I thought of this idea about a year ago, WAY before i saw the episode 'Miss PCA' and I know it looks similar, but I promise its not lol. I've only just got round to writting it. I suppose its set in season one coz of the characters, but I imagined them as older, like 16/17. (I dont own Zoey 101 or any of its characters)


"Alright ladies, hush up for a minute. The champ has an announcement to make." Logan projected loudly over the chatter, as he climbed on top of the highest table in the centre of the girl's common room, and waited for any eyes that weren't already doing so to fix on him.

"As I'm sure you're all aware, The Golden Gate Ball is taking place in a very exclusive and expensive location in the San Francisco Bay area, in just under a month. That means Champaign, celebrities and paparazzi. Of course, as my father is the renowned film producer Malcolm Reese..."

Logan popped his shirt collar proudly, and paused for effect. Or possibly applause.

"I get an automatic invite. And… a plus one. I've decided to give the honour of accompanying me to one lucky lady right here at PCA. I'll be holding auditions, starting in two days."

Dana almost chocked mid sip on her mocha cappuccino. Did she hear him right? A stunned glance at Zoey told her that her offence was well founded.

"If you want to be in with a chance of attending the ball with me, then you have to have signed up by nine o'clock tomorrow night. I'll weed out the obvious no's, and the auditions will start at five o'clock after lessons on Friday. There will be several rounds to assess all candidates' suitability, and they will be judged by myself, my brother, and a family friend. That is all."

"Is he serious?" Dana spluttered, not even waiting for Logan to dismount the table, and certainly not bothering to lower her voice.

"What a jerk." Zoey muttered in agreement.

"I dunno you guys." Nicole said dreamily. "I heard Leonardo Dicaprio is gonna be there."

"Not everything is about cute guys Nicole." Dana snapped.

Nicole gasped, in shock.

"Take that back!"

"Dana's right." Zoey told Nicole gently. "It's degrading."

Degrading? No. This wasn't degrading. Degrading was believing for one second that Logan possessed even the slightest potential or ability to change. Degrading was believing he actually wanted to. Degrading was being naïve enough to think that he had some actual depth to him, and wasn't in fact, as shallow as a petri-dish. The way Dana felt was degrading. This was just the icing on the cake.

"Yeah… It's degrading and sexist and disgusting, and whatever else you wanna call it, but man its genius." Michael laughed, as he and Chase found seats.

"How so?" Zoey demanded in annoyance.

"Look at him." Michael suggested. "He's basically put every girl at PCA in competition with each other. And he's the prize. He could have anyone he wants. I repeat, 'Genius'. Plus, someone's gotta be there to comfort all those poor, gorgeous losers right?" he said, elbowing Chase. "It just so happens comfort is my middle name."

"You're disgusting." Zoey berated.

Dana followed Michael's admirable gaze. Logan was currently enclosed in a circle of undeniably gorgeous girls, who would do just about anything to go to the ball with him. Giggles and exited chatter resounded around the room. Practically every set of eyes, fluttering eyelashes and all, where on Logan. Of course he was making the most of it, flirting and posing, running his hands through his carefully styled hair. It was nauseating. Enough to make anyone violently sick.

"I think I'm gonna puke." Dana spat.

"Yeah, it's definitely vomit-worthy." Zoey agreed sympathetically.

"So your not gonna put you name down? Right?" Chase rushed, having been conspicuously quiet about the whole thing so far. "Your not gonna do it?"

"I'm way too young to sell my soul to the devil." Zoey giggled.

"Oh, don't worry about it Zo." Came the voice of the devil himself. "You're not really my type anyway."

Dana glared up. Despite the fact that Logan was talking to Zoey, his eyes were fixed on her, almost as securely as his grip around the equally tiny waists of Lisa Weber and Kerry Lundy, two cheerleaders. Blonde obviously. They were a year older than Logan, and well known for both they're model looks, and their complete lack of common sense, and any other type of sense for that matter.

Dana looked away. Partly because the sickening expression on Logan's face made her blood boil, and partly because the view she was getting right down Lisa and Kerry's particularly low cut tops was wasted on a heterosexual female. Michael seemed to be enjoying it though.

"Something wrong, Dana?" Logan smirked.

"You mean besides two sets of bra-less breasts and an asshole?"

"Nice alliteration…Bra-less?" he gawped.

Kerry grinned seductively, leaning forward to whisper something in Logan's ear, before sauntering off. It was enough to make his lips part, and his eyes widen to a noticeable effect. Lisa put two fingers under Logan's chin and turned his face towards hers. Copying her friend, she said something quietly in his ear, and then gazed up at him with massive blue eyes to observe the effects. Obviously liking what she saw, she trapped his lips gently with her own for a long three seconds before skipping off in the same direction Kerry had.

"Dude, you are my god!" Michael worshipped dramatically.

Logan licked his lips and threw himself into the empty seat beside Dana, looking more than a bit pleased with himself.

"I know, I know… finally, my brilliance has been realized."

"Brilliance?" Dana scoffed. "I think you mean daddy's bank balance."

"And I think someone's a little jealous."

"Me? Jealous of Barbie one and two? You have to be kidding me."

Logan leant towards her and gently brushed a few loose caramel curls out of her face. Dana was well aware that she looked a state. Especially next to the likes of Zoey and Nicole, let alone perfectly preened primadonna's like Kerry and Lisa. She was comfortable in a pair of worn jeans, and her favourite black top with the words 'too fast for you' in silver on the front.

It was a Sunday night, and Dana really didn't see the point of making any effort, much to Nicole's disdain, which she didn't even try to censor. Nicole's philosophy was to look your best at all times. You never knew what was going to happen. Probably as a reminder of this, Nicole tutted loudly for Dana's benefit. She had spent hours getting ready of course, wearing an understated but flattering long grey top over figure hugging white cut offs. Her makeup was flawless, and her hair had been painstakingly blow dried to perfection at an ungodly hour that morning. Dana just glared at her.

"You know, you're just as pretty as Kerry and Lisa." Logan flirted quietly. "Effortlessly gorgeous."

"Is that right?" Dana muttered sarcastically.

"Sign up?"

"I'd rather eat my own eyeballs than spend any unnecessary time alone with you."

Logan raised an eyebrow.

"That's not what you said the other night…"

"You mean when I said that I'd rather flush my head down a toilet? That's the thing Logan, people with wit have the ability to alternate between insults."

"I'm talking about the other night, when you kissed me, and the only thing coming out of your mouth was this soft little moaning noise…" Logan said, his eyes clouding for a reminiscent second.

Dana seriously considered slapping him right there and then, making that dumb-founded, glazed over expression on his stupid face, a permanent feature. But that would be as good as admitting her guilt. People were already staring. Zoey politely looked away, with an undeniable look of disbelief on her face. Nicole was about three seconds away from an extremely loud spaz attack.

"Oh, look, he's delusional as well as stupid." Dana remarked coolly. "Was that before or after you won the Nobel Prize?"

"After, of course." Logan grinned, just as coolly. "Want another round?"

"Bite me."


"Um, excuse me…" a lisped voice whimpered from behind them, thankfully interrupting Dana's growing urge to throttle Logan.

"You didn't specify exactly where the sign up sheet would be situated." Stacey Dillson worriedly told Logan, once again managing to fit a ridiculous amount of S's into one sentence.

"Err… Its on the notice board in the girl's dorms." Logan said slowly, obviously unsure about giving Stacey that information.

"Super. I'll go sign my signature straight away."

"Super..." Logan repeated slightly less enthused, as he waited for Stacey to scurry out of earshot. "See, SHE would be an obvious no…"

"Her name is 'STACEY'." Zoey snapped, "She's really nice, and she really likes you. The only reason you wouldn't take her is because she has a lisp."

"That's not true." Logan argued. "ONE reason I wouldn't take her is because she has a lisp. The main reason is that she's weird. She's trying to change her name to 'Cotton Swab'."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Yeah it is." Chase admitted. "She was asking for my advice with deed poll."

"Why you?" Dana asked curiously, glad of the change in conversation.

Logan's gaze was still on her. She could take that. She take the annoying way he kept poking her in the side every time he lost concentration, which was quite often considering he had the attention span of a goldfish. She could even take his fingers gently stroking the back of her neck, when he somehow managed to sneak his arm behind her back without anyone, including her noticing. What she couldn't take was that stupid smirk he let adorn his face 90 percent of the time. Right now she knew it was just to annoy her.

"Ha! That's um, that's not important…" Chase insisted sheepishly. "Some weather we're having huh?"

"His middle names Muriel." Logan revealed quickly.

"Dude!" Chase yelped "My middle name WAS Muriel, its now Matt. And that was a secret!"

"Sorry…" Logan smirked, not sounding apologetic in the least.

"Wait, you're name is Chase Matt Mathews?" Michael laughed.

"I didn't realize until it was too late ok? Stop harassing me!" He yelled, quickly finding his feet and taking the opportunity to leave.

"Yeah, we better go too, before you're DA catches us in here. Its way after hours." Michael said, grabbing Logan's arm and dragging him out of his staring competition with Dana. "Yo Muriel, wait up!"

I know Chase's middle name isnt really Muriel, and he wouldnt be stupid to change it to Matt, but I got the idea from a friend of mine who changed his surname when his mum got married, and it took him about 3 months to realize his name was now Antony Jason Mason :P true story I promise lol.

Nice reviews please :)