Jasperella: The Blowup Barbie
"That's it! I'm buying Alice a blowup doll." I muttered as I left Alice's powder room.
"Why are you buying Alice a sex doll?" Emmett asked with a quirked eyebrow and amusement in his eyes.
"So she will play Blowup Barbie whenever she gets the urge to make me over." I sat down on Edward's lap and leaned up against his chest, kissing his cheek. Alice had just spent the whole morning pinching, poking, pluking, pulling, brushing, waxing, and all the other primping words I could think of trying to find the perfect wedding style. But had she been doing all these things to herself? No. Of course not. I was her living mannequin.
After she had finished, I proceeded to take out all the clips, wash my face, and pull my hair back into a ponytail. I was regular Bella again, instead of the sexy, sophisticated, fake Bella that she had turned me into. I was comfortable like this.
"Hello Edward. I missed you while your demon-in-pixie-disguise sister put me through midevil torture."
"It's not midevil torture." Alice said. "It's modern torture with a midevil twist." She bounced into the room and landed on the sofa beside Jasper. I didn't miss that she had neglected to negate the demon comment.
"Either way, you are going to have to find a new target. I'm done. Have Jasper do it for you or something."
"But Bella!" He won't anymore. Not since 'Jasperella!'"
I lifted an eyebrow at Edward. "Do I want to know?"
"Emmett." was all he had to say.
I sighed. "Show me the blackmail pictures. I'll make my decision then."
To my surprise, Edward didn't lead me to Em and Rosalie's room. Instead, I found myself in Carlisle's study again while Edward sat in front of the computer. I admired the picture of the Italian vampires standing beside my father figure until Edward called me over. "Here, love."
I walked to the computer and burst out laughing at the image on the screen. Jasper, chained to a tree and furious, glared at the camera. He was in a beautiful satin blue dress and hells with silver eyeshadow and black liner. Clip on earrings dangled from his ears.
"That, I have to say, is the hottest transvestite I have ever seen in my life." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Is there anything he won't do for Alice?"
"No more Jasperella, at least that any of us know about." Edward stated. "But other than that? No."
"I've made my decision." I said conversationally, knowing every vampire in the house could hear me. "While I am torn between allowing myself to continue my torture and making Jasper do this again, I will take pity on his poor smitten soul and buy her the blowup doll that I was contemplating earlier. Emmett? Where's the nearest sex shop?"
"Port Angeles, near that bookstore with the crazy cat lady wearing the hemp pants lives beside." He screamed for my benefit.
"Thank you. Come on, Edward. To the sex store!"
"Do I have to?" He looked positively miserable.
"It's either you or Emmett. Either way, I'm taking someone so I don't look perverted. Since I prefer you to your brother, you're taking me. No offense, Em."
"None taken." Was the response from downstairs.
"I really must love you." He didn't look all that happy at the realization, pinching the bridge of his nose in the way that I had found really does help.
"You really must. Now, the blowup doll." I grabbed the keys to the Volvo and threw them in his general direction, knowing that he would catch them. Since I didn't hear them clatter to the floor, I assumed I was right. I chuckled evilly. "We are so naming it Jasperella."