"Delaris! Crossing point of five different Galaxies. You want to see different species from different planets? You came to the right place!"
The Doctor looked like a little boy in toy paradise. This was what he lived for. Meeting new people, breathing different air, experiencing history and culture,... but most of all: looking into the glowing faces of his two faithful companions Rose and... um...
"Rose, where is Jack?"
"He looked like this" She performed an impressive imitation of 'The Scream', "and ran back into the TARDIS when you said Delaris."
"Wha-, why would he do that?"
"Don't ask me... Is there something dangerous, disgusting, strange, frightening or ugly about this planet, you forgot or didn't tell us on purpose? No Daleks in the sewers, lawyers in the dark or desperate salesmen on the corners?"
"Nope, no, niente. And do you really think that would keep Jack from exploring a planet with us?"
Rose shrugged. "Guess not."
They walked together back to the TARDIS and were greeted by their friend, sitting on the jump seat in his boxers.
"Jack... What are you doing?" The Doctor asked with a twitching eye (which has of course nothing to do with the way Rose's eyes roamed over Jack's body, he told himself).
"Me? Oh, I just thought I would sit this one out and do some reading. You have quite an interesting collections of magazines in your bedroom, Doc..." Jack answered with his trademark leer.
"Magazines? What sort of magazi-" Rose was cut off by a rather load cough by the Doctor.
"Rose saw your face out there, Jack. There is something about this planet that scares you, isn't there?"
Jack raised an eyebrow. "I'm CAPTAIN Jack Harkness. No planet on this side of the universe scares me."
"Well, then there will be no problem with you coming with us, right? Get dressed again, we are heading off."
"No buts. Hurry up! We have places to see, people to meet and strangers to kiss... Well, the last part only counts for you, I guess."
The Doctor didn't notice how Jack cringed on his words.
"Annita! Fancy meeting you here!" SLAP.
It didn't take them long to find out why Jack disliked this planet so much. It seemed like he spent a rather long time in the youthful age of twenty on Delaris and at that time he wasn't exactly the gentleman he was today (or so he put it). And really, in the 15 minutes they wandered around, he already collected three slaps, two punches, one kick in the groin and a... how do call it when you get slapped by a hand with twelve tentacle like fingers?
Jack claimed after every assault "I didn't deserve that!" except for the kick ("Okay, maybe I DID deserve that one."). The Doctor and Rose knew better than to ask.
Two hours later, Jack seemed to look pitiful enough so the women, men and other 'people' resorted to verbal attacks.
That is until they met a woman the Doctor recognized as a Chula warrior.
"Cheila! How lovely to see you again!" He got a rather impressive slap that would have made Jackie Tyler proud.
"I suppose, you didn't deserve that one either?" Rose grinned, more about the Doctor's cringe than Jack's suffering.
"No, I did deserve that." He answered, rubbing his sore cheek. He already saw himself slurping the Doctor's banana soup for the next week (the Doctor refused to have any other liquid food inside his ship).
The Chula woman gave a sickenly sweet smile. "Jack, I have been searching for you..."
"Oh, have you really... How do I deserve this... pleasure?" He felt rather uneasy how she looked at him. It was never a good sign when a Chula smiled like that... especially not a warrior.
"You know why..." The smile turned to a snarl. "YOU. STOLE. MY. SHIP!"
"Now, that's a rather-" She slapped him again. "Borrowed! I borrowed it. And I had every intention to bring it back!" He shot her a charming grin, hoping to keep his remaining teeth that way.
"But you didn't!" She bared her teeth once more. "You said, you would be back in five minutes!"
"Well, you see... I had a rather unpleasant encounter with a German bomb in the Blitz on Earth...so..."
It didn't took a genius to see that this wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear.
"YOU BLOW UP MY SHIP?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"
At that point Rose realised that a rather large crowd of 'people' gathered around them.
As amusing as it was to watch Jack face the consequences of his actions, they drew far too much attention to themselves and that usually resulted in a night in an uncomfortable cell for them.
"Um, excuse me?" She said to get Cheila's attention. "Jack may have stolen your ship but he is totally innocent about the blowing up thing. You see, this guy", Rose dragged the Doctor in front of her, "is a rather bad influence. He absolutely LOVES to blow things up! Isn't that right Jack?"
Understanding what Rose planned, he nodded enthusiastically. "Yep, bad influence."
The Doctor gaped at them. So much for his faithful companions.
He gulped when he saw Cheila's face. "Well, how much costs a Chula warship these days?" He asked and searched for the nearest cash point.
The Doctor glared at them. He just spent 300 thousand credits because of an accident that wasn't his fault (for once) to escape the wrath of a woman he didn't enrage (for once).
"Oh, come on! It wasn't your money anyway." Rose said after catching his fiery gaze.
"That's not the point!" He paced around, glaring daggers at them. "You threw me in front of this Cheila woman like a piece of meat to a starving lion! And you call yourselves my faithful companions..." He let out a rather uncharacteristic sniff.
"Well, actually... YOU are the only one who calls us your 'faithful companions'..." The Doctor shut Jack up with his 'I'm-going-to-kick-your-ass-with-my-superior-biology'-look.
Knowing that it was time to do her magic, Rose strolled over to the Doctor, laid her hand onto his arm and whispered something in his ear. The Doctor's scowl turned into a wide grin causing Jack to raise an eyebrow.
"Whatever you just promised him, I wanna join in." He said with a wink.
Rose shrugged. "You would anyway." She said and noticing the gleam in his eyes, she added, "I promised him that we are going to visit Banana Land on Centaurus VI on our next stop."
Jack's face fell. "Alright then, but we are also going to the city then. The Centas are famous for their gigantic-" He paused and turned his dream-lost gaze to his friends when he heard them groan. "What?"
Rose sighed. "You didn't learn anything today, did you?"
Jack grinned. "Of course I did! I have learned to swallow my pride and hide inside the TARDIS next time you decide to visit Delaris."
His comment was rewarded by two thumbs on his head.
"Hey, I didn't deserve that!"
"YES, YOU DID!"
And with that, they were off to Banana Land.