This fic is rated M for rape, and general weirdness. Remember boys and girls, acting like Shigure is 25 to life! The POV is that of the person whose name is in brackets.
It began, as it always does, with a rainy day. I was watching the drops collect and gutter on the windowsill when I heard it. A knock.
"Go away!" I yelled. I did not want to hear yet another betrayal. Hatori had already hurt me enough with his choosing Kana over me. The door slid open. Shigure stood in the doorway, looking at me with dark, distant eyes. He slid the door closed behind him
. "I said go away!" I said.
Shigure smiled, faintly. "Did you now? And I was only going to ask how you were feeling…
I looked away. "Cold, as always".
He sat down on my bed. "Cold,eh?" Suddenly, something warm and probing was in my mouth. I tried to wriggle away- I am his god. How dare he come in without my permission. How dare he touch me. He even dared to put his tongue in my mouth. Shigure looked at me with the same eyes, the eyes that were so unfamiliar to me. "But you were cold? Aren't you warm now?". I could feel the heat and prickling starting in my face. Shigure smiled wryly and touched my forehead. "Yes…you seem warm…"
I turned away. He was going way too far. "Get out!" I yelled. I felt pressure on my wrists. I struggled. I felt the tatami mats firmly beneath me. There it was again, that tongue! The height of disrespect…! I turned away. Shigure smiled again.
"I bet you're not cold now". I could feel my body burning with hate and fever. He took one hand off my wrist. Finally
! "Are you going to show me the proper respect?" , I spat at him. It was not unpleasant, the warmth of his body inside his yukata, but touching me, without my permission- that was something that my Zodiac could not be allowed to do.
Shigure stopped smiling. "No" he said. I could feel his fingers undoing my obi. I started to scream, expecting that any moment the maids would come in to see what had angered me so. Shigure looked at the door. "Everyday, you scream. Either Hatori has the nerve to look at someone besides you, or you just have a fit of pique. I wouldn't be surprised if the maids just ignored you by now"
I scowled. "I'm special! I'm the master of this house. They can't ignore me!"
"But yet they don't come." said Shigure. I looked at the door. There was no sign of the maids. Indeed, it was quiet. I was abandoned. I felt Shigure's hands on the bindings that hid my breasts.
"What?" I hissed. He merely started to lick my neck, and even worse, suck it. I slapped him. He was always playing games with me, and being distant, but this was just too far, too much.
He sighed. "My god doesn't want to be mine, and mine alone". I stared at him. He looked sad, somehow. Sad because he realized how he had treated me, his god? He stroked my hair. It reminded me of the times he used to comfort me out of the remains of a dream- a dream with my mother's cold eyes, and the darkness of aloneness surrounding me. "I thought you wanted me. I see you looking at me sometimes." His hold on my wrist slackened. I felt uncomfortable and free with my kimono open and his weight on me.
"I look at you because I look at all of my Zodiac" I said. Had I been looking at him? It didn't matter. I had the right to look at him if I wanted to, and he didn't have the right to touch me.
He started unwrapping my bindings. The lightening of that pressure was interesting. My chest was always tight, always painful. I lay there a bit, enjoying the feeling of air on my breasts. But then I could feel his mouth again. First licking then sucking. It tickled a bit to have him lapping at me, like, well, a dog, and I laughed, and felt guilty immediately. He comes in and grabs me, and I laugh because of a little tickle? He looked at me strangely. All I seemed to be able to see were his dark eyes. He opened my kimono completely. I looked at his entire body, and saw that his kimono was open too. I started to look down, and was stopped by his hands, grabbing my face and his tongue, twining around mine. I could feel him sucking my tongue and I felt like I could not breathe. There it was. His body against mine again. But there was something new, a pain between my legs. Shigure stopped sucking my tongue. "I see that Kureno hasn't…" He sighed. I felt myself getting angry again. "What do you care what Kureno does or does not do?" He thrust hard, and I felt even more angry and slapped him again. He grabbed my wrists again, hard. "He's always by your side." He growled into my ear. "Always".
"I can do anything I want with my Zodiac!" I said. He just groans and kisses my neck again. His weight on my hips hurts. My wrists hurt too. So does my back. It hurts there too. It all hurts. All I can hear is his breath, all I can see is his eyes. I turn away. His eyes hurt too much too.
Finally he stops. He strokes my hair again, and groaning releases me from his hands, his weight. I watch him quietly as he puts his kimono back on. He glances at me. I glance down at myself as well. The bruises on my wrist, the red marks. I try to put my kimono on too, but it's soaked with blood, with him. He looks…regretful. As he leaves, he says, get someone to get you a clean kimono.
I walked down the corridor, lost in my own thoughts. Shigure shuffles past me, face red with exertion and hand marks. He tapped me on the shoulder. Smirking. "I've won this round" he says. I wonder what round he has won as I slide open the door. I can see Akito's shoulders shaking. She has wrapped her blanket around her. I can't see her face, but I know that she is crying. I see her kimono on the floor. Was that blood? I stooped down to see what happened to her kimono. I could feel her frightened eyes on me. On closer inspection, it was blood, and something else… semen? Is that what Shigure meant about winning this round?
I looked at Akito's pale face. I could see faint tear marks beneath her eyes and on her neck…something red? I looked closer. She turned her face away. Certainly a hickey. I expected her to slap me, or tell me to leave her alone, but she just continued sobbing. "I'll call Hatori" I said, and turned to go. I felt a hand on my leg.
"Don't tell him" , she said. I sighed. Shigure…I saw a strange look in his eyes today. Both guilty and sated.
"I have to tell him" I said. "..he hurt you. You're bleeding, you're crying .I have to!"
Akito gave me one of her chilling looks. "It's all your fault!" I was taken aback. Shigure did this to her, our 15 year old god, and it's my fault?
"Akito…how is it my fault?" I said.
Akito glared at me "He said you were always by my side! It's all your fault!" she screamed at me. She backhanded me too. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I couldn't stop this child's tears.
The table had been set, as always by our maids. I could see him, Kureno, sitting by her side, but not as closely as usual. Good. Let him suffer. She herself looked only at the bits of fish she pushed around her plate with her chopsticks. As usual, she had eaten almost nothing. Her kimono was dark blue today. I felt myself wishing to touch the forbidden nape of her neck. I could feel eyes on me. I looked away from her for a moment.
Was Kureno glaring at me? His brown eyes did look darker, and the creases between his brows did look quite angry. I glanced back at Akito. Our eyes met. Her dark piercing eyes, I died a little death, but that didn't keep me from noticing her hands. She threw her tea cup at me, and I ducked.
She stomped out of the room. Another chance to have her to myself. I can apologize to her in her rooms. I jump up, but Kureno is in my way. Him, again? He practically lives by her side. I want to push him, to smash his face in, but I merely smile. Kureno looks at me. "I don't think Akito wants to see you right now" he says, softly.
I lift my head slightly. "I think Akito can decide for herself who she wants to see." With that I turn, and walk towards her room. I hear Kureno's steps behind me. He grabs my arm.
"Really, I can't allow you to see her. She was crying and shaking. I can't let you see her." I shake him off and stalk more determinedly towards her rooms. He gets into front of me somehow.
"Why do you want to hurt her again? I saw what you did. You didn't even use anything, did you?" I stop.
"Use anything?" I hadn't, but why was it any of his business? That look again. On anyone else, it would be a look of hate.
"You want to kill her? You think she could carry a child in her condition? Did you even notice she was sick?"
I did notice, but I noticed something else. That sharing her with everyone was unbearable. Even if it hurt her, even if it killed her, I would have her. Kureno stood there, patiently. I hated him. Of course, Akito would prefer someone who would cherish her, never touch her for fear of hurting her. Kureno's shoulders relaxed.
"Just let her rest."
I shook my head. "Kureno, this is between her and me. If Akito doesn't want me there, you'll know." He dropped his eyes, defeated. I walked into the room. Akito was there on the windowsill as she usually was. I could see the nape of her neck, so white against her black hair.
I heard the sliding of the door. I turned around. Shigure was standing there staring at me. "What are you looking at?" I screamed at him.
His eyes were quiet and steady. "I just wanted to apologize, my dear Akito". His slight smile seemed sincere, but I knew better. I glared at him- he made me sick. I remembered the weight, the pain. He put his hand on my neck. The only sound was his breath.
I was all alone. Alone, forgotten, abandoned. I could feel his fingers kneading my neck slowly. His fingers were cool against my hot skin. I felt his mouth against my ear. I jerked away. He sighed. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. "Akito…you know that I'm always thinking of you, and you only?" I looked up. His eyes were still dark and strange, but really, he always thinks of me?
Right then, I could have endured any pain to hear those words. My whole life was pain- there was Ren, trampling on what was most precious to me, my bond with the Zodiac, there was Kureno, whose eyes looked at me with pity on that day, and many days before, and over all, there was the stifling darkness of this house. I could feel his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my back. If permitting this touch would take away even a sliver of that loneliness, the loneliness of godhood, I could endure it. I could endure it forever.