While Yae and Omitsu stayed with Goemon to help bandage up his wounds, Ebisumaru and Sasuke had gone to look for Jurokubei. It didn't take them long to find him lying on top of a pile of stones in the opposite corner, unconscious like his ancestor had been minutes earlier and now without the brainwashing helmet. The two ninjas carried him back to their companions, where Yae determined that his wounds were not as severe as Goemon's. All he would require was a few bandages. And so they waited for him and Bismaru to wake up.
Fortunately, Jurokubei remembered all that had happened during his mental imprisonment. He led them to where all the kidnapped women from the Edo period, still in their cages, were being held and promptly released them. "I would never be so cruel to so many beautiful women," Jurokubei claimed with a reproving frown in Bismaru's direction.
"So, what do we do with Bismaru?" Goemon asked. "I'm guessing you don't want him sticking around here, do you?"
"No, not at all!" Jurokubei shouted. All of the ninjas knew that he had a tendency to speak very loudly, so they made sure to keep their distance. "But I have a plan. He'll be so humiliated, he won't even want to crawl back and beg for my forgiveness!"
It was a beautiful day outside. A perfect day for a football game. And the pigskin? None other than Sister Bismaru, gagged and tied up with sturdy rope and sitting in the middle of the field with his rear end in the air.
Goemon took in a deep breath of the fresh air. One of his arms was in a makeshift cast, while he rested the other comfortably behind his head. "Ahh...Well, I'm glad it's all over."
"Not quite, Goemon. We've still gotta sit back and watch the game," Ebisumaru added. He smiled and munched on the popcorn that Jurokubei had provided for all of them.
"And then we must return to the Edo period with all the women that Bismaru took," said Sasuke.
Omitsu smiled and scooted closer to Goemon. It hadn't been too long ago that she was in the same predicament as the women that Sasuke had mentioned. "Thanks again for letting me come along," she whispered to Goemon.
Moments later, Jurokubei stepped out onto the middle of the field wearing a football helmet, a red jersey with a gold lion on it, and large, heavy-looking cleats. "Welcome, all!" he boomed. "Today we come to provide due punishment to one Sister Bismaru for the crime of kidnapping and brainwashing the Great Jurokubei. To believe that this demented wannabe nun had the audacity to try and control me, ME, the Great Jurokubei! It is outrageous to believe that one as pathetic as him could possibly succeed in such a ridiculous plan!"
Goemon yawned. "What is with this guy? And look, all the girls are hanging on his every word." Even Yae and Omitsu were staring at him a little too intently for his liking.
Ebisumaru rested his chin in his hand. "And let's not forget that if it hadn't been for us, he would probably be making whoopee with Bismaru right about now."
"...this ugly creature! And now he will be punished once again by myself, the Great Jurokubei!" Jurokubei paused in the middle of his speech to accept the enthusiastic applause that eventually came from every woman and the more mild type that came from the drastically outnumbered men. "But of course, it would be unfair for me to have all the fun. I will first invite my own lovely ladies, all 15 of them, to have a go at this disgusting pig. Ladies?"
"With pleasure, Boss!" said one peppy woman with a perfectly proportioned figure and long, dark hair. She stood behind the nun and pulled her foot so far back that it was nearly level with her waist before swinging it forward straight into Bismaru's butt.
"Wow, that does look fun!" Goemon exclaimed as he excitedly watched 14 similar assaults on Bismaru's derriere.
"Next," Jurokubei continued, "will be the dozen ladies this foul creature stole from the Edo Period and brought here in a misguided attempt to win my favor."
"11 women, Jurokubei," Ebisumaru said, just loud enough for its recipient to hear. "Omitsu would have made a dozen, but there were only 11 women that made it here with Bismaru."
"You dare to correct the Great Jurokubei?!" he shouted in reply. Ebisumaru covered his face in fear. "Anyway, it's time for the dozen ladies from the Edo Period to have their turn. Go!"
And they were more than happy to oblige. Though Bismaru could say nothing, his pained expressions were high quality entertainment for Goemon and the others.
"Finally," Jurokubei said as he heaved a great sigh. "It is my pleasure to give a similar opportunity to the five people who offered their assistance as I single-handedly broke free from this disgusting cockroach's grasp." Goemon and Ebisumaru looked at each other with raised eyebrows. "Yes, we all owe them a small debt of gratitude. They, too, hail from the Edo Period. My honored ancestor Goemon heads this group, which also includes two extremely lovely ladies and two, er...others. Anyway, move it along, I grow impatient waiting here."
Yae was the first to have this distinguished pleasure. She smirked as she gazed upon her victim. "You really are as pathetic as they come, Bismaru," she said as she raised her foot behind her. "In case I don't get a chance to tell you later, I hope you have a nice trip. Yah!" Her foot hit its target straight and true, and Bismaru most likely would have squealed quite loudly if he was capable of doing so at the moment. "Serves you right! That's for making Goemon kiss me! Blech!"
Goemon rolled his eyes at this last comment. "It couldn't have been that bad, could it?" he wondered.
Ebisumaru, who was next, clicked his tongue and shook his head. "I can't believe anybody would think this weirdo looks anything like me. Just look, I'm much more beautiful than him!" His three human companions each slapped their foreheads in exasperation before Ebisumaru finally delivered his kick and nearly lost his balance doing so. "Wah! A-Anyway, that's for somehow deceiving people into believing you look like me!" He stuck his tongue out at Bismaru before moving aside for Sasuke.
The clockwork ninja simply stood there, staring at his target confusedly. "Mr. Goemon, I don't understand the purpose of this exercise," he said finally. "Why is everybody having such a good time kicking a large, immobile object?"
"Don't ask questions, Sasuke. Just hurry up and kick him so I can have my chance and we can get out of here." Sasuke shrugged and did as he was told.
It was now Omitsu's turn. She giggled as she stood there, doing nothing else. "Well, this seems very naughty..." she said coyly. "But I suppose I should do this for Jurokubei...and Goemon too, of course." The latter was practically shaking at this point. She reeled her foot back and, with an earsplitting "HIYAAH!", swung it forward so hard that Bismaru flipped forward and onto his back. Omitsu then proceeded to stomp rapidly on Bismaru's face and stomach. "How dare you try to ruin my friendship with Goemon, you stupid, filthy, evil son of a..." She continued her rant even as she was being carried away by Yae and Ebisumaru, who put her down as soon as she was about 20 feet away and had convinced them that she had gotten all of the yelling out of her system. "Meanie," she spat after heavy sighs all around.
Goemon, meanwhile, stared at Omitsu with his mouth agape. "Um...wow..." He tried his best to figure out ways to top that but came up with nothing. "Well, I guess I agree with everything she said," Goemon said at last. As soon as Bismaru had been adjusted to his original position once again, Goemon gave him a kick that made him hop forward several inches.
Despite the conspicuous lack of a watch, Jurokubei looked at his wrist impatiently as Goemon finished up. "Ah, finished at last. Very good! Now it's time for the main event, it's time for the Great Jurokubei to send this mistake of nature far, far away, hopefully never to return again!" He took his position far behind Bismaru and eyed the forked goal post 20 yards in front of the nun. He gave a pretentious wave to both sides (at which his harem girls swooned powerlessly) before running forward and kicking Bismaru high into the air.
The nun's gag had apparently come loose as he sailed away; he managed to shout "YOU'RE AWFUUUUUUUUULLLL!" as he flew off in a perfect arc between the goal posts.
"I'm awesome and you know it! And don't come back!" Jurokubei shouted after him as the entire audience erupted in cheers and laughter.
"Hmm, I should be getting close..."
Ririka the kitsune studied the directions to Jurokubei's palace that she had obtained from a drunk, perverted old man ("one of my kind," as she had mumbled to herself upon leaving him) and scribbled on a sheet of paper. "Okay, these must be the mountains he was talking about...Better start climbing, Ririka old girl." And she was about to do just that when she heard a nasally scream coming from high above her. She looked up and quickly hopped backwards, just barely avoiding being flattened by a blue flying object. An equally nasally groan was heard from somewhere in the as of yet unidentifiable mass.
Ririka leaned in to get a better look. There was no movement, no sound; and its face, if it even had a face, seemed to be embedded in the ground. She poked at it and still received no response. "Hey. Hey you. You okay? You think you can get out of my way?" she asked as she continued to prod it. "All right, you think you can get out of my way, please?" She examined the newcomer and saw that it did in fact have hands, which were bound behind its back. "All right, fine. I'll help you out this one time..." Ririka reached over and untied the rope around this crash-landed person's wrists before pushing with all her might so that they were sitting up. "Now then, what ha--What the hell?!"
The newcomer, who was dressed in a blue nun habit, groaned and rub his head. "Ow...Who the heck are y--"
Before he could finish his sentence, Ririka had wrapped her arms around him tightly, covering his entire face in the process. "Oh, Ebisumaru! It's so good to see you again! But what happened, who did this to you?" She stroked his cheek and stared lovingly into his eyes. "Tell Ririka all about about it, and she'll make everything all better." She no longer cared that this was likely not the Ebisumaru she knew and loved. What mattered more was that he had clearly been abused, and she wouldn't simply watch and tolerate this from the sidelines.
But "Ebisumaru" simply stared at her with a raised eyebrow. "What are you talking about, lady? I don't know who you think I am, but I'm certainly not this Ebisumaru person. How dare you mistake me for someone who is obviously less beautiful than I?! No, I am--"
"Oh my God, you're right, you're not Ebisumaru! Your nose is bigger than his!" Ririka slapped the intruder across the face, sending him spinning to the floor, before furiously stomping on him. "How dare you trick me into thinking you're my precious Ebisumaru, you fat, ugly, load of..."
"Well, thanks for everything, Jurokubei."
"No problem! It was undeniably my pleasure to rid us all of that hideous wannabe nun!" Jurokubei grinned widely as he remembered how Bismaru had flown in a flawless arc through the goal posts and off the edge of the mountain.
"Um, right...So, you say this will take us right back to our time?" Yae examined the recently repaired head of Bismaru Elegant, which was functional on its own as a time machine.
"That's right! It will take you to this exact location in the Edo period, comfortably and in a matter of moments. Though you won't be traveling in style, unfortunately..."
"Not to mention it'll be cramped," Ebisumaru piped in. "What with the five of us, and eleven other women we've gotta take back."
"Yeah, well, what can you do?" Goemon said with a shrug. "At least we won't be traveling for long."
Jurokubei heaved a great sigh and turned to face the women that Ebisumaru had mentioned, who were mingling with his own regular harem girls. "I must say, the women of your time period are absolutely exquisite. Any one of you would make a fine addition to the Great Jurokubei's collection of fabulously sexy ladies!" He then moved down the line of women, kissing his own girls passionately on the lips and giving the Edo ladies a suave peck on the hand. Each and every one of them blushed and giggled as Jurokubei passed them, and they couldn't take their eyes off of him for a second, staring at him with a most enamored expression in their eyes, with the only exception being an Edo Period women that swooned and fainted. "It is a shame that you fine creatures could not stay here with me. As I'm sure my own girls have already told you, I treat the women of my collection very, very well while showing them the true meaning of pleasure and passion. It is a most enchanting experience, and I regret that I am unable to show it to you."
Goemon slapped his forehead in exasperation. He could see where this was going, and he couldn't say that he liked it.
"Um, well..." one of the women from the Edo Period said nervously. "I, I don't know about the rest of you, but I would LOVE to experience this for myself!"
"Yeah, me too!" shouted another one.
Suddenly, the woman that fainted sat straight up. "I'd be nuts not to stay with the Great Jurokubei!" Other similar affirmative expressions were expressed by the remaining women, while Jurokubei's girls squealed with delight at the prospect of having even more women to "play with" on their days off.
Goemon, Ebisumaru, and Sasuke nearly collapsed from shock. They had come all the way to the future, only to find that the very people they were trying to rescue were rather stubborn in their resolve to stay there. A frustrating experience, indeed. "Well, look on the bright side," Ebisumaru said hopefully. "At least it won't be as crowded on our way back home."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Goemon grumbled. He sighed heavily. "I should have known this would happen...Well, there's probably no point in trying to convince these people to come back with us. Let's go, guys. Come on, Yae. Omitsu."
But it seemed that even their own female allies had fallen under Jurokubei's spell. "J-Jurokubei? What about us, hmm?" Omitsu shyly held out her hand, and Jurokubei nodded before coming over and giving it a long kiss. Omitsu squealed and hopped up and down excitedly as Jurokubei did the same to Yae. The kunoichi, usually coolheaded when receiving any sort of compliment, especially about her attractiveness, matched her waitress friend in jubilation and action.
"Grr..." Goemon pulled on Omitsu's arm towards the ship. "Come on, we've gotta get going."
"Aww, but Goemon..." Omitsu pouted. "Let Yae and me stay for just a bit. Please?" She put on her best face for begging, an expression with a sweet smile and enlarged eyes which she knew almost always worked with Goemon.
"N-No!" Goemon shook his head and faced her with his eyes closed. "It's bad enough that we had to waste our time coming here to save all of them. I don't wanna have to come back in a day or two just to get you and Yae!"
"Aw, phooey!" Omitsu frowned and crossed her arms. "All right, fine! You never let me have any fun..."
"Glad you finally came to your senses. What about you, Yae?" No response. "Hello? Yae?" She was watching Jurokubei mingle with his newest additions, watching as they rubbed their hands all over his body and he returned the favor. Goemon waved a hand in front of her eyes.
"H-Huh?" she said suddenly as if coming out of a trance. "Oh, is it time to go home already, Goemon?"
"Damn it, not you too, Yae!"
The trip back was familiar to all but Omitsu, but still not pleasant. It was exactly as it had been when the group had first chased Bismaru through a portal that he had created after his first defeat at their hands, except that the pod they were taking was quite a bit smaller than Impact. Still, it was a surprisingly comfortable fit, even for five people.
Before they knew it, the orange and yellow lines and swirls of the portal were replaced with green hilltops. All five members of the group stepped out of the pod and stretched as they looked around. "I recognize this place," Sasuke said. "My home isn't far from here."
"Yeah, you're right," Ebisumaru said with a nod. "We should probably pay the old guy a visit. You know, let him know we made it back all right."
Sasuke stepped up to the door of the Wise Man's house and rapped lightly on it. There was no response, but Ebisumaru could hear light chuckling when he put his ear to the door. "I'm sure he won't mind if we just go in," he said casually. He threw the door open and skipped inside, followed by the others shaking their heads in exasperation. "Wise Man, we're home!" Ebisumaru shouted loudly.
"Wah!" The Wise Man threw the magazine he was reading into the air and rolled off the couch. He landed on his stomach with an "Oof!" and a groan before Sasuke and Yae rushed over to help him.
"Sorry Wise Man, we didn't mean to scare you," Yae told him. Her eyes fell to the tossed magazine lying on the floor and, being a naturally inquisitive type, Yae bent down and picked it up. "Hmm, what's this?" she mumbled as she studied the cover, which featured a smiling, bikini-clad woman driving an open-top car, eventually reading the titles of the magazine and some of the articles within. "Hot Cars Weekly, Swimsuit Edition. Girls that are guaranteed to get your motor running and raise your personal piston. Look inside for the best pleasure trip--"
"G-Give me that!" a suddenly rejuvenated Wise Man growled as he snatched the magazine out of Yae's hands. "How dare you! Such a bold woman, sticking your nose into an old man's business like that..." He grumbled on like that for several seconds, while Goemon, Ebisumaru, Yae, and Omitsu all snickered quietly at him. Sasuke, however, seemed as confused as he usually did when the others joked about the Wise Man's perversion.
Yae coughed after a few seconds and suddenly became serious. "Anyway, we just got back from the future again. But the women, Bismaru's captives, they all decided to stay behind for some reason." Goemon rolled his eyes.
"Is that so? Very unusual, I wonder why they would choose to stay in such a depressing place..." the Wise Man said as he inched closer to the couch he had been lying on moments earlier. He quickly hid the magazine under one of the pillows before continuing. "But I didn't hear you come back. I hope there's nothing wrong with Impact..."
"Y-Yeah, me too..." Yae gulped and looked at Goemon, who was sweating and chuckling nervously. Omitsu whistled nonchalantly and looked away, while Sasuke shook slightly as a whirred humming escaped his lips.
But of course, the truth would have to come to light at some point. And with Ebisumaru, it was bound to happen sooner rather than later. "Oh, you'd better believe there's something wrong with Impact," he said casually. Each of his four friends looked at him in shock, while the Wise Man eyed him suspiciously. "We were ambushed up north by Bismaru. Yup, I reckon Impact's still a massive wreck up there."
Goemon, Sasuke, Yae, and Omitsu each groaned loudly and started berating Ebisumaru. However, even the sum total of all their voices couldn't overpower what came next. Steam practically shot out of the Wise Man's ears as a fire burned in his eyes, and he seemed to nearly double in size as he shouted. "IMPACT IS WHAT AND WHERE?!"
Author's notes: So that wraps it up. Hope you guys enjoyed it, and if you did I encourage you to leave a detailed review. Didn't like what you saw? Then I encourage you to leave a detailed review.
I hope everybody's happy for Goemon and Omitsu. I really do think they would make the strongest couple in the game. But if you feel gypped in any way, and if you want to know what happens to them next, well...I'll make you a deal. If enough people express an interest in it, I'll write an epilogue detailing how Goemon and Omitsu take their relationship to the next level...and perhaps beyond...Maybe? I don't know. Then you'll get to see just how bad I really am at romantic stuff...