The Misuse of Alchemy series

a Full Metal Alchemist based collection of erotic fanfiction involving the misuse and abuse of alchemy.

Because sex is better with an alchemist!

by Masamune Reforged

Disclaimer: I don't fucking own that show, that manga, or those characters. If I did, you'd bet there'd be more porn of it.

Warnings: Men getting it on with men. Lots of it, and in kinky style too. This one's just some straight forward yaoi though, just for starters.

These are all for ZaKai. Without you pushing me along and helping me all this time, I'd probably have stopped writing a long time ago. Thank you for everything. Also, goddamn it, why couldn't you just write some of these alchemy kinks into your stories so I wouldn't have to!?

Misuse of Alchemy 1

Misuse of Automail Transmutation

"Hey, Al! I'm home!"

The lock jangled, the door opened with a bang, and Edward Elric marched into the tiny foyer of the Central City apartment he and his brother were sharing; bringing no small amount of commotion and mud with him.

"The funniest thing happened at headquarters today!" Ed yelled, frantically working his grimed up boots on the face of the kitten-decorated welcome mat Al had insisted on buying for the place. "I mean, it still mostly sucked, but–well–you know how that old bastard Mustang is always falling asleep on the job?" Ed's words ran out all together as he continued on in excitement; carelessly flinging his soaked, red jacket over a chair and running a hand through his wet, blond hair.

The unfortunate neighbours flanking this apartment could tell you, Ed didn't need to be excited to be loud. "Well, today that old bastard was sleeping right after lunch, and–"

Ed stopped. Al hadn't answered him yet, and this fact somehow bubbled up through the foam of enthusiasm that had Ed nearly frothing at the mouth. Even if his brother was reading in their room, he'd normally at least give a 'welcome back'...

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the silence, Ed closed the front door and made a quick round of the apartment. It was empty alright. Al must have gone out shopping or something like that, he concluded. Ed's stomach growled as he took a look in the nearly empty cabinets. At least he hoped Al had gone out shopping...

After a quick minute, Ed turned from the empty kitchen shelves, towards the open, set aside area joining off of it, where a couch and table combo made a sort of living room. He looked out the window at the puddle and umbrella dotted street below their apartment building, looking for Al. But, he couldn't spot anyone that looked like a massive suit of living armor. Ed felt a little vexed. He'd really wanted to tell Al that story...

Instead, Ed was forced to settle on flopping down onto the couch and replaying the scene in his head for what had to be the hundredth time that day.

It was no secret that Roy Mustang liked to take his catnaps at work, whether they were five minutes or five hours long. People seemed to think it was from being out late with the ladies or from secretly working to the wee hours of the morning from home, but Ed was pretty sure that Mustang just fell asleep so much because he was a lazy, old, manipulative jerkoff...

Well, at least the man had gotten some comeuppance today...

It had been a little while after lunch. Hawkeye had been out on some business, and Ed had needed to help Havoc go through paperwork because Kain Fuery was sick. Ed had snuck more than a few nasty glances over at the big desk where Mustang lay dozing, head resting on his arms, and tried to kill the boredom by thinking up nasty ways to wake up his commanding officer.

Then General Hakuro had shone up. He hadn't called or made any indication that he'd be paying Roy a visit, probably hoping to catch Roy in an embarrassing situation. And that was exactly what had happened. Mustang just lay there, oblivious, while Hakuro told Ed and Havoc to not bother, that he'd have the pleasure of waking up the colonel himself. Ed had needed to bite his lip to keep from laughing while Hakuro approached the sleeping colonel's desk, the unconscious man letting out a dreamy grunt and some incoherent babble.

Hakuro had stood over Mustang's desk and cleared his throat several times. When this proved fruitless, the old general simply took a deep breath, raised his hands up slightly, and brought them slamming down on Mustang's desk as he screamed, "Mustang, the Fuhrer is here!"

Well, that had done the trick. Ed hadn't been able to stifle all of his laughter as Mustang woke with a start, pushing a stack of papers sideways off onto the floor, jumping to his feet in a salute, then blinking around in confusion until realizing that even though Bradley wasn't there (and thank god he wasn't!), Hakuro was. Mustang had turned to salute Hakuro properly when it had caught Ed's eyes.

It seemed that the guy who'd coined the term "morning wood" wasn't as big a fan of long afternoon naps as Roy Mustang was...

Ed chuckled to himself. Long...

Well, it certainly had been very long... And pretty thick too... Well, maybe some of it had been due to the fabric of Roy's tented uniform, but even then... it was a pretty damn impressive tent...

Ed had always wondered how it was possible that Mustang was such a ladies' man. He had no real experience himself yet, but Ed was pretty sure that ladies would be able to tolerate Mustang's arrogant, annoying, bossy, lazy, manipulative attitude to get that monster inside of them. And if Roy had half the experience he was rumored to have, then they were sure in for a long, hard, sweat drenched romp of-

Ed's train of thought ended right there as he suddenly felt the all too familiar signs of awakening arousal in his body. Knowing he was alone, Ed indulged his body's desires by running his flesh hand over the forming lump in his tight leather pants. It didn't take more than a minute before he was hard just from rubbing himself through the smooth, taut fabric. Despite his small stature, Ed was a full blown teenager now, with all the full blown hormonal activities of one. Since he'd first discovered the pleasure of self-gratification a few months ago, not a day had gone by where Ed didn't get himself off at least once... and usually twice...

Ed took a long, scrupulous stare at the apartment door. He had no idea when Al would be home, and the idea of being caught by his little brother should have been enough to curb his horny impetus. But, somehow, that image of Mustang standing at attention in his office with his massive dick tenting his pants was unwilling to compromise with rationale.

He'd rubbed out quick ones before... And, besides, he could usually hear Al coming... He was sorta made of armor and all...

Ed was just too worked up and horny to stop now, so, instead, he decided to be quick about it. First, as it was getting sorta hot in the apartment, Ed took his shirt off. In just his black, sleeveless shirt now, Ed undid his pants and, because he didn't like the feeling of underwear, had his teenage cock in hand immediately.

It felt great to finally touch himself, and Ed took his time as he slowly worked his one flesh hand over his cock, paying special attention to the sensitive part right at the tip. Although his automail made it impossible to use his right arm to pleasure himself, Ed had learned that he liked touching other, less sensory parts of his body with his artificial limb. The feel of the automail on his stomach made him flinch momentarily, and the cold metal made his nipples rock hard as he teased them, all while building a steady, faster pace with his flesh hand. He looked down at himself and tried to make a mental comparison with Mustang.

Now, Ed wasn't gay... Well, maybe he was... But he didn't know for sure. Frankly, he didn't care. Sometimes he thought about women when he masturbated, but other times it was men. Ed didn't see the big deal. He could see the beauty in both sexes, and he really didn't give two shits what society had to say about his preferences. And, right now, his preference was to imagine the long, hard dick that belonged to Roy Mustang.

For the record, it wasn't the first time the Fullmetal Alchemist had used his commander as the subject of his fantasies...

He's such a bastard, Ed thought to himself... But he is pretty hot, I suppose...

Ed had to admit though, even though he couldn't stand the man, something about his personality gave off the aura of a confident, dominant, experienced lover. Somewhere between his corny jokes and cracks at Ed's height, Roy Mustang oozed 'I'm going to fuck you like an animal'.

Ed let out a low moan as he imagined what Roy would do to him with that huge tool of his, and he began to leak pre-cum from his own sex. Instinctively, he wiped it up with his flesh hand and brought it to his lips. Ed still had that slightly sweet, youthful taste about his spunk, and he actually enjoyed the practice of eating his own, even though it had started out as a way to keep his perverse activities secret from Al. Al always did the laundry...

Ed gave a worried look at the door, but his caution was quickly swept away in a storm of horniness and fantasy. The deepest, most twisted mental images he could muster spun through his head as Ed continued to frantically masturbate. Images of Roy standing at attention over him with his hard cock tenting his uniform, images of himself running his hands over that huge tent and hearing the man groan, images of Mustang bending him savagely over his desk and thrusting into him...

Breathing heavily now, Ed began to slowly trail his automail hand down to his pants. Scooting his hips up into the air, he worked his pants down almost past his knees, the smooth couch blissful against his bare skin. A steady flow of pre-cum had started to make a mess on his flesh hand, and again Ed made to lick it off, imagining that it was off of something longer and harder than his fingers...

And that's when the idea hit him. Ed stopped suddenly, his gleaming fingers almost at his parted lips, buck naked from the waist down and hard as a rock.

He did have something longer and harder than his fingers... or, well, they were certainly harder... and they could be made longer or thicker or...

Looking down at his automail arm, Ed gulped as a hundred new possibilities suddenly flooded his mind.

This is so wrong and fucked up... he thought to himself... but I'm totally going to do it!

Ed shut his eyes, clapped his hands together, and imagined something that was long, hard, and that he pictured jutting out onto his waiting lips from Roy Mustang's fly. Opening his eyes, Ed raised up his automail arm and nearly burst out laughing. Everything was normal until around the wrist area, an eight inch metal boner sticking out where a hand should have been. Ed looked down at his own erection, then back at the transmuted automail dildo. It was a good deal bigger than his own, and it still wasn't as big as Mustang's (or as big as Ed liked to think Mustang was).

A spattering of his pre-cum lingered on the transmuted dildo from where he'd clapped his hands together, and Ed instinctively brought it to his lips to lick it off when he saw it. The metal was cold and tasted bitter, but, as he licked it, Ed realized this was the closest to doing another man with his mouth as he'd ever been...

That would have to change...

Ed began to lick and suck on his new toy, quickly growing numb to the metallic taste. He opened his mouth and hastily tried to put as much inside as he could; but it was impossible to fit it all, and he wound up gagging and coughing in no time.

Somehow, Ed could hear Mustang's voice in his head, chastising him, "Of course a little squirt like you couldn't do it with a man. You'd never be able to take it!"

This got Ed worked up, both sexually and mentally. He could too! He hated to think of himself as incapable, especially after having joined the military and traveling so much with his brother. He knew he still had to grow some before he'd look like a true adult, but that didn't mean he couldn't do adult things. He could.

A sheen of saliva coated the top part of the automail dildo, and Ed recalled that he'd once overheard some soldiers talking about how you needed to use lube or something like that before doing some sort of sex or another... Ed put the bulbous head of his new sex toy in his mouth again, this time trying to coat it with as much of his spit as he could. As he spat on it, Ed couldn't help but feel a little dirty. It was a feeling that somehow felt very sexy.

This entire time he'd been jerking his own erection with the same, furious, untempered teenage passion that drove him to want something as big as Mustang's inside of him. His flesh hand was almost a blur, pumping up and down over his rock hard sex, and, for the first time, Ed found himself working to hold back his orgasm, enjoying how all these feelings were building up inside of him. Even though his body screamed for release, Ed fixedly pressed on so as not to get off just yet.

He began to sweat a little, his breath coming infrequently from where he worked the metal dildo in his mouth. Ed was focusing so much on disciplining his body that his mind was beginning to run wild yet again. Mental images began flying through his head, both fantasy and memory, and there was no stopping or controlling them. Each time a new, erotic image came to his mind, Ed felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge.

Mustang saluting with his erection tenting his pants, wearing just a white t-shirt on the ravaged parade grounds, strong hands pushing him against the bathroom mirror, a big breasted woman dropping to her knees to go down on him, Envy standing over him and sneering, Mustang stroking his cheek and fucking him with long, fluid stabs of his huge cock.

Ed's entire body suddenly went rigid. His breath caught in his throat. The teen stopped himself just at the last moment. With an effort that made him cringe, Ed forced himself to halt the pleasurable motions with his flesh hand, stymieing the growing crush of hormones as best he could with a stiff squeeze on his shaft. A massive glob of pre-cum escaped from his head, and Ed knew he'd almost cum right then.

Swallowing with a dry throat, Ed took his hand–or the dildo–out of his mouth. Not only was it slick, but Ed was slightly impressed with how far he'd been able to get the thing in his mouth. A good, solid six inches of the metal length had at least some of his spit on it. Ed's mind was instantly filled with images of how Roy's might look right afterwards, and the teen wanted nothing more than to try to get something like that inside of him as soon as possible.

Shifting on the couch, Ed brought the automail dildo down toward his naked waist. It was a funny angle, but with a bit of squirming and straining he was able to bring the tip of the thing right to his virgin entrance.

Ed forced himself to relax, remembering the times he'd used his fingers, and began to push the cold metal probe inside. He stopped quickly though, unable to break the tight ring of muscle that simply did not yet know it could fit anything like that inside.

Ed took several deep breaths and thought it over. Should he stop? Maybe he should just get himself off with his hand like he always had... maybe just use one finger? He'd feel a little silly, now that he'd transformed his automail arm into a dildo he couldn't possibly take... All because he'd tried to model it after Mustang's freaking enormous bulge...

Mustang... Mustang wouldn't have him quit now. No, he'd probably try to goad Ed into taking his monster, impossible or not. And, if that didn't work, well, Mustang wasn't the type to quit until he got what he wanted... Ed wouldn't have called it resolve, but he was certainly aware of the building feeling inside of him as he imagined just how Roy would have him deal with his... size problem...

Ed shut his eyes. He felt the cold metal again and the way his saliva stuck to his lewdest parts when it came in contact with his skin. Roy would hold him down and just spear him. Roy would hold him in place and feed him that goddamn trouser anaconda inch by inch. Ed began to push with his arm and relaxed his lower body as best he could. Roy would make him take it, make him love it.

Ed gave a terrific push with the automail, hit something inside of him that sent a ripple of sharp pleasure throughout his body, cried out, arched his back, and began to shoot his load up into the air all at the same time.

At the same time that Al came home, that is.

-end

Next: More metal sex? Armorcest? No. That'd mean I have to keep some kind of continuity between these pieces, and that is not going to happen. Enjoy the random smut. Please let me know what you thought.

I have a whole slew of these things sitting in my head...