Yuki walked dejectedly through Central Park. He knew this place well. This area of the park was his favorite place when he was a kid. Following the meandering path, he paid little attention to all of the families enjoying the lovely, sunny day, until he came across a man and a young boy walking toward him. Although his hair was now jet black, there was no mistaking his mesmerizing violet eyes.
"Shuichi?" Yuki called out in surprise.
Shuichi gaped at Yuki in disbelief for a few moments. "Hello Yuki." Although he smiled at Yuki warmly, there was still a hint of sad desire in his eyes. They both shifted uncomfortably in the awkward silence that ensued, while the boy looked questioningly between both adults.
"I...really need to get going." Shuichi said apologetically. "We were on our way to pick Kaemon up."
As they walked away Yuki heard the boy say, "who was that man, daddy?"
"He used to be a close friend of mine." Shuichi answered regretfully. He turned at that moment and looked back at Yuki with the same sorrowful face he had after he sang "Look Around…"
Yuki awoke with a start. His rapidly beating heart felt like it would break at any second. Fatigued and frustrated, he got up and lit a cigarette. He had tossed and turned during most of the night, and when he finally was able to sleep, he couldn't stop dreaming about Shuichi. Looking at the clock Yuki noted that it was already ten thirty. Shuichi would be leaving with Kaemon in fifteen minutes. Hastily getting dressed, Yuki strode out of his apartment. He needed some fresh air, and he desperately wanted to clear the disturbing images of his dreams out of his mind.
Taking his time, Yuki walked slowly through the park. He stopped in a small restaurant and had brunch. There wasn't much food in his apartment so he decided to go to the market and buy a few groceries. As he walked back through the park, he even watched some children playing baseball for a few minutes. Cursing silently to himself he wondered, why am I playing around like this when I have so much work to do? Reluctantly, he headed back to his large, empty home.
Yuki walked listlessly to his apartment and opened the door. He stopped suddenly in his tracks in utter astonishment. Shuichi was curled up on his sofa sleeping. This has got to be a dream! He looked longingly at his peaceful, sleeping face. If I say something, will he suddenly vanish?
"How did you..."Yuki asked completely dumbfounded.
I jumped off the sofa. "Oh, you're finally back!"
"You didn't answer my question. How did you get in here?" Yuki asked still unable to fathom the unlikely turn of events.
"Well...it seems your landlord's daughter is a Bad Luck fan. All I had to do was sign a couple of her posters and she let me in."
"Why the hell are you here?" He exclaimed louder than he'd intended.
Well this is it! "I…broke up with Kaemon last night." I began timidly. "He deserves to have someone who will be able to give him one hundred percent of their heart. I've finally admitted to myself that I can never be that person." I took a deep breath. "My heart has always belonged to you. Please Yuki, let me come back."
"Why should I?" He answered in an oddly constrained voice as he walked into the kitchen.
"You…you still don't want me?" I asked in a panic following him into the kitchen. "But last night…why did you come to the concert? Weren't you there to see me?"
"How did you…who told you I was there?" He angrily demanded.
"Yuu Waku said he saw you watching me backstage during the concert." I was instantly sorry I'd told him Yuu's name. He looked positively homicidal.
Yuki methodically put his groceries away as he desperately tried to calm the plethora of emotions that were striving for dominance. He was angry and embarrassed that someone had discovered him watching Shuichi. Some guilt over the way he'd hurt Shuichi still lingered, but what caused him the most distress was the love he felt for Shuichi and the fear that love engendered.
I watched Yuki with mounting trepidation. When Yuu told me how Yuki had been watching me, I desperately wanted to believe it was because he loved me. I became completely swept away by that overwhelming desire. Now, based on Yuki's reaction, I began to seriously wonder if I'd made a terrible mistake. After putting the final perishable away in the refrigerator, he turned and stared at me with haunted, afflicted eyes.
"If…I displease you to this extent…maybe… I should just leave." I looked into his tormented, golden eyes one last time before I turned and walked toward the door.
While looking into Shuichi's mournful, violet eyes, Yuki's heart was once again battling with the little voice inside his head. Don't let him walk out of here again! His heart screamed, but the little voice in his head was urging Yuki to remain silent and let him go. Shuichi is not like Kitazawa – he won't betray you! DON'T LET HIM LEAVE!!
As I slowly walked through Yuki's apartment, I realized that this time I would have to pick up the pieces and move ahead alone. After I broke up with him, Kaemon left for New York. K had arranged for some friends of his to let Kaemon live with them until he was able to enroll at NYU. Loneliness threatened to overpower me as I reached out my hand to open the door and walk away from Yuki forever. Strong arms suddenly wrapped themselves around me.
"Don't leave!" Yuki whispered in my ear, and then I swore I heard him mumble…"I love you!"
I twisted myself around to face him. "Yuki I…" He placed a finger on my lips to shut me up and then he kissed me so passionately it made my toes curl. Throwing my arms around his neck, I hungrily kissed the lips I'd been craving for so long. While we slowly undressed each other, our kisses became more urgent. We teased and caressed each other until the moment we finally became one…
We made love several times throughout the afternoon and evening. After being apart for so long, we just couldn't satisfy the hunger that we both had been suppressing. Lounging on the sofa, I dreamily gazed at Yuki as he smoked a cigarette.
I stretched lazily and let out a contented sigh. "I've really missed you."
Yuki stiffened a little.
"So all this time…have you really…been in love with me?" I timidly asked hoping to hear him say it again.
"What are you talking about?" He asked defensively. "I never said I'm in love with you!"
"Yes you did! You said it after you asked me not to leave!"
"I...no I didn't!" He stammered. "It's just wishful thinking on your part."
He's embarrassed! "Why are you getting so upset if it didn't really happen?" I playfully asked him.
"That's it!" He announced angrily getting up. "I've had enough. I'm going to bed."
"W…wait a minute!" I jumped up and scampered after him. "Hey, Yuki! Wait!
He slammed the bedroom door in my face and locked me out.
"Yuki! I'm sorry. Please let me come in."
"Yuki!..Bad Luck is going on tour again. I'll be leaving Monday morning. So…so I won't…be able to see you…for a long time… Please let me in! I want to spend as much time with you as I can."
"I'll be cold out here all by myself," I whined in defeat.
As I dejectedly turned to go into the living room, the door abruptly opened.
"Shut up and get in here…"
One year later – Kaemon Aomori's dorm room, NYU
Stretching the stiffness out of my shoulders, I saved the term paper I'd been working on all night. I decided I deserved a break so I pulled up my favorite Bad Luck fan site to see what Shuichi was doing. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I couldn't help myself. It was the only way I could "keep in touch" with him. After all, it would be awkward for Shuichi to get a letter or a call from his ex-lover. I felt a twinge of pain when I saw the date on the top of the page. It was exactly a year ago today that Shuichi left me to go back to Yuki. Trying to ignore my sorrow, I began scanning the page. A large lump formed in my throat and I struggled to swallow it down. Someone had posted some pictures of what looked like Yuki and Shuichi's vacation. There were three successive pictures that looked like they'd been taken surreptitiously from a long distance. In the first, they were in pre-kiss; they were kissing in the second, and the third was taken not long after their lips parted. Whoever had posted the pictures had taken great lengths to enlarge and clean up the last photo. It wasn't hard to understand why, because the look on Shuichi's face was pure bliss making him look even more dazzling than normal. Weeping bitterly I realized he had never looked at me with such happiness and love.
"Kaemon, are you alright?" My roommate Andrew asked his voice laced with concern. He rolled out of bed yawning and running his fingers through his tousled red hair. Noting the despondent look on my face he asked, "are you reading about Shuichi again?"
"Yeah, apparently he and Yuki went on vacation last week."
"Why do you torment yourself like this?" He put his hands on my shoulders as he leaned in to look at the article I'd been reading. "He certainly looks happy."
"I've never seen him look happier." I reluctantly admitted.
"Don't you think he'd want you to be happy as well?" he whispered in my ear sending tingles throughout my body. He swiveled the chair around so that I was facing him. Pulling me into his arms, he embraced me fiercely. "I love you, Kaemon! I hate to see you hurting like this. I know you'll never stop loving Shuichi, but please let me love you. I know I can make you happy if you'll just give me the chance!"
I was shocked to hear Andrew confess his love to me almost exactly the same way I'd confessed my love to Shuichi so long ago. I wrapped my arms around him and looked into his intense green eyes. It felt so good to be held like this again. Maybe I would come to love Andrew the way Shuichi had come to love me. I gave in to the heat of the moment and kissed his exquisite full lips. As his hands began caressing my body, I allowed my heart to let go of Shuichi and fully embrace my new lover.
Well that's that! I hope everyone has enjoyed "Look Around." I'm currently working on a sequel to this story (as of today, I'm about 2 1/2 chapters into it). BTW, for all of you, who enjoyed reading about Yuki's suffering, I plan on making him suffer even more in this next story!