Second Guessing

Why did you do it, No-Life King?

The wine swirled in the glass, dark and glinting, but fluid. Not sluggish or rich like thick blood. Alcohol was so ephemeral; Alucard put down the glass without drinking it. He should know better by now. Acting on a whim, making a spur of the moment decision – that was so…human. And one thing he was not was a man. He'd left human traits behind so long ago. Or so he thought.

She had been beautiful. The night had been quiet and bright – almost peaceful, if you ignored the crisis at hand (not that he ever considered a handful of ghouls and a two-bit vampire to be a 'crisis' – but his master did.) And it had been easy, all too easy, to manipulate the situation. A monster in fear of his life was not much different from a man in the same position, after all – both would grasp desperately at anything to save themselves.

As soon as he affirmed his human loyalties, the girl had become a hostage. And then he was left with little choice. He had to kill the vampire, did he not? She just happened to be in the way. But he knew that he could have shot the vampire rather than stood around talking. He'd practically invited the fiend to use the girl as a shield. After all, he was the type – he'd entered the village under the protection of priestly robes; he would try to hide to leave it as well.

As soon as he asked the question, there was no way to pretend that he hadn't wanted her all along. Innocent, but not a child. Strong in the face of fear. He could smell the fear rolling off of her in waves. But she'd used that gun, useless as it was. She was still standing when he arrived…even though he had clearly interrupted an attempted rape. Perhaps that was what had given him the idea, or maybe she looked like a virgin facing the loss of more than just her life.

What would he have done if she'd said no? It would have been a bit of a challenge to kill the vampire without harming her, and to do so quickly enough that she would not have become his final victim. But if one of them had to bite her, he felt it might as well have been him. Is that really what he saw her as? A delicious meal? She had been, there was no arguing with that. She was young and strong and so eager to cling to life. She wanted it so badly – demanded it of him, really. He merely did what she wanted him to do…right?

But a voice deep in his mind whispered differently. This was a girl who had never known that vampires were real until that night. Did she truly demand that of him? Or did he just pretend to hear that command in her wordless desperation? What was it she was truly reaching for in her last moments? He heard her call for her mother and father as the light faded from her eyes. Knowing as he did now that they were dead…what was it she was really asking of him?

Alucard took off his glasses and placed them next to the wine glass. Usually, he enjoyed his solitude here in the cellar. He was a king on a throne…but shunted off to the basement where he had no subjects. But now…now he had one. A willing servant. Of that he was sure. She may be a reluctant vampire, oh-so-hesitant to walk in his footsteps…but she was eager to call him Master. She did not seek to change that, she wanted that. Perhaps he had misread her intentions that night, though.

Perhaps he had sought only what he had wanted – a reminder of what it meant to be a vampire walking the nights, not a servant of the Hellsing Organization. He would never deny his nature. But she had reminded him that he did not resent being a servant, either. He would call Sir Integra Master until she died. Or…was that it? Had he turned the Police Girl because he wanted to know what it would be like to take the life-blood of another blond? But Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing would never consent to that. Even in the moment of death, she would embrace her humanity and reject him. Unlike the Police Girl, his master knew precisely what it meant to be a vampire, and wanted no part of it. He knew this. It was, he supposed, why he admired her so much. She was so surely human. Immortality would tempt any other human, but not his master.

Which might explain why his master was so unhappy with him for his decision to add a fledgling vampire to Hellsing's ranks. But was that the only reason? Did she see in Seras Victoria the chance to walk a different path? Or did she see his own servant as a division of his loyalty? Now, he was not only hers…he had responsibilities of his own towards another. He smiled. Was Integra greedier than him? He, who would drink in the entire world, given the chance? And she would approve, as long as he knelt only to her at the end of each battle. As long as he was wholly hers…she was satisfied. His master need not worry; she had his complete loyalty, as he had demonstrated to her again and again.

The bond he shared with the Police Girl was private, though…intimate. Something his master could not share in. Perhaps…perhaps she did not like this shift in their relationship. No longer was she the only person who had access to him, who could share his thoughts or call out for him. Was she jealous? That thought warmed him more than wine. To know that he was valued that fiercely, not just her pet, her ultimate weapon. He was her servant, but she had been such a young master. He could not help but mold how she saw him, how she treated him.

And perhaps there was his elusive motive. Why had he given in to the temptation to drink a young virgin's blood on that beautiful night? Perhaps…perhaps he wished to change the dynamics of his relationship with his master. Perhaps he wanted her to be a bit uncertain, a bit unsure of her standing. She was strong, but it would not do for her to become complacent.

It was dawn now, so he would sleep. The questions would all return tomorrow night.

Author's Note: Both Walter and Integra question Alucard on his motives for turning Seras...and he gives neither of them a straight answer. I wonder if he knows himself? Part of me suspects that there is more to it than what appears on the surface.

And yes, random musing makes for boring stories - sorry. I just have to work through some of these ideas myself, if I'm going to understand them. Alucard is too much of an enigma to fully understand, but he is not random.