Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis and do not claim to. I am writing this story for entertainment purposes only, and am not making monetary gain, so please do not sue me.
Summary: Next in SAWS. As on so many other nights, the bitter, hopeless tears slid silently down her cheeks and disappeared into her pillow. Maybe – someday – she'd even be able to believe the lie herself. RononTeyla
Spoilers: Common Ground; Tao of Rodney
Pairing(s): Ronon/Teyla, very slight John/Elizabeth & Rodney/Katie
Author's note: As most of my fics these days, this fic takes place in fyd818's Journey to Forever and Shattered universe. (I like playing in her sandbox!) The title of this fic is taken from the song with the same name by Allison Krauss. I hope you enjoy this fic, thank you for checking it out! Part two is finally up! Sorry for the long wait. -- Mama Jo
"When You Say Nothing at All"
Teyla tossed restlessly from her left side onto her right, and stared into the candlelit dimness of her quarters. Unconsciously, her hands clenched into fists: one under her pillow, the other gripping the top edge of her blanket.
"Of course, Elizabeth. I would be honored," no, no, that sounded too cold, too formal, "I would be – greatly pleased to be your maid of honor."
Those words haunted her, especially during the dark lonesomeness of midnight. Why, oh why, why, why had she ever let them out of her mouth?
Because Elizabeth and John were among other things, she wearily told herself yet again, two of her closest friends, both of whom she loved like kin. That was also why, when Elizabeth secretly asked her to sing a special song (selected from John's favorite genre, CD provided) for their first dance as Lt. Col. and Mrs. John Sheppard, she agreed to do it, since she truly did not wish to impose the slightest shadow on her friends' very obvious happiness. Still, though, she felt torn between envy and shame. Envy, because Elizabeth was marrying John despite the ever-present risk of death snatching him away. Shame, because she, Teyla Emmagan, could not match that courage and marry the true love of her life, Ronon.
Memory seized her mind, possessing it: The Ronon Dex who'd traveled from the future dying in bloody agony in her arms. But not even in the strict privacy of her own soul could Teyla claim she had a greater justification for her lack of courage. Not anymore. If there had ever been any validity to that subversive notion, witnessing Elizabeth resolutely refuse to yield to Kolya's demands, even though that meant enduring the agony of watching his captive Wraith repeatedly feed on John, had completely negated it.
Teyla rolled onto her stomach. Only two weeks remained until the wedding. In the morning, the wedding party was scheduled to travel through the Stargate to Earth for all the final preparations leading up to the event. Her duffel bag stood packed and ready by the door; she was committed, trapped. All she could do was continue on in what she'd been doing ever since the façade of her self-perceptions had been ripped away, smashed beyond repair: Conceal the truth of the hollow emptiness inside her by pretending the old strong, brave Teyla still existed. She'd gotten good enough at it that the act was beginning to deceive everyone around her – even Dr. Heightmeyer.
As on so many other nights, the bitter, hopeless tears slid silently down her cheeks and disappeared into her pillow. Maybe – someday – she'd even be able to believe the lie herself.
-To Be Concluded-