A/N: I like the word Armoire. I like how people say the word armoire. Thus, this fic came into being.
Damnit. He's got to stop thinking that the way she says armoire is sexy.
"Charlie, I don't need an armoire for my house in New Hampshire. I swear."
She's doing it on purpose, isn't she? Extending the syllables and italicizing it to make him uncomfortable. She's diabolical. His girlfriend is an evil genius.
"Bella, listen to me. You can't find a better armoire than the one Billy's selling."
Okay, so slightly less tempting. Edward had never found Charlie particularly sexy, although that mustache definitely had some potential…
"What am I going to do with it if I have it?" Bella pouts. Oh, he could think of a few things.
No. No. He is not a man, he is a vampire. He is not a man, he is a vampire. He is not a-
"Plus, our house is going to be pretty tiny. I don't know how we'd fit an armoire in there, anyway."
He is not a man, he's a vampire he is not a man he is a vampire he is not a man-
"What about your bedroom?"
"We'll need enough room for a king-sized bed, dad."
Oh. Nope. He's definitely still a man.
"Why would you need a king sized-"
Don't even go there, Charlie. Do not even go there.
Smart man, that one. Bella must have gotten her brains from her father.
"So, please tell Billy that we're sorry, but me and Edward won't be needing it for our house."
No. At this point Edward's thinking of just padding the entire place and throwing down some blankets. That's all they're going to need if Bella keeps saying
"…I mean, it's a very nice armoire…"
In a way that makes him think jeans was a bad idea today. Damned sexy dressers. Why do the French have to make everything sound like it has a sexual connotation?
Or maybe that's just him.
Yeah, that's definitely just him.
"Me and Edward have to meet up with Alice in Port Angeles to pick out a cake." Bella leaned forward and kissed Charlie on the cheek "I'll be home later."
"Alright, Bells, don't get into any trouble."
"I won't." She calls as they shuffle out to the car. "Say, Edward, what was making you so uncomfortable back there?"
"Huh?" Busted. He opens the door to the Volvo for her and slides into the drivers side himself.
"You were standing behind the kitchen table with this 'deer caught in the headlights' look the entire time. What was that about?"
"Darling, you wouldn't believe me if I said." Edward chuckled humorlessly, safe in knowing that not even Bella could make wedding cake shopping sexy.
"Well, I suppose it's time for us to go têtê-a-têtê with an over eager baker."