(I've been going through some technical difficulties so just bear with me. I guess the version that I edited didn't save or something. Bahh long story short this is the right version. My apologies to anyone who read the earlier unedited version.)
A/N Just wanted to thank all the readers and especially the reviewers- oirishgoddess, lazybeth, Howardgirls2003, chef libby, astrid101 and I'm sure I'm missing a couple but as I'm quite lazy I don't want to check but your reviews are all very much appreciated- thank you very much, your reviews fill me with warm fuzzy feelings. (Insert Smily Face Here) Enjoy and let me know what you think!
"So what was that" Jace asked Clary when they were back at the Institute. They'd finally dropped Simon off- Clary insisting that she'd call him first thing in the morning.
Simon had been more than reluctant to let her go, remembering with unease how Clary had acted almost without thinking- attacking the blonde in the club. He couldn't remember Clary ever going after anyone like that except for when they were little and the bigger schoolyard bullies would try to push him around. Simon recalled how she'd swoop in red hair flying; kicking, screaming, slapping and biting anyone who dared touch him. But that was different Simon's mind had said, that was Clary being protective- as well she should be. Simon was her best friend. But what Clary had done in the club hadn't been about protectiveness unless she was trying to protect her brother from a social disease. No, Simon's mind had told him, she was being territorial- jealous, it told him, about her brother. Simon couldn't help but glance at the blond boy he had shared the cab with. Jace had shot him a look that made Simon nauseous and when the cab pulled up to his house he had jumped out of the cab quickly, ignoring Clary's shouted goodbye. The image of Jace's smug face burning Simon's retinas.
Jace knew exactly what the mundane had been thinking, how he'd been feeling in the cab but he couldn't help smiling at him. A smile that they both knew said Clary would be coming home with Jace tonight, would possibly be in his room. Jace knew the other boy understood his smile, it was the reason he'd climbed out of the cab so quickly and snubbed the redhead.
Clary lips were pursed and Jace knew she was thinking about Simon, about his sudden attitude. "What thing" Clary answered Jace innocently but she wasn't about to pull it off, not with the burning red on her cheeks. "Almost ruining the homicide rate at DiscoRainDance," Jace replied without making a face at the club's name. A feat Clary could hardly do and she'd been there more than once. Clary sniffed, "Please, I'm sure people get knifed there all the time," she said. "I guess" Jace conceded, folding his arms and leaning against the counter in the kitchen. Alec and Isabelle had gone straight to bed, each one looking in renewed awe at Clary then slipping off to their rooms. The kitchen was empty of even Church. It was just Jace and Clary and it was so painstakingly obvious a shiver ran down the girl's spine. "It would just seem," Jace said lightly, running his index finger over the shining countertop, "as though you were-"Were what" Clary snapped, her eyes were on Jace's one finger still stroking the countertop in a way that should not have been allowed. Clary forced her gaze away from Jace's finger, focusing determinedly on his face, which she discovered was worse. Much worse.
It was incredibly difficult being alone with Jace and holding in her feelings. Everything in Clary's body screamed she just fling herself at him. Clary bit her lip, fighting off the incestuous thoughts with pain. "Jealous" Jace said and the word slid out of his mouth with ease, his eyes watched her seductively. Clary blinked once to clear her head then looked away. "I'm not jealous" she mumbled under her breath. "What was that" Jace baited her, leaning in so close she could smell him. Clary breathed him in deeply, too tempted not to; but stifled the urge to wrap her arms around him and kiss him silent. "You're my brother" Clary said seriously then turned away from him so she wouldn't contradict the statement with her expression. "I'm not jealous," she said, "I'm concerned." "About what" Jace asked curiously. "You could've contracted an STD" Clary said grouchily. "You thought I was going to sleep with her" Jace said with some surprise. "She was- and I'm," as always Clary found it was impossibly difficult to explain her feelings to Jace. He just shook his head, "Clary what do you want me to do" he asked desperately.
His tone was cold but his eyes were not. They melted her, made her temperature rise, made desire bubble in her veins. Clary wanted to put out the suddenly burning fire but the knowledge that she could not only made it burn hotter. "You need to decide" the blond haired boy said seriously. His hurt and bitter tone ate at her. "I'm either your brother" he said, then took a step toward her, "or I'm not." His words were a breath and Clary wished, burned with the desire to kiss him, to press her small body into his, to feel, to hold him. She swallowed and closed her eyes. "Why do you always do that" Jace asked, a touch of irritation coloring his tone. Clary looked up at him. "You're always closing your eyes at me- like it hurts to look at me," Jace said. "It does" Clary said and continued in a rushed mumble before she lost her nerve. "LookingatyoualwayshurtsbecauseIknowIcanneverdomorethanthat." Jace stared at her blankly for a moment and embarrassment filled Clary like an empty balloon.
His silence seemed to stretch on until forever then suddenly he was kissing her. Slamming his body into hers, knotting his fingers into her hair, leaning over her so her back arched and Clary was kissing Jace back with that same insane, crazed pent up passion. Running her fingers up the length of Jace's back, reaching up to his neck to bring his lips closer to hers. Clary's body was moaning with the released tension, burning at the desire Jace stirred in her. Clary's mouth opened to allow Jace entry. His tongue moved in her mouth making promises they both knew would be impossible to keep. She felt Jace's hands on her behind and Clary was aloft for a moment, then she felt the hard of the countertop under her. Jace's body pushed her back so he lay over her, straddling her prone figure still pressing hot incestuous kisses to her lips and Clary was reciprocating. More than reciprocating. She was moaning, crying out with the desire to do more. Jace's lips on hers didn't stop and Clary's didn't ask him to. Her lips demanded that he not stop, that he make her feel like this always and that they both feel no guilt for indulging their feelings. Jace's chest was heavy on Clary's, though he carried most of the weight into his elbows and knees, but she loved the way it pressed against hers. Clary could feel the furious beat of Jace's heart in his chest, could feel how hot his skin was and was glad that it matched hers so well. That they both made each other so intoxicatingly sick with feeling. Jace's hands weren't hesitant or careful with her. He touched her body possessively as if she'd always been his. And Clary's hands in turn reached up his shirt, feeling the hardness of his stomach, the planes of his chest, smoothness of his skin interspersed with the raised lines of scars; then pulled it off without thinking. Clary's stomach burned with tightly coiled desire and her mouth moved hot and eager on Jace's, kissing him like she'd been wanting for so long, pressing her fingers into his skin eagerly; touching each other the way they'd both secretly and sinfully fantasized.
Clary was only distantly aware that she was lying on the Institutes kitchen countertop, where anybody could suddenly walk in and see her making out with Jace laying on top her. She was only dimly aware that in mere moments what they'd do would make this passionate kissing look tame. That kissing was not incest- but what they might in the heat of the moment do, was. Clary couldn't think of those things at all. She couldn't think when she felt Jace's lips on hers- he wouldn't allow it. All she could do was feel and she did. She could feel the heat and passion; Jace's lips furious and hungry on hers, his hips forcing her legs to part around his waist and pull him closer to her. She could feel Jace's hands under her shirt, tracing the slopes of her small breasts with his fingers, dipping into her bra to fondle her chest. Clary felt the insistent burning under her skin and between her legs that told her kissing wasn't enough, touching wasn't close- that she needed more. Clary's back arched and she moaned unconsciously as Jace's lips ravaged the soft skin of her neck, trailing his teeth ferally across the skin, as if marking his territory there. Clary's breath was hard to catch as her chest rose and fell in heavy desperate breaths. She felt something press against the inside of her thigh and knew that it was Jace. That Jace also wanted more. And in that moment Clary was ready to give it to him. To throw away everything she'd said for a moment of pleasure, to relieve this coiled tension, burning fire in her body and let Jace have everything she hadn't been able to give him already. Her body.
A loud shrieking noise screamed down the hallway and Clary and Jace detached instantly. Jace disappeared into the hallway leaving Clary to jump awkwardly down from the counter. When he came back his eyes were dark with feeling, "It was Church. He likes to perch on the books and one fell on him," he said bitterly. Serves him right for interrupting, Clary's body dredged up the thought. She bit her lip- the moment was ruined. And Clary was more disgusted with herself than she'd ever been. The burning all consuming desire was still there but her sanity was also present and it wouldn't allow her to compromise anymore. Clary rubbed her arms feeling empty, ignoring the way her body reminded her of how Jace's hands on her skin felt. She'd been ready, about to just let go and have sex with her brother in the kitchen. Tears stung Clary's eyes and shame rose like a flaming tide to cancel out her want. She wondered bitterly how Jace felt. His face showed nothing but a beautifully empty face.
Despite Jace's expression his feelings were many- hovering between aggravation, concern, anger, love but most of all bitter resignation that he was in love with the one person he couldn't have. Jace watched as Clary sniffling, wiped at her eyes, fixed her shirt, smoothed her rumpled skirt and patted down her hair. He saw her face and knew she was sick with guilt she shouldn't feel. Shouldn't feel so guilty for loving him, for wanting to be with him. He wanted to be with her too. Jace wished he could wrap his arms around her, tell her that it was okay, that it would be alright, but knew they were lies and he couldn't lie to Clary, not even to make them both feel better. It was clearly not alright.
Disgust at herself was all Clary could feel- how close she'd come to breaking all the rules she'd set for herself. It seemed she was always doing this. To herself- to Jace. Telling him one thing, and then doing another. Saying she wanted him as a brother then trying to seduce him, trying to be good then pummeling the first girl that tried to dance with him. And just now making out with him, kissing him and liking it, desiring more than he could give her. But he can give it to you, Clary's body told her. The tingling in her stomach, the fire still crackling under skin told her that. She told it to shut up before it destroyed her.
"We'd better go to bed" Clary whispered softly. Jace didn't speak as he walked away leaving the redhead behind in the kitchen; his face said it all. He was mad at her, mad at himself, mad at the world for giving him someone he couldn't have. Why, he thought to himself, to the God he didn't believe in, would anyone put someone so amazing into your life if you could not have them. Weren't allowed to love them. God didn't answer Jace but by now he was used to it.