A/N: Hey guys, so I'm actually RE-WRITING this story. I would have posted this earlier but FF wouldn't let me upload it until now. But, now that I've figured out the problem, I can reupload chapters more quickly. Anyway, I wrote this story amidst some health issues so the later chapters got weird but I'm feeling better so it won't be so...odd. It's still humour though, so don't worry. Anyway, enjoy and review!

I Now Pronounce You Ron & Draco

Chapter One:

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley,

According to the new Wizarding law, Number 3, 465 section B13, also known as the Wizard Bloodline Purification Act, once a witch or wizard is of age it is his obligation to marry another of age pureblood within 6 months of his turning 17. If he does not comply he will face a heavy fine and up to ten years in Azkaban. Afterwards, if he is still unwilling to perform his duties, he may be banned from the Wizarding World and condemned to a pure muggle life. He will have his trace re-activated and if he ever performs magic again, he will be put to death.

Also corresponding with the law it is the Ministry's job to pick the witch or wizard whom your song or daughter marries so as to keep peace amongst the Wizarding world as some may tend to compete for a specific witch or wizard with whom they wish to marry.

As it has come to our attention that your son, Ronal Bilius Weasley, is to be turning 17 in a few weeks and, it being so close to the start of school, we have arranged for his marriage to be on his birthday. We regret to inform you that there were not other pure bloods available and, as his six months was nearly running out, Ron is set to be married to Draco Abraxas Malfoy.


Sheila Crabbings,

Head of the Department of Wizarding Marriage

Molly Weasley sat in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld place, head in her hands as the members of the order sat around her, faces full of shock, horror, and incredulity.

"Molly? Molly dear. We have to have known this would happen." Arthur said calmly, trying to comfort his wife.

"My baby. My poor, poor baby." Molly muttered, shaking her head.

"Molly, it'll be alright." Arthur reassured.

"Arthur, how can you say that? We have to do something about this! We can't just let this happen!" Molly shrieked, obviously distraught.

"If I thought I could do anything to help him trust me, I would. I don't want him marrying that…scum more than you do." Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. "Ron's a strong boy, Molly. He'll get through this, he always does."

"Malfoy. Draco fucking Malfoy." Sirius muttered, turning the attention from the Weasley parents to himself. "I don't believe I've ever had the displeasure of meeting my cousin but if he's anything like his parents we've got to get Ron out of that marriage."

"Sirius, you're not helping." Remus lectured.

"Sorry, Remus."

"And in answer to your question, he's like a pure evil mini-Lucius with no self control."

"Remus!" Minerva scolded from where she was trying to comfort Molly. Sirius looked at Remus with an amused smile.

"What? He is." Remus protested, sheepishly.

"I don't thin this should be our main focus right now." Mad-eye said from his spot at the end of the table. "Don't you realize what this means?" He gestured at the letter only to be met with blank faces. "It means Voldemort has even more control of the Ministry than we previously thought. New laws pairing purebloods only with purebloods, it gives him a chance to make his Death Eater army even stronger. The muggle born and half blood's will have to register so the Ministry will know who is pureblood and who isn't. That would allow Voldemort to identify the 'dirt' amongst society. Voldemort's army is growing bigger."

The mood around the table became more somber and morose as each member was overcome with this dark realization.

Line Break:

Ron awoke the next morning to the sound of movements down below and the smell of food reaching his nostrils. Crawling out of bed he yawned and pulled on some jeans and an orange Chudley Cannon's t-shirt. Glancing over at Harry's bed he saw that it was empty and checked the time. 9:30 am. Damn early risers.

Softly shuffling down the stairs he went into the kitchen to a sense of foreboding. The adults all looked sad and were very silent. Ginny, Harry, and Hermione sat at one end of the table whispering to each other worriedly. As his mom turned from the stove of the oven he was shocked to see that she had bags under her eyes and they were red and puffy.

"Ron, good of you to join us. Breakfast?" She asked, voice wavering slightly.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Everyone looked at him in a mixture of shock (Ginny, Harry, and Hermione) and worry (everybody else.) Molly's face fell a bit before she plastered on that fake smile again.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong honey." She said, voice shaking slightly.

"Don't lie to me. What's wrong? Does it have to do with Harry?" He asked, giving his friend an apprehensive look. He walked the rest of the way into the room, standing almost protectively near his friend. "Is it you-know-who?" He didn't miss the flinch everyone gave at the question.

"Oh no, no, no dear. It has nothing to do with Harry." Molly said regretfully and Ron felt relief mix with his anxiety.

"Well what is it then?" He asked, though a part of him told him that he didn't want to hear the answer.

"It's noth-" Molly started, but Arthur interrupted her.

"We're going to have to tell him eventually, Molly." Arthur sighed from the table.

"Arthur." Molly hissed angrily.

"Molly." Arthur responded sternly. They both stared at each other, seeming to have a silent discussion. "We agreed this morning that we weren't going to spring this on him last minute." Arthur finally said, voice weary.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Ron spoke up in frustration.

Molly sighed in defeat before pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and handing it to Ron. Sitting down at the table he unfolded the parchment and Ginny, Hermione, and Harry read over his shoulder.

By the time Ron reached the end of the letter all colour had drained form his face and he looked as if he'd seen a ghost.

"What the bloody hell!" Ron cried, looking up at his parents furiously.

"The Wizard Purification Act? There was nothing about it in the Daily Prophet." Hermione said in confusion.

"Well…there was but…" Arthur paused, hesitant.

"But what?" Harry asked, brows furrowing.

"But we…" Arthur gestured to the Order, all of whom were looking guilty. "Well, you see, we didn't think it would stick. And we…" He trailed off.

"You kept us from learning about it?" Hermione exclaimed, horror and betrayal laced in her voice.

The Order glanced at each other. They all looked ashamed.

"You have to believe us. We truly thought it best that none of you knew of the occurrence." Professor McGonagall, who'd stayed quiet up until now, voiced her own guilt gently.

The children sat quietly, a shared feeling of anger surrounding them as they realized how much information was being kept from them. The adults merely waited as several moments went by. Surprisingly, Ron was the one to speak first.

"This is terrible. With this they'll be able to pair pure blood Dumbledore supporters with Death eaters." Ron said in horror. "It's actually rather clever." Ron said as an afterthought.

"What?" Harry exclaimed.

"Ron, how can you say that? This is horrible!" Hermione cried.

"I think the shock of having to marry Malfoy killed the brain cells he had left." Ginny added.

"No, don't you see? If Dumbledore supporters marry Death Eaters there's a possibility of finding out what we're planning. The only flaw is that it works both ways but if they manage to convince us there they're right then we'll five away all information and join the Death Eater army, making them stronger than ever. If we don't comply they can jut torture or kill us, silently getting the opponent out of the way. Also, by making me, Harry Potter's best friend, marry Draco Malfoy, whose father is a known Death Eater, they can get information on Harry. Keeping me close to Death Eaters allows them to monitor my actions and possibly find Harry. And, since we all know that after I marry Malfoy there's no way he'd live at the burrow, I'll probably have to go to on of the Malfoy estates where they can keep me close and torture me for information. It's brilliant!" Ron said, face glowing with excitement as it always did when he talked about strategy.

Everyone's attention was turned from him when they heard a sob at the end of the table. Molly Weasley was sitting with her face in her hands, shoulders shaking.

"Mum!" Ron exclaimed, looking at his mother guiltily. "I'm sorry." He said, looking over at Hermione desperately and hissing, "What did I do?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. Getting up she went over to Molly and hugger her. "It's alright, Mrs. Weasley. Ron'll be fine." She said softly.

Ron suddenly let out a yelp and crumpled to the floor, head in his hands.

"Ron?" Harry asked, rushing over to his friend.

Everyone looked over in concern.

"Ron? Are you alright? What is it? Are you hurt?" Harry asked, looking confused and unsure of what to do.

"I'm…marrying…Malfoy." Ron muttered weakly, collapsing onto the ground and laying prone.

As everyone stared at Ron's limp form the total reality of the situation finally kicked in. They all then felt the desire to take on a similar position as Ron. Everyone spent the rest of the day in relative shock, either sitting down, rocking back and forth, or crying. In some cases all three.

The rest of the week passed relatively the same as everyone felt a cloud of misery overcome Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Well, to be fair, it was always fairly miserable. But now Mrs. Black's screaming portrait was a happy distraction in comparison to the total depression of the house's occupants. Ron, however, was the worst.

As the days passed slowly everyone found that Ron's mood got worse and worse. He refused to talk to anybody, especially Harry, and when he did talk to people once events of the Wizarding World or the Light side's plans were brought up, he would immediately leave the room. He kept to himself most of the time and frequently they saw him pull out the letter and stare at it in disbelief.

Finally, on the fourth day, Harry managed to corner him in the drawing room.


The boy looked up at him quickly before turning away.

"Ron, come one. Talk to me."

The 16 going on 17-year-old shook his head stubbornly.

"Come one, we're best friends."

"Harry, I can't."

"Why?" Harry asked, sitting down next to him.

"Because…we…we can't be friends anymore." Ron stated.

"Ron, we've been friends since the first day of Hogwarts. That day you sat with me in the compartment you took on a responsibility that you can't back out of now. Face it mate, you're stuck with me." Harry said.

Ron still refused to look at him but Harry saw the fond smile on the boy's face.

"Come on, please." He begged, giving Ron a puppy dog pout.

Ron looked over at him and chuckled.

"Harry, I'm just worried for you, mate. This…This right here," He said, gesturing at the letter in his hand. "This could cause a lot of trouble for you, mate."

"Me?" Harry said with an incredulous laugh. "Why is it always about me? Merlin, Ron, you're the one marrying Malfoy. You're the one who's going head first in to Death Eater territory and you're more worried about someone who's got the best protection in the world breathing down his neck 24/7. You're an idiot, you know that?"


"But nothing, Ron." Harry paused slightly, looking at his friend in contemplation. "You remember back in 1st year," He suddenly said, voice somewhat nostalgic. "The life size chess game?"

Ron nodded. "How could I forget?"

"Do you remember what you said to me?" Harry looked at Ron who shook his head. "I tried to stop you from getting taken by the queen and you said "…It's you that has to go on. I know it. Not me, not Hermione, YOU." And you were so sure of yourself. You seemed so unstoppable." Harry said fondly.

"I fell to the ground unconscious, mate." Ron said, looking at him incredulously. Harry just chuckled.

"Even when you fell to the ground unconscious, you just seemed so strong. Even then you seemed like nothing would be able to stop you. Because, even though the Queen took you down, you got back up again soon enough. I'm just saying, mate, that when you truly trust in something, nothing can bring you down for long. You're unstoppable."

Ron stared at him contemplatively. "That's a great speech, Harry. Incredibly cheesy, but great." Ron said, smiling at his best friend.

"Thanks, I'm using it for my best man speech." Harry replied, cheekily.

"No you're not!" Ron protested.

"Watch me."

They both laughed and there was a moment of friendly silence before Ron spoke again.

"Merlin, I'm getting married. To Malfoy."

Both of them shuddered.

"Well, I mean, you don't know that for sure. Who knows, maybe the order will find a way out of it." Harry murmured hopefully.

"Mate, I hate to tell you this but there's no way out of this one." Ron said.

"Well, I don't know, maybe at the wedding I could hide under the invisibility cloak and after you say "I do" apparate you out of there. That way you didn't break the law and-"

"Harry, it's not going to work. Besides, I forbid you to attend the wedding. Even under the invisibility cloak."

"What? Why?"

"The room is going to be packed full of Death Eaters all waiting for the perfect time to kidnap Harry Potter. They are going to be expecting you there. And Hermione. I forbid Hermione from attending as well. You know what, I forbid everyone currently under this roof from attending the wedding. My family, Sirius, Remus, McGonagall, you, Hermione, and anyone else I've failed to mention are banned from going to the wedding." Ron said firmly.

"So it'll just be you and a bunch of Death Eaters."

"I know what you're thinking Harry but trust me; they wouldn't go through all this trouble just to kill me on the spot. I'll be fine. Besides, if they killed me they wouldn't learn anything valuable about you."

"You're really going through with this aren't you?" Harry asked.

"I don't exactly see any other options, do you?"

"Well, there is-"

"Not the plan again." Ron groaned.

"Hello?" Hermione peaked her head in. "Your mother says it's time for lunch."

"Alright." They both got up and headed down to the kitchen.

While they were eating lunch a gorgeous eagle owl fluttered in through the fireplace. Flying over, it perched regally on the table and stuck its leg out, hooting impatiently at Ron.

"Prissy little thing, aren't you?" Ron muttered. Untying the letter he glanced down at the red crest that sealed it. "Well, that explains it. Malfoy has sent me a letter." Ron said, holding up the envelope.

"Well, what does it say?" Ginny asked.

Opening the envelope, Ron pulled out the letter and read it aloud, mocking Draco's voice.

Dear Weasel,

As I'm sure you already know, I have the unfortunate duty of becoming your husband. Seeing as how I refuse to live in that shit hole ("Ron!" "What, that's what it says?") you call a house; it is also my unfortunate duty to take you in. I have discussed the matter with my family and we have agreed that you are to pack your bags and arrive here on the 21st to prepare for the wedding. This is not a question, it's an order.


Draco Abraxas Malfoy

"Who the hell does he think he is?" Ron yelled after finishing the letter. ""This is not a question, it's an order." Where does he come off thinking he can order me around? Stupid soon-to-be-dead Husband." Ron muttered, grabbing a quill and some parchment.

"Ron, what are you going to do?" Hermione asked, hesitantly.

"I'm writing that bastard a note."

It showed just how unnerved she was that Molly didn't yell at Ron for his choice of words.

Everyone watched with interest as Ron wrote furiously on the piece of paper.

"Ron, you can't send that!" Hermione yelled after the boy finished writing the letter.

"I don't know, I think it's rather pleasant." Sirius muttered, staring at the letter happily.

Harry was sitting by Hermione, lips twitching and eyes glittering in amusement.

"I'm sending it whether you like it or not." Ron said, quickly tying the letter to the still waiting eagle owl before anyone could argue with him. "There, now take that to your stupid ugly owner."

The owl hooted haughtily before flying up the fireplace.


Draco hated his father. He truly did. Why'd he have to pick such an insane guy to work for? If his father could just have been more self-serving then Draco wouldn't be in this situation. Having to marry a weasel? It was disgraceful!

His moping was soon interrupted by a hoot as Artemis flew through the open window. Flying onto the desk by Draco he stuck his leg out, nipping at Draco's fingers playfully as he went to untie the note.

Staring down at the nearly illegible writing, frustration and anger built inside of Draco.

Dear Conceited Jerk,

As I'm sure you already know, just because I have the even more unfortunate task of having to look at your ugly ferrety face for the rest of my life (which, considering recent events, I may just end as soon as possible) does not mean that I'm your slave. I will not be going to your house on the 21st nor will I be working out wedding arrangements with you. Whine to me as much as you like but I refuse to listen to your stupid, annoying, prissy voice and I don't plan on following your orders like a lap dog. So you can just shove them back up your ass where the rest of your disfigured he's located!


Your Soon-to-be-very-unhappy husband

P.S. Bastard.

Draco seethed. How dare the weasel speak to him in such a way? He would pay for his insubordinate behavior!


The inhabitants of Number 12 Grimmauld sat boisterously around the table, eating a feast that Molly had prepared. The twins were causing their usual ruckus, Sirius and Remus were bickering like an old married couple (which they practically were,) Hermione and Arthur were chatting about muggle inventions, and Harry and Ron were talking jovially of Quidditch. They were all so preoccupied that they didn't notice the owl eyeing them hesitantly from the window sill. It had flown in through the chimney earlier but didn't seem too happy about the though of approaching the table.

Hooting irritably it managed to catch the attention of those sitting nearby.

"Oh great. He's sent a reply." Ron grumbled.

Getting up from his seat he untied the letter, earning a bite from the birth that then flew away.

"Merlin's beard!" Ron exclaimed, sucking on his now bleeding hand.


How dare you show such disrespect to your superior? I know your miniscule brain hasn't processed this yet but we are going to be married and as my wife you are to follow my orders! You WILL be coming on the 21t but I've reconsidered allowing you to help plan the wedding. Merlin knows what you'd plan! A nice ceremony in the pig sty perhaps? And after we say "I do" they'll release a flock of chickens?


Draco Malfoy

Ron looked up at the group of people staring at him. He'd just finished reading the letter aloud and, looking at them in shock, he asked one question.

"Oi, why do I have to be the wife?"