Title: Gone Country
Author: Pip (dannysgirlsg1)
Summary: The world of SG-1 set to the background of a small country town.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers/Warnings: Ummm, well - there's lots of drinking and smoking, and the occasional swearing going on. I mean, I am portraying them all as rednecks, and well - that's what rednecks do. Other than that, there really shouldn't be anything. It's obviously AU. Ships include Daniel/Vala and Cam/Carolyn.

A/N: So apparently I am the queen of AUs, because I have yet another one in the works here. This one was inspired by a mental image I got of Daniel with a shot gun. Told my good friend, dvshipper, and we got to work spinnin' a tale of SG-1 gettin' in some good ol' redneck fun. And that's how this all came about.

Hope you enjoy it!

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Morning Bickering

Bright yellow beams of sunlight shined through the large window over the kitchen sink, casting the room in the cheery light of morning.

Two men sat at kitchen table, both busying themselves with their own small tasks as they argued comfortably with each other.

"I'm tellin' ya, man..." Cameron Mitchell drawled in his fairly heavy southern accent, hands toying with a part to his '62 Mustang. He picked up the screw driver off the table, and started twisting at the metal in his other hand. Blue eyes came up. "He's not makin' it."

Jack O'Neill didn't even look away from the paper he was reading. "He'll be here." He said after swallowing down a mouthful of scalding coffee. Placing the white mug on the worn, creeky table, he turned a page.

Shaking his head, Cam turned his attention back to the part. "A five a.m. turn in says otherwise..."

"Doesn't matter what time he came walking-"

"More like staggering." Cam snorted.

Jack flicked him a minute glare. "In this morning." He continued as if he'd never been interrupted. "He knows he's got work to do, and that mean's he'll be here, come hell or high water."

Laughing again, Cam continued to fiddle with his part. "Ain't hearin' any 'hangover' in them 'h' words." Placing the stuff in his hands on the rag on the table in front of him, he leaned in closer to Jack with a seemingly knowing grin. "He came home this morning lit brighter than the town Christmas tree. He's not makin'-"

The thump of heavy footsteps on the porch leading up to the screen door had Cam stopping mid-sentence and looking up. He flopped back in his chair, disgruntled look on his face, as a slow moving figure yanked open the door and trudged inside.

Jack cleared his throat, tossing a smug smile to Cameron, before smiling sweetly at the haggard looking man now standing at the counter. "Mornin' Daniel!"

An absent hand waved his direction as Daniel busied himself with making a cup of coffee. It was obvious he was doing it all on autopilot, seeing as the dark blue baseball cap he had on was pulled down so low, it was a wonder he could see at all.

Finished with getting his coffee, Daniel brought the edge to his lips and took a deep sip. It was hot, almost painfully, but that was what he was going for. He turned around slowly, cup still to his lips, and took the few agonizing steps to the chair opposite Jack.

"Rough night?" Jack asked cheerily, voice just as loud as before. Daniel moaned, practically throwing his cup onto the table before throwing himself into the chair. He lifted up his head so he could try and glare at Jack past the brim of his hat.

"Kiss my ass." He mumbled before dropping his head into the crook of his right elbow, propped up on the table. The distinct sound of a poorly suppressed snicker had all but his middle finger go down on his right hand, directed towards the laugh's owner to his left.

It only made Cam laugh harder. "Touchy this morning, ain't we?" He sipped at his own coffee, smiling as Daniel tried to burrow deeper into his arm. "Maybe you had one tequila too many?"

Half-lidded blue eyes came into view as Daniel lifted his head again, this time the glare directed at Cam. "Or maybe..." He slouched down in his chair and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. The open pack came to his mouth, and Daniel pulled one out with his lips. Dropping the box on the table, he fished his lighter out of the same pocket, and cupped his free hand around the flame as he brought it to the end of the cigarette. He puffed quickly.

"It's an annoying little prick called Cameron." Daniel muttered around the cigarette after exhaling smoke. Cam just grinned at him and he rolled his eyes, pulling the cigarette out with his index and middle fingers and dropping his head again.

"And how the hell do you know it was tequila at all?" He mumbled. It was followed by a yelp as a hand connected with the back of his head. "Hey!" Daniel shot up, glaring at the newest addition to the kitchen.

She scowled at him from the counter. "What've I told you about smokin' in my kitchen?"

Daniel met her glare with an uncaring, bleary gaze. "This ain't your kitchen, Janet."

"It is when I'm makin' breakfast in it." Janet fired back, turning to the stove where she'd already had everything set out. She didn't need to see Daniel to know he rolled his eyes in response.

Taking another drag, Daniel shot a look at Jack. "What's she doin' here?"

Jack sipped from his coffee cup, looking right at Daniel over the rim. "Didn't she just say she's makin' breakfast?"

Again, blue eyes rolled. "I mean why is she here this early in the morning?"

"I'm thinkin' that has to do with the breakfast thing..." Cam added on a sarcastic whisper, leaning in closer to Daniel.

He growled in response. "Dammit, I'm too hungover to deal with you two." Daniel once again dropped his head into his arm, cigarette still burning between his fingers. A gentle hand rubbed along his back several minutes later.

Janet's voice was soft and understanding in his ear. "Jack needed me to bring over some things, and I figured I'd stay and make ya'll something to eat." She was rewarded with a thankful look from Daniel as he raised his head. Her thumb brushed along his stubbly cheek. "Plus I wanted to make sure you made it home alright - you were pretty gone when you left the bar last night."

"Way gone." Daniel corrected, closing his eyes for a moment. As Janet gave his cheek one last stroke and moved off, he opened his eyes and fixed a glare on the two at the table. "'Course I'm payin' hell for it now."

The paper finally found its way to the table as Jack leaned forward. "Damn straight you are." He said in the fatherly tone only used on the two he'd taken under his wing. "Daniel, Janet tells me you were so wasted last night you could barely stand up."

A defiant smirk is all he got in return, broken only as Daniel put the cigarette to his mouth for another drag. It was followed by him sucking on his teeth with his tongue, egging Jack on. The older man just stared back, and the tension in the kitchen skyrocketed.

"Okay, before we get into this argument again..." Cam said impatiently, shifting in his seat. He turned a gaze on Daniel, who was still staring at Jack. "You gonna be ready to go after we eat?"

Daniel took the final drag from his cigarette, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger as he ground it out into the table. The action gained a headshake and an exasperated sigh from Jack, who finally looked away. "Go where?"

"Go where?" Cam minded in slight disbelief. "Man, you know where we're goin'!"

Bloodshot blue eyes turned on him. "Well, obviously I can't remember..." Daniel mocked.

A short laugh came from across the table. "Can't imagine why."

"Okay, ya know what..." Daniel said loudly, shooting Jack a pissed off look.

Jack pushed back his chair, moving to stand up, but Janet jumped to stop the action.

"Cool it, you two." She ordered, pointing a spoon between them. "Cam's right - there's no need to argue this point again. We all know your sides." She fixed a stern glare on Daniel. "You need to pace yourself," The glare turned on Jack as he opened his mouth to agree on that point. "And you need to learn how to stay outta the boy's business."

Again Jack went to say something, but Janet held up a finger. "Ah, ah. Don't wanna hear it..." She rolled her eyes and turned and moved back towards the stove. "I've heard it enough - Besides, where do you think he learned to party so hard anyway?"

Crossing his arms, Jack flopped back in his chair and pouted. "I wasn't that bad..."

"Ha!" Janet laughed loudly. "You were being carried out of my bar when my mama was still runnin' it." She turned and gave Jack a significant look. "As I recall, it was Daniel here who had to help you home just last week."

Daniel smiled smugly and raised his eyebrows towards Jack, who coughed indignantly.

"That's not the point here..."

Turning with a hand on her hip, Janet quirked a curious eyebrow. "I believe it is the point - these boys are only going by the lovely example you've set for them growin' up."

Cam turned and gave her a petulant pout. "I'm not part of this!"

"Oh...right." Again, Janet was laughing. "Like your track record is any better than his." Her spoon pointed at Daniel, who just smiled momentarily as he moved to light another cigarette. She stepped over to him and smacked the back of his head again.

"Dammit Janet!" Daniel pulled off his hat, dropping it on the table as he rubbed at the spot she hit.

"No smoking-"

"In the kitchen." Daniel finished for her, still bringing the cigarette to his mouth and lighting it. He pulled in deeply, then exhaled the smoke up towards her. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

Janet rolled her eyes and moved back over to the table. "Well, stop lettin' you into my bar for one." She picked up the skillet with a towel and scraped scrambled eggs onto three waiting plates. A disbelieving laugh came from the direction of the table and she shook her head, fighting a grin. As disrespectful as they could be sometimes, Janet couldn't help loving them.

She picked some bacon out of the other skillet, and set it alongside the eggs. Then she grabbed the plates and carried them over to the table.

"And then I'd stop makin' you breakfast." Janet finished as she set the plates down in front of them. All three guys perked up at the sight of the food, Cameron adding a laugh in response to her statement.

Janet pointed a finger at him. "You ain't much better, boy." Her finger shifted to the pieces of metal littering the table. "Bringin' greasy things from your junker inside is just as bad." She took the edges of the rag on either side, picked it up, much to Cam's protest, and moved to dump it out on the porch.

"It's not a junker! And why didn't you steal his cigarette?" Cam whined, holding a hand out to Daniel as the other man grinned at him.

She looked at Daniel. "Cause I know he's gonna put it out any moment, ain't that right?"

Taking one last drag, Daniel sat up and nodded. "Yes Ma'am!" He beamed, again grounding out the butt into the table. He reached for his hat, placing it backwards on his head, and pulled his breakfast closer. A moment later, he was digging in with gusto.

"Oh, Janet's shining star." Cameron glowered. He dipped his fork into his eggs, sticking them into his mouth before leaning towards Daniel. "You know she only likes you more 'cause her kid's got a crush on you."

Daniel snorted around a piece of toast, looking up at Jack for a moment. The older man was hiding a smile in his coffee cup.

"Yes, well - it's an intellectual crush." He finally said, looking at Cam smugly. "Cassie knows I'm smarter than you."

Sticking out his tongue, Cam returned his attention to his food. "So, about after breakfast..."

Daniel looked up at him, chewing slowly. He furrowed his brow. "You do know the hangover is still here, right? I didn't just miraculously recall what the hell you're talkin' about." He shoveled more eggs into his mouth. "'Course half the time I never know what you're talkin' 'bout."

Janet reached up and smacked him on the head again after he swallowed. She pointed her fork at him as he pouted at her. "Don't talk with your mouth full." Cam snickered and she turned her fork on him. "Hey, stop cacklin' and just remind him where ya'll are s'pose to be goin'!"

This time a snicker came from Daniel as Cameron swallowed his food loudly, looking properly chastised. Janet threw a look at Jack, letting him know it was his fault they acted the way he did. He just shrugged and continued to watch the exchange in silence.

"Hey, I don't hear no remindin' goin on here..." Janet looked back to Cam after a moment, jabbing her fork at him. He sighed and turned an impatient glare on Daniel, who was watching back as he chewed.

"I told you about this - you've known for months now..." Cam tried to coax the memory to come to his surrogate brother's mind. Daniel just shook his head, his expression uncomprehending. "Vala..." Again, nothing. "Come on, man! Vala, my long time childhood friend who's comin' to live here..."

Finally, Daniel's eyes widened slightly as recognition dawned. "Right, right..." He turned back to his food, leaning over it slightly. "She's comin' into town today."

Cam nodded, and waited for Daniel to say more. When he didn't, Cam rolled his eyes. "You said you'd ride with me to pick her up."

Groaning, Daniel dropped his fork. "Cam..."

"What!?" Cameron dropped his own fork and glared at Daniel. "You've known this was comin' up - I reminded you last night!"

Daniel flopped back in his seat, scratching just behind his ear. "Dude, last night is all one big haze - I barely remember staggerin' home from Stoley's, let alone something you told me about pickin' up this girlfriend of yours."

"Again, you've known about this for weeks!" Cam argued, thumping his hand against the table and making the plates jump. "Now because you got lost with Jose Cuervo last night, and are payin' for it now, you're gonna make me fight the interstate and airport alone?!"

Shaking his head, Daniel poked at his remaining food with his fork. "No..." At the disbelieving look Cam gave him, he sighed. "Well, yes..." He pleaded with his friend to understand. "Man, that ride is bad enough without the added joys of a hangover. You know that..."

"I know." Cam said impatiently. "That's why we agreed to go together."

Daniel sighed again, this time in slight exasperation. "Cam, look, I'm sorry." He leaned in closer to Cameron. "I know I should've remembered this - I know it's important to you. But I can't go, and it's not just because I'm hungover."

"And why is that?" Cameron asked slowly, trying to get a grip on his agitation.

Picking up his only half smoked cigarette, Daniel relit it, ignoring the sigh from Janet. He pulled his foot up onto the chair, hand holding the cigarette wrapping around his knee. "'Cause I promised Jimmy I'd take a look at that piece of shit he insists on goin' muddin' in."

Cam flopped back in his chair. "Great - blowin' me off to work on Jimmy's car." He pointed a finger at Janet. "That's the definition of junker, by the way." She just shrugged and continued eating.

"It's not justJimmy." Daniel said, taking a drag. "I also told Jack I'd help him around here, and as much as I don't want to do yard work while i recover from my evenin' fun, I can't just blow him off."

Jack nodded a thanks to Daniel, then looked at Cam. "He did say he'd help me out, and this work isn't somethin' I can do on my own."

Shaking his head, Cam pushed his chair back and got up. "Fine, yeah, whatever." He grumbled as he carried his plate to the sink. After running some water on it, Cam moved back over to lean down on Daniel's chair. "But you sure as shit owe me one." He pushed Daniel's head to the side hard, making him groan.

Cam then moved to the door, stopping just on the threshold to look back at Jack. "Make sure he suffers through that hangover..."

"Oh don't you worry 'bout that." Jack grinned as he fixed a look on Daniel.

The younger man smiled back in sarcastic cheer. "Fuckin' lovely..."

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Reviews are definitely appreciated!