once more but vampire and Slayer were already heading towards the alley's opening.
"It'll be late when we're through so I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow." The smaller of the two blonds called over her shoulder as she and Spike turned right out onto the street and disappeared from view.
"They are obviously going to go have orgasms." Anya piped up confidently, nodding her head for emphasis. "I have often wondered why Buffy and Spike are not already having orgasms. You can cut their sexual tension with a knife."
"What?!" Riley and Xander once again spoke in tandem.
"Hasn't anyone else noticed?" Anya asked genuinely confused that anyone could overlook the blatant attraction between the Slayer and William the Bloody.
"There's nothing to notice!" Riley said fiercely before stomping back into the club.
I guess denial really isn't just a river in Egypt. The ex-vengeance demon thought to herself, trailing the others back into the Bronze. Guess I'll be the only one not surprised when Buffy comes back from patrol with a personalized Spike hickey!
A/N #2 - I know, the ending isn't very good. Sorry! And oh yeah, about the title...I was watching Little Shop of Horrorswhile I wrote this and the song playing when I was trying to think up a title was "Suddenly Seymore." Just a fun fact for you! Please review!