by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own Black Lagoon or it's characters.

Summary: Revy tries to deal with her life as a 'married with children' woman.


Chapter 2
Married With Children Pt 1

It was after midnight and in her room at the Lagoon Trader's Company, Revy Two-Hands tossed her 17th beer can against the wall.

Damn you, Rock! DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU! Revy mentally screamed as she stared at the gold ring with a diamond in it, pinched firmly between her pointer finger and thumb. Why? Why do you have to be such a nice guy? You can't just be an asshole trying to kill me. That I could live with. But you have to be a nice guy who tries to find my human side. I just.... I just....

Wrapping her hand around the ring, she brought her legs up to her chest, bringing her head against her knees and for the first time since she could remember... she cried.


"Good night, daddy." the pale-haired girl said from her bed.

"Good night, Gretel." Rock said, kissing her forehead gently.

"Good night, daddy." the pale-haired boy said from his bed.

"Good night, Hansel." Rock said, ruffling his hair with his hand.

Rock left the pair's room and walked down the hallway. On his way, he stopped in front of Revy's room. A slight worry overtook him and he knocked on the door.

"Revy? Revy, are you alright?" Rock asked.

"Go Away!" Revy shouted back from the other side of the door.

"Revy, it's Rock! What's wrong?" he repeated.

"I Said, 'Go Away'!" she shouted.

"I'm coming in!" he said, gripping the doorknob.

"I'm Drunk, Pissed Off, And I Have A Gun!" she stated.

"Right, good, see you tomorrow." he said, backing away from the door.

He was halfway down the hallway, when his compassion got the better of him, causing him to go back to her room.

"Revy... I'm coming in!" Rock said.

"Your funeral." Revy hissed.

Pushing the door open, Rock walks into the room and gasps slightly.

Revy is sitting in the corner. Gun in her right hand, beer cans scattered around her, and her left fist tightened across her bended knee.

"Revy... what's wrong?" Rock asked.

"This." she said, opening her hand, revealing the ring.

"Oh. I... I didn't think you'd be so upset over that. It just seemed... like the right thing to do." he said.

"Yeah. Whatever." she said, sniffling a little.

The pair were frozen in silence for what seemed like hours, the seconds weighing on them heavily. It was then that Revy broke the silence.

"Sit down before you fall down." she snapped.

Rock sat down next to Revy and the pair talked. Revy didn't let go of her gun the whole time.


Revy and Rock talked long into the night, Rock doing most of the talking. His main problem was that he wasn't sure where to start, or what problem he should be addressing. So he just talked. Revy eventually passed out from his talking, leaving Rock to place a blanket over her before going back to his own room.

The next morning Revy showed up for breakfast, the ring in a chain around her neck.

Rock saw it and nodded.

At least she's wearing it. he thought.

Revy didn't talk to anyone through the whole meal.

Once breakfast was done, Rock sent Hansel and Gretel off to school.

"Now remember what I told you." Rock said to the pair.

"Don't kill the teachers." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the students." Gretel said

"Don't kill the lunch lady." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the janitor." Gretel said.

"Don't kill the hall monitor." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the librarian." Gretel said.

"Don't kill the principal." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the vice-principal." Gretel said.

"Right." Rock said.

"Bye, mommy!" the pair said.

"I'm never gonna get use to that." Revy groaned.

Rock and Benny drove the kids to school and then came back to pick up Revy and Dutch.

They had a meeting with a certain Russian woman.

(Bougainvillea Trade Company)

The Lagoon Traders had been called to Balalaika's office for a new job. A fairly simple job, but one that was not without risk.

Rock was going over the details on the contract Balalaika had provided, Benny was wondering what tech he'd need for the job, and Dutch was hoping he had enough time to get the Black Lagoon fueled and properly prepped.

Revy is the last one out.

"Something wrong, Revy?" Balalaika, real name Vladilena, asked the woman.

"You hate me, don't you?" Revy said, getting right to the point.

"Why my dear, whatever gave you that idea?" the Russian woman asked.

Revy held up the ring that was around her chain necklace.

"Ooh. How sweet. Rock proposed."

"It's a little hard to propose when you're already married."

"I suppose it is at that."

Realizing she wasn't going to get much out of the older woman, Revy left.

About ten seconds later, Balalaika burst into laughter.

This was the most fun she had had in years.

Without torturing anyone.

(Three Hours Later)

The job had gone off without much trouble. Revy had only killed two people this time. A real record for her.

The group was back at the office just a little past noon when the phone rang.

"Lagoon Couriers." Rock said, answering the phone. "Hansel? What's wrong?"

At hearing the boys name, and Rock's tone, Revy dropped her magazine and came over to the desk. It's not that she was concerned for the kids, it's just that they wouldn't be calling if it was trouble they couldn't handle. And even Revy couldn't imagine the kind of trouble they couldn't handle.

"What's wrong?" Revy asked.

"Trouble at the school." Rock said.

"Trouble? For those two?"

"Yeah. You're gonna love this."


A small army of mercs had taken the local school hostage, hoping to extort money and even control from the various criminal cartels whose children went there.

Inside, Gretel had caused a distraction enabling Hansel to telephone Rock at the Couriers office.

But after he had called the office, he had dipped into the principals 'Confiscated Property' box and had returned to his twin sister.

"Brother! Father said no killing." Gretel said as he handed her the weapons he had found.

"True. But these men don't work for the school. Do they?" Hansel stated.

Gretel smiled as he said that.


The Roadrunner came to a stop outside the school, where Chief Watsap and his men had the building surrounded.

"What's the situation?" Revy asked.

"Bunch of mercs got the place all locked up. A couple dozen kids that didn't get away are their hostages." the fat chief said.

"How many mercs?" the woman asked.

"Don't know. Maybe a dozen, at least." Watsap said.

"Nice odds." she said, checking her guns.

"And let me guess: they want something from their parents." Rock said.

"Control. Or so they said." the large man said.

"Nothing else?" Revy asked.

"Money, jewels, guns. You know, the usual." Watsap said.

"They want guns, huh?" Revy grinned, pulling her Beretta 92FS's with the extended barrels. She loaded her clips into both weapons, cocking the slide back so that there was a bullet already in the chamber. "Then let's give them guns!"

"Revy. Are you planning to..." Rock started to say as Revy holstered her guns.

"Yes." Revy said.

" what I..." Rock continued to say.

"Yes!" Revy snapped as she got into the front seat of the Roadrunner.

"..think you're going to..." Rock continued talking.

"YES!" she barked. "Now get in this car and buckle up!"

"Revy, we need to find Hansel and Gretel!" he said, getting into the passenger seat.

"Relax, Rock! Those two can take care of themselves." she said as he buckled up.

"Maybe, but we should still find them."

"Alright. We will."

"Really? Okay, but how? We don't know where they are inside that place."

"That's easy. We'll just listen for the sounds of men dying."


Inside the school, chaos was reigning.

Hansel was twisting through the air and hurling his acquired knives at several of the mercs, killing them in an instant.

Gretel, now armed with two small Taurus Millennium series .45 ACP's and a couple of spare clips, was running from behind desks and firing at the mercs, striking three of them in one full pass of the classroom.

"Get Those Freaking Kids!" one of the mercs shouted as he fired his AK-47 at them once more.

The pair ducked behind a large teachers desk.

"Brother. Are you out?" Gretel asked.

"Yes. The throwing knives and switchblades are all spent. You?"

"One clip. For two guns." She said. "And it is only half filled."

"Don't worry. Father and mother will be here soon." Hansel stated.

Suddenly, the mercs sprang from around the table, aiming their machine guns at the children.

"How soon?" Gretel asked, dropping the gun and raising her hands.

Suddenly, the entire classroom shook as The Roadrunner exploded through the windows of the room, slamming into dozens of desks and shocking the heck out of the mercs themselves. Without missing a beat, the drivers side door flew open and a woman with raven-black hair, a black tank top, cut-off shorts, and black combat boots, leapt out with guns blazing, striking two of the mercs before they could react.

"Who the hell is that bitch?" one of the mercs shouted.

"Who cares! Get her!" the lead merc shouted, aiming his gun at the woman.

"Oh, bring it on, baby!" Revy grinned as she rolled through the decimated chairs and desks.

Revy fired again and again, until the mercs had either run off or were hiding. Spotting a merc whose leg, arm, shoulder and chest were oozing blood, Revy reloaded her Beretta's and walked over to him.

"Who the hell are you?" the man croaked.

"I'm their mother!" Revy said, glaring at the man, and pointing to the two children behind the desk.

The man pissed himself before passing out.

Meanwhile, Rock, who had noticed all this, slowly got out of the car and wandered over to where Hansel and Gretel were hiding. Before he could get to them, one of the mercs popped back into the class and shoved a gun into Rock's face.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't blow your head off?" the man hissed.

Having had guns in his face before, Rock was undaunted. He looked at the man before remarking, "I'm their father." as he gestured with his head to the two children behind the desk.

The man looked at Rock, then at the boy and girl who had taken out his teammates.

If he's their father.... I haven't got a chance in hell of taking him! He panicked, then dropped his gun and took off in a dead run away from them.

Sun Tsu would have been proud.

"What was that all about?" Revy asked, walking up behind the salary man.

"Oh, nothing." Rock said.

"Good. Now, kids?" Revy asked the pair.

"Yes, mother." the pair responded.

"We've got some housecleaning to do." Revy said, her weapons reloaded.

"Yes, mother." the pair replied, picking up their weapons, and the mercs weapons as well.

"Wait a minute!" Rock said.

"What?" Revy asked.

"Where did you get those weapons?" Rock asked the pair, mainly of the weapons that were already imbedded within the various mercs.

"From the school's 'Confiscated Property' box." Hansel replied.

"Oh. Okay." Rock said, relaxing.

With that the salary man sent the kids, and their' mother', on their way.

(Two hours later)

"Do you have any idea how bad this is?" Benny asked, still complaining about the damage to the car.

"Ahh! Can't you stop sounding like a broken record?" Revy snapped at the computer geek. "It's not like we can't afford replacement parts and repairs."

"Especially since the other crime families owe us for getting their kids out of mercenary hands." Rock said. "It'll be fine."

"So... why are we here at the 'Church of Violence'?" Benny asked as they pulled up to the Catholic church/front in the rumbling Roadrunner.

"Because... we need someone to offload these weapons to." Rock said, holding up one of the machine guns taken from the now dead mercs.

"So? What's the plan?" Benny asked.

"We'll go talk to Yolanda and Eda. Can you watch Hansel for a little while?" Rock asked.

Benny looked at Hansel and gulped. "With both eyes!" he said.

As Rock, Revy and Gretel walked into the church, Revy poked at Rock's shoulder.

"Why did you want Hansel to wait outside?" Revy asked.

"Because the last time he was left alone with Eda, well... let's just say she doesn't want to see him anytime soon." Rock replied.

The trio walked into the main parlor, where Yolanda was having tea while Eda was standing next to her.

"Welcome. Please, sit." Yolanda said to the trio.

Rock sat down on the far-edge of the couch, directly across from Yolanda. Gretel sat next to him and Revy sat down on the end of the couch.

It wasn't long, however, until Eda noticed the ring around Revy's neck, and quickly drew her Glock 17L on her. Revy reacted and drew on Eda. However, what none of them expected, was the pale-haired girl quickly jerking her hand out, a small gun appearing in her hand, it's barrel aimed at Eda.

"NOT FAIR!" Eda shouted.

"You're kidding, right?" Revy asked.

Yolanda just looks amused as Rock sweat-dropped.

This is going to be a long meeting. Rock thought.


Authors Notes:

Some of this seemed a little rushed to me. But I hope no one complains about it too much. It's been more than a year since I updated this story so I hope everyone appreciates it.

I'm not sure what to do about the next chapter. Either an after sports activity, or school function. Something which can get under Revy's skin.

Also, some of you might have noticed that Revy is calling Hansel and Gretel 'kids' rather easily. That's because she's slowly getting used to them being around. She considers them like family just as she does Rock, Benny and Dutch.

Hope that answers some questions.

And as always, leave me lots of reviews.