Cramped by DD Agent

I was stuck on what to write, so Em (my friend Em) gave me a B5 assorted challenge. I was quite worried; I didn't know quite what she gave me. This was it.

Characters: Londo and G'Kar

Genre: Humour

Objects: Rice and a Lamp

Phrase: "I'd love to stay and talk G'Kar, but I've got an appointment with the Drazi to pluck my eyes out" or thereabouts.

So. Here we go. I wrote the first part of this out in the sunny part of my back garden. Setting is at the end of series 4, directly after 4.21. I don't own any of these characters, but I plan to challenge JMS to a drinking game and hopefully win them. It's nice to have goals.

Enjoy! xxx


"G'Kar, there are names for people like you!" Londo fumed, sitting back in his chair. The Narn just smiled, picking more rice off his breastplate and consuming it. The Centauri Ambassador had just discovered that G'Kar had placed his prosthetic eye in the bedchamber of the newly wedded Ambassador Delenn and John Sheridan. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem but G'Kar's eye was equipped with the technology to beam images back to its original location, namely the Narn Ambassador.

"You're just angry that you didn't think of it first," G'Kar chuckled as he watched in his minds eye as the newly wedded Delenn and John Sheridan went for round two. Although he could engage with Humans in sexual relations, he had never dreamed of the things that the first couple was indeed doing as he spoke to Mollari.

Londo sighed and poured himself another drink. He had considered putting a bug in their quarters and would have had Vir not been blubbing all the way through the ceremony. Londo had had to comfort him, so the Centauri hadn't had the chance to go off and go through with his actions. G'Kar continued to smirk and chuckle and Londo felt upset that he wasn't getting a chance to enjoy the show.

Much to his surprise, Londo had enjoyed the ceremony earlier. Delenn had looked radiant, choosing to wear a simple plain dress to accede to Sheridan's customs, while the marriage service itself was mostly Minbari. Sheridan hadn't stopped smiling, and Delenn looked truly beautiful. Before her change she had been 'cute'. But now she looked stunning with her brown cascade of hair and the eyes that could capture a mans soul. Of all the ambassadors that made up the new Alliance, she was the most beautiful in body and soul.

"Show getting good G'Kar?" Londo sneered from his little corner, and the Narn nodded enthusiastically.

"Whatever pleases you. I'd love to stay and talk G'Kar, but I have an appointment with the Drazi to pluck out my eyes," Londo shot back, leaving his seat and moving away from the table.

"Told you that you were jealous."

"So you say."

Londo went to the motion sensor that would open the door in the small viewing room, but found it would not work. The door would not open. He waved his hand over it again, but still nothing. Londo gave a small prayer, something that he never usually did, and reached for the door. It still would not budge.

"Not again! Please don't leave me in an enclosed space with this cretin again!"


"Are you sure the door is locked Mollari?"

"Very sure G'Kar. This isn't some thinly veiled attempt for us to spend time together."


Londo leaned back in his seat and turned the viewing screen back on. Hopefully it would provide an adequate distraction from the Narn sitting next to him. However, the film playing on the channel was a 'Rebo and Zooty' production. Disgusted, Londo switched it off. He decided to watch G'Kar for a few moments, and was interested to see that he had gathered all the rice off his clothes and placed it an empty glass.

"Put the film back on, I have snacks!" G'Kar announced heartily, but Londo shook his head fiercely. It would take several beautiful women and many bottles of brivari to allow himself to watch even five minutes of that Earth comedy duo.

"Mister Garibaldi invited me to his quarters once, and we watched some form of animated animal. We ate snacks. Not rice as such but something involving corn," G'Kar explained, smiling slightly at Londo's face. It had fell on the idea of Garibaldi and G'Kar being friends.

"I used to be friends, good friends with Mister Garibaldi," Londo said sadly, taking only a sip out of his glass. He had suddenly lost his passion for the alcohol.

"Yes, and then you turned to the darker side of the Universe, Mollari, and lost all your friends."

"Oh shut up."


"Drazi Ambassador."

"Yes, definitely. I can't stand him and his squinty eyes"


"Sometimes, when we first on the council. But now, she has definitely changed for the better I think. Much more tolerable."

Londo was on the table in the small room trying to find some sort of switches or control panel in the ceiling to open the door. G'Kar had opted to stare at Mollari and try and distract him in an effort to get him electrocuted.

"What other Ambassadors would you let into space?"

"Apart from you G'Kar, let me think. Gah! There are no devices on the ceiling," Londo wobbled down from the table and once again was seated in his chair. G'Kar was now staring at the ceiling, but the small smile on his face made Londo believe he was looking at something else.

"How are they doing G'Kar?"

"Still going strong."

"I wouldn't have believed it. Delenn seemed so innocent, and Sheridan…well being a soldier he is probably more experienced than most. They seem to be taking their time consummating their marriage."


"Talking about time and that particular activity, do you want us to discuss your little problem G'Kar?"

"Oh be quiet."


"Break! Break you idiot thing!" Londo yelled, having taken one of the lamps from the room and banging it at the door. But to no effect. Sweaty, he collapsed against the door and turned to G'Kar, who was sitting motionless as he watched Delenn and Sheridan continue their antics.

"You need to calm down Mollari, life is too short to waste yelling."

"We could get out of here a lot quicker if you decided to help," Londo retorted, picking up the lamp and banging it at the closed door once again. Behind him, G'Kar begin to holler, but Londo ignored him.

"I have places to go G'Kar, I don't want to spend the entire night in here with you! And that cute human you were eying up at the ceremony, I think she is aboard. If we work together you could be out trying to overcome your problem, and I could be in my bed ASLEEP!" Londo yelled.

Finally, G'Kar resigned to help Londo escape the small room they had found themselves trapped in. Picking up another lamp, he jumped back in earnest at the hotness of the metal. Behind him, Londo began to laugh, finally having something to chuckle about. Nevertheless, G'Kar pulled the lamp out of its fixing and began to join Londo in banging them against the door.

"How about we run up, and bang really hard on the door. Someone will be able to hear us and let us out, or the door will smash!" Londo suggested, and G'Kar gave a firm nod. The two ambassadors walked back a few metres before running at quite some speed towards the door. Londo's mind registered that the door had opened about half way into their run, but still neither of them stopped. The Centauri managed to slow his pace outside the door, but was thrown to his feet by G'Kar's weight. He lay there dazed for a moment before remembering that there was a Narn atop of him.

"G'Kar! Get off me you fool!"

"Gentlemen, is everything alright?" Both turned to see John Sheridan looking over them in a bathrobe. He didn't look particularly happy to see either of them. G'Kar stood up, and Londo wasn't surprised that he didn't offer a hand to help him up. They both turned to face Sheridan who was trying hard not to laugh. Eventually he pulled out something from his pocket and handed it to G'Kar.

"I believe this is yours G'Kar." It was his eye. "You're lucky Delenn didn't see it, she would have had your hide if she had."

Londo began to laugh hard, more relief and exhaustion than finding the situation funny. G'Kar decided to place his eye back in his eye socket, which killed Londo's laugher slightly as the sight was rather ghastly. Sheridan moved to return to his room and his bride, but twisted round to face the Ambassadors again.

"How did it look?"

"Very good. You're a lucky man Sheridan," G'Kar replied, giving him a small bow of the head. The former Captain didn't know whether to be thankful or just concerned. He decided to go with thankful.

"I know I am. Don't let me catch your eye anywhere near our bedroom again G'Kar or I swear that I'll add you to my list of Space the Ambassador," Sheridan said, waving both of them goodbye and stalking back to his room. G'Kar and Londo faced each other, glad that they were going there separate ways.

"Who knew the Earthers played our game?" G'Kar asked, and Londo smiled, "It was Commander Ivanova who started it in the first place."

G'Kar gave a curt nod to Londo and went in the opposite direction to Sheridan in search of the fair maiden who he had been staring at. Londo went to bed.

- X-