This fic is a lot of firsts for me. My first SVU fic, my first Elliot x Olivia fic, and my first any kind of fic in a little while. I'm not used to going this long without having something to show for it.

Anyway, this is rated for language and character death, and written in second person combined with a very unusual style. Unusual, but it was fun to write, although angsty as heck.

Well, enjoy, dears.


You're drowning.

Surely it's drowning, what's happening. Surely it is. Because everything is blurry and it's hard to hear and darkness is pressing on the edges of your vision. And Elliot's face hovers above, and his lips are moving—


—and you feel sticky. There's something red on his face, still so close, something red—

Officer down, officer down, I need a bus now

—why does it hurt so much?

It's gonna be alright

There's a shallow wheezing sound, and you don't know where it's coming from. Your lips part and your throat feels constricted, and when you try to speak the sound is choked and ragged and hardly a sound at all.

Something pressing in—

Stay with me, Liv, stay with me

—God, it hurts so much

Come on, Liv, you've gotta stay with me

—and you're fighting the water, because you have to talk, you have to talk to him—

You're gonna be okay, Liv

—have to talk to him; never mind the drowning and the blackness and the fucking water, you can't let Elliot's face get any further away, because it's pulling back and back and back and it can't go, it can't


His eyes widen—



Coughing, and your chest hurts and your head hurts and everything hurts; it hurts so fucking much—

You're gonna be fine, Liv, you're gonna be okay


Don't talk, Liv, save your strength, it's gonna be okay

The pain is fading, everything is fading; you're falling through water, slowly and quickly—

Where's that damn bus

—why does he look like that?



Olivia, no, don't die, don't die


You're not sure what he means, because you're not really dying. You're just drowning, right? But he's there, he's there; surely he can see that you're falling through the water, so why isn't he stopping it?

Don't die, Liv

You feel your hand twitch, and you try to reach for him but you can't lift a muscle—

No, no, no, Liv

—and why is he crying?

Please, no

Water falls down from above, crystal and salt and sorrow, and just as you start to understand, the blackness expands—


—pressing in from all around, and everything's going dark—

Olivia, no

—and you're scared now; for the first time, you're fucking scared to death, because Elliot is fading and it won't stop and the black won't go away and why won't it stop?



The water.

No, Olivia, no, please stay with me

So dark, so cold—

Olivia, please

—the breath is pulled from you so hard, and a final blurred glimpse of blood and tears and Elliot pushes through the dark—


—the waves crash over and the tides pulls and everything is so black and cold and—


Hmm, wasn't that nice? I thought it was nice. I kind of liked comparing drowning to dying, and having everything all fragmented and strange as Olivia slipped closer to death.

The last thing she heard was Elliot saying her name. Is there something profound in that? I think there's something profound in that.

What can I say? I'm a shipper. I know my ships.