For the second round of the OLC ficathon, I decided to get a little goofy and exercise the funny bone a bit. I don't normally write Javajunkie, so I decided to just be silly and have fun. My entry had to include: Ducks, stars, a music reference, and a telephone conversation. The plot is supposed to be humorous, and it's a bit fluffy. But don't get used to it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea, and even then I'm unsure of my rights.
Operation Quack Quack
The screaming ring of his phone jerked Luke out of paperwork mode. Grumbling, he thumbed the remainder of the bills he was counting and jotted down the number. The phone continued to ring off the hook as Luke slammed the cash drawer, startling the only customer, Kirk, who was sitting at the counter.
"Yeah?" he snapped into the receiver after hoisting it to his ear.
"Ever heard of hello?" his girlfriend chirped from the other line.
Rolling his eyes, Luke leaned against the wall and shot Kirk a glare. Immediately, the man looked away from Luke and back at his half eaten patty melt. "Hello," he grumbled.
"There a point to this call, or are you just patronizing my answering skills?" Luke asked begrudgingly. It was the only lull of the day, and he planned to catch up on paperwork for the whole duration. Not that he didn't enjoy Lorelai's sporadic phone calls.
Her papers shuffled in the background. "There's a problem with…there's just…" She paused and lowered her voice. "Operation Quack Quack."
"Operation Quack Quack?" he quoted her skeptically, raising an eyebrow. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Kirk staring at him intently. Dropping the receiver to his side, he glared at Kirk again. "Look at me again and I'll kick you out so hard, you'll be seeing stars for weeks!"
Kirk shifted uncomfortable on his stool. "It would depend on what kind of stars…" he started.
"Out!" Luke yelled. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Kirk at that given moment.
While opening his mouth to protest, which received another dirty look from Luke, Kirk slid off the stool. Luke pushed the phone back to his ear when Kirk moved to a corner table. Slipping behind the curtain for added privacy, he asked, "Are you still there?"
"Still here," Lorelai confirmed. "Was that Kirk?"
"Of course it was Kirk," Luke mumbled.
"Back to Operation Quack Quack." Lorelai said, trying to pull him back on course.
Without repeating, he simply asked, "What's that?"
Lorelai sighed. "The ducks."
"Hence the quack," Luke sighed. "What do you need?"
"Well, there's a problem," Lorelai continued.
"Of course there's a problem," Luke sighed and waited for her to finish.
"Two of my ducklings wandered off and I need you to help me find them," she said quickly before he could automatically protest.
Hanging around the Dragonfly's smelly duck pond wasn't on his list of desirable things, but an argument wasn't there either. "Okay," he agreed after a moment of thought. "I'll be right over."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" said joyfully as Luke walked into the main part of the diner to hang up the phone.
"Caesar, I'm going out," he shouted, not even waiting for a response from the short-order cook. "Stupid ducks," he muttered under his breath, slamming the door behind him.
"My knight in shinning flannel!" she greeted him, kissing his cheek quickly and then yanking his hand. "They're just little babies!" she continued. "I can't let them roam around unprotected. I don't even know how they got out of the pond or why the mother duck didn't stop them…"
"Lorelai," Luke interrupted, placing a hand on her should. "Calm down. We'll find your ducks."
She nodded. "Okay."
"You've had this duck pond for one day," he reminded her. "They don't know where to go."
"Exactly," she scolded. "Poor Clarence and Zelda. They're lost in this world."
"And, you've named them. Of course. How silly of me to think you wouldn't." Luke rubbed the back of his neck as he followed her to the back of the inn. "Where am I supposed to look?" he asked, glancing at the duck pond where four other ducks were swimming. "Unless they've taken up snorkeling, they're not in the pond."
"I can't walk around the yard in heels," she explained.
"So you want me to check all the muddy areas so your shoes won't sink and get dirty."
"Exactly why I love you," she cooed, kissing his scruffy cheek. "Come inside if you can't find them. I'm searching with Sookie."
Grumbling, Luke visually scanned the yard for any tuffs of yellow and light brown. From the pond in front of him, the remaining ducks quacked happily in the water.
It had taken Taylor months to agree to the stupid duck pond, but they were finally able to put it in back of the Dragonfly. Now, two of the ducklings had wandered off. There was a reason he told Lorelai to put up a fence.
After searching under every bush and clump of grass, Luke decided to retreat inside where Lorelai and Sookie were searching. He was obviously not going to have any luck outside.
When he appeared in the doorway, Lorelai and Sookie were turning over pillows and attempting to quack.
"I don't think that's the sound a duck makes," Lorelai said. Sookie adjusted the tone of her quack and tried again. "That's better," Lorelai complimented as she flipped another pillow off the couch.
"Nothing yet?" Luke asked as he stepped closer.
"No, but we did find a spot of poop!" Sookie squealed enthusiastically from her seat on the floor.
Luke made a face. "Wonderful."
"Why do you hate my ducks?" Lorelai asked with a pout. "They're so cute and fuzzy."
"And then they grow up and poop everywhere," Luke supplied. "They've already started. If you don't put up a fence soon, your yard is going to be covered in duck crap."
"Lorelai, there is a despicable creature on my desk," Michel interrupted. "Come remove it immediately."
"Oh, look," Lorelai cooed as the duckling hopped into her cupped hands. "It's adorable, Luke. How can you say no to a face like this?" she lifted her hands to Luke's face to give him a better view of the baby animal. "Hold it," she ordered, forcing him to cup his own hands with little protest.
Dutifully, Luke accepted the duck and held it in his hands. He smiled falsely as Lorelai peered around the dining room for the stray duckling. Luke continued to stand by the front desk as Michel glared at the "despicable creature" he was holding. Before walking off in the opposite direction, Michel flared his nostrils at the little duckling.
Lorelai returned with a smile to accept the duck from Luke's hands. "One of the housekeepers found Clarence swimming in the mop bucket," she said.
Luke raised his eyebrow as he released the duck to Lorelai. "It crapped in my hand," he said dryly, holding out his palm.
Laughing nervously, Lorelai pet Zelda's head. "I'll return them to the pond and we'll get you cleaned up, okay Old MacDonald?"
"Great, I'll just wait here while it festers in my hand," Luke grumbled as he watched Lorelai retreat to the yard. He was greeted with a puff of Lysol as Michel returned to the front desk.
"Something smells," he reasoned, "and not like sunshine and daisies."
"I'm going in the kitchen for a towel," he grumbled under his breath.
"No bodily functions around the food," Michel said as he stared lazily at his magazine.
"I have duck poop in my hand."
"It might have rabies," Michel said, flipping a page.
"Duck rabies?" Luke asked skeptically.
"Ready to head over to the Love Shack?" Lorelai asked, bumping her hip against Luke's. Pleased by the interruption, Luke kissed Lorelai lightly on the mouth.
"I can still see you," Michel said, his eyes still glued to the page.
"Love Shack?" Luke questioned as he pulled away from Lorelai.
"You know. The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together," Lorelai started singing. Luke groaned, but let her continue. "Love Shack, that's where it's at! Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin', wearin' next to nothing 'cause it's hot as an oven!" She added a little shimmy to her routine, causing Luke's lips to turn up in a smile.
"Undignified Americans," Michel grumbled, grabbing his magazine and stalking out of the room.
"Come on, Hon." Lorelai reached down to grab Luke's hand and made a face. "Crap," she said under her breath.
"Unfortunately." Luke laughed gently, the comedy of the situation finally hitting him.
Lorelai pulled the door open just as Kirk prepared to knock. She opened her mouth to say something, but he had already started his sales pitch."Lorelai, I heard you had a bit of a predicament. Luckily, my company and I specialize in duck retrieval. Where our catch phrase is: who let the ducks out? Quack, quack, quack. We get 'em back, back, back."
Lorelai brushed past a very anxious Kirk. "We're all set, Kirk, but I'll keep it in mind." She reached down and grabbed Luke's hand again without protest, knowing that the dirty would lead them to a joint cleaning session when they arrived home. "Love Shack awaits!" she said gleefully with a wink.
"I see you have a literal problem on your hands!" Kirk cried out as he grabbed his fuzzy briefcase and dashed after them.