Welcome to the quote for Day the Third! Today in our episode, we feature the return of… Tanya! Gasp! So, without further ado, on with the story!
(AKA Tanya the Speed Bump)
Tanya: Ah, Edward. I've missed you.
At first thought, I assumed that the ride to Alaska would be relaxing, if not down right enjoyable. Clearly, it was anything but.
Emmett and Jasper decided that it would be fun to accompany us and despite Edwards constant objections we found them clinging to the ski racks on the top of the car four miles out of Forks. Claiming that all the other Cullen's were miles away and in no way capable of picking them up, we were unhappily stuck with them. After 45 minutes of Jasper and Emmett reciting the entire Phantom of the Opera with Jasper singing the Raule/Phantom parts and Emmett singing the Christine parts, I was beginning to wonder if I could live through the next few hours.
"Think of me, think of me fondly when you say goooooooodbyeeeeee!" Sang Emmett.
"Can it be? Can it be Christine? Bravo! Bravo!" Shrieked Jasper, clasping his hands around Emmett's neck and gazing out at the imaginary crowd.
"Uggggg," I groaned covering my ears and leaning back into my seat. "Are we almost there Edward?"
"Only another 3 hours, or something like that."
"Wow, Edward's unsure! I'm going to treasure this moment for all of-"
"Oh my God, Bella! I'm not perfect! - Oh wait, I am! But still you can't just expect me to know everything - even though I do…" I had a feeling that it was going to be a very long ride.
When the 'Welcome to Denali' sign finally came into view I almost cried with relief. As truly unexcited as I was about meeting the woman that had - in my mind - tried to steal my husband, I was far less excited about spending another minute locked in the car with a cranky Edward and two musically impaired vampires.
"Oooooh," I said despite myself as we rolled up a long driveway leading to a fantastically large and beautiful house cut into the snowy hills of Alaska. Merely twenty yards in front of us I could see the snow covered outlines of a black Mercedes and a yellow Porsche that signaled freedom.
Suddenly there was a white flash and a thump as the whole car lurched over something large and hard.
"Oh my God! Edward, you just hit a deer!" I screamed and made an attempt to jump out of the car. However, a long white hand reached over stopped my hand from groping around on the latch. "What are you doing?" I said but stopped fighting when I saw the look on his face. He was almost… laughing? Why in the world would he be laughing about running over an innocent animal?
"Look, Edward, I know that you kill them and all, but really? Hitting animals with your car is horrible! That's a dreadful way to die! And why are you…? Stop laughing! This isn't funny!"
Emmett, Jasper, and even Edward, my lovely sensitive husband, were roaring with laughter!
"Bella," Edward choked out, still laughing. "That wasn't a deer!"
I was dumbfounded.
"What? But then… what was it?"
As soon as the words left my mouth, the car started shaking. My eyes grew wide and I gripped the armrest and Edward's arm, clinging on for dear life. I let out a little shriek as the car visibly lifted off the ground, raising up at least a foot. Edward had stopped laughing and now looked very, very pissed off.
"That," he lamented as a blond, tall, and gorgeous vampire popped up on the drivers side, "was Tanya."
He rolled down his window with an expression of great distaste on his face. Tanya leaned in the window, propping her elbows up on the door and sticking her smiling mug in the car. Consequently, the action nearly caused her boobs to spill out of her shirt.
"Ah, Edward. I've missed you," she sighed happily.
"What were you doing?" Edward growled in reply. "You nearly gave Bella a heart attack!"
"Right. So sorry," Tanya apologized breezily, tossing her hair with her long white fingers. "I had to get you to slow down somehow. I've been running after you for the last 54 miles!"
My mouth involuntarily dropped open.
"So you saw fit to lay down in front of the car to get us to stop?" Edward was steamed – I could tell by his tone.
Tanya shrugged nonchalantly. "So… can I get a ride with you up to the house?"
This time my eyebrows raised involuntarily. Was she serious? It was maybe, what… 100 yards to the house? Edward obviously agreed with my sentiments. He snorted in contempt.
"Ha. You can just keep on running, Tanya."
With those parting words, Edward slammed on the gas and tore up the rest of the driveway, leaving Tanya looking shocked behind us.
"But Edwaaaaaaard!" She wailed, making the entire car once again burst out in raucous laughter.
Okay, so as you all know, Breaking Dawn comes out in 2 days! Now, the question is, once the book comes out, should this fanfic be continued? Obviously we won't be able to finish all of the quotes before the book comes out, but we could continue the story without putting in any spoilers. Of course, it would be hard to write it without being influenced at all by the book, but we could always try! So... what do you think? Review and tell all!